Hi, Again.

ShellD13

doeydo said:

lurkergirl said:

lulu411 said:

I'm really late to this party but I felt the need to go back and read through all the other threads you've started that other people have mentioned, so I did, and the ONLY thing I can think of to say is WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH HIM?!

PLEASE tell me what he does for you. I'm not even trying to be catty, I really want to know what value you are getting from this sham of a relationship. 

Also, life is too short to be miserable.

Well, if she leaves him, then she can't come here and have all of us fawn over her and tell her how great she is.

Doey, I'm curious if your therapist knows you post here.  Perhaps you should explore your need for attention and validation. 

Disregard if I'm mistaken, but didn't you say in another thread awhile back that you developed relationships with men on the internet at a pretty young age?  Do you think that has something to do with your current state (relationship and coming here to talk about it)?  Is this something you discuss in therapy?  (You don't have to give us details of your sessions--that is just a question for you to think about).

I think you have so much more going on in addition to your bad relationship.  I'm sorry if this all seems blunt, but I can't be the only one wondering these things.

Right, because I totally plan my whole life and relationship based on how I can get the most attention.  Heck, if that was me, Why wouldn't I dump him and then start dating someone who would rape, beat, and pimp me out?  Then I could get some really good sympathy.  *eye roll*

Yes, I skipped school and went online to meet men at a pretty young age and explored sexually.  Thankfully, I am OK and STD free, but I realize what I did back then was stupid and it was because of my own issues; after being abused by my father, I finally told someone and then CAS and the courts got involved and my family split.  My mom, I love her and she tried her hardest, I'm sure, but she made me feel like it was all my fault and that if I had kept my mouth shut, then her marriage would have worked and she wouldn't have to deal with any lawyers or anything.  Apparently, risky and promiscuous behaviour is kind of common in people who were sexually abused as children.

Another common side effect of childhood sexual abuse is thinking that you (the victim) are damaged and not worthy of being treated well because if they (your partner) knew about the abuse they wouldn't love you.  This is false and so unfair to you as a person and whoever you are supposed to be with....

I too sought out relationships where I was treated poorly (it was all I viewed myself worthy of) until a friend pointed out my history to me and knocked some sense into me.  I got myself into counseling and with a lot of time I finally addressed all of the shame, heart ache, and guilt I felt at destroying my grandparents marriage [for telling the truth].  My bio grandmother and I continued to have a difficult relationship until her death.  However awful it is to have been abused, it is so much worse to continue to live in a prison of your own making.  Get out, Get counseling, Put in the work to get healthy then find the match that is worthy of your love!

emmaaa

pinkrevenge said:

-Leave your boyfriend-

You know, after reading what other posters are going through, I'm just that much less impressed with what you put yourself through.
Someone else got punched in the face by her long-time partner. She has to figure out childcare and explaining what's going on to her kids, and getting chores done, and a mortgage, and so much more and it's terrible and she does it anyway, right away, because she knows she has to.

We've done, what? Half a dozen threads where you have nothing really holding you back or tying you down, giving you the same advice over and over and over. Short of doxxing your info, driving out, and physically kidnapping you, the ball is in your court.

And I'm sorry, but nice as you are, you're not worth a felony charge.

Not that I don't agree with most of your comments but this one rubs me the wrong way. Mental and psychological abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse may leave visible bruises and scars, but just because mental abuse doesn't, doesn't mean it isn't serious.

Weren't we all just on the other forum about Ray Rice talking about victim blaming, it's their fault, it's harder to get out of than we think? And then we come here and tell her to leave her FI and we're tired of her drama...seems a little backwards to me.

I want to shake you, Doey and make your realize you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave. And surely, you can understand why PPs are getting tired of the same post when you won't do anything to change, right? 

doeydo

emmaaa said:

pinkrevenge said:

-Leave your boyfriend-

You know, after reading what other posters are going through, I'm just that much less impressed with what you put yourself through.
Someone else got punched in the face by her long-time partner. She has to figure out childcare and explaining what's going on to her kids, and getting chores done, and a mortgage, and so much more and it's terrible and she does it anyway, right away, because she knows she has to.

We've done, what? Half a dozen threads where you have nothing really holding you back or tying you down, giving you the same advice over and over and over. Short of doxxing your info, driving out, and physically kidnapping you, the ball is in your court.

And I'm sorry, but nice as you are, you're not worth a felony charge.

Not that I don't agree with most of your comments but this one rubs me the wrong way. Mental and psychological abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse may leave visible bruises and scars, but just because mental abuse doesn't, doesn't mean it isn't serious.

Weren't we all just on the other forum about Ray Rice talking about victim blaming, it's their fault, it's harder to get out of than we think? And then we come here and tell her to leave her FI and we're tired of her drama...seems a little backwards to me.

I want to shake you, Doey and make your realize you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave. And surely, you can understand why PPs are getting tired of the same post when you won't do anything to change, right? 

Thank you.  TBH, I don't really see how I am being abused by him; maybe I just haven't accepted it yet, IDK.  But yes, I can understand how some people might get frustrated with my un-sureness about the relationship and asking for people to lend an ear over and over again.  I am honestly just not ready or strong enough to leave him yet.  Sorry if that upsets anyone, but after leaving him before, it is clear that I lack the determination or something to stay away.  

chibiyui

doeydo said:

emmaaa said:

pinkrevenge said:

-Leave your boyfriend-

You know, after reading what other posters are going through, I'm just that much less impressed with what you put yourself through.
Someone else got punched in the face by her long-time partner. She has to figure out childcare and explaining what's going on to her kids, and getting chores done, and a mortgage, and so much more and it's terrible and she does it anyway, right away, because she knows she has to.

We've done, what? Half a dozen threads where you have nothing really holding you back or tying you down, giving you the same advice over and over and over. Short of doxxing your info, driving out, and physically kidnapping you, the ball is in your court.

And I'm sorry, but nice as you are, you're not worth a felony charge.

Not that I don't agree with most of your comments but this one rubs me the wrong way. Mental and psychological abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse may leave visible bruises and scars, but just because mental abuse doesn't, doesn't mean it isn't serious.

Weren't we all just on the other forum about Ray Rice talking about victim blaming, it's their fault, it's harder to get out of than we think? And then we come here and tell her to leave her FI and we're tired of her drama...seems a little backwards to me.

I want to shake you, Doey and make your realize you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave. And surely, you can understand why PPs are getting tired of the same post when you won't do anything to change, right? 

Thank you.  TBH, I don't really see how I am being abused by him; maybe I just haven't accepted it yet, IDK.  But yes, I can understand how some people might get frustrated with my un-sureness about the relationship and asking for people to lend an ear over and over again.  I am honestly just not ready or strong enough to leave him yet.  Sorry if that upsets anyone, but after leaving him before, it is clear that I lack the determination or something to stay away.  

He doesn't want you to be friends with this person for no valid reason, he stalks your forum posting on here that you don't want to post about this friend, he breaks your trust constantly and promises to change yet doesn't, and you don't think this is abusive?

Honey, does he need to eat your cats in front of you for you to realize how fucked up this is?

RebeccaB88

doeydo said:

Thank you.  TBH, I don't really see how I am being abused by him; maybe I just haven't accepted it yet, IDK.  But yes, I can understand how some people might get frustrated with my un-sureness about the relationship and asking for people to lend an ear over and over again.  I am honestly just not ready or strong enough to leave him yet.  Sorry if that upsets anyone, but after leaving him before, it is clear that I lack the determination or something to stay away.  

If this is the case (and I commend you for standing up and saying it if so), then stop asking for advice when he does something to you.  Because we're going to give you the same advice you already have.  You are being abused. Badly. Mentally and emotionally, and it is destroying you. I'm sorry that you can't see that when you can clearly see it in someone else's life. He has you brainwashed, to think that you don't deserve to leave him, that you're incapable of it, not strong enough, can't stay away.  You believe him because of what happened to you in your childhood. That part we can't help you with: you have to get yourself to the place where you can do it.  You need therapy, lots of it, a lot more than you need online friends. We will be happy to support anything you do that's for YOU, that's aimed at getting your out and improving your life and your vision of yourself. You can tell us that and we will be right there for you.  But if you tell us you caught him cheating, or looking at porn, or whatever, then why should we answer?  You've already told us we'd be wasting our time if we just told you to leave him, so why should we take time to do it? 

Your solution is to get out, permanently. Full stop. 

theycallmelinz

I really want to go find this fucker and punch him in the nuts so many times he can't even think about masturbating without cringing. I hate people like him so much and I wish you'd take better care of yourself doey. 

PS be glad I'm way in Alabama or you'd be less one shitty boyfriend tonight. 

emmaaa

chibiyui said:

doeydo said:

emmaaa said:

pinkrevenge said:

-Leave your boyfriend-

You know, after reading what other posters are going through, I'm just that much less impressed with what you put yourself through.
Someone else got punched in the face by her long-time partner. She has to figure out childcare and explaining what's going on to her kids, and getting chores done, and a mortgage, and so much more and it's terrible and she does it anyway, right away, because she knows she has to.

We've done, what? Half a dozen threads where you have nothing really holding you back or tying you down, giving you the same advice over and over and over. Short of doxxing your info, driving out, and physically kidnapping you, the ball is in your court.

And I'm sorry, but nice as you are, you're not worth a felony charge.

Not that I don't agree with most of your comments but this one rubs me the wrong way. Mental and psychological abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse may leave visible bruises and scars, but just because mental abuse doesn't, doesn't mean it isn't serious.

Weren't we all just on the other forum about Ray Rice talking about victim blaming, it's their fault, it's harder to get out of than we think? And then we come here and tell her to leave her FI and we're tired of her drama...seems a little backwards to me.

I want to shake you, Doey and make your realize you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave. And surely, you can understand why PPs are getting tired of the same post when you won't do anything to change, right? 

Thank you.  TBH, I don't really see how I am being abused by him; maybe I just haven't accepted it yet, IDK.  But yes, I can understand how some people might get frustrated with my un-sureness about the relationship and asking for people to lend an ear over and over again.  I am honestly just not ready or strong enough to leave him yet.  Sorry if that upsets anyone, but after leaving him before, it is clear that I lack the determination or something to stay away.  

He doesn't want you to be friends with this person for no valid reason, he stalks your forum posting on here that you don't want to post about this friend, he breaks your trust constantly and promises to change yet doesn't, and you don't think this is abusive?

Honey, does he need to eat your cats in front of you for you to realize how fucked up this is?

He manipulates you in every way possible and makes y out feel like something is wrong with you...that is abusive.

loves2shop4shoes

Shoot me a PM.  I'll give you advice...though it'll likely be blunt.  I hope you're prepared for blunt.

Ndelible

doeydo said:

My FI knows I frequent this board and knows my screen name.  I wanted to talk to someone about a new friendship of mine, which FI has issues with, and get any advice I could on it.  I know you all think I should leave him, and deep down I know I should too.  I am not looking for validation to stay with him, nor am I looking for sympathy.  I get this is the internet, people can post however they want, and I am probably over sensitive, but some things that some of you say hurt my feelings.  I would rather not subject myself to that anymore so I'll stop posting about my life publicly.  Sorry if this comes off bad or as if I am an AW, I just wanted to talk to someone and get advice.  My apologies for having feelings and thinking I could come here again.  

Anyone else thinking, "ah, HELL NAW!"?

Why does he know this information?  Does he actually read your threads and the advice within them?  If so, he is aware of how much pain and suffering you have/are going through.  And yet crickets from him? 

Sister, let me tell you, this is a vicious cycle and you are the eye of the storm.  By allowing him to pierce a veil of your privacy, you have crippled yourself -  basically made all of the advice of everyone here moot.  Stop now.  Really. 

CMGragain

I disagree with many of the recent pps.  I do not think your FI is abusing you.
I do think that you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not offer you a future.  You are willing to settle for something that is not right for you.  Why? 
Many victims of sexual abuse carry a lifelong feelings of unworthiness, which they often carry over into their daily lives.  You have told us that your FI has disability issues which affect his ability to commit to a responsible relationship.  Yet you continue to stay with him.
Doeyedo, how old are you?  I have the feeling that you are very young.  Have you ever had another serious relationship, or is this the only one?
Some of the anger that is vented in pp's posts are a reflection of our own follies.  I was in love with a manipulative man who liked to control me.  I wasted four good years on a hopeless relationship.  I learned so much.  I didn't repeat my mistake.  I married a man who offered me honesty, commitment and respect.  OK, he's a bit of a control freak, too, but we have honesty and mutual respect for each other, which your relationship with your FI does not have.
Your posts make me very sad for you.

doeydo

CMGragain said:

I disagree with many of the recent pps.  I do not think your FI is abusing you.
I do think that you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not offer you a future.  You are willing to settle for something that is not right for you.  Why? 
Many victims of sexual abuse carry a lifelong feelings of unworthiness, which they often carry over into their daily lives.  You have told us that your FI has disability issues which affect his ability to commit to a responsible relationship.  Yet you continue to stay with him.
Doeyedo, how old are you?  I have the feeling that you are very young.  Have you ever had another serious relationship, or is this the only one?
Some of the anger that is vented in pp's posts are a reflection of our own follies.  I was in love with a manipulative man who liked to control me.  I wasted four good years on a hopeless relationship.  I learned so much.  I didn't repeat my mistake.  I married a man who offered me honesty, commitment and respect.  OK, he's a bit of a control freak, too, but we have honesty and mutual respect for each other, which your relationship with your FI does not have.
Your posts make me very sad for you.

I am 21 and, yes, this is my first serious relationship.  

ETA he is in his 30's, if that matters.

hellosweetie1015

lulu411 said:

I really want to go find this fucker and punch him in the nuts so many times he can't even think about masturbating without cringing. I hate people like him so much and I wish you'd take better care of yourself doey. 

PS be glad I'm way in Alabama or you'd be less one shitty boyfriend tonight. 

If I could afford to split the gas with you, I'd go with you. 

Liatris2010

doeydo said:

CMGragain said:

I disagree with many of the recent pps.  I do not think your FI is abusing you.
I do think that you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not offer you a future.  You are willing to settle for something that is not right for you.  Why? 
Many victims of sexual abuse carry a lifelong feelings of unworthiness, which they often carry over into their daily lives.  You have told us that your FI has disability issues which affect his ability to commit to a responsible relationship.  Yet you continue to stay with him.
Doeyedo, how old are you?  I have the feeling that you are very young.  Have you ever had another serious relationship, or is this the only one?
Some of the anger that is vented in pp's posts are a reflection of our own follies.  I was in love with a manipulative man who liked to control me.  I wasted four good years on a hopeless relationship.  I learned so much.  I didn't repeat my mistake.  I married a man who offered me honesty, commitment and respect.  OK, he's a bit of a control freak, too, but we have honesty and mutual respect for each other, which your relationship with your FI does not have.
Your posts make me very sad for you.

I am 21 and, yes, this is my first serious relationship.  

ETA he is in his 30's, if that matters.

You are so young and have so much in front of you. Your bf is a burden and if you stay with him you will be dragging his issues around for decades. Decades!!! That's already as long as you have been alive. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

[Deleted User]

emmaaa said:

pinkrevenge said:

-Leave your boyfriend-

You know, after reading what other posters are going through, I'm just that much less impressed with what you put yourself through.
Someone else got punched in the face by her long-time partner. She has to figure out childcare and explaining what's going on to her kids, and getting chores done, and a mortgage, and so much more and it's terrible and she does it anyway, right away, because she knows she has to.

We've done, what? Half a dozen threads where you have nothing really holding you back or tying you down, giving you the same advice over and over and over. Short of doxxing your info, driving out, and physically kidnapping you, the ball is in your court.

And I'm sorry, but nice as you are, you're not worth a felony charge.

Not that I don't agree with most of your comments but this one rubs me the wrong way. Mental and psychological abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse may leave visible bruises and scars, but just because mental abuse doesn't, doesn't mean it isn't serious.

Weren't we all just on the other forum about Ray Rice talking about victim blaming, it's their fault, it's harder to get out of than we think? And then we come here and tell her to leave her FI and we're tired of her drama...seems a little backwards to me.

I want to shake you, Doey and make your realize you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave. And surely, you can understand why PPs are getting tired of the same post when you won't do anything to change, right? 

I never once said emotional abuse is not abuse by pointing out another person's abuse. You're infering things I'm not implying.

CTYankeeBride

I spent four years with (and married) a man who was manipulative and controlling.  I had known him since we were twelve and hadn't seen any signs of this until we were married so I thought the problem had to be me.  Without typing out the ten page saga, suffice it to say that he cheated on me both emotionally and physically and had me convinced that I was crazy and when he couldn't convince me I was crazy anymore (because his girlfriend started leaving things around our home), he convinced me this was my fault because he couldn't trust me. I wasn't allowed to really go anywhere but work (physically I was allowed to but never without such a fight that I just lost any interest in doing so).  He had a habit of flirting with women on social media and of spending entire days e-mailing women and chatting with them online.  He actually had this entire secret online life.

Ultimately (and it wasn't an easy series of decisions to make) I realized that it didn't matter what his behavior was because I couldn't control that.  What mattered was how his behavior was making me feel and it was making me feel like shit.  The promise-breaking, the lying, the yelling, all of the times he let me down.  I realized that it wasn't going to change and that if someone was going to change it was going to have to be me.  Whatever he needed to sort out in his life, I just couldn't allow him to figure it out on my time anymore. 

So please, OP, realize that he has had plenty of chances to change.  He has been given, every day, the opportunity to keep his promises and he has instead chosen to let you down.  What matters here is not what he's doing- someone out there might be fine with all of the things he does- what matters is that you are not fine with these things and it's hurtful and disrespectful to you.  Think about the last time you were genuinely happy.  Realize that is the kind of time you are wasting by continuing this relationship. 

CMGragain

Doeyedo, you are so very, very young!  His age is not important.  You need to experience more life before you commit to one person.  There are so many people who are capable of loving you.  This man cannot.
You need to work on yourself so that you can become the person God means for you to be.  Work on your education.  Find new friends and relationships.  Grow.  Don't settle for less than you deserve.  When you finally are ready for a mature relationship, it will happen.

climbingsingle

You are so young! Why tie yourself to a man like this?? There is a wonderful, exciting world out there and a happier life waiting for you. I hope you realize that soon.

ohannabelle

Oh, for crying out loud, Doeydo, I had no idea you were that young. It explains a lot.

Yes, controlling, manipulative behavior, and blatant disregard and disrespect for someone's emotional well being is indeed emotional abuse. Read up on it.

People are frustrated with you because it's hard watching someone repeatedly bang their head against a brick wall, thinking maybe the next time it won't hurt. 

Move on, or choose to be miserable and hopeless with this cretin for the rest of your life. 

Those are the two choices. 

If you even consider the second choice reasonable, you need to get to a therapist. That's my suggestion.

artbyallie

doeydo said:

CMGragain said:

I disagree with many of the recent pps.  I do not think your FI is abusing you.
I do think that you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not offer you a future.  You are willing to settle for something that is not right for you.  Why? 
Many victims of sexual abuse carry a lifelong feelings of unworthiness, which they often carry over into their daily lives.  You have told us that your FI has disability issues which affect his ability to commit to a responsible relationship.  Yet you continue to stay with him.
Doeyedo, how old are you?  I have the feeling that you are very young.  Have you ever had another serious relationship, or is this the only one?
Some of the anger that is vented in pp's posts are a reflection of our own follies.  I was in love with a manipulative man who liked to control me.  I wasted four good years on a hopeless relationship.  I learned so much.  I didn't repeat my mistake.  I married a man who offered me honesty, commitment and respect.  OK, he's a bit of a control freak, too, but we have honesty and mutual respect for each other, which your relationship with your FI does not have.
Your posts make me very sad for you.

I am 21 and, yes, this is my first serious relationship.  

ETA he is in his 30's, if that matters.

AAAAAA oh fuck no. This makes it so much worse.

You know, 10+ years is not a big deal IF IF IF both people are nearing or over 30. 10+ years is a BIG fucking deal when one of them is barely legal.

No mature 30-something should want a relationship with a 21-year-old.

And I'm so sorry for you that this is your first serious relationship. It's going to hurt to end it, no getting around that. But this--and I know you lack the experience to understand this, but--THIS is not what a loving partnership is.

But don't go fuck the other guy just yet either, please. Or anyone. As I advised you earlier.

misshart00

artbyallie said:

doeydo said:

CMGragain said:

I disagree with many of the recent pps.  I do not think your FI is abusing you.
I do think that you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not offer you a future.  You are willing to settle for something that is not right for you.  Why? 
Many victims of sexual abuse carry a lifelong feelings of unworthiness, which they often carry over into their daily lives.  You have told us that your FI has disability issues which affect his ability to commit to a responsible relationship.  Yet you continue to stay with him.
Doeyedo, how old are you?  I have the feeling that you are very young.  Have you ever had another serious relationship, or is this the only one?
Some of the anger that is vented in pp's posts are a reflection of our own follies.  I was in love with a manipulative man who liked to control me.  I wasted four good years on a hopeless relationship.  I learned so much.  I didn't repeat my mistake.  I married a man who offered me honesty, commitment and respect.  OK, he's a bit of a control freak, too, but we have honesty and mutual respect for each other, which your relationship with your FI does not have.
Your posts make me very sad for you.

I am 21 and, yes, this is my first serious relationship.  

ETA he is in his 30's, if that matters.

AAAAAA oh fuck no. This makes it so much worse.

You know, 10+ years is not a big deal IF IF IF both people are nearing or over 30. 10+ years is a BIG fucking deal when one of them is barely legal.

No mature 30-something should want a relationship with a 21-year-old.

And I'm so sorry for you that this is your first serious relationship. It's going to hurt to end it, no getting around that. But this--and I know you lack the experience to understand this, but--THIS is not what a loving partnership is.

But don't go fuck the other guy just yet either, please. Or anyone. As I advised you earlier.

My H is ten years older than me and I'm in my 20s.

ashley8918

artbyallie said:

doeydo said:

CMGragain said:

I disagree with many of the recent pps.  I do not think your FI is abusing you.
I do think that you are choosing to stay in a relationship that does not offer you a future.  You are willing to settle for something that is not right for you.  Why? 
Many victims of sexual abuse carry a lifelong feelings of unworthiness, which they often carry over into their daily lives.  You have told us that your FI has disability issues which affect his ability to commit to a responsible relationship.  Yet you continue to stay with him.
Doeyedo, how old are you?  I have the feeling that you are very young.  Have you ever had another serious relationship, or is this the only one?
Some of the anger that is vented in pp's posts are a reflection of our own follies.  I was in love with a manipulative man who liked to control me.  I wasted four good years on a hopeless relationship.  I learned so much.  I didn't repeat my mistake.  I married a man who offered me honesty, commitment and respect.  OK, he's a bit of a control freak, too, but we have honesty and mutual respect for each other, which your relationship with your FI does not have.
Your posts make me very sad for you.

I am 21 and, yes, this is my first serious relationship.  

ETA he is in his 30's, if that matters.

AAAAAA oh fuck no. This makes it so much worse.

You know, 10+ years is not a big deal IF IF IF both people are nearing or over 30. 10+ years is a BIG fucking deal when one of them is barely legal.

No mature 30-something should want a relationship with a 21-year-old.

And I'm so sorry for you that this is your first serious relationship. It's going to hurt to end it, no getting around that. But this--and I know you lack the experience to understand this, but--THIS is not what a loving partnership is.

But don't go fuck the other guy just yet either, please. Or anyone. As I advised you earlier.

——–---------------------------------

Whoa, whoa. This is not a fair generalization. "No mature 30-something should want a relationship with a 21-year-old"? Why? What exactly is wrong with that?

To clarify, I think that she needs to drop this piece of shit, stat. But I find your generalization pretty offensive.

BreMR

I generally stay out of these threads because I feel like everything that has happened and all of the advice that is dispensed goes in... one eye and out the other?? 

However, @doeydo, I know that it seems scary and you're not ready to break up with you FI but my current fiance and I split up when we were 22 after six years together AND we had a kid.  Our relationship just wasn't working.. we owned a house together and shared ALL bills.  It felt impossible to break up but I managed it and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. However, it was exactly what we needed to do to know that we wanted to be together.

Here's what I will say.. I personally think you need to get out of that relationship forever...but if you even want a chance to make things work with your bf/fi you need to step back and you need to re-evaluate what it is you want and what he provides you.  YOu may find you can't live without him, or you may find that you can..but you really won't know until you step away.

emmaaa

pinkrevenge said:

emmaaa said:

pinkrevenge said:

-Leave your boyfriend-

You know, after reading what other posters are going through, I'm just that much less impressed with what you put yourself through.
Someone else got punched in the face by her long-time partner. She has to figure out childcare and explaining what's going on to her kids, and getting chores done, and a mortgage, and so much more and it's terrible and she does it anyway, right away, because she knows she has to.

We've done, what? Half a dozen threads where you have nothing really holding you back or tying you down, giving you the same advice over and over and over. Short of doxxing your info, driving out, and physically kidnapping you, the ball is in your court.

And I'm sorry, but nice as you are, you're not worth a felony charge.

Not that I don't agree with most of your comments but this one rubs me the wrong way. Mental and psychological abuse is just as serious as physical abuse. Physical abuse may leave visible bruises and scars, but just because mental abuse doesn't, doesn't mean it isn't serious.

Weren't we all just on the other forum about Ray Rice talking about victim blaming, it's their fault, it's harder to get out of than we think? And then we come here and tell her to leave her FI and we're tired of her drama...seems a little backwards to me.

I want to shake you, Doey and make your realize you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to leave. And surely, you can understand why PPs are getting tired of the same post when you won't do anything to change, right? 

I never once said emotional abuse is not abuse by pointing out another person's abuse. You're infering things I'm not implying.


I'm sorry, I just interpreted it that way but understand that's not what you meant now. I do think Doeydo seeing the strength Seneca has had could ultimately be beneficial to her.

NYCMercedes

You're so much better than all this shit from him and you deserve better. I wish you'd what it's like to have someone totally cherish you. That will happen if you are available. Leave.

emcme22

So according to the thing @raissyrais posted in July of 2013 your ticker said you guys had been together 4 years and 10 months.  And you're 21 right now.  So a guy in his early 30's-late 20's was dating a 15/16 year old? That just seems all kinds of wrong, especially with what you've said about him.

beethery

emcmac87 said:

So according to the thing @raissyrais posted in July of 2013 your ticker said you guys had been together 4 years and 10 months.  And you're 21 right now.  So a guy in his early 30's-late 20's was dating a 15/16 year old? That just seems all kinds of wrong, especially with what you've said about him.

Oh god, I hadn't even done that math. This is so fucked up.

lurkergirl

emcmac87 said:

So according to the thing @raissyrais posted in July of 2013 your ticker said you guys had been together 4 years and 10 months.  And you're 21 right now.  So a guy in his early 30's-late 20's was dating a 15/16 year old? That just seems all kinds of wrong, especially with what you've said about him.

Oh what in the fucking fuck?!

Sugargirl1019

beethery said:

emcmac87 said:

So according to the thing @raissyrais posted in July of 2013 your ticker said you guys had been together 4 years and 10 months.  And you're 21 right now.  So a guy in his early 30's-late 20's was dating a 15/16 year old? That just seems all kinds of wrong, especially with what you've said about him.

Oh god, I hadn't even done that math. This is so fucked up.

Unfortunately I'm thinking pedophile, but now his little girl isn't so little anymore and he wants what the internet can give him.

Senecaf

In this case, his age does matter. If he was late 20s/early 30s when you started dating almost five years ago and you are having the issues you are currently having there are problems and age is a part of that.

Doey you were quick to give me good advice. it came to you easily because you had heard it time and time again. Please recognize that all of that applies to you too. there is absolutely no reason for you to stay. He needs you? How did he manage before you? You need him? Nah, you just think you do. You love him? that is fine, love him form afar. Let him love you. and if he makes you feel bad about leaving then there is no way you can say it isn't abusive. It is. you just have to see it yourself.

Plus, who doesn't want to have sex with a willing 21 year old?!

beethery

Sugargirl1019 said:

emcmac87 said:

So according to the thing @raissyrais posted in July of 2013 your ticker said you guys had been together 4 years and 10 months.  And you're 21 right now.  So a guy in his early 30's-late 20's was dating a 15/16 year old? That just seems all kinds of wrong, especially with what you've said about him.

Oh god, I hadn't even done that math. This is so fucked up.

Unfortunately I'm thinking pedophile, but now his little girl isn't so little anymore and he wants what the internet can give him.

First thought that came to mind: GROOMING.