Planning Engagement for Years, Skip a Proposal?

lng22392

My boyfriend and I have been saving up for years and looking at rings to get engaged! We have the ring and we both know he will propose, which sort of takes the surprise out of it. Does anyone have any advice on how to still make this a special moment even though we know its coming? Maybe an alternative to a proposal?

chibiyui

My advice is to not worry about it. The moment will be special because he asks you to marry him.

My H and I booked our venue before he "proposed" . It didn't make our proposal any less special.

lilacck28

FYI, When you post something to multiple boards, it is customary/ polite to title the discussion with "XP" (stands for cross post) as in "XP: Planning proposal for years, skip proposal?"

ETA: that sounded angrier than I meant it to! No anger at all! Just a little fyi. 

AddieCake

I don't understand the need for a planned proposal if it's no secret he has the ring.

emmyg65

Stop worrying about it. We had discussed marriage at length and knew we were going to get married soon, so the proposal wasn't a complete surprise. But I was not expecting it at that moment, and I had no idea how my then-boyfriend would do it. It was very sweet and romantic. But then I'm not a fan of big proposals, so it was perfect for us. 

hggy15

I'm in a similar boat, we'll have the venue booked before he officially proposes (he's saving up for the ring) and we've been together 9 years... no surprises here. But, even though I know it's coming, I won't be any less excited when he finally asks because I love him and can't wait to start the next part of our lives together. I would just keep that in mind because that's really what makes the proposal special. Also, you still don't know how he'll propose, what he'll say, where you'll be etc, so there will still be the element of surprise

RedJacks25

We had discussed marriage in great length, had gone to look at venues together, organized a guest list, et cetera, et cetera, and yet I was still caught off guard when he actually did propose because in that moment I wasn't expecting it.

Just because you know it's coming, doesn't mean it won't still be special.

manateehugger

In general, I think it's a very good thing when you know a proposal is coming. Getting engaged without having serious marriage conversations may not be the wisest thing. I pretty much knew my H was going to propose for about a year before he finally did it. Trust me, even though you know you're going to marry your person, it's still a fantastic and wonderful moment when someone asks for permission to make it known that you're it for him.

badbnagdway

I was not at all surprised by the proposal -- even the timing of the proposal. We had already talked about getting married, I knew he had the ring, we had picked out a house, and we were away for a romantic weekend. 

But I still cried the whole time he proposed and it was awesome. 

vulpiepop

I was still surprised by the proposal even though I knew he was planning to propose and even knew what the ring looked like (he took a photo and sent it to me because he really just couldn't keep it a secret). 

The proposal was super low key and to most people, not romantic at all, but it was still a special moment. Even though I knew it was coming, it didn't make it any less special so I wouldn't worry too much about it.

peachy13

I pretty much picked out my ring (or at least sent my FI a picture when I knew it was almost *time*) and knew that after moving in together, it was only a matter of time. The proposal was still a surprise though.

It was actually more fun in my opinion waiting for it to happen. Like you know you're going to be surprised but aren't sure when or how. Don't let the idea that you have to be completely unexpected get in the way of the fact that your boyfriend is going to pop the question soon. Have fun!

wrigleyville

We had been discussing marriage for years, and he asked me for some ring ideas (I sent him some photos), but it was still a wonderful surprise when he proposed. I had no idea it was coming. 

I mean, I knew he was going to, but I didn't know he was going to do it that particular day. I thought he was going to propose in October, since it's our favorite month, but he actually proposed on the Fourth of July.

I think it's good to talk about marriage beforehand. It's important to be on the same page.

Knottie99827762

I agree! The proposal will still be just as special even though you know its coming. My boyfriend and I have been talking about it for about a year and I know the ring he is getting. I know when he is getting it and we are going on vacation over thanksgiving with  my family. Its also his birthday on thanksgiving. Its my favorite place in the world and hes talked about prosing to me there. So I have a feeling he is going to do it there. But I'm still just as excited and eager!

If he did it without me knowing anything, idk if I'd say yes! There's so much to think about and the shock of it all would freak me out, plus I want to know how my parents feel about it before anything happens, and if I don't know they are happy about it, it'd be hard to say yes on the spot!

kmrak688

I'll just reiterate what everyone else has said...

It'll still be special

My fiance wanted me to help pick out the ring and I was even there when he bought it, but even though I knew it was going to happen, he still wanted to plan a proposal because he felt bad for taking away the surprise of it all.  He wanted to find a way to catch me off guard.  

Let me tell you, when it happened, I was 100% surprised.  He put a lot of thought into it and did it in a way I would never have expected from him.  Definitely worth it.  And now we have a cute engagement story to tell.

[Deleted User]

You shouldnt worry about it, my FI and I picked out a ring and had been talking about getting married for a year before that. even with all of that when he proposed I was still surprised. 

lunardaydreaming

It's really about what the two of you want. FI and I had been together 7 years, and had always known we were going to get married, I had a rough idea that we would be getting engaged within maybe a year or year and a half, but I was still surprised. It's still special, it's still a moment. I don't think I would have liked to be COMPLETELY surprised, as in having not even discussed it before ha.

Denise40

I'm going through that now. I know he has the ring and even know where he has it. I just don't know when he will propose. My parents are here for the holidays. Been here since thanksgiving but I had to put my mom in the hospital the monday after Thanksgiving and she's still there. FI told her she needs to hurry up and get out because she's part of his plan!!