Boutonniere for the Ring Bearer

kellyem2

I've been looking over a few flower guides and it seems like generally the ring bearer is given a boutonniere that matches the other groomsmen.

My issue is that by the time my wedding rolls around my ring bearer (the groom's cousin) will be around 19 months old. I'm concerned that if he's given a boutonniere he'll either pull on it, put pieces in his mouth or hurt himself with the pin. I've babysat this child many times and I've found he has a strong tendency to put things in his mouth. My mom seems to agree with me on this but my mother in law to be has insisted multiple times that I really should provide a flower for the ring bearer. The mother of our ring bearer hasn't expressed a preference either way.

We are planning on having him carry a stuffed owl which will match owl buttons the other groomsmen will have on their boutonnieres so he does have something that ties him in with the rest of the guys.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Is a traditional boutonniere typically given to a child this young or should we skip it?

I'm also open to any suggestions that might be a bit more toddler-friendly if anybody has any.

CMGragain

A 19 month old baby should not be a member of your wedding party at all.  He is too young to understand what is happening.  Most priests and ministers would forbid this.  People may not say it to your face, but you will be side-eyed if you put him on display.  Talk to his mother.
Have the child sit with his parents, or his grandparents.  You can take lots of pictures with him later.  There is no reason to have him subjected to the stress of being in the processional or ceremony.  A perfect age for a ring bearer is about 6 years.

kellyem2

I definitely agree. I didn't want this child to be in the wedding party because I thought the age was inappropriate but I was sort of pushed into having him there by the groom's family. He's the only child on that side so I think they're a bit unrealistic when it comes to realizing what a child is truly capable of managing.
I'm planning on having him walk down the aisle (probably with a parent) then sit with his family for the duration of the ceremony. Frankly if he manages to get down the aisle at all and sit through the ceremony without having to be taken into the hallway I'll consider it a miracle.

Since there's not really a way at this point to remove him from the proceedings, what should I do about accessories? I don't think a boutonniere is appropriate, but I'm kind of caught between the relatives regarding what to do here.

mrscomposer

My sister had a young ring bearer also - he walked with his bridesmaid mom down the aisle and then sat with his dad.  He had a little boutonniere to match the groomsmen, but it was fixed with a magnet instead of a pin.  He was a little older than your nephew, so I think he was okay with not touching it when told not to, but at least it was a magnet so they could pull it off quickly if they saw he was starting to play with it.

Senecaf

I think it would be ok to skip the bout for him. If it bill be an issue it doesn't seem worth the hassle

CMGragain

jsangel1018 said:

My sister had a young ring bearer also - he walked with his bridesmaid mom down the aisle and then sat with his dad.  He had a little boutonniere to match the groomsmen, but it was fixed with a magnet instead of a pin.  He was a little older than your nephew, so I think he was okay with not touching it when told not to, but at least it was a magnet so they could pull it off quickly if they saw he was starting to play with it.

A magnet is one of the most dangerous things to have around a baby!  If he swallows it, it is an immediate trip to the emergency room!  Don't do this!

mrscomposer

I totally forgot when you said that your cousin has a strong tendency to put things in his mouth - my cousin's son doesn't.  I agree with CMGragrain!  Skip the bout - the stuffed owl will be adorable.

cafarrie

You could ask your florist to make a really small wrist corsage if you want to get him a flower.  It could be the same as the bout's just on an elastic band with no pins or anything.  

You could get a nice silk flower that matches your bout's and literally sew it to his lapel.  Looks the same but he CAN'T remove it. 

holyguacamole79

I honestly couldn't tell you if the ring bearer at the last wedding I attended had a bout or not.  Could you use a safety pin to avoid having sharp edges exposed?

leideigh

wow way too young! stuffed animal or a little lei or hat or something. or an adorable special tie.

MobKaz

Your MIL has no business dictating decisions to you. Is this her grandson? She is treating him as a prop. The decision is yours to make, and does not need to be shared with your FMIL. If she brings it up again, simply tell her you are keeping his health and safety first and foremost in your mind, which trumps anything else. Then change the subject.