General Etiquette Question....

plainjane0415

Just curious, if you are having your second child, is it ok for you to have another baby shower?  I have always heard that you only have one baby shower for your first child, but I keep seeing more and more people having showers for each child.  

plainjane0415

And I realize this may not be the best place to ask, but I couldn't find a good forum to ask this on the bump website.   Disclaimer, I am not expecting, I just keep seeing lots of friends on Facebook etc have their 2nd, and 3rd baby showers.

southernbelle0915

Knottie43581280 said:

Just curious, if you are having your second child, is it ok for you to have another baby shower?  I have always heard that you only have one baby shower for your first child, but I keep seeing more and more people having showers for each child.  

Knottie43581280 said:

And I realize this may not be the best place to ask, but I couldn't find a good forum to ask this on the bump website.   Disclaimer, I am not expecting, I just keep seeing lots of friends on Facebook etc have their 2nd, and 3rd baby showers.

IMO, no. Its not OK and I see it as gift grabby. Personally, I would send a card and not attend unless it was my sister.

Let's say someone has a girl as their first baby. And they register for a bunch of pink/lacy shit. Then they get pregnant with a boy so they want a bunch of blue shit. Sorry but registering for a bunch of gender specific stuff was their choice and I don't think its right to then ask people to buy them even more shit. Just no...

pinkshorts27

Generally if the children are within a reasonable age, a second shower is inappropriate. More and more people are throwing them anyways. 

Many people believe that if there is a large age gap, that a second shower is okay. 

Many families want to celebrate the new child and the mother anyways and hold a "sprinkle" (for only small gifts and very close family/friend). And people are still offended by that. So it really depends who you talk to and a know your crowd. And there are mixed opinions on this forum, but most agree that a full-blown shower is AWish and not appropriate. 

Fairyjen1

     Showers for second children are suppose to be etiquette no-nos. I think the exception is if your first child was a single and your second turns out to be twins. 

    That said, we have one for every child in my family. The first one will be larger and include friends, for subsequent kids it's usually smaller and just family getting together to chat and eat cake. I only go to showers if there are no games involved. If you aren't playing the silly games I'll happily show up with a cute baby outfit and eat cake!

   I broke etiquette and hosted one for my sister's second child. However, there were 17 years between her first and second so her baby stuff was long gone! She only has two kids, 2 and 19! It was still family only and the couple of friends who begged for an invitation. This is still really no excuse and I'll zip up my asbestos suit, own up to my etiquette transgression and take my place in hell for people who throw second showers and move on. What make me an even worse person is that I KNEW It was wrong and did it anyway. Most of the rest of my family can at least claim to be clueless about etiquette. 

   So don't take advice from me !

lurkergirl

Knottie43581280 said:

And I realize this may not be the best place to ask, but I couldn't find a good forum to ask this on the bump website.   Disclaimer, I am not expecting, I just keep seeing lots of friends on Facebook etc have their 2nd, and 3rd baby showers.


************STUCK************

Your fb friends are rude.  When you are expecting your 2nd and someone offers a shower, you will get to decline and remind them that you already had  a shower for your first.  Please bring a camera to record the blank stare and confusion on their face.

Kauris

In my circle of friends, we do a good sized first shower and then a sip and see for every subsequent child. There is no registering for the sip and see, if someone wants to give a gift, yay. But the point is to come eat, drink and see the baby. 

I do not attend showers for second kids. It is gift grabby.

lurkergirl

Fairyjen1 said:

     Showers for second children are suppose to be etiquette no-nos. I think the exception is if your first child was a single and your second turns out to be twins. 

    That said, we have one for every child in my family. The first one will be larger and include friends, for subsequent kids it's usually smaller and just family getting together to chat and eat cake. I only go to showers if there are no games involved. If you aren't playing the silly games I'll happily show up with a cute baby outfit and eat cake!

   I broke etiquette and hosted one for my sister's second child. However, there were 17 years between her first and second so her baby stuff was long gone! She only has two kids, 2 and 19! It was still family only and the couple of friends who begged for an invitation. This is still really no excuse and I'll zip up my asbestos suit, own up to my etiquette transgression and take my place in hell for people who throw second showers and move on. What make me an even worse person is that I KNEW It was wrong and did it anyway. Most of the rest of my family can at least claim to be clueless about etiquette. 

   So don't take advice from me !

Well, I will double post and completely contradict my previous post

When my brother was 10, and I was 15, and my parents thought they were totally done, they had a surprise pregnancy!  (Accidental babies: not just for teenagers!

Of course, they had zero baby stuff, but obviously were more than capable of getting it on their own.

The sweet ladies at church insisted on throwing a shower.  Mom did not register, and the majority of her gifts were handmade blankets and stuffed animals, plus baby essentials like diapers, bath wash, onesies, towels, etc...

So...I amend my position to state that I don't totally judge 2nd showers if there is a substantial age gap.  But I also think it should be more about celebrating the new life than, "shower me with expensive shit that I should be able to buy myself."

edit: clarity

saacjw

Fairyjen1 said:

     Showers for second children are suppose to be etiquette no-nos. I think the exception is if your first child was a single and your second turns out to be twins. 

    That said, we have one for every child in my family. The first one will be larger and include friends, for subsequent kids it's usually smaller and just family getting together to chat and eat cake. I only go to showers if there are no games involved. If you aren't playing the silly games I'll happily show up with a cute baby outfit and eat cake!

   I broke etiquette and hosted one for my sister's second child. However, there were 17 years between her first and second so her baby stuff was long gone! She only has two kids, 2 and 19! It was still family only and the couple of friends who begged for an invitation. This is still really no excuse and I'll zip up my asbestos suit, own up to my etiquette transgression and take my place in hell for people who throw second showers and move on. What make me an even worse person is that I KNEW It was wrong and did it anyway. Most of the rest of my family can at least claim to be clueless about etiquette. 

   So don't take advice from me !

BOOOXXXX!

Personally, I think a huge age gap like that is definitely an exception to the rule. I mean, seriously, even if you had baby stuff still from 17 years before, who knows if it's even in good shape or up to new standards (didn't car seats just get new regulations or something like that). 

Jen4948

Well, the etiquette rule is that no, showers are not held for babies after the first one, the idea being that gifts given for the first baby can be reused for any babies that follow.

If there was an interval between the births of many years, during which time the mother disposed of the gifts from the first shower, I wouldn't side eye the second one, but that's me.

rsbloom

We do the "sip and see" parties for subsequent babies. And I actually like them better than showers, because the baby is there, and there aren't dumb shower games. When we have kids, and I know my family will go crazy with gifts, shower or not, I will decline showers. I would rather host a sip and see after the baby is born.

lovesclimbing

I know etiquette says no, but I don't mind second or third or fourth showers. I am also accustomed to showers that are more like "sprinkles" where the gifts are baby clothes or diapers or bibs.  None of this car seat, play pen, crib, changing table expensive stuff I've heard about it.

Cookie Pusher

I side-eye full-on showers for subsequent children unless there is a substantial age difference. I'm fine with sprinkles and sip-and-sees as long as they are otherwise hosted to proper etiquette and do not require me to play any silly games. I mean, things like diapers aren't really transferable from one child to another so I'm totally up for buying a pack of diapers or some onesies (I can't even count how many my siblings ruined due to diaper blowouts). Plus, cake!

WinstonsGirl

They're an etiquette no no.  But I'm always going to get a gift for my friends and daily with a new baby anyway.  It's usually a collection of books (Robert Munsch collection, Winnie the Pooh, etc.).  I usually just give it to them when I go see the kid.  I like adding to their libraries.  

lc07

For me, the shower is not about celebrating the upcoming birth of a new baby so much as it is helping the parents get set up to have all the stuff they need for when the baby comes. 

I'm opposed to baby showers for multiple children. It's grabby. That said, in my circle large gifts are typically given at showers like car seats, cribs, high chairs, pack and plays etc. 

levioosa

The etiquette rule is that you only get one. I personally don't care too much if the second one is for a different gender baby or twins, or if there is a large gap in between the kids so the baby stuff is all long gone. But if you have three kids who are all two years apart and you have a shower for each of them? I'll side eye a little bit.

My Aunt and Grandmother were aghast that my Mom had two showers, even though one of them was a surprise work shower that my Mom knew nothing about. They refused to attend and were upset by the faux pas.

larrygaga

lovesclimbing said:

I know etiquette says no, but I don't mind second or third or fourth showers. I am also accustomed to showers that are more like "sprinkles" where the gifts are baby clothes or diapers or bibs.  None of this car seat, play pen, crib, changing table expensive stuff I've heard about it.

The showers I go to generally are the opposite, and people pool together to get the couple the expensive big things. Which is why I think second showers are gift grabby. I wouldn't mind if showers in my circles meant clothes and diapers.

kmmssg

I am also of the belief that you get one shower UNLESS  you have one of those oops babies mentioned above.  I was an oops baby and I HAD an oops baby.  My youngest child was 13 when she became the middle child.  A very small group of friend held a shower for me for DS (the oops). but my girls were 18 months apart and I would have never dreamed that a shower for #2 would have been appropriate.

Liatris2010

The etiquette rule is that you only get one.

However, I have zero problems with showers for subsequent kids. Each kid is a major life event, and I am going to get you a new baby present whether you have a shower or not, so why not have a party? To me the shower is about celebrating mom and baby, not getting them set up with a bunch of stuff. If you can't afford a car seat, crib, stroller, etc., you can't afford a kid, so the idea that showers are to help people get all those things gets a big old side eye from me.

schellzinator

I understand why people view it as an etiquette issue - I too side eye it when someone has a baby and gets the works of a baby shower - and then two years later it is repeated.  However, I don't mind when there is a small get together or "sprinkle" if there are multiples being born. I don't think a full blown shower is necessary though. 

alpacalunch

A good friend of mine (a BM actually) is expecting this winter, and she has a son who is already 7yo. A few of us are planning on throwing some sort of shower-like event, and we know perfectly well they have almost none of their baby items left. 

If her son was under 5, I would get a gift and that be that, but with a difference like that, what's the harm? 

Particularly if the subsequent party is a lower key affair, fewer people etc. I love the idea of a 'sip and see' but it's hard to plan a 'surprise' one of those.

banana468

In my family and DH'S family, there are sprinkles for the second babies. I had a shower about 4 years ago when I was pregnant with DD. I registered for all kinds of things and we received a lot of equipment.

Now that I'm expecting our second (Yes. I'm still pregnant! ) I had sprinkles which were far more intimate and pretty much clothing only.

RedJacks25

Proper or not, I will always gladly attend a baby shower, whether it's the couple's first or fifth child. I just love buying baby things and eating cake.

PineapplePopsicles

I have a facebook friend who's daughter has had at least 4 baby showers in the past month or so.  I'm not sure which kid she's on, but she's had so many showers for this one baby. But it is different people throwing the showers, and who knows how much control she had over them, really?  Eh, I'm not gonna get all upset about it.

bmydesigner

I personally don't really see anything wrong with it. There's a lot of things like clothes, diapers, etc that aren't really transferable from one kid to the next. Also, I think each kid is a pretty major life event and should def be celebrated!

That being said, I would side eye if the second shower registered for the same big things such as crib, stroller, changing table, etc because those things usually CAN and SHOULD be transferred down.

climbingsingle

I find second showers really tacky. The only time it doesn't bother me is if there are a lot of years between children. For example, my friend had her second kid 8 years after her first kid. I was totally fine attending that shower. 

justcallmesamson

rsbloom said:

We do the "sip and see" parties for subsequent babies. And I actually like them better than showers, because the baby is there, and there aren't dumb shower games. When we have kids, and I know my family will go crazy with gifts, shower or not, I will decline showers. I would rather host a sip and see after the baby is born.

I LOVE a sip and see.  Day drinking and mini pimento cheese sandwiches?  Sign me up.  

arrippa

My cousin has two girls within three years and she had a shower for both of them. I side eyed her so fast when I heard. I don't know why I expected differently, since her wedding was full of etiquette no-nos.

chibiyui

Unless there is a substantial age gap, I would side eye any shower for a multiple child with large items, (strollers, dressers, changing tables, cribs, etc).

I have no problem with sprinkles, sips and see's, anything that's mainly clothing and essentials like diapers. If I like you I'm going to buy your baby a gift anyway (my current go-to is a crochet stuffed animal from Etsy, cause I ain't got time for that) , so if I can get cake out of this as well, awesome. 

[Deleted User]

I was planning on hosting a shower for a friend of mine. She had her first divorced and was now having a 2nd with her new husband.. She ended up going into labor the day of so we never had it but I wasn't sure the response. I figured if people didn't want to come they didn't have to. She was a little unsure herself but I really wanted to do it for her since we were so close. I do know a family however that has had a shower for every child... they are at 8 right now yes 8. THAT I think is a little off.

photokitty

I'm a hater I guess...I always side eyed showers for second or more children, I don't care how large the gap is. I'll give a gift when the child is born, bc I want to, but I think second showers are tacky.

I am happy for all babies, but I don't think people should feel obligated to buy gifts  - that's what second showers and sprinkles do, you feel obligated to go and buy gifts. The only time I don't side eye is if all the people involved are hosting it for the mom. As soon as you send an invite to someone who didn't suggest or agree tot he idea of a sprinkle I feel like it's a shake down...but that's JMHO.