Wedding Etiquette Forum

Just another reason not to do a cash bar....

2

Re: Just another reason not to do a cash bar....

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Let me remind people that this is the same board where people are offended that the people they supposedly "love" aren't getting "legally married right in front of them " (as if that matters if they are your friend and the bottom line is it does NOT affect your good time). To me that is far more ridiculous position than being PO'd that people don't serve alcohol.

    Another thing that is very much stressed on this board is that it isnt your day (which is true). You should be providing the best time for your guests as possible. If your guests like to enjoy themselves at weddings bc they are generally drinkers (if they don't it's a non issue) than i consider it rude to not offer it. If you cannot afford it cut the guest list or something else (flowers etc) until you can. It's very simple.

    And no, I am not a troll- many of you ladies have no problem being rude about things as long as it's something you agree with.

    In all actuality I think it's perfectly acceptable to offer just beer and wine- and forgo signature drinks and a full bar. It's not needed and is just an extra cost.
    No, absolutely not true.  You should be hosting your guests properly to the time of day in which your event takes place.  Please do some more research before you try to spout off about etiquette rules and how you should treat your guests.



    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]luckysnorkel
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Let me remind people that this is the same board where people are offended that the people they supposedly "love" aren't getting "legally married right in front of them " (as if that matters if they are your friend and the bottom line is it does NOT affect your good time). To me that is far more ridiculous position than being PO'd that people don't serve alcohol.

    Another thing that is very much stressed on this board is that it isnt your day (which is true). You should be providing the best time for your guests as possible. If your guests like to enjoy themselves at weddings bc they are generally drinkers (if they don't it's a non issue) than i consider it rude to not offer it. If you cannot afford it cut the guest list or something else (flowers etc) until you can. It's very simple.

    And no, I am not a troll- many of you ladies have no problem being rude about things as long as it's something you agree with.

    In all actuality I think it's perfectly acceptable to offer just beer and wine- and forgo signature drinks and a full bar. It's not needed and is just an extra cost.
    I do not care if someone chooses not to serve alcohol. I can have fun without it. Dry weddings are etiquette-approved. 

    Lying to friends and family, who you "supposedly love" (as you put it) is rude and frowned-upon.
    grumbledoreKaurisPrettyGirlLostluckysnorkel
  • Fairyjen1 said:

    So please, don't do a cash bar without proper planning its tacky if your guests don't expect it. Granted, I didn't mind the cash bar once I was prepared as I'd rather have the option to buy a drink vs not drink at all since I recently went to a dry wedding but I would of liked to have some head's up to have some cash prior to.
         I don't condone a cash bar and I certainly won't have one (we are hosting beer, wine and soda at a lunch time wedding). But the bolded attitude is part of the problem and why I think so many people have them anyway. A dry wedding is viewed as inferior. The attitude tends to be if you can't afford alcohol you better just go to the courthouse and forgo the big party because your wedding will suck. I realize not everyone thinks this, but I've seen this sentiment repeated often enough that I can see why people might feel they have to have a cash bar rather than no bar if that's all they can afford. 

        I also can't imagine going anywhere without at least some cash in my purse, but apparently that's common at weddings. Then again, cash bars abound in my circle. I've also been to dry weddings that I had a great time at, but I'm not a big drinker anyway. 
    I had an open bar and not really a drinker anyhow, but I also agree that there are "some" people who prefer cash vs none. I have a story to tell on that one that also sheds.

    I had a friend who said she went to a wedding where each table had 1 bottle of wine and then no alcohol the rest of the night. She said people were actually buying/bribing "non drinking" tables for their liquor. I would be MORTIFIED if I heard that happen at my wedding. She went on and on about how boring the wedding was and how people complained it was a "dry" wedding.

    I do agree that there are some people out there who would prefer "cash" vs "none"

    Since I am a barely ever drink, I don't care either way personally. Though, I would be annoyed to have to pay for soda

  • A reception is for guests comfort in my mind.

    We have several extremely very important guests who are recovering alcoholics.

    A full 10% of our guests don't risk being around alcohol and a good 20% more worry more about the 10% ability to be comfortable.

    Which means 30% of our guests would not attend if we have alcohol.

    We're having a dry reception. We're serving extremely good food, and no guest is paying for any part. There just won't be alcohol.

    Granted as DF does not dance, and it was the superior food and no dancing or rubber chicken and canned peas with dancing, we are going food.

    Someone doesn't like it, they can stay home.

    As all our guests are looking forward to our wedding and reception, I'm giving zero fuck about how dry weddings are lame.
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]
  • Viczaesar said:
    I have never been to one, but anyone who ever has been to a dry wedding always says it was the worst they ever went to. I don't think anyone I know would actually attend one unless it was a best friend or family member (and even then I would probably opt out unless it was close by). Frankly unless your family is super religious (and if that's the case that's cool) people want to drink/dance at weddings. If you can't afford alcohol you should cut your guest list until you can since the only people that will stick around for any length of time at a dry one (or even go to one) are your closest friends and family anyway. To me you are hosting a party for your guests and you want them to have fun (that is the general consensus around here since it's NOT just "your" day. Know your guests and unless its your church group or no one really drinks bc of religious reasons I would say a dry wedding doesn't fly well with many people. I haven't ever been to a wedding that was even a partial cash bar (just beer and wine) much less a dry wedding. Most people I know would frown upon anything less than a full bar.

    I was just reading the Christian (I'm Catholic) weddings threads and some people there have a dry wedding combined with no dancing or music. Isn't the result just a large dinner for a bunch of people you know? Cannot even imagine!
    Really?  Because here's someone who has been to dry weddings and they in no way have been the worst weddings I've been to.  What a ridiculous generalization.
    We've had many people tell us, even a few years later, that our (dry!) wedding was the best one they've ever attended. And we do enjoy having a drink now and then, but had to have the reception at my church because our first venue (where we would have served at least wine and probably beer) had the fridge break in their kitchen and just decided not to replace it at all, so we changed plans.
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    ViczaesarPrettyGirlLost
  • I have been to a ton of dry weddings, one wedding with a cash bar, and one with an open bar. The wedding with a cash bar was basically a dry wedding- basically everyone there liked a drink or two now and again, but not enough to pay for it at a wedding, so no one drank and it was fine. The one with an open bar was, admittedly, a shit ton of fun- but this person also spent more than double on their wedding than anyone else I know. Bravo if you have that kind of money to throw around, but most people don't.

    Every dry wedding I went to was lovely. A couple were afternoon cake and punch style, I think two served dinner. At all but one there wasn't any dancing except maybe a spotlight dance. At the one with dancing, plenty of people got down on the floor and had fun dancing with the bride- sober (a lot of us dance sober because we are social swing/blues dancers anyways). At all of the ones with no dancing, I had a lot of fun catching up with friends that I rarely get to see.

    Most of the receptions went on for 2-3 hours. At every one, everyone stayed til the end, wishing they could have had more time with their friends and family. And for the record, my fiancé and I drove 10 hours each way to attend one of these terrible dry weddings.

    My wedding is going to be "basically dry" because the venue doesn't allow alcohol consumption on their premises (but I'm pretty sure they aren't going to freak out about what we are doing... If they ever FIND OUT). I say "basically dry" because we are serving a champagne toast at some point during the afternoon (and paying for a full bartender for this privilege). A lot of my extended family doesn't drink, and a good portion of his does, so a small glass of champagne that you can either enjoy or refuse seemed like just the ticket to not make anyone uncomfortable. Luckily we are only inviting close friends and family who aren't assholes that wouldn't come because of a lack of alcohol. I would like to refer you to College Humor's How to Plan a Wedding ("oh my god, you are at a FREE PARTY").

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    No one is entitled to alcohol at any event, just like no one is entitled to have lobster and filet mignon.

    It doesn't matter whether that is a backyard BBQ, a bridal shower, a dinner party, or a wedding. If the hosts don't want to provide it, they don't have to. 

    I hosted a dry bridal shower for my sister, because she doesn't drink, and I didn't want to pay for it. There is nothing wrong with that. A wedding doesn't make it any different.


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    PrettyGirlLost
  • NicRen17NicRen17 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
     
    11/21/2012 - Chapter 1: The Text
    10/23/2014 - Chapter 2: The Proposal
    11/21/2015 - Chapter 3: The Wedding

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • A reception is for guests comfort in my mind. We have several extremely very important guests who are recovering alcoholics. A full 10% of our guests don't risk being around alcohol and a good 20% more worry more about the 10% ability to be comfortable. Which means 30% of our guests would not attend if we have alcohol. We're having a dry reception. We're serving extremely good food, and no guest is paying for any part. There just won't be alcohol. Granted as DF does not dance, and it was the superior food and no dancing or rubber chicken and canned peas with dancing, we are going food. Someone doesn't like it, they can stay home. As all our guests are looking forward to our wedding and reception, I'm giving zero fuck about how dry weddings are lame.
    We are considering the exact same thing for the exact same reasons. I'm sorry if my wedding will "suck" because it might be dry. Obviously, I know the people that actually want to see my FI and I exchange vows and get together afterwards will be there. Not going to let those who don't won't come bother me.
    11/21/2012 - Chapter 1: The Text
    10/23/2014 - Chapter 2: The Proposal
    11/21/2015 - Chapter 3: The Wedding

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I have been to 4 dry weddings. I assure you, they were far more fun than the damn cash bar wedding I got stuck going to a month ago.
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • In some parts of the country a cash bar is more readily accepted than in other parts.  There were several threads on this on here about 6 years ago.  Because FH's family are big drinkers they are planning to chip in for some of the alcohol we are having.  They have the mindsets that they are being provided with a free meal so there is no reason to not pay for their alcohol.  We are planning to have soft drinks for free but charging a little for the alcohol.  It is just what OUR guests are accustomed to and expect.  If we had an open bar they would think we are crazy.  It may be against The Knot's current "etiquette" but that is just they way our families are.
    whovianstark
  • Viczaesar said:
    In some parts of the country a cash bar is more readily accepted than in other parts.  There were several threads on this on here about 6 years ago.  Because FH's family are big drinkers they are planning to chip in for some of the alcohol we are having.  They have the mindsets that they are being provided with a free meal so there is no reason to not pay for their alcohol.  We are planning to have soft drinks for free but charging a little for the alcohol.  It is just what OUR guests are accustomed to and expect.  If we had an open bar they would think we are crazy.  It may be against The Knot's current "etiquette" but that is just they way our families are.
    There are threads on this all the time, not just six years ago.  Cash bars are inappropriate, regardless of where you're located.  Your guests should not be opening their wallets for anything.  This is general etiquette, not exclusive to The Knot.  And I guarantee that nobody will complain about having complimentary alcohol. 
    I meant that 6 years ago there were threads pointing out that some parts of the country accept it or even expect it and and some don't.  Our guests would actually be offended if we didn't let them pay a little bit for the high end alcohol they drink.  They don't think that any Bride and Groom should have to pay for them or someone else to get drunk.

    Some people see an open bar as an open invitation to drink all they want or can.  This invites trouble.  Limiting the time of the open bar or kinds of alcohol do not solve the issue.  People can get wasted in a short period of time and on any kind of alcohol.  We have seen this firsthand with events we have worked (we have worked in concessions). Not everyone has the self-restraint as the lovely ladies on here.  Most times drunk people have not only gotten drunk for free but they get into fights or start busting up the place which costs the Bride and Groom even more money.

    Etiquette or not, not everyone is going to follow the same "rules" as everyone else.  You need to do what works for you and your guests.  Life is not black and white.  There will always be people that do something differently than others.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Viczaesar said:
    In some parts of the country a cash bar is more readily accepted than in other parts.  There were several threads on this on here about 6 years ago.  Because FH's family are big drinkers they are planning to chip in for some of the alcohol we are having.  They have the mindsets that they are being provided with a free meal so there is no reason to not pay for their alcohol.  We are planning to have soft drinks for free but charging a little for the alcohol.  It is just what OUR guests are accustomed to and expect.  If we had an open bar they would think we are crazy.  It may be against The Knot's current "etiquette" but that is just they way our families are.
    There are threads on this all the time, not just six years ago.  Cash bars are inappropriate, regardless of where you're located.  Your guests should not be opening their wallets for anything.  This is general etiquette, not exclusive to The Knot.  And I guarantee that nobody will complain about having complimentary alcohol. 
    I meant that 6 years ago there were threads pointing out that some parts of the country accept it or even expect it and and some don't.  Our guests would actually be offended if we didn't let them pay a little bit for the high end alcohol they drink.  They don't think that any Bride and Groom should have to pay for them or someone else to get drunk.

    Some people see an open bar as an open invitation to drink all they want or can.  This invites trouble.  Limiting the time of the open bar or kinds of alcohol do not solve the issue.  People can get wasted in a short period of time and on any kind of alcohol.  We have seen this firsthand with events we have worked (we have worked in concessions). Not everyone has the self-restraint as the lovely ladies on here.  Most times drunk people have not only gotten drunk for free but they get into fights or start busting up the place which costs the Bride and Groom even more money.

    Etiquette or not, not everyone is going to follow the same "rules" as everyone else.  You need to do what works for you and your guests.  Life is not black and white.  There will always be people that do something differently than others.

    This is the E board. Please don't suggest something that treats your guests poorly. Also, I find geographic generalizations to be instead socio-economic generalizations.
    [Deleted User]RebeccaB88
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    In some parts of the country a cash bar is more readily accepted than in other parts.  There were several threads on this on here about 6 years ago.  Because FH's family are big drinkers they are planning to chip in for some of the alcohol we are having.  They have the mindsets that they are being provided with a free meal so there is no reason to not pay for their alcohol.  We are planning to have soft drinks for free but charging a little for the alcohol.  It is just what OUR guests are accustomed to and expect.  If we had an open bar they would think we are crazy.  It may be against The Knot's current "etiquette" but that is just they way our families are.
    There are threads on this all the time, not just six years ago.  Cash bars are inappropriate, regardless of where you're located.  Your guests should not be opening their wallets for anything.  This is general etiquette, not exclusive to The Knot.  And I guarantee that nobody will complain about having complimentary alcohol. 
    I meant that 6 years ago there were threads pointing out that some parts of the country accept it or even expect it and and some don't.  Our guests would actually be offended if we didn't let them pay a little bit for the high end alcohol they drink.  They don't think that any Bride and Groom should have to pay for them or someone else to get drunk.

    Some people see an open bar as an open invitation to drink all they want or can.  This invites trouble.  Limiting the time of the open bar or kinds of alcohol do not solve the issue.  People can get wasted in a short period of time and on any kind of alcohol.  We have seen this firsthand with events we have worked (we have worked in concessions). Not everyone has the self-restraint as the lovely ladies on here.  Most times drunk people have not only gotten drunk for free but they get into fights or start busting up the place which costs the Bride and Groom even more money.

    Etiquette or not, not everyone is going to follow the same "rules" as everyone else.  You need to do what works for you and your guests.  Life is not black and white.  There will always be people that do something differently than others.
    People can also get very drunk in a short period of time when they're paying for it.  Or do you think people at bars never get wasted?

    People can follow different traditions as long as they're not violating etiquette.  People should, however, be following etiquette, which is just the formal name for good manners and treating your guests properly. 



    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]Fran1985
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We had 5 hours of full open bar at our wedding and, while people did enjoy themselves, no one started fights or "busted up" our venue. We even went on a bar crawl after the wedding, and everyone was well-behaved. I know more people who act like jackasses sober than act like jackasses while drinking.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    PrettyGirlLostmissxasia
  • This is an etiquette board. Some brides (especially younger ones who may not have much experience with weddings and the "rules" that go along with them) come here for advice. For this reason, telling a bride that her guests will be "offended" if they didn't have to pay for some portion of their liquor is ridiculous and not helpful. 

    If someone wants to get drunk, he or she will not be stopped or even slowed by a cash bar. That being said, I attended a wedding that was full open bar for the first hour and cash the rest of the evening. The groom's frat brothers (about 20 men under 25 years old) took advantage of the "sale" and basically tried to take as many shots as possible while it was open... depends on your guests but I wouldn't suggest this route either.


    [Deleted User]esstee33PrettyGirlLost
  • These threads always make me sad. I don't understand why people are so against dry weddings. I have never had to have alcohol to have fun and at my wedding there will not be any. Alcohol does not make weddings fun, it is the people who come and celebrate your day with you.
  • joyayotte said:
    These threads always make me sad. I don't understand why people are so against dry weddings. I have never had to have alcohol to have fun and at my wedding there will not be any. Alcohol does not make weddings fun, it is the people who come and celebrate your day with you.
    Did you read this thread? I do not see people decrying dry weddings. Except people who are rude. People who are rude hate on dry weddings. 

    What people here do NOT like are cash bars.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    joyayotte said:
    These threads always make me sad. I don't understand why people are so against dry weddings. I have never had to have alcohol to have fun and at my wedding there will not be any. Alcohol does not make weddings fun, it is the people who come and celebrate your day with you.
    Uh, say what? Like half the people in this thread said they'd prefer a dry wedding over a cash bar, and that dry weddings are perfectly acceptable. 

    That's very nice for you that you've "never had to have alcohol to have fun." Lots of people don't need to drink to have fun. The fact remains that many people enjoy having a drink or two at what is basically a party. Your choices don't make you better than people who do enjoy having a drink. Don't fall off your high horse over there. 
    AddieCakeamelisha
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    joyayotte said:
    These threads always make me sad. I don't understand why people are so against dry weddings. I have never had to have alcohol to have fun and at my wedding there will not be any. Alcohol does not make weddings fun, it is the people who come and celebrate your day with you.
    lol reading is hard.
    Anniversary

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    sarawifenowesstee33PrettyGirlLostmrstrevor3
  • I meant that 6 years ago there were threads pointing out that some parts of the country accept it or even expect it and and some don't.  Our guests would actually be offended if we didn't let them pay a little bit for the high end alcohol they drink.  They don't think that any Bride and Groom should have to pay for them or someone else to get drunk.
    I know this was posted two months ago but I have to say: I'm also from an area where cash bars are the norm at weddings and I can guarantee that no one would be offended by free booze. If anything they'd be impressed, it would stand out above other weddings they've been to!
    [Deleted User]esstee33AddieCake
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I meant that 6 years ago there were threads pointing out that some parts of the country accept it or even expect it and and some don't.  Our guests would actually be offended if we didn't let them pay a little bit for the high end alcohol they drink.  They don't think that any Bride and Groom should have to pay for them or someone else to get drunk.
    I know this was posted two months ago but I have to say: I'm also from an area where cash bars are the norm at weddings and I can guarantee that no one would be offended by free booze. If anything they'd be impressed, it would stand out above other weddings they've been to!
    Here's the thing:  This is an etiquette board.  The etiquette in North America, regardless of whether or not cash bars are the norm at weddings in your area or who would or wouldn't be offended by them (let alone be impressed by), is that guests are not charged for anything-even alcohol. 

    You want there to be alcohol at your wedding? Fine.  You pay for it-all of it, thoughout the whole reception.  Not your guests.  Not as a cash bar, not as drink tickets, not as a cutoff at some point.  Otherwise, you don't offer it.  If people where you're from don't like that, that's too bad, but it doesn't make it polite or okay to expect your guests to pay for drinks.
    AddieCakemollybarker11[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • As far as I can tell, a cash bar is the main couple's way of telling everyone that at least one of them is from a family with booze issues but they still want there to be drinks.
  • mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    Jen4948 said:
    I meant that 6 years ago there were threads pointing out that some parts of the country accept it or even expect it and and some don't.  Our guests would actually be offended if we didn't let them pay a little bit for the high end alcohol they drink.  They don't think that any Bride and Groom should have to pay for them or someone else to get drunk.
    I know this was posted two months ago but I have to say: I'm also from an area where cash bars are the norm at weddings and I can guarantee that no one would be offended by free booze. If anything they'd be impressed, it would stand out above other weddings they've been to!
    Here's the thing:  This is an etiquette board.  The etiquette in North America, regardless of whether or not cash bars are the norm at weddings in your area or who would or wouldn't be offended by them (let alone be impressed by), is that guests are not charged for anything-even alcohol. 

    You want there to be alcohol at your wedding? Fine.  You pay for it-all of it, thoughout the whole reception.  Not your guests.  Not as a cash bar, not as drink tickets, not as a cutoff at some point.  Otherwise, you don't offer it.  If people where you're from don't like that, that's too bad, but it doesn't make it polite or okay to expect your guests to pay for drinks.
    **boxes broke idk***

    Exactly. I can't understand why people use the "but everyone else does it!!!" excuse when your options are to either A) have a dry reception, meet etiquette standards, and bonus: save some money; or B) have an open bar, meet etiquette standards, and bonus: impress guests who aren't used to being properly hosted. It's a win/win situation.

    If anyone wants to drink or pay for booze so badly that they're offended by your wedding, they can head out to a bar. But that would be rude on their part.
    Jen4948southernbelle0915alpacalunch
  • I had the discussion cash vs. open with H when we were discussing wedding and then stepson's graduation party. I'm so on the side of etiquette, he's on the side of people should be able to pay for it if we can't afford to host it. It wasn't until I put it in the context of our guests actually paying for the party that we are paying for.....the money they pay means we pay less.....did he finally get it. That and we would never charge guests to come over to our house and pay for their meal. He finally backed down, and said okay to hosting what we could afford. Your guests should never pay for your party!

    Luckily (yay/not yay) for the wedding we had enough no RSVP's we could upgrade to an open bar. For the graduation party it was just soda/tea/coffee/water. 
  • mrscomposermrscomposer Mani-snow-ba member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    As far as I can tell, a cash bar is the main couple's way of telling everyone that at least one of them is from a family with booze issues but they still want there to be drinks.


    This almost gave me whiplash.  People who have a wedding with a cash bar are basically saying that one family is full of alcoholics?  Where the hell did you get that idea? 

    In my area, cash bars are the norm.  They are not etiquette approved, but they are the norm.  NO FREAKING WAY does anyone think it's because people have booze issues.  Rude. 

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
    ashley8918
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