Le Sigh

doeydo

*Another whiny post, so feel free to stop reading now*

Why am I not surprised?  Of course he had a stupid app and account made up to "one of those" websites.  It feels like there is always going to be that, no matter what.  It feels as if it there are not these few and far between "slip ups", but rather he always has something on the side he never tells me about and I just discover on my own.  I'm so stupid. Sorry, I just don't feel like  I have anyone IRL to talk to other than my therapist, who I am seeing with him on Tuesday (won't that be fun/sarcasm).

climbingsingle

Like a dating website??

WinstonsGirl

I'm glad you've got your therapist at least.  That is someone.  Hugs to you.  You know we're always here for a good vent.  

doeydo

YouNow, he's a "fan of" lots of girls' channels or whatever.  We hardly ever have sex (not my choice), and there have been lots of issues in the past of online activity. 

doeydo

And of course, when he was up this morning he was chatting with people about their "sexy pics" on Kik.

sarawifenow

I'm so sorry to hear this, @doeydo. My ex had an issue with online activity that was not appropriate. I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but it may be time to look at moving on. From reading your other posts, this seems to be a pattern that he does not have any desire to break. I am thinking of you and sending you lots of good vibes! *hugs*

climbingsingle

Oh lord. @doeydo, you deserve so much better. I"m glad you're seeing your therapist tomorrow. I know it's not going to be easy to talk about though. 

doeydo

Holy shit, local number "good morning hun how you feeling"  "hey how how you feeling tonight" etc.  FML.

theartistformerlyknownas

Oh man Doey. I'm so sorry he's putting you through this. I do agree, it doesn't seem like he wants to change or has any intention of doing so. You NEED to have a partner who's honest with you. 

JCbride2015

Oh doeydo, I'm so sorry.  My heart breaks for you every time you post about your Fi.  You really deserve so much better.

doeydo

Thank you everyone.  

sarawifenow

doeydo said:

Holy shit, local number "good morning hun how you feeling"  "hey how how you feeling tonight" etc.  FML.

Serious question: Why are you putting yourself through this? He has done this before and he is going to continue to do it. Why not move on and be happy? What he is doing is expressing zero interest in your well being and you do not deserve that.

pinkcow13

I'm so sorry you're going through this. From reading your other posts you have put up with a lot of crap, and you deserve so much better. I'm glad that you are talking to a therapist, but you need to think - do you want to deal with this crap for the next 5, 10, 20 years? For the rest of your life? You deserve happiness and to be with someone that will not put you through this. Sometimes some people can't or won't change, and we have to accept that we can't change people. 

NYCMercedes

Sounds as though your evaluation time is over. He made his choice and now it's time for you to do so.

bethsmiles

Ditto @SaraBrideSoon you deserve way better than this! *hugs* I know in reality ending a relationship is much easier said then done but you deserve to be happy and you should not have to deal with this shit.

larrygaga

He sounds like he needs a smack.

PineapplePopsicles

doeydo said:

*Another whiny post, so feel free to stop reading now*

Why am I not surprised?  Of course he had a stupid app and account made up to "one of those" websites.  It feels like there is always going to be that, no matter what.  It feels as if it there are not these few and far between "slip ups", but rather he always has something on the side he never tells me about and I just discover on my own.  I'm so stupid. Sorry, I just don't feel like  I have anyone IRL to talk to other than my therapist, who I am seeing with him on Tuesday (won't that be fun/sarcasm).

You are not stupid. From your posts, it seems like you deserve so much better and you know that.  I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  it SUCKS & i hate it for you.

Jells2dot0

I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap. I agree with everyone else- you deserve so much better. I hope that meeting with your therapist will start you on the road to resolution.

gladyscf

Are  you dating my ex-husband?

My ex's online habit broke up our marriage. All the broken promises of "I don't need to do that," and every other excuse got to a point that I just couldn't take the heartbreak anymore. 

His actions said he'd rather jerk-off to the computer than have sex with me so I made that arrangement permanent for him. 

PM me if you need to. Most importantly, try to keep your self esteem/worth up. Don't let him take that from you. 

beethery

You are NOT stupid. You do need to get rid of this fool though. Nobody should be allowed to treat you this way, regardless of their problems. This shit is HIS problem, don't make it yours, and don't stick around for him when he gets himself in trouble.

You need to do what is right for YOU.

AlexaF2014

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

I get that you love him, but can you handle this for the rest of your life? The distrust, the betrayal? I could understand forgiving a transgression, but this seems to be modus operandi for him. He doesn't tell you, you find out; that's not a sign of someone who wants to get better, but of someone who wants to get away with it.

I'm so sorry. Please, please do what is best for you.

climbingsingle

doeydo said:

Holy shit, local number "good morning hun how you feeling"  "hey how how you feeling tonight" etc.  FML.

SITB

OMG. I am feeling rage for you. 

emmaaa

Doeydo, I am sorry you're going through this and I echo PPs that have said it may seriously be time to evaluate your position in the relationship. This relationship is not mutually benefiting and seems very parasitic. I also am curious, why do you continue to put yourself though this?

banana468

Ugh.   So many hugs.   I dated someone like that and it was hard to get away.   Even when it was time to end the relationship he was the one to break up with me (because my best friend made him after he announced to her that he'd been cheating) and it was all because I thought if I could keep loving him he'd change.

He didn't change.   He continued the internet relationships.   He continued the cyber sexing.   He continued the sexting.   He didn't stop doing things that were inappropriate because he didn't want to.   It was who he was/is and I was worth so much more.

The issue I saw with the ex was that it started with the cyber stuff and then it went to physical betrayals of trust when he slept with other women.    I'm not built to be one of many and I certainly wasn't cool with how he played roulette with my sexual health.

You are worth so.much.more.    

PineapplePopsicles

doeydo said:

*Another whiny post, so feel free to stop reading now*

Why am I not surprised?  Of course he had a stupid app and account made up to "one of those" websites.  It feels like there is always going to be that, no matter what.  It feels as if it there are not these few and far between "slip ups", but rather he always has something on the side he never tells me about and I just discover on my own.  I'm so stupid. Sorry, I just don't feel like  I have anyone IRL to talk to other than my therapist, who I am seeing with him on Tuesday (won't that be fun/sarcasm).

You are not stupid. From your posts, it seems like you deserve so much better and you know that.  I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.  it SUCKS & i hate it for you.

theartistformerlyknownas

banana468 said:

Ugh.   So many hugs.   I dated someone like that and it was hard to get away.   Even when it was time to end the relationship he was the one to break up with me (because my best friend made him after he announced to her that he'd been cheating) and it was all because I thought if I could keep loving him he'd change.

He didn't change.   He continued the internet relationships.   He continued the cyber sexing.   He continued the sexting.   He didn't stop doing things that were inappropriate because he didn't want to.   It was who he was/is and I was worth so much more.

The issue I saw with the ex was that it started with the cyber stuff and then it went to physical betrayals of trust when he slept with other women.    I'm not built to be one of many and I certainly wasn't cool with how he played roulette with my sexual health.

You are worth so.much.more.    

I had a friend in this situation... the only thing that stopped her husband was getting busted in a sting operation after he went from internet relationships to real hookups to an attempted hookup with who he thought was a 14 year old girl. Friend divorced him while he was in prison. He got out and nearly immediately got a 19 year old pregnant. Should be interesting once the baby comes since he's not allowed to have contact with children.

slothiegal

Oh, love.  I'm so sorry....I hate reading these posts of yours.  I just want to reiterate how you deserve SO much better and how much we all love you here.  Please take care of yourself (very happy you're going to the therapist tomorrow) and let us know how you're doing.

ETA:  I don't hate reading them because of you or because I think you're whining!  I just hate seeing you so unhappy.  In case that wasn't clear from my post.  (Sorry, haven't had coffee yet.)

banana468

lolo883 said:

banana468 said:

Ugh.   So many hugs.   I dated someone like that and it was hard to get away.   Even when it was time to end the relationship he was the one to break up with me (because my best friend made him after he announced to her that he'd been cheating) and it was all because I thought if I could keep loving him he'd change.

He didn't change.   He continued the internet relationships.   He continued the cyber sexing.   He continued the sexting.   He didn't stop doing things that were inappropriate because he didn't want to.   It was who he was/is and I was worth so much more.

The issue I saw with the ex was that it started with the cyber stuff and then it went to physical betrayals of trust when he slept with other women.    I'm not built to be one of many and I certainly wasn't cool with how he played roulette with my sexual health.

You are worth so.much.more.    

I had a friend in this situation... the only thing that stopped her husband was getting busted in a sting operation after he went from internet relationships to real hookups to an attempted hookup with who he thought was a 14 year old girl. Friend divorced him while he was in prison. He got out and nearly immediately got a 19 year old pregnant. Should be interesting once the baby comes since he's not allowed to have contact with children.

Ugh.   My ex BF is now married to one of the women who was a friend of mine that he slept with while we were dating.   They have a child and are seeming to be fine but I have to believe that he's never going to change.   The only good thing I can say is that his type was grown women and not minors. 

ShesSoCold

I have to agree with PPs. You're such a sweet person and you deserve so much more. I hope you have a helpful session with your therapist and really evaluate what you are getting out of this relationship and if the positives outweigh the negatives. 

I understand he has a legitimate problem but you need to worry about yourself first. 

banana468

And if he's exchanging these messages in secret with a local person, there's no way I *would* have sex with him now.    This is your health here and he is showing signs that you shouldn't trust him. 

doeydo

Thanks so much, ladies. 
After some Googling, apparently where I am, people are only classified as "common-law" after living together for 3 years or less time if they have a kid.  We are childless and have been living together for a little over a year.  All the bills are paid in my name but our apartment lease or whatever it is called is in both of our names.  I'm just not sure what our "rights" are since we are not common-law

A week or two ago, we almost separated and he was insistent about him keeping the apartment because he "has no where else to go" (his parents said that they wouldn't take him back in again if we didn't work out, but my mom has an empty bedroom and has said that it is always there for me if I need it).  If I did go back with her, it would only be temporary as I would like to live on my own and our cats don't get along (one of hers bullies my older cat and one of her other cats despises my other cat).  

Another issue is money.  Most of our money is kept in a couple of accounts with only my name just so I can spend it easily while grocery shopping or what have you and so he can't access it (he has money management issues).  I had figured we would just go 50/50 with everything since it would be more fair.  But, last time where we nearly separated, he stated he wanted all of the money from the savings account (under my name only) because he "worked his ass off for it" (he has a couple of part-time jobs, one of which is paid by cheques and is more official, while the other is by cash). I have a part-time job as well, but have been off for the Summer (starting up again in September).  I'm not sure who makes more per year, since most of his work is in the Summer and it feels like a lot since he has so many hours and a higher rate per hour, however I work about 10 months out of the year.

IDK; any advice on this sort of thing?  Thanks.