Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cash Bar? Dollar Dance? Cocktail Hour?

135

Re: Cash Bar? Dollar Dance? Cocktail Hour?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    kavo0406 said:
    It is a midwest thing to go to the local bars (I'm from ND so it happens at pretty much every wedding) it happened at the weddings I've gone to in MN, WI and upper MI (mind you, all of these where smaller towns - not in cities like Minneapolis or Milwaukee) 
    But I get what you are saying about a very long gap - like 2-3 hours - which is why I'm going to push to get most of my pictures done BEFORE the ceremony - so we only have about 30 minutes worth of pics afterwards and can then get most of the 1 hr minimum from the limo/bus that is required - thus making our cocktail "hour" into a cocktail "hour and 15 minutes" which will be fully hosted - and then would lead right into our buffet, cake and dance,....and then afterwards when we have to close down anyone who wants to come with us to do an after party and hit the rest of the bars in the area can do so. 
    I do appreciate all the opinions and comments (the helpful - not rude ones).
    Sorry still don't understand why you have to hit up bars during cocktail hour.  Why not just join your guests at the venue you are paying for and eat the food and drinks that you are paying for as well?

    holyguacamole79sarawifenowPrettyGirlLost
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If I went to a wedding and found out that the cocktail hour was 2+ hours because the Bride and Groom wanted to go do shots at their local bar, I would be incredibly offended.  I have a lot of things I could be doing, and I took time and money to go attend your wedding.  

    If you get all the pictures done before hand and use that cocktail hour to go do shots, well, I think it's a little tacky/pointless, but sure, go ahead and do it. 

    FWIW: Dollar dances are popular in my family.  I won't be having one.  It's tacky.  


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    cowgirl8238PrettyGirlLostAshes_3jnrsgirl
  • kavo0406 said:
    That is a possibility - we may end the reception at 1030 though - since we have to have everyone and everything out by midnight so having the last dance/last call gives us enough time to do that and we have a dj for 4 hours so I have to use all that time also. 
    I do like the idea of having anyone who wants to go out with us after for kind of an "afterparty" type thing 

    You have the DJ for 4 hours? So that means 4pm (when cocktail hour starts) until 8pm only! Or were you going to do something separate for the music for cocktail hour, and then you can have the DJ from 5pm until 9pm?  I assume the dancing is in the same room as dinner, as that's how I"ve almost always seen in. I've never seen people go from one music set up to another while in the same room...what are you planning to do? You really do need music during cocktail hour and dinner. 
    PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]luckysnorkel
  • We are a very loud family - both my and my fiance's are - so honestly my family would never know the difference. 
    However, the dj that I got threw in 2 hours free so he would be there from about 4 until 10ish
    And to address how are people rude...not getting the answers I "wanted"...it's in your judgmental delivery/tone....things like saying I'm trying to be selfish....I knew i wouldn't get the answers I "wanted" but I didn't expect to get attacked personally.  I expected constructive criticism with some advice on how I could adjust things. (and yes I am aware that dropping the bar hopping is a way to adjust it)  Also since I am getting some form of transportation, I am paying for that too so I should get the most of that also since it is an hour minimum on the weekends. 
  • So even though my family is the one paying for the limo/party bus (without me asking for it) it still makes me rude even though they all said here we are getting this for you so you can do this (again without me asking/bringing it up to anyone in my family) - and no - saying no was not an option they said we ARE doing this for you, end of discussion.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kavo0406 said:
    So even though my family is the one paying for the limo/party bus (without me asking for it) it still makes me rude even though they all said here we are getting this for you so you can do this (again without me asking/bringing it up to anyone in my family) - and no - saying no was not an option they said we ARE doing this for you, end of discussion.
    Actually saying no was an option.  And yes, even though they are paying for it I find it still rude on your part to basically abandon the rest of your guests because you "have" to use it for the minimum time.  No, you don't have to use it for the minimum time.  You can certainly enjoy the ride in the bus from your ceremony to reception with the rest of your wedding party by drinking a glass of champagne or beer or wine or whatever the hell you want.  But you don't have to stop at bars to drink up before your reception.

    esstee33PrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]jnrsgirl
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    kavo0406 said:
    So even though my family is the one paying for the limo/party bus (without me asking for it) it still makes me rude even though they all said here we are getting this for you so you can do this (again without me asking/bringing it up to anyone in my family) - and no - saying no was not an option they said we ARE doing this for you, end of discussion.

    SIB

    Did all your guests chip in and tell you to go ahead and leave them be while you go have your own party while they're left to entertain themselves?
    Anniversary

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    sarawifenowesstee33PrettyGirlLost
  • kavo0406kavo0406 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2014
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was $100; so how is that my fault and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. 
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    I didn't suggest you drive around in the limo for a half an hour.  I suggested that you enjoy the 15 minute or so trip from your ceremony directly to your reception venue in the bus with a glass of bubbly.

    I don't need to know you to think that what you are planning is rude.  If a friend of mine did this I would think she was rude as well.  And telling you that what you are doing makes you rude is not attacking your character but rather the thing that you are planning on doing.  You may be the nicest person in the world but you leaving your guests to ride around in a party bus for an hour and bar hop is a rude thing to do and could make people see you as rude and selfish.

    And sorry, but if this is a family tradition, it is a rude one.  Just because everyone seems so hunky dory with it on the outside does not mean that they feel the same way on the inside and just go along with it because it is "tradition."

    esstee33PrettyGirlLostlightningsnowjnrsgirl
  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
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    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Do you actually need the party bus? If your ceremony and reception are in the same place (or a few blocks away) you can probably cancel the party bus/limo and then just go to the cocktail hour when your pictures are done.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
    PrettyGirlLostjnrsgirl
  • They aren't in the same place or a few blocks - the ceremony is going to be in a state park.
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 

    **SITB** 

    You can call it "family tradition" all you want and try to provide the myriad justifications you've attempted to use to find a loophole around it, but this party bus during your extra-long cocktail "hour" thing is rude. There is no background you could possibly give that would make it not rude. Basically everyone has told you that the party bus bar hopping thing is great and awesome and super fun if you'd just do it after your reception and not let your guests just wait around for you while you party elsewhere.

    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
     
    SITB...again
    OP, I am curious as to what the bolded means.
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  • One PP said that if I can pay for a bus/limo then I should be able to pay for liquor for my guests (which was one of the issues way at the beginning me hosting beer, wine and soda and then if they want mixed drinks they're on their own aka cash bar) So with that being said, I was wondering why the PP felt that I should pay more for liquor, when I'm not the one paying for the bus/limo.   
  • @kavo0406 - so what are you going to do?
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  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014

    OP--Oh ok. I think I follow what you are saying now. Could you not see if your parents would upgrade the bar instead of doing the bus?

     

    ETA: I just realized I am generalizing by assuming your parents are paying when you said family. Please take that as could your family upgrade the bar instead of doing the bus.

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  • kavo0406kavo0406 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited September 2014
    @southernbell0915 - what am I going to to about what?
    @SaraBrideSoon - upgrading the bar would be way more expensive than a bus/limo as our families can drink....and I mean REALLY drink.  They would drink over $100 in mixes just in cocktail hour.
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited September 2014
    GAH. double post.
  • ashley8918ashley8918 Chicago Suburbs member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Oh, also
     Cash bar: NO 
    Dollar Dance: HELL NO. 
    Cocktail Hour: Should be 1 hour long. Skip the tacky bar-hopping while your guests wait for you.
    esstee33Ashes_3jnrsgirl
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2014
    kavo0406 said:
    We are a very loud family - both my and my fiance's are - so honestly my family would never know the difference. 
    However, the dj that I got threw in 2 hours free so he would be there from about 4 until 10ish
    And to address how are people rude...not getting the answers I "wanted"...it's in your judgmental delivery/tone....things like saying I'm trying to be selfish....I knew i wouldn't get the answers I "wanted" but I didn't expect to get attacked personally.  No one attacked you personally.  I think you need to learn what that phrase actually means.  Saying you are being selfish is not an attack, it's an opinion.  The whole point of asking for our opinions is to get objective answers from us, and just because we aren't validating your ideas does not make all of our posts judgmental.  Some are judgmental because honestly some of what you are planning on doing is just rude.  I expected constructive criticism with some advice on how I could adjust things.   And that is exactly what you got from us.  Again, not validating your bar hopping tour idea doesn't make us rude nor constitutes a personal attack.  (and yes I am aware that dropping the bar hopping is a way to adjust it)  Also since I am getting some form of transportation, I am paying for that too so I should get the most of that also since it is an hour minimum on the weekends. 


    kavo0406 said:
    I am not funding the party bus......my family is.....and it was something like $100 or so; so how is that my fault (when I already said that I said no and they said we ARE doing this end of discussion) and why should I have to pay for liquor then when I'm not even the one paying for the limo/bus? And how is any different if we just drove around on the limo/bus for a half hour and drank on there (which is what my cousin recently did at a wedding she was in) or if we stopped at a bar for 5 mins, each had a shot and left and got back on the bus? 
    Also, I think we will only host the beer, wine and soda and do as others have suggested and just leave the liquor off the self as to not tempt anyone. 
    So, you all can think that I'm being rude/selfish whatever, but the fact is - you are all being rude by being so judgmental of someone who you don't personally know.  I tried to give you all a little background as to why I am going to do somethings, but that didn't mean an open invite to attack my character and my families traditions. Suggestions or advice on other options where expected, but saying things like it's still rude - it's basically saying that my entire family and circle of friends is rude for doing something that they have always done.
    I have fixed the time gap by pushing our ceremony back and then fixed the original issue of serving appetizers after drinks, they will be served at the same time. 
    Yeah well welcome to the harsh reality that what you and your family and your circle of friends do, is in fact, rude.  You have multiple posters from all over the US, some from the very region you claim accepts this bar hopping tour nonsense, telling you that this practice is rude. 

    You have also had several posters relate their first hand experience of weddings they attended where the couple did this, and how they felt it was rude, a waste of their time, and offensive.

    There's no other way to slice it- this tradition of yours is rude.  Period.

    Many people come to this boards to discover that their family traditions of the things done in their circle are actually viewed as rude by the greater population, so no one is attacking you.  Stop being overly sensitive and defensive.

    Have your bar hopping bus tour, but own that decision and realize that it's a rude thing to do to your guests and that even though it's "accepted" in your circle, you will likely have guests in attendance that find this practice to be rude and have always thought so, but are polite enough not to bitch about it at the reception.  You can be sure they will bitch about it after the fact though.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    esstee33luckysnorkel
  • kavo0406 said:
    @southernbell0915 - what am I going to to about what?
    @SaraBrideSoon - upgrading the bar would be way more expensive than a bus/limo as our families can drink....and I mean REALLY drink.  They would drink over $100 in mixes just in cocktail hour.
    Your cash bar, the dollar dance and your bar hopping...
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    sarawifenow
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    kavo0406 said:
    @southernbell0915 - what am I going to to about what?
    @SaraBrideSoon - upgrading the bar would be way more expensive than a bus/limo as our families can drink....and I mean REALLY drink.  They would drink over $100 in mixes just in cocktail hour.
    Your cash bar, the dollar dance and your bar hopping...

    I wonder this, too.
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