Registry and Gift Forum

Wedding Registry Dilemma

My fiance and I are planning on moving cross country right around a year after we get married. We would really prefer to have as little as possible to have to ship/move when we leave the state. Is it completely unacceptable to ask for gift cards or cash? We had already planned on only taking the necessities and purchasing new things once we get to our new home state. And having cash either for items or a down payment on a place or gift cards would be waaaay more useful.

Re: Wedding Registry Dilemma

  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2014
    Yes it is unacceptable to ask for cash/gift cards. Also cash registries ie, honeymoon, house, etc are very inappropriate. Either do no registry or just have a small registry. People will get the hint that cash is preferred. If someone asks where you are registered say you are either not registered or registered at store x but saving for your upcoming move
    chibiyui
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiance and I are planning on moving cross country right around a year after we get married. We would really prefer to have as little as possible to have to ship/move when we leave the state. Is it completely unacceptable to ask for gift cards or cash? We had already planned on only taking the necessities and purchasing new things once we get to our new home state. And having cash either for items or a down payment on a place or gift cards would be waaaay more useful.

    Yes, it is completely unacceptable to ask for money. If you don't have a registry, nor a shower, you will receive very few boxed gifts and people will end up giving you money. Your close friends and family also can spread the word that you are saving for a down payment on a house or furnishings appropriate to your new home.
  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    My fiance and I are planning on moving cross country right around a year after we get married. We would really prefer to have as little as possible to have to ship/move when we leave the state. Is it completely unacceptable to ask for gift cards or cash? We had already planned on only taking the necessities and purchasing new things once we get to our new home state. And having cash either for items or a down payment on a place or gift cards would be waaaay more useful.
    Yes. It is unacceptable and quite rude to ask for cash.

    Your best bet is to not register at all.  People will figure it out on their own.




    image
  • This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
  • lurkergirllurkergirl ATL member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.


    ******SITB************

    Yeah, that does sound pretty tacky.




    image
    OliveOilsMom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, that's a tacky get-around the rule that you don't register for cash.  The rule is also that you don't register for anything you plan to exchange for cash or store credit.  If you're not going to keep it, don't register for it.
  • We are in a similar position and had two very small registries. Most people gave cash, some bought off the registry, some gave us gifts cards for the store we registered at so that we could finish our registries when we were more settled, and some people bought gorgeous off-registry presents - some people will always give presents but small registries are definitely a good signal that cash is preferred. And I wouldn't change the personal gifts for anything :)
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, lying to your guests, and then ruining good return policies for everyone else.

    Not so much tacky as terrible character.  Please don't suggest this to anyone else.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, lying to your guests, and then ruining good return policies for everyone else.

    Not so much tacky as terrible character.  Please don't suggest this to anyone else.
    I sort-of did this.    I took back some stuff to BBB for a credit.  The difference was right there we ordered the most of the same items to be shipped to our place.   It saved in shipping, plus if anything had broken it was on BBB.   

     I say most because there were a couple of dups and 1 item  we ended up not wanting after all.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, lying to your guests, and then ruining good return policies for everyone else.

    Not so much tacky as terrible character.  Please don't suggest this to anyone else.
    I sort-of did this.    I took back some stuff to BBB for a credit.  The difference was right there we ordered the most of the same items to be shipped to our place.   It saved in shipping, plus if anything had broken it was on BBB.   

     I say most because there were a couple of dups and 1 item  we ended up not wanting after all.
    My shower was OOT, so we returned everything and then re-purchased those items at home. I don't feel bad about it at all.
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, lying to your guests, and then ruining good return policies for everyone else.

    Not so much tacky as terrible character.  Please don't suggest this to anyone else.
    I sort-of did this.    I took back some stuff to BBB for a credit.  The difference was right there we ordered the most of the same items to be shipped to our place.   It saved in shipping, plus if anything had broken it was on BBB.   

     I say most because there were a couple of dups and 1 item  we ended up not wanting after all.
    My shower was OOT, so we returned everything and then re-purchased those items at home. I don't feel bad about it at all.
    Neither did I.  I felt it was a practical way to handle the situation. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    lyndausvi said:
    laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, lying to your guests, and then ruining good return policies for everyone else.

    Not so much tacky as terrible character.  Please don't suggest this to anyone else.
    I sort-of did this.    I took back some stuff to BBB for a credit.  The difference was right there we ordered the most of the same items to be shipped to our place.   It saved in shipping, plus if anything had broken it was on BBB.   

     I say most because there were a couple of dups and 1 item  we ended up not wanting after all.
    My shower was OOT, so we returned everything and then re-purchased those items at home. I don't feel bad about it at all.
    Neither did I.  I felt it was a practical way to handle the situation. 
    Yeah, I think this is different than purposely registering for stuff you know you don't want, just to get the cash/gift cards in the end.  We tell people all the time to do this (return and repurchase at local store) to avoid shipping gifts home.  I don't think it is the same thing.
  • laurieblp said:
    This may sound tacky to some, but my sister was in a similar situation and registered for a bunch of stuff and then returned it for store credit (to William's Sonoma I think).  When she and her husband moved to a bigger place a year later, they went back and bought the stuff they needed with the credit.
    Yeah, lying to your guests, and then ruining good return policies for everyone else.

    Not so much tacky as terrible character.  Please don't suggest this to anyone else.
    TRUTH>
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Returning to repurchase at home is totally different than returning to maybe purchase again at some undefined time.  

    The latter is the same as returning for cash with no intent to keep the gifts in the first place.
  • At my BBB apt, the consultant seemed to encourage that bad behavior at the time. To register for expensive items, then retun it for a different item. After that, my fiance took over, and did quick yes/no's to continue/finish the appointment. Overall, It did not play well with me, and left the store that day feeling horrible. We later cleared off all the uneccsary stuff. 

    Looking back, I believe we interpreted it wrong, the consultant was nudging us to register for some traditional (crystal) items for better/average numbers on his end. We are in a very affluent area. Sadly for him, our wants are frugal, and appreciate items that are practical (with a weakness for gadgets). Outside of that one experience, the store's associates have been much, more accomodating to our wants, verses padding their numbers. 
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