Bridesmaids with Some College Roommates but Not Others?

mrsdee15

Hi Everyone! This is my first official post!  

We are still quite a ways out (almost 11 months), but my fiancé has already asked the guys he wants to be his groomsmen to be in the party.  It all happened really suddenly, and now these guys are just SOEXCITEDDD to go to Vegas for the bachelor party (several of them have small children).  But I digress.  Anyway, I went to college at UCSB, where I lived with the same group of ladies, more or less, for my sophomore - senior years.  I still talk with two fairly frequently, but every so often hear from four others.  I have been thinking a lot about who to ask to be in my bridal party (I know I'm some ways out and won't officially make the decision for a few months), but I am seriously considering asking the two I still speak with often.  I don't want this to make the others feel like I don't care as much about them, and I really value all of their friendships, and they will all be invited to the wedding.  Can I do this properly within etiquette and within reason?  I don't want to upset anyone.

Also as a side note, one of the two I would like to ask said she would be happy if she was never a bridesmaid again.  That was far before we got engaged.  Am I basically making her miserable by asking her?  She's really important to me and I don't want to cause any problems.

Thank you in advance!! I really appreciate all insight.

southernbelle0915

mrsdee15 said:

Hi Everyone! This is my first official post!  

We are still quite a ways out (almost 11 months), but my fiancé has already asked the guys he wants to be his groomsmen to be in the party.  It all happened really suddenly, and now these guys are just SOEXCITEDDD to go to Vegas for the bachelor party (several of them have small children).  But I digress.  Anyway, I went to college at UCSB, where I lived with the same group of ladies, more or less, for my sophomore - senior years.  I still talk with two fairly frequently, but every so often hear from four others.  I have been thinking a lot about who to ask to be in my bridal party (I know I'm some ways out and won't officially make the decision for a few months), but I am seriously considering asking the two I still speak with often.  I don't want this to make the others feel like I don't care as much about them, and I really value all of their friendships, and they will all be invited to the wedding.  Can I do this properly within etiquette and within reason?  I don't want to upset anyone.

Also as a side note, one of the two I would like to ask said she would be happy if she was never a bridesmaid again.  That was far before we got engaged.  Am I basically making her miserable by asking her?  She's really important to me and I don't want to cause any problems.

Thank you in advance!! I really appreciate all insight.

Etiquette wise - you can ask whoever you want or no one if you want. Only ask who you want. Don't ask a bunch of people because you feel like you should.

I went to a wedding this weekend where the bride and I were good high school friends. She only asked two of our high school girlfriends to be BMs (not me or the 6 other girls she invited to the wedding). None of us had hard feelings and we were honored to be included as guests. We're not as tight with her any more, so that's life. If people are upset by this, they probably haven't planned a wedding before - if they have planned a wedding, they understand not every person in the world can be a BM.

Regarding the one who said she'd never want to be a BM again, she was probably a BM in the wedding of a bridezilla who thought BMs were brideslaves/props for pretty pictures and not guests of honor. To avoid this when your wedding, keep in mind that you should ask each BM privately for their dress budget. Go under the lowest budget to allow for shipping/alteration costs. That's all you should require. No meetings, no crafts, no stuffing envelopes, no "jobs" the day of. Nothing. They are not required to throw you any parties - if they offer great. If they don't, oh well. If you want them to wear certain jewelry/shoes/accessories or to get their hair done, you pay for it. My guess is she was probably asked to do all of the no-no stuff and hated it. Who wouldn't?

Maggie0829

You are over thinking this.  Ask who you want.  Make sure you ask each person separately so that there is zero pressure from others to say yes if they in fact don't want to be a BM.

mrsdee15

Thank you for your replies!! And I'll definitely keep all of that in mind, SouthernBelle