Accidentally over-invited- VENT!!

birdybride2014

**This is me venting. Advice welcomed, as I'm not sure what the advice would be. Fiance is usually very attentive and reliable, this is just a horrible, horrible fluke. I just needed to venttttt...we're probably okay based on the fact that we really do have a lot of family (mainly old people 1000s of miles away) who have no intentions of coming but I keep reminding him that that is not an excuse to say it is okay for us to invite more people than the place can hold and you never know when people may actually say yes..ugh**

I finished addressing all of our invitations last night!! YAY!!

....which then resulted in me recounting our numbers from fiance's family and we invited over-capacity. Are you F****** KIDDING ME, FIANCE?!?!? I don't know how many times I told him to make sure his list was correctly counted and every detail needed to be typed up (we have his family on one spread sheet and my family on another). As I was addressing invites based on his excel spreadsheet I would constantly have to ask questions about if when he counted he included the new baby, new fiance, other sibling, new every dang thing, which began to tell me that I really needed to recount his. I don't even want to admit to you guys how many people we are over on our capacity. He even forgot to put one of his half-brothers on the list...

I should have counted his list from the beginning myself, but I guess I just figured he was taking me seriously that every detail needed to be recorded and accounted for, and that I could trust the number he was giving me from the beginning. I never looked too thoroughly at his list because his family is so huge I would have never known if someone were missing or not...which is why I made his list his responsibility.

We had a huge heated (mostly me heated, him apologizing) discussion about it. Firstly, I felt disrespected that he was not listening to me about how important all of this was from the beginning, since we've been finalizing the list for a year now. I said that I know I do a lot of nagging about all of the wedding planning, but I'm not nagging because I enjoy nagging. I nag because these details are crucial to hosting a huge event and I can't be the sole-wedding-planner, we need to be a team. And secondly that I understand that he is sorry (he truly is), but that I am going to be angry about this for a while because now it is a huge stressor looming over my head. I thought we were in the home stretch of planning, invitations were the last tedious thing on the to-do list, but now I am going to be praying that we get "no's" instead of "yes's". We have a few people we can scratch off the list (ones who did not receive save-the-dates or that we never implied to that we'd be inviting, so they won't know the difference, like some co-workers) but..just...ughhhh.

I guess we will see what happens. It is just as much my fault as his since I should have looked at his list to double check. We will see if this ends up kicking us in the ass...

OliveOilsMom

Did you mail the invites?  Did you send STDs?  Anyway you can go through your guest list and cut some guests? 

climbingsingle

The invites are already out? How over are you?

If it makes you feel any better, my FI B-listed 2 of his clients and I didn't even know about it until AFTER he gave them invitations. 

lurkergirl

Ugh, that sucks. At least I know my FI could never do that on his own (not because he's lazy or unwilling, but he is just extremely technologically challenged with most computer stuff). I did make him sit with me to make the guest list so he could remind me of any people on his side that I left off.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when he's proofreading save the dates and decides he doesn't have enough of his friends on the list. I remind him that we talked about it and can't fit more at the venue, THEN he tells me he has already verbally invited a bunch of these people. What the hell??!! Thankfully we are far enough out that I just changed the venue, but seriously. What are they thinking sometimes?

theartistformerlyknownas

Oh girl, I feel you. We didn't over-invite, but the other day I mentioned something about how I had forgotten my cousin's two kids when I was making kids' packs, and needed to buy more fruit snacks. "What? Who the hell are these people? Why are we inviting them and why are their kids included?" 

"Um. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, WE'RE 2 WEEKS OUT AND YOU HAVE REVIEWED THIS LIST 649846734658 TIMES."

All of our siblings' kids are invited. Only my cousins' kids (and cousins who are kids) are invited, because they all live out of state; it would be hard to come without them, and it was important to me to have them there. All of them are bringing their kids except two. He is not close with his cousins OR their children, doesn't even know all of their names, and they all live locally so we didn't invite them. Plus extending the circle to his side would have added 30 more people, no joke. He thinks he might have wanted to invite some other people instead of these kids. No baby, the chance to make that argument was SIX MONTHS AGO. And you already have 60% of the guest list so kindly, with all the love in my heart, SHOVE IT. Smooches.

birdybride2014

@OliveOilsMom We have not sent the invites yet, all of them are addressed and ready to go, but not out yet. I'm too nervous to send them at this point!! lol.  We did send save the dates to most of the guests. The big problem is that his numbers were correct on the amount of families invited and invitations needed, but not necessarily the amount of children they had, plus ones, etc. We can cut some, but all from my list which makes me sad because I shouldn't have to pay for his epic FAIL!! lol but that is just the immature me talking lol

@ClimbingBrideNY I hate saying this...we are over by like 17! Our venue can max out, seated, at 250. But I can cut like, 6 from mine, who are coworkers who had not been invited or given a save-the-date...so that helps

@lurkergirl That's perfect that you were able to change the venue! Luckily fiance understands that verbal invites are a no-no.

@scribe95 we'll be able to cut a few, but unfortunately not all of the over-crowders. I am inviting some family friends from Australia who I am pretty certain have no intentions of making it to the states this Novemeber  haha..

@lolo883 Ha! Same here! Fiance has....ohhhh 2/3 of our guest list because of his huge family. He gets no say in (what was...before this huge crap) who our extra invites could go to lol. Too bad that is useless now lol

theartistformerlyknownas

Are you maxed out by fire code or by comfort? As your RSVPs come in, see if you can switch from round to long rectangles to save space. Or put tables on the dance floor, and move them afterward, or move the buffet to another room, etc.

birdybride2014

@lolo883 Well, the venue website says they can hold 300 people for an event and sit 250? I'm not sure if that would indicate it is a rule by fire code or by comfort.

If that is comfort, we could easily switch the types of tables and I know that if we have tables on the dance floor they will remove them after dinner for us. You're a genius!

Sidenote: I told fiance that IF all of these guests do RSVP yes (which he is stating that we will be more than fine but whatevs, it still isn't okay) then he has to be the one to call the venue and hash out any details with them lol.

theartistformerlyknownas

birdybride2014 said:

@lolo883 Well, the venue website says they can hold 300 people for an event and sit 250? I'm not sure if that would indicate it is a rule by fire code or by comfort.

If that is comfort, we could easily switch the types of tables and I know that if we have tables on the dance floor they will remove them after dinner for us. You're a genius!

Sidenote: I told fiance that IF all of these guests do RSVP yes (which he is stating that we will be more than fine but whatevs, it still isn't okay) then he has to be the one to call the venue and hash out any details with them lol.

Yeah they probably mean 250 seated at rounds and 300 standing at cocktail tables or something. But if at any time they can put 300 guests in there, your firecode is at least 300+staff. You should be able to fit 267 seated in some way.

wandajune6

Yuck. I'm sorry. Internet hugs.

I think Lolo's right about seating. I also think that your FI is going to have to work very hard to make this up to you. He screwed up royally.

FI screwed up the same way on his side. There's a lot of divorce on his side (friends and family) so he kept forgetting to count step-kids. I corrected everything for his family but didn't know the kid situation for his friends as well. He was off by 7.

birdybride2014

Thanks everyone for the advice and for telling your stories! It made me feel better about the situation and not like I was the only one this has happened to!

princessleia22

I agree with Lolo about the fire code thing. If they allow 300 people unseated, then 250 isn't a fire code max., just comfort for their typical seating layout.  It sounds like you have enough OOT people that there is a very high likelihood that you will come in under 250... 5% decline isn't uncommon.  But if it does go over, you should be able to work something out with the venue layout or whatever to make it work. As long as you aren't over fire code limit, which can't be bent, you have options. So, I'd try not to stress over it too much. 

 

But, make FI buy you something pretty or take you out to dinner, to make up for the stress he caused.

Inkdancer

I wish you a 30% decline rate like mine.