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Not Engaged Yet
cotton8744
member
Should I pay for part of my ring?
Back story:
My boyfriend and I just had a baby two months ago. We are now at a place in our relationship where we want to get engaged. We went looking for rings last night (for about ten minutes) and I pointed out the one that I loved (I had seen it previously and looked at it online). Later that night he told me that the price (6,000$) was too much, and I should shoot for something around 3,000$. I said okay, but I was slightly disappointed. He is divorced and had bought he ex a 5,000$ ring when they were married. I get with the child support payments, our new baby, etc he wants to save money, however money isn't tight (we are comfortable), he has a great job and he is in is 40's so he isn't a broke college kid. I also do NOT want a wedding. I want to just go down to the courthouse and sign papers, so that will save money immensely. However, I have ALWAYS wanted a nice ring. I also make less money than him, and our finances will never be combined. I consider myself to be realistic with money, however I know very little about rings and how much to spend (I don't believe in the three months salary BS).
So here is my question:
There are two rings that are less money but are similar. One is almost 5,000 and one is 3,000. I would be perfectly happy with the almost 5,000 one. I do not wish to make my boyfriend spend more than he wants to. So should I offer to pitch in the remaining 2 grand? I don't particularly like the smallest one. Should I pay for part of the ring (since I am the one who wants something bigger), or should I settle for the smaller one I don't like as much, or keep looking for something else? I have liked this ring for months and months (the 6,000$) and the almost 5,000 one would make me happy too. Or should I save my money and let him buy something he can afford?
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Re: Should I pay for part of my ring?
Answer: Some of us might think so (and I paid for half of mine), but it depends on what your boyfriend is comfortable with.
Yeah, I think Phira did a pretty fair analysis so to speak.
He knows I don't want a wedding. He said he is fine with that, but would like a nice honeymoon. I've just wanted this particular Neil Lane ring with a halo for a while now. It's probably true that stores at the mall charge more, and the fact it is a Neil Lane contributes to that. I guess going to an independent store is a good option.
I guess I just need to look at more options.
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Some things you could look at doing to bring the cost down:
If it does not come with a diamond - you could substitute it for another gemstone (moissanite or a white sapphire if you want the diamond look).
If you MUST have a diamond - was the diamond a full carat? If you would get something smaller (.8-.95) it will be really close to a carat so most people won't be able to tell it's not a full carat. Also what about the Clarity, you could get a lesser clarity and even color and just a better cut. Having a great cut can mask color and clarity and lower the cost of the ring.
What type of metal were you looking at - if you were looking at an 18K gold could you get a 14K gold or if you were looking at a 14K what about a 10K or even palladium?
Does the $6000 include the cost of the wedding band, or will there be an additional wedding band cost?
Without knowing your BF, it's hard to tell how he would react to you wanting to help pay for the ring.
I guess my main problem is that I've been wanting to get engaged for so long I just want the ring I've had in my mind and to just get on with being engaged. He also would hardly have the time to sit down and do three hour ring shopping excursions. He travels a lot, is also in the army reserves and I don't really want to bring SD engagement ring shopping when we have her. It just seems simpler to buy a pre-made one. This doesn't include the band though so that's another expense
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Quite honesty - looking at everything for the ring, you are paying a lot for the name:
Center Stone:
Cut - Princess (It does not tell me if it's Ideal, Very Good, Good)
Color: H-I
Clarity: SI1-2
Carat: 3/4
I didn't pay for any part of my ring, but I definitely did all of the legwork in finding what I want. It's great that you have an idea of what it should look like, now you just have to find the best deal! (I didn't know I wanted a halo initially)
Shopping online will probably be easier anyway so you can point out online what you want to SO when you find it, and he doesn't have to spend any time shopping.
For reference, on Blue Nile, there are hundreds of 3/4 carat diamonds, and they are generally around $1600-2000. That setting is not even CLOSE to worth another $4000! I would estimate maybe $1800-2500 if not a brand name. My setting is a Gabriel & Co so you could look there to see if there's something similar.
1) Don't compare your ring with his ex's ring. As you correctly pointed out, his financial situation and obligations are different now than when he proposed to his ex. That will factor in to the type of ring you get.
2) The ring you picked out is not worth 6k. You're paying for a "Neil Lane" name with a "Kay Jewelers" quality. The center stone is .75, may have visible imperfections, and is around H color, which isn't awful, but isn't the greatest. You could get a much nicer quality ring with a larger center stone on BlueNile for 6k. If the budget is around 3k, you can still get a .77 ct, D color, SI2, princess cut stone with a 1/5 ct. total weight halo white gold setting for $3400.
Thank you all so so much! We obviously need to do more shopping around. I incorrectly assumed that it would be easier to walk into a jewelry store and pick out a random ring. I need to do research!
also, just wanted to add my 2 cents... I think someone mentioned it, but have you talked about WHY he thinks that budget is too much? another thing that my H and I do, is when we have a disagreement about something, we rate it. so if we can't come to an agreement about something we each give our opinion and then a number on how important it is to us (1 being lowest, don't really care, and 10 being really important). so if I have an opinion, but it's only a 3, and his opinion is an 8.5, then we go with his idea. it's really simple and sounds kind of silly, but it works for us.
In pre-marital counseling we had a similar discussion. Our officiant recommended that we "rate" an issue. For one of us, it may be a 1 or a 2, it bugs us but it's not big deal and we are over it, but for the other person, it may be a 7, as it in resolve it or we have some serious problems. It's actually a really useful tool and not weird or silly at all!