How do I deal with this?

phat49firstime

Groom is renting tux and wants to pay for best man's rental because he's not sure the best man will know what to wear and insure they look great. I just got in touch with groomsman's wife and she didn't know he was in the bridal party. She tells me he will wear a navy suit. The two other men are in black. I diplomatically told her we have his name on file and even suggested he wear a black suit if renting isn't an option. We cannot pay for all the suit rentals. Should I let my fiancé talk to the guys. They have also offered discounts I told her as well. I talked my fiancée about it and he doesn't see the difference between black and navy. My bridesmaid and MOH are going to be in the same colour and buying thier own dresses.

southernbelle0915

This isn't a hill I would die on. Just keep the important things in mind - it's more important that your FI's friends stand up next to him than that they all look like clones. If they can't afford to buy/rent certain attire, let it go. You could say something like "Please wear a black suit. If you don't have one, any dark suit is fine." And then you could buy them matching ties so there's a cohesive element. 

Here are some examples of groomsmen in non-matching suits:

Maggie0829

Mix and matching suits is fine as Doeydo showed you.  But I would suggest that your FI not wear a tux if his GM are wearing suits.  You need to stay consistent with formality and if your FI is in a tux then all the other men in his party should be in a tux as well (and vice versa with suits, if all the GM are in suits then your FI should be in a suit.)

plainjane0415

southernbelle0915 said:

This isn't a hill I would die on. Just keep the important things in mind - it's more important that your FI's friends stand up next to him than that they all look like clones. If they can't afford to buy/rent certain attire, let it go. You could say something like "Please wear a black suit. If you don't have one, any dark suit is fine." And then you could buy them matching ties so there's a cohesive element. 

Here are some examples of groomsmen in non-matching suits:

Honestly, in my opinion, this looks better than everyone wearing the exact same suit in the exact same color.  It adds depth and interest.

msuprincess04

I disagree with PP. I think if the groom and the other GMs will all be in black, it'd be appropriate to ask the BM to be in black too and to offer to pay for it if he doesn't have the funds.  I think this is something your FI should bring up to his BM. The BM may not even be aware of what the groom wans. While I can't fathom why someone would be so set against wearing what the groom asked if the groom is paying for it, I'd agree that I wouldn't kick him out over it. Having your nearest and deareset there is ultimately more important than clothes.

plainjane0415

msuprincess04 said:

I disagree with PP. I think if the groom and the other GMs will all be in black, it'd be appropriate to ask the BM to be in black too and to offer to pay for it if he doesn't have the funds.  I think this is something your FI should bring up to his BM. The BM may not even be aware of what the groom wans. While I can't fathom why someone would be so set against wearing what the groom asked if the groom is paying for it, I'd agree that I wouldn't kick him out over it. Having your nearest and deareset there is ultimately more important than clothes.

I think one of the issues is that the OP and her FI are unable to pay for everyone's rentals.  Am I correct OP?

jenijoyk

I also think it's really weird to have one guy in navy, while everyone else is in black. I also think it's fine to pay for one guys' rental and not the others as long as you don't make a big deal of it. No one really needs to know that one guy can't afford to rent a tux and you helped him out. If one of my BMs privately told me she'd love to be a BM but didn't think she could swing it financially, I'd find a way to help her out.

I had a friend who asked that all her groomsmen wear grey suits. One dude showed up in navy anyway. She groans and cringes over it whenever she sees photos of her wedding party. (But on the day of, she didn't even notice. As a BM, I didn't either.)

Liatris2010

phat49firstime said:

Groom is renting tux and wants to pay for best man's rental because he's not sure the best man will know what to wear and insure they look great. I just got in touch with groomsman's wife and she didn't know he was in the bridal party. She tells me he will wear a navy suit. The two other men are in black. I diplomatically told her we have his name on file and even suggested he wear a black suit if renting isn't an option. We cannot pay for all the suit rentals. Should I let my fiancé talk to the guys. They have also offered discounts I told her as well. I talked my fiancée about it and he doesn't see the difference between black and navy. My bridesmaid and MOH are going to be in the same colour and buying thier own dresses.

Let him? Why would he not be allowed to talk to his best friends? I am not clear why you and the best man's wife are having this conversation instead of the groom talking to his friend.

MandyMost

Picking groomsmen is just like picking bridesmaids. After you ask them, and they agree, to be in the wedding party, you find out their budget and pick an outfit that they can afford. If one of the groomsmen (or bridesmaids) essentially says "my budget is 0, I have no money" it's up to you to either 1) buy their attire for them, 2) allow them to wear whatever they already have, or 3) be shallow and petty and kick them out of the bridal party. 

Your fiance needs to talk to his groomsmen and say, clearly, that the outfit is a black tux, and find out what he can afford to pay. If it's nothing (or less than the cost of the tux rental), it's up to your fiance which of the 3 choices he wants to make. 

theartistformerlyknownas

MandyMost said:

Picking groomsmen is just like picking bridesmaids. After you ask them, and they agree, to be in the wedding party, you find out their budget and pick an outfit that they can afford. If one of the groomsmen (or bridesmaids) essentially says "my budget is 0, I have no money" it's up to you to either 1) buy their attire for them, 2) allow them to wear whatever they already have, or 3) be shallow and petty and kick them out of the bridal party. 

Your fiance needs to talk to his groomsmen and say, clearly, that the outfit is a black tux, and find out what he can afford to pay. If it's nothing (or less than the cost of the tux rental), it's up to your fiance which of the 3 choices he wants to make. 

This. There shouldn't be an issue of someone "not knowing what to wear" - this IS actually one of the things the groom can have control over, within reason.

I would meet in the middle, and have everyone in suits. Mismatched greys and blues look nice together, you can create a cohesive look with matching ties, and nobody looks out of place by being more formal than the rest. You can get a nice suit for under $200 - not much more, sometimes less, than the cost to rent a tux.

phat49firstime

I have to deal with a lot of the planning because my fiancé works out of town. The groomsman is in the same boat. His wife told me to contact her anytime so I thought sooner would be better then later.

phat49firstime

I have no idea what op or fi means. This was my first post..

jynxiie

Fi - Fiance and OP - Original Poster This is definitely something your fi should speak with his groomsmen about, as outfit is the one thing he has a say in. If they can not afford the attire then it would be up to you to decide what you would like to do. One of our groomsmen is in an awful spot right now, we paid for his attire because it was important for him to be there. What I find really strange is that the groomsmen wife did not know he was in the wedding...

phat49firstime

I believe it's because the wedding is in May, 2015. She and her husband bought their wedding attire two weeks before the wedding and I already have my dress! I am meeting with a florist and decorator this week. Everything is lined up pretty much. It seems his side of the family feel it is so far away.. He's even commented its eight months away so why are you planning so far ahead. I explained that venues book up a year in advance and our date is a long weekend. Lol

atlastmrsg

I also think he needs to wear the same color as the other men.  It isn't cute mis-matchy when it's all the guys but one are wearing the same thing.  

novella1186

That's weird that the wife "let you know" that he would be wearing navy. It's not really up to her to decide that. Does he own a pair of black dress pants? Most guys do. Then all he'd have to buy is a black suit jacket that matches. That wouldn't cost much. And I personally (if this were my situation) wouldn't care if he went that route to make it more affordable, rather than being the ONE guy who isn't in black. 

Maggie0829

I understand that your FI works out of town and so does this GM, but you need to let your FI handle this.  Stop discussing attire with the GMs wife.  I am sure your FI and your GM have phones and all your FI has to do is pick up the phone and call or text his GM.

southernbelle0915

Maggie0829 said:

I understand that your FI works out of town and so does this GM, but you need to let your FI handle this.  Stop discussing attire with the GMs wife.  I am sure your FI and your GM have phones and all your FI has to do is pick up the phone and call or text his GM.

This.

Are you and the wife meeting on the sidewalk to talk about this? I'm guessing not. If you're doing this by phone or email, it doesn't matter where anyone is located - they can do the same thing.

theartistformerlyknownas

atlastmrsg said:

I also think he needs to wear the same color as the other men.  It isn't cute mis-matchy when it's all the guys but one are wearing the same thing.  

Also not cute when everyone else is in a tux and one guy is in a suit. 

All suits in all different shades? Fine. All tuxes that don't exactly match? Fine. Combo of the tuxes and mismatched suits will make people feel and look left out.

MandyMost

I understand that eveyone's financial situation is different, but he has 8 months to save up $150 or whatever it costs to rent a cheap tux. 

Your fiance just needs to call the guy and say "Hey, sorry if I wasn't clear before. We're asking all the groomsmen to wear tuxes. I'll follow up with you in March about where to go and the details. I expect a tux rental to cost about $150. Let me know if there's any problem with that, and we can work something out". 

atlastmrsg

As of now, I don't think the OP has decided that all the groomsmen are in tuxes.  As she posted it, their plan is all groomsmen in black suits.  

Cristodulo

I don't think

southernbelle0915

Cristodulo said:

I don't think

This is so inspiring... please go on.

theartistformerlyknownas

southernbelle0915 said:

Cristodulo said:

I don't think

This is so inspiring... please go on.

@southernbelle0915‌ that made me choke on my wine!

phat49firstime

He's in town soon so we"ll chat about it. What I am hoping for is cohesiveness or flow for the guys like the bridesmaids.

CMGragain

phat49firstime said:

Groom is renting tux and wants to pay for best man's rental because he's not sure the best man will know what to wear and insure they look great. I just got in touch with groomsman's wife and she didn't know he was in the bridal party. She tells me he will wear a navy suit. The two other men are in black. I diplomatically told her we have his name on file and even suggested he wear a black suit if renting isn't an option. We cannot pay for all the suit rentals. Should I let my fiancé talk to the guys. They have also offered discounts I told her as well. I talked my fiancée about it and he doesn't see the difference between black and navy. My bridesmaid and MOH are going to be in the same colour and buying thier own dresses.

Everyone is wasting time debating black vs. navy.  If the groom is wearing a tuxedo, then the entire wedding party must also wear tuxedos!  Mix and match color is not a problem.  Mixing different levels of formality IS!
If the groom wants his friends to wear suits, then he must also wear a suit.

JCbride2015

OP, is the plan for all the men to wear tuxes?  Or all suits?  Or was your original plan a combination of the two?  It's hard to help you when we aren't sure what look you're going for.

lovesclimbing

phat49firstime said:

Groom is renting tux and wants to pay for best man's rental because he's not sure the best man will know what to wear and insure they look great. I just got in touch with groomsman's wife and she didn't know he was in the bridal party. She tells me he will wear a navy suit. The two other men are in black. I diplomatically told her we have his name on file and even suggested he wear a black suit if renting isn't an option. We cannot pay for all the suit rentals. Should I let my fiancé talk to the guys. They have also offered discounts I told her as well. I talked my fiancée about it and he doesn't see the difference between black and navy. My bridesmaid and MOH are going to be in the same colour and buying thier own dresses.

This is key for me. You and your fiance need to be on the same page. In my opinion, you choose what your bridesmaids wear, and he chooses what his groomsmen wear.  So if he has no problem with one wearing navy, I would just get over it.

That being said, if you and your fiance get on the same page and want everyone in black, yes, you can say "the groomsmen are wearing black suits" and then if he doesn't get a black suit, he has removed himself from the bridal party and won't get to stand up.  That is the rule with bridesmaids, and it should be the same with groomsmen, in my opinion.

However, that could damage the friendship on both sides.