I don't know what to do! Vent

bwy

So, I still live at home with my parents. My parents offered to pay for the wedding, but they haven't given me a budget or any sort of actual 'OK' to start actually planning, and my mom said she really wants to plan it with me. The problem is that my mom works so much that she barely gets a free moment until like 10 PM, and there's not a whole lot of visiting places or shopping for dresses. I have to get married the week between Christmas and New Years, because my FI joined the army and he was guaranteed to be home for those days, so we are really down to the hair and need to start NOW, but my mom is literally working all the time, BUT she wants to plan it with me, so I really don't know what to do. It's not like I can say "Hey mom stop working and help me" but I don't know what to do and every day I wait is a day that the venues I like could get taken.  

(Also I'm sure this comes off as spoiled and I'm sorry.) 

OliveOilsMom

bc+rw16 said:

So, I still live at home with my parents. My parents offered to pay for the wedding, but they haven't given me a budget or any sort of actual 'OK' to start actually planning, and my mom said she really wants to plan it with me. The problem is that my mom works so much that she barely gets a free moment until like 10 PM, and there's not a whole lot of visiting places or shopping for dresses. I have to get married the week between Christmas and New Years, because my FI joined the army and he was guaranteed to be home for those days, so we are really down to the hair and need to start NOW, but my mom is literally working all the time, BUT she wants to plan it with me, so I really don't know what to do. It's not like I can say "Hey mom stop working and help me" but I don't know what to do and every day I wait is a day that the venues I like could get taken.  

(Also I'm sure this comes off as spoiled and I'm sorry.) 

I don't think this comes off as spoiled.  You were given a gift and the strings to the gift were that it was to be planned together withyour mom.  But you have this time chrunch.

First, if you can speak with your FI, find out what your budget it between you two as if you had paid for the wedding.  Start with this budget to research venues.

Next time you can speak with your mom tell her.  "Mom, I love you and FI and I are so gracious to the gift you and dad are providing us, by paying for our wedding.  But with 3 months to go, we need to start planning ASAP.  I know you want to help me plan, but I also know you have a crazy work schedule.  So how can we work this out?"  Then listen to what your mom says.

If she seems to not have an idea of when she can actually help you plan, then start planning the wedding on your own with your own budget.  If/when your mom is able to help or gift you the money physically to finish planning, you can add onto your current plans/budget.

bekt14

I would ask her to spend an evening creating a checklist/timeline of when you need to finish planning each detail. Then both of you will be more aware of when she needs to spend time with you to go over the details. If there is a visual timeline and due dates for both of you to follow, it will be easier to be intentional about spending time together. Otherwise, it's easy to procrastinate and keep putting it off or forget. 

Couggal12

Is it possible you can do a little preliminary research on venues and whatnot and then show them to your mom? I understand she wants to plan it with you but, you could say "Mom, I've looked up a few places online and was curious what you thought of these. Do you want to research  more places with me? With your schedule and needing to get married within the next 3 months we need to try to find something really soon otherwise it's a risk that most venues will be booked up."

bwy

Couggal12 said:

Is it possible you can do a little preliminary research on venues and whatnot and then show them to your mom? I understand she wants to plan it with you but, you could say "Mom, I've looked up a few places online and was curious what you thought of these. Do you want to research  more places with me? With your schedule and needing to get married within the next 3 months we need to try to find something really soon otherwise it's a risk that most venues will be booked up."

I've already sent her several venues I like, she said she started to look at them but got side-tracked.  

Couggal12

bc+rw16 said:

Couggal12 said:

Is it possible you can do a little preliminary research on venues and whatnot and then show them to your mom? I understand she wants to plan it with you but, you could say "Mom, I've looked up a few places online and was curious what you thought of these. Do you want to research  more places with me? With your schedule and needing to get married within the next 3 months we need to try to find something really soon otherwise it's a risk that most venues will be booked up."

I've already sent her several venues I like, she said she started to look at them but got side-tracked.  

That sounds so frustrating

The only other thing I can think of is to try to start coming up with a plan to pay for a wedding by yourself. It's very kind and gracious that your parents want to help you pay for the wedding but, with the time constraints you have it might not work out. 

jackannlu

I had this problem as well. My parents generously offered to pay for my wedding but they wouldn't give me a set budget so I had to rely on my mom a lot. My mom travels A LOT and when she is in town, she barely has time. I explained to her my concerns with planning a wedding on her schedule and she understood me. She then gave me a few days she knew she would be in town and would dedicate to wedding planning, and that's when I scheduled venue visits and dress shopping. We picked the venue and bought the dress on those days! Once you get those two items, I feel it will be easier.

So my advice: talk to your mom and explain your concerns. If she really wants to help plan your wedding, I bet she will be more than willing to carve some time out of her schedule to do so!

Sugargirl1019

I would discuss venues with your FI, then present three to mom and say "we are going to visit on these days and times." Or get her input on when she can go visit. If she can't, it's going to be hard giving the venue the deposit without her there when you do make a decision.

I'd do most of the work, and give your mom a small group of options to help make a decision about. Tell your mom your ideas and then say, I'm having trouble deciding between an aisle runner or no aisle runner. And she can give you opinions about either or. She might not know what to do first, there's so much.

bwy

Well she said she likes the venue that's my favorite and that it's okay for me to go try on dresses with my FSIL tomorrow and if I like one we'll look at it again together. And we're going with FSIL to see the venue she wants tomorrow too, so that's exciting. I do feel bad for her because she's helping plan both my brother's and my weddings with a lot on her plate from work.