Wedding Etiquette Forum

vendor meals

So my caterer will provide up to 5 complimentary vendor meals. We have 5 (coordinator and her assistant, 2 photographers, and the photo booth attendant). The caterer is asking if any of them have dietary restrictions, and I have no idea. Do I really need to reach out to each of them to ask what they can eat, or can I just choose the ravioli for them and be done with it?

Also, our venue (a rental house) has informed us they will have a representative present at our event (to protect liability, etc) and that they will stay mostly in the background (in case anything goes wrong) and leave when they feel they are no longer needed. Do I need to feed this person too??
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Re: vendor meals

  • Really?   What if one has a gluten allergy? Or lactose intolerant?    Just ask them to be sure.


    I would not feed the representative. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • jules3964 said:
    So my caterer will provide up to 5 complimentary vendor meals. We have 5 (coordinator and her assistant, 2 photographers, and the photo booth attendant). The caterer is asking if any of them have dietary restrictions, and I have no idea. Do I really need to reach out to each of them to ask what they can eat, or can I just choose the ravioli for them and be done with it?

    Also, our venue (a rental house) has informed us they will have a representative present at our event (to protect liability, etc) and that they will stay mostly in the background (in case anything goes wrong) and leave when they feel they are no longer needed. Do I need to feed this person too??
    Just email them with their options and let them choose.  Make sure you look at your contracts, my DJ specified that he needed to eat what the guests were eating to prevent couples from giving him a cold sandwich and chips while they were eating lobster.
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  • Yeah, ok. I will email them. I was just looking for one less thing to do, I suppose :)


  • lyndausvi said:
    Really?   What if one has a gluten allergy? Or lactose intolerant?    Just ask them to be sure.


    I would not feed the representative. 
    This. Also, are you having a DJ? They should be included in the meal count as well.

  • I've always been kinda intrigued/confused by this... I mean, I totally get that the vendor can put whatever they want in their contract, but why do so many insist on being treated like a guest when they are not one? They're being paid for their services, at a rate they get to decide, and on top of that they want to eat what the guests are eating. IDK, something about it just rubs me a little bit the wrong way.
    I imagine it's not so much because they expect to be served a fancy meal, as because they would sometimes get shafted if it wasn't in the contract. Someone here actually posted a facebook page of photogs showing how great or horrible the vendor meals at various venues are - and some of them look pretty bad.


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited September 2014
    jenajjthr said:
    Ummm, maybe because after working 5+ plus hours they want more than a lousy cold sandwich, a small bag of chips, a cookie, and a small bottle of water? Maybe they want a full dinner as well? Your vendors don't get to "clock" out and leave for an hour to go and get a decent meal of their own, or go nuke one in a microwave. They work during their meal time. In the case of your photographer, they have probably been with you 8+ hours. I fed mine lunch and dinner because of that. I would rather have a happy DJ and photographer, then hungry/upset ones. 
    Eight hours is a normal working day anywhere else, and employers do not serve their employees much more than sandwiches, apples, and bottles of water-if that.  Many don't even provide meals to their employees at all. I work as a tax accountant, and although my company does provide meals sometimes during tax seasons when we work overtime, they are not more than sandwiches and so on. 

    I'm willing to provide meals for vendors, but what if all I'm providing my guests is sandwiches, water, apples and the like?  Sorry, but I won't let vendors dictate to me the formality and how much to serve them.  They can either take breaks (which I'm willing to schedule for) so they can get their own food or they can eat sandwiches, etc.  They have no right to expect me to serve them porterhouse steaks-especially if I'm not providing that to my guests.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Eight hours is a normal working day anywhere else, and employers do not serve their employees much more than sandwiches, apples, and bottles of water-if that.  Many don't even provide meals to their employees at all. I work as a tax accountant, and although my company does provide meals sometimes during tax seasons when we work overtime, they are not more than sandwiches and so on. 

    I'm willing to provide meals for vendors, but what if all I'm providing my guests is sandwiches, water, apples and the like?  Sorry, but I won't let vendors dictate to me the formality and how much to serve them.  They can either take breaks (which I'm willing to schedule for) so they can get their own food or they can eat sandwiches, etc.  They have no right to expect me to serve them porterhouse steaks-especially if I'm not providing that to my guests.
    No one said anything about giving your vendors better food than what you give your guests. Just equal food or at least food with some level of quality since that's all they get for what can be an extremely long day. Coordinators especially could be there for over 12 hours. Vendors are humans. They deserve to be treated nicely and with respect. They don't deserve to be treated over-the-top and better than guests, but no one has suggested that. 
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  • To the OP, ANY vendor who is present during meal time gets to have a meal provided. 
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  • Jen4948 said:
    Eight hours is a normal working day anywhere else, and employers do not serve their employees much more than sandwiches, apples, and bottles of water-if that.  Many don't even provide meals to their employees at all. I work as a tax accountant, and although my company does provide meals sometimes during tax seasons when we work overtime, they are not more than sandwiches and so on. 

    I'm willing to provide meals for vendors, but what if all I'm providing my guests is sandwiches, water, apples and the like?  Sorry, but I won't let vendors dictate to me the formality and how much to serve them.  They can either take breaks (which I'm willing to schedule for) so they can get their own food or they can eat sandwiches, etc.  They have no right to expect me to serve them porterhouse steaks-especially if I'm not providing that to my guests.
    Yeah, right! I want to see a bride schedule an hour long lunch or dinner break for their photog.Sure no problem, to McDolald's and get yourself something to eat, we'll wait for you to get back before we want any more photos. AS IF! Then the SS would be on here griping about how the photog missed this super important photo op and I want all my money back...

    The contract stated they would be fed the same meal as the guests. If the guests get cold cuts, then so does the vendor. If I was ever a vendor I would most definitely write this stipulation in my contract - based solely on the number of brides that say "OMG, I never thought to feed my vendors." The formality and amount of food is in the contract and therefore part of their compensation. If you are going to not hire someone over a meal when you are paying them hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, maybe you need to check your priorities.

    OP feed all vendors present during the meal...unless you really don't care if they get up and leave the venue for an hour. 
    Anyone associated withe the venue/cater should be fed by their company, not you...unless the contract states otherwise.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I've always been kinda intrigued/confused by this... I mean, I totally get that the vendor can put whatever they want in their contract, but why do so many insist on being treated like a guest when they are not one? They're being paid for their services, at a rate they get to decide, and on top of that they want to eat what the guests are eating. IDK, something about it just rubs me a little bit the wrong way.
    In my DJ's case he explained it was more because most "vendor meals" provided by venues are a sandwich, chips and water.  After working goodness only knows how many weddings/events in a year you would get damn sick of sandwiches and chips.


    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
  • Jen4948 said:
    Eight hours is a normal working day anywhere else, and employers do not serve their employees much more than sandwiches, apples, and bottles of water-if that.  Many don't even provide meals to their employees at all. I work as a tax accountant, and although my company does provide meals sometimes during tax seasons when we work overtime, they are not more than sandwiches and so on. 

    I'm willing to provide meals for vendors, but what if all I'm providing my guests is sandwiches, water, apples and the like?  Sorry, but I won't let vendors dictate to me the formality and how much to serve them.  They can either take breaks (which I'm willing to schedule for) so they can get their own food or they can eat sandwiches, etc.  They have no right to expect me to serve them porterhouse steaks-especially if I'm not providing that to my guests.
    Regular 9-5ers generally get an hour lunch break. Wedding vendors do not. 9-5ers generally have a temperature controlled space to store their food so they can bring something that they know will be satisfying their dietary needs and have access to a microwave, wedding vendors do not.
  • Wait, there are places that just serve the vendors a sandwich? My venue had vendor meals that only cost $40 but they are exactly the same as the guests' meal. That just seems very odd to me that you would serve cold cuts to someone who is essentially working 5-8 hours with no break.
  • Simky906 said:
    Wait, there are places that just serve the vendors a sandwich? My venue had vendor meals that only cost $40 but they are exactly the same as the guests' meal. That just seems very odd to me that you would serve cold cuts to someone who is essentially working 5-8 hours with no break.
    BINGO! That is why some vendors write the clause into their contracts that they are to eat a meal of same qualitity as what the guests are eating.
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  • jenajjthr said:
    Ummm, maybe because after working 5+ plus hours they want more than a lousy cold sandwich, a small bag of chips, a cookie, and a small bottle of water? Maybe they want a full dinner as well? Your vendors don't get to "clock" out and leave for an hour to go and get a decent meal of their own, or go nuke one in a microwave. They work during their meal time. In the case of your photographer, they have probably been with you 8+ hours. I fed mine lunch and dinner because of that. I would rather have a happy DJ and photographer, then hungry/upset ones. 

    We are feeding our vendors the same food as everyone else, but really I find this ridiculously hyperbolic.  I eat a cold sandwich and some carrot sticks pretty much every day during my break at work.  What the hell is different about someone taking a break during your wedding to eat when they are working?  For fuck's sake.

    I am all for feeding the vendors, but I think this gets a little out of hand.  People who are spending over $100pp on their wedding food should not, IMO, have to feed their vendors at anywhere near that cost.  They are already paying them.


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  • Simky906 said:
    Wait, there are places that just serve the vendors a sandwich? My venue had vendor meals that only cost $40 but they are exactly the same as the guests' meal. That just seems very odd to me that you would serve cold cuts to someone who is essentially working 5-8 hours with no break.

    OH THE HUMANITY!

    I really should be feeding myself a LOT better during my lunch.  I mean, hell, I'm here at least 8.5 hours every day, I need a big, hot meal or I might die.


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  • my contract with the photographer specified a "hot meal must be provided" which I thought was odd. Perhaps it changes with the contracts, but I felt it might be rude to ask for a hot meal if I wasn't serving one for my guests (we are having a hot meal but could have been having something else, I guess)

    I have NO issues with vendors getting the same food as the guests. I know I wouldn't want to eat the same sandwich Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for most weekends of the year- I get that. But if I was serving a nice lunch buffet of cold cuts, pasta salads, etc. the contract says I have to go out and get a hot meal for him? Kinda weird.
  • edited September 2014
    my contract with the photographer specified a "hot meal must be provided" which I thought was odd. Perhaps it changes with the contracts, but I felt it might be rude to ask for a hot meal if I wasn't serving one for my guests (we are having a hot meal but could have been having something else, I guess)

    I have NO issues with vendors getting the same food as the guests. I know I wouldn't want to eat the same sandwich Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for most weekends of the year- I get that. But if I was serving a nice lunch buffet of cold cuts, pasta salads, etc. the contract says I have to go out and get a hot meal for him? Kinda weird.
    I'm certain the photog would amend the contract for situation such as this. For example, if you only served punch and cake at a brief reception between meal times, your photog would forgo a meal and eat after the short reception, same as your guests would. 

    The issue is some venues offer a cold boxed lunch for vendors or B&G's who literally pack a cold sack lunch for their vendors.

    Contracts can be changed, but it's best for them to put it out there up front rather than hope for the best :)

    ETA

    We are feeding our vendors the same food as everyone else, but really I find this ridiculously hyperbolic.  I eat a cold sandwich and some carrot sticks pretty much every day during my break at work.  What the hell is different about someone taking a break during your wedding to eat when they are working?  For fuck's sake.

    I am all for feeding the vendors, but I think this gets a little out of hand.  People who are spending over $100pp on their wedding food should not, IMO, have to feed their vendors at anywhere near that cost.  They are already paying them.

    I think a big difference is many of these issues arise due to night weddings. The photog is withe couple from lunch until after dinner time. Do you eat cold cuts and carrots for dinner?

    The thing people tend to forget too is that you should not have to pay for alcohol cost for the vendors. The way I see if it is if the vendor wants the same food as the guests and you are spending $100 per person on just the food, then you are probably able to budget that for your vendors who put it in their contract. I think it is completely acceptable for a couple to negotiate pizza and lasagna instead of filets as @lyndiasuvi said. I think the band is being ridiculous trying to change it after the fact.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I asked my photographer about a meal. It was him and an assistant and he said they normally just bring a snack and sneak out to their car to eat it real quick during dinner. I told him that was absurd and that we would have a meal and seats for them at the reception so they could eat dinner with everyone else. We paid $125 per person for food and it never occurred to me that I wouldn't serve that same food to everyone that I asked to come to my wedding, whether I was paying them to be there or not. 

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  • We paid for all of our vendors to have meals two photographers, two videographers, two photobooth people and the DJ, it was a discounted price( probably 1/3 of what we paid for our regular guests) but they were served the same meal as the guests were I made sure of that.  We wanted them to be happy and fed.. we didn't even think twice about it. 

    Anniversary

  • I just let all the vendors know ahead of time that as soon as I get the meal options, I'll send them out and ask what they want, and that I'll need an answer by the same RSVP deadline as I'll have for the guests.

    Some of the vendors haven't asked for meals or had that lined out in their contract, like the town police officer who is required to be on the premises since we will be having booze at the party. When I get the meal choice in, I'm still going to call and ask if the officer would like one.

    That said, I am all about ass-kissing vendors. If it means they'll think I was nice and did my best to work with them or provide an easy working environment. Serves me pretty well in my current line of work. Might as well apply it for something like this, especially since I will =hopefully= only be doing this once.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • None of our vendors state they need a meal in their contracts, but we are absolutely offering them meals anyway -- and it will be the same food served to our guests. I just hadn't thought about asking them to choose a specific entree until 10 days out from the wedding! It had just completely slipped my mind. But I've since confirmed meal preferences for each of them and am letting the caterer know.

    As far as the venue representative, I didn't even know they were going to be there until a few days ago. We hadn't planned on needing this person there at all (it's their choice to be there, and apparently they will stay hidden in the basement with a 2-way radio) so I'm not sure if a meal would be expected at all… but I'm leaning towards no. Except @beethery you do bring up a good point about ass-kissing!

  • edited September 2014
    I didn't think twice about offering our vendors (2 photographers and 2 entertainers) the same choices as our guests. They sat at the guest tables too. I don't understand the argument of "but we're spending $100pp on our guests, no way will we feed you that nicely!" Um... sounds like a planning issue to me that you can plan such an expensive wedding but not have enough left over to feed 4 more people. Our meals were about $35 a plate (consumption bar) and after feeding 200 people it was a drop in the bucket to add 4 more. As far as the "they're already getting paid" argument, we paid about $2500 for each service... $70 worth of food is less than 3% of that, it's not like they're asking for the world. Take it out of their tip if it's that big of a deal.

    They worked for 8 hours straight without getting a break otherwise. They wouldn't have had time to leave the grounds to find food elsewhere, and it would have been embarrassing to bring them a sandwich while everyone else ate salmon, or send them to the clubhouse bar like a second-class citizen. They all did an AMAZING job and went above and beyond their contracts. It was well worth it.

    ETA OP as far as the venue rep - this is someone THEY requested be there, not you. So it's not your vendor. 

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  • @grumbledore‌ I get where you're coming from, but to me it doesn't seem like the nicest thing to be surrounded by folks eating really good food (and my venue did have some awesome food) while you get a sandwich. Is it a massive, world ending deal? No, but I do think it's something that's easy to do and that I imagine most vendors would appreciate it.

  • Simky906 said:
    Wait, there are places that just serve the vendors a sandwich? My venue had vendor meals that only cost $40 but they are exactly the same as the guests' meal. That just seems very odd to me that you would serve cold cuts to someone who is essentially working 5-8 hours with no break.
    That's awesome, it's a shame more venues don't do this!

    Our venue's vendor meals are a "gourmet" boxed meal of food from their bar menu, and they are a fraction of the cost of what our reception package costs ($125 per person).

    My vendor contracts don't specify what type of meal they want, so I just emailed them to find out.  I recall in verbal discussions before we hired them that a vendor meal option was fine.

    We'll be having lunch in the bridal suite for the WP so that no one is starving by the time the reception rolls around, and while we still need to figure out when our photographers are going to be with us, if they are going to be around earlier in the day then I will invite them to have lunch with us.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I'm feeding my vendors the same as my guests and asking about any dietary restrictions (as I did for guests). You don't want to give someone something with peanuts for example and have them have a reaction because they are allergic. Or give a vegetarian or vegan something with meat.
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2014

    Our contracts with the photographer, videographer, and DJ all say that we can choose between feeding them, or giving them an hour break. Um, no. I will definitely be feeding them. Luckily our caterer charges only 1/2 price for the vendors. We're having a buffet and they can either go through the line like everyone else, or ask the caterer to make them up a plate and bring it to them if they are super busy.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited September 2014
    Yeah, right! I want to see a bride schedule an hour long lunch or dinner break for their photog.Sure no problem, to McDolald's and get yourself something to eat, we'll wait for you to get back before we want any more photos. AS IF! Then the SS would be on here griping about how the photog missed this super important photo op and I want all my money back...

    The contract stated they would be fed the same meal as the guests. If the guests get cold cuts, then so does the vendor. If I was ever a vendor I would most definitely write this stipulation in my contract - based solely on the number of brides that say "OMG, I never thought to feed my vendors." The formality and amount of food is in the contract and therefore part of their compensation. If you are going to not hire someone over a meal when you are paying them hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, maybe you need to check your priorities.

    OP feed all vendors present during the meal...unless you really don't care if they get up and leave the venue for an hour. 
    Anyone associated withe the venue/cater should be fed by their company, not you...unless the contract states otherwise.
    I might be paying them hundreds or thousands of dollars, but that doesn't entitle them to porterhouse steak on top of their fee-especially if that's not what I'm serving to my guests.  I would be willing to give them time off to get a meal of their choice.  Other brides and grooms may not, but that's their concern.  Every contract is different.  It's not rude to offer the vendors a reasonable break during which time they can do whatever they like and eat whatever they like on their own dime, provided they are back and ready to perform by some specified time.  They can even trade off with colleagues so that one might cover the first half of the reception and another might cover the second half, or some such arrangement.

    To remind you, I said that I would be willing to feed my vendors, but they are not entitled to gourmet, high-quality meals on my dime even if they are being paid fees of thousands of dollars, and for them to expect it comes off as very entitled-in some cases beyond the value of what they are providing.
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