Wedding Reception Forum

Alcohol at the Reception

So here's my dilemma.  Having been around alcohol and alcoholics, I have convinced myself that having an open bar will result in people getting unruly and someone saying something they shouldn't and causing a disturbance.  FI says that if we don't provide alcohol, a lot of people won't dance and that it will totally change the dynamic of the reception.  I want people to have a good time and FI agrees that an open bar could cause issues, so it seems like a cash bar might be the way to go.  I'm wondering though, if there may be another way without making the guests pay for their own drinks.  Would a drink ticket system be rude?  Like allow people over the age of 21 3 drinks or something? Or are the only options dry reception, cash bar, open bar? Thanks!

Re: Alcohol at the Reception

  • Cash bar is not an option, it's really rude. And it does nothing to discourage drinking, because drunks happily pay to get drunk. The only thing a cash bar accomplishes is to offend your well mannered guests.
  • You know bars around the world EVERY SINGLE NIGHT prove that people will get drunk on their own dime right?

    So if the only reason you want to have a cash bar is to cut down on possible drunk people I think you will be disappointed.


    I'm totally 100% AGAINST any guest having to open their wallet.   I've never attended a wedding that didn't have an open bar of some sort.  Some are full open bars, some no shots, some only beer and wine.  But not once have I had to open my wallet.  Not once have I seen unruly ass holes.   Are they out there? Yes.  It's just been my own experience those are the exception not the rule for weddings.

    At least in my experience when people are dressed up and see grandma and great-aunt Helen around they tend to tone it down a little.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Cash bars are inappropriate. Guests should never pay for anything at your wedding. And like Lynda pointed out, people can still get drunk if they pay for alcohol.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Drink tickets won't work. The people who don't drink (or don't drink much) will give them to the guests who want to get drunk.

    It's better to have a dry wedding if you're that concerned about people getting drunk.

    Keep in mind that a good bartender will cut people off when it's obvious they've had too much to drink. You can raise this issue with your bartender if you are concerned. You could also ask your coordinator to remove people.

    Additionally, while people CAN get drunk on beer and wine, offering beer and wine only might curb some of the heavy drinking. It also prevents people from doing shots. (Though, if you decide to offer liquor, you can tell your bartender shots are not allowed.)
  • Cash bars and drink tickets are rude. You have two options: a dry wedding or an open bar.

    I personally find it silly to try to control the behaviors of adults. 99% of the wedding I've attended have been open bar. Did some people get drunk? Yes. Did any of them end with fighting or a brawl? Nope.
  • I've been to a dozen open bar full liquor weddings. No one has ever gotten so drunk they have disrupted the wedding.
  • I say just do a beer and wine only bar. Have it open for only a couple of hours. That way you are limiting intake.
  • I think your best bet is a limited bar or a dry wedding. Beer and wine will not stop someone who wants to get drunk from getting drunk, but it might slow them down a bit. But a good bartender will solve all of your concerns.

    There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding, but it may have less of a party feel.
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    Anniversary
  • I say just do a beer and wine only bar. Have it open for only a couple of hours. That way you are limiting intake.

    This is not a good idea. Either have it available all night or not. It would be annoying and awkward to be drinking whatever and then go back for another only to discover the bar was now closed.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • No, please don't do a cash bar!  Hire a good, licensed bartender and go with either an open bar, or open beer/wine.  A good bartender will cut people off once they are too intoxicated.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • So here's my dilemma.  Having been around alcohol and alcoholics, I have convinced myself that having an open bar will result in people getting unruly and someone saying something they shouldn't and causing a disturbance.  FI says that if we don't provide alcohol, a lot of people won't dance and that it will totally change the dynamic of the reception.  I want people to have a good time and FI agrees that an open bar could cause issues, so it seems like a cash bar might be the way to go.  I'm wondering though, if there may be another way without making the guests pay for their own drinks.  Would a drink ticket system be rude?  Like allow people over the age of 21 3 drinks or something? Or are the only options dry reception, cash bar, open bar? Thanks!
    No cash bar!  That's rude.  Either host the bar the entire night or have nothing at all.  Personally, I'd have the open bar.  I'm not going to deny all my guests alcohol just because I'm afraid that someone might get drunk.
  • Another vote for no cash bar. The lack of dancing issue depends on your crowd. I was at a dry wedding several years ago (the couple doesn't drink for religious reasons) and there was still plenty of dancing.
  • FI was actually the one who suggested the cash bar and I pretty much had the same opinion as far as people will just pay to get drunk.  I like the idea of the limited open bar though.  You all are super helpful!  Thanks so much!
  • scribe95 said:
    So you are going to punish all your guests who can responsibly handle alcohol by making them pay just because someone MIGHT get out of control? This is insane.
    I didn't mean it to be a punishment to not have alcohol.  I didn't realize it would be that rude to have no alcohol at a wedding.  I'm really really new to this whole planning a wedding thing and will probably end up having to do pretty much everything myself.  I've only been to 4 weddings ever and 1 one of them I was too young to remember, 2 of them were dry receptions (although at one of the the father of the bride was handing out moonshine behind the barn) and one of them was a cash bar.  All of the weddings I've been to have been completely different so I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.  I'm not trying to be rude or anything.  That's why I'm asking questions, though, because I'm totally alone in figuring this stuff out and have no idea what I'm doing.
  • scribe95 said:
    So you are going to punish all your guests who can responsibly handle alcohol by making them pay just because someone MIGHT get out of control? This is insane.
    I didn't mean it to be a punishment to not have alcohol.  I didn't realize it would be that rude to have no alcohol at a wedding.  I'm really really new to this whole planning a wedding thing and will probably end up having to do pretty much everything myself.  I've only been to 4 weddings ever and 1 one of them I was too young to remember, 2 of them were dry receptions (although at one of the the father of the bride was handing out moonshine behind the barn) and one of them was a cash bar.  All of the weddings I've been to have been completely different so I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.  I'm not trying to be rude or anything.  That's why I'm asking questions, though, because I'm totally alone in figuring this stuff out and have no idea what I'm doing.
    Having a dry wedding is not rude.  But having alcohol and making your guests pay for it if they want it is rude.  There is a difference.

    Cash bars are rude because the reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony.  So guests should be hosted fully (whether that be a full open bar, a limited bar, or just non-alcoholic beverages) and they should never have to open their wallets.  Remember it is a thank you so it wouldn't be appropriate to have your guests basically pay for part of their thank you gift.

  • scribe95 said:
    So you are going to punish all your guests who can responsibly handle alcohol by making them pay just because someone MIGHT get out of control? This is insane.
    I didn't mean it to be a punishment to not have alcohol.  I didn't realize it would be that rude to have no alcohol at a wedding.  I'm really really new to this whole planning a wedding thing and will probably end up having to do pretty much everything myself.  I've only been to 4 weddings ever and 1 one of them I was too young to remember, 2 of them were dry receptions (although at one of the the father of the bride was handing out moonshine behind the barn) and one of them was a cash bar.  All of the weddings I've been to have been completely different so I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.  I'm not trying to be rude or anything.  That's why I'm asking questions, though, because I'm totally alone in figuring this stuff out and have no idea what I'm doing.
    Having a dry wedding is not rude.  But having alcohol and making your guests pay for it if they want it is rude.  There is a difference.

    Cash bars are rude because the reception is a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony.  So guests should be hosted fully (whether that be a full open bar, a limited bar, or just non-alcoholic beverages) and they should never have to open their wallets.  Remember it is a thank you so it wouldn't be appropriate to have your guests basically pay for part of their thank you gift.
    Gotcha.  Thanks!
  • I've been at some weddings where there was table-side wine service during the meal. Depending on how they did it, I either drank a lot less or a lot more than usual! If they were slow coming around with the wine, I drank less. If they filled me up every time I took a sip I drank more. Just another thing to consider. 

  • While there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding, I feel that the REASON you want one is a punishment in a way for those who are responsible adults.  You are basically saying "I think a few people may get out of hand, so none of you are getting a drink."  

    To be fair, if someone told me that they are not offering cake because they have a couple of people who are overweight I would feel the same way.   There is no rule that says you have to have cake, but your reason for not "punishes" those who are not overweight.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    While there is nothing wrong with a dry wedding, I feel that the REASON you want one is a punishment in a way for those who are responsible adults.  You are basically saying "I think a few people may get out of hand, so none of you are getting a drink."  

    To be fair, if someone told me that they are not offering cake because they have a couple of people who are overweight I would feel the same way.   There is no rule that says you have to have cake, but your reason for not "punishes" those who are not overweight.
    Gotcha.  Thanks.  Like I said, I just didn't know that since I've never been to an open bar wedding.  I will make sure that if there is alcohol, it is free.
  • Most of the weddings I go to are full open bar, with a few just beer/wine in the mix. Neither has ever been a problem. 

    Presumably your guests are adults and can handle themselves as such. If you're worried about drinking and driving, put the phone numbers for a couple cab companies in the bathroom.
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  • I've been to a pretty even number of cash bar and open bar weddings. I've actually never been to a beer/wine only wedding (although, that's basically what we're planning...beer, wine, and a signature drink or two). 

    I can tell you that there have been drunken, disruptive idiots as both cash bar and open bar weddings, and polite and respectful drinking with no drunks at both cash bar and open bar weddings. Essentially, if people are going to get drunken and disruptive, they're going to do it regardless of whether they have to pay or not.

    Personally, my drinking has never been dependent on if it was cash bar or not. I've gotten drunk at cash bar weddings, and barely buzzed at open bar weddings. It just depends on the people, the environment, and my mood. 
  • wandajune6wandajune6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2014
    Someone threw up on the dance floor at the first wedding I attended with a cash bar. It was ugly.

    I'll drink less at events when there is a cash bar but mainly because it doesn't occur to me that I might have to pay for my own drinks-- I'll inevitably have no cash and the place makes it too difficult to pay with a card. It's annoying.

    Have an open bar or a dry wedding. Don't do a cash bar.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2014
    I've been a guest at over 50 weddings. I've worked over 100-150+ weddings.  I've attended and/or worked at countless other open bar events in my lifetime.   I worked full-time on sailboats (held up to 49 people) that had open bars for 15 YEARS.

    I've seen some drunk people.  Not going to lie.  But the vast majority of people at the open bar events I've attended/worked were fine and respectable.  I've never seen a fight at a wedding.  I know they have happened.  Just not something I've experienced.  The drunk person gets a little sappy.  Dances a little funny on the dance floor, but that about it.

    Oddly enough do you know who gets the drunkest at weddings?   It's not always the person you expect.  It's the guests who finally gets a night out away from the kids and they start partying like are their old-20-something-year-old-rockstar-self.    Seriously, it's funny.  They haven't been out partying in forever and they think they still have the tolerance from their parting days.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I honestly just didn't know that it was rude to have a cash bar.  I solemnly promise that now that I have been educated, there will be no cash bar at my reception.  The last thing I want is to be rude.
    I like this. Good job.
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    I'm the fuck
    out.

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