Etiquette

Duties and Responsibilities of Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor

nascargirl1nascargirl1
Fourth Anniversary First Comment
member
edited October 2014 in Etiquette
I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.

Re: Duties and Responsibilities of Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor

  • Thanks so much..Yes they have 2 children and one daughter married and a grand baby.  I thought is was going to be a simple vow renewal but she is ridiculous!! I decided to book my hotel someplace else and go sight seeing during the 2 weeks. I'm not staying in her house at all, she wanted me to but I will not. I will still participate in the vow renewal with a smile. I did just have my seamstress make some changes to my evening gown for this ceremony....lol  NOW I will overshadow the bride with a classy evening gown.
    [Deleted User]ohannabelle
  • I will do it with a smile. I just had my seamstress bling my evening gown out to overshadow her dress.. She did tell me to get what I wanted....lol
  • Vow renewals do not have bridesmaids.
    Vow renewals do not have showers.
    Vow renewals do not have bridal gowns.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    grumbledorePrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    A shower 20 years after she got married? Pure class. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    nascargirl1PrettyGirlLost
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope.
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I'm repeating this advice, because it is good:

    image

    Pretend this is you, and zoom the fuck out of this mess.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    nascargirl1PrettyGirlLostdoeydo
  • Your only job is to show up in your dress on time, sober and with a smile. 

    Unfortunately, there is a common misconception that bridemaids=brideslaves.  Lucky for you that is wrong, wrong, wrong.

    And frankly...this isn't even a wedding!  I know vow renewals are okay, but still.

    edit: grammar
    It's more than a little gauche, imo, to have bridesmaids etc for a vow renewal.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • lc07 said:
    Thanks so much..Yes they have 2 children and one daughter married and a grand baby.  I thought is was going to be a simple vow renewal but she is ridiculous!! I decided to book my hotel someplace else and go sight seeing during the 2 weeks. I'm not staying in her house at all, she wanted me to but I will not. I will still participate in the vow renewal with a smile. I did just have my seamstress make some changes to my evening gown for this ceremony....lol  NOW I will overshadow the bride with a classy evening gown.

    I will do it with a smile. I just had my seamstress bling my evening gown out to overshadow her dress.. She did tell me to get what I wanted....lol
    I call MUD

    Ditto this.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    lc07
  • edited June 2015
     
    I'm out.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I actually don't even side-eye an attendant or two for a vow renewal.  I also don't side-eye wearing more of a bridal gown.  But not even true brides are supposed to expect their attendants to drop everything for two years and do all the work to make the bride's "vision" happen.

    Is she having a mid-life crisis or something?  Because she sounds like a spoiled 5-year-old, at least as far as her vow renewal goes.  I also couldn't picture having what sounds like a big hoopla for my 20th anniversary.  At that point, I've been a happily married woman for 20 years.  I'd be celebrating THAT.  Not trying to pretend to be a young, dewy-eyed bride.

    And a bridal shower?  That is so egregious I don't even have words. Because if she hasn't established her household goods after 20 years and multiple children...there is a whole lot more to worry about than a vow renewal ceremony.  I side eye this the hardest.  So gift grabby.  So rude and tacky. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    [Deleted User]nascargirl1[Deleted User]
  • I won't be catty I promise....lol
  • Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"

    Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

    image
    image
  • Thanks for the tip :-) I was not aware I thought reply would do. 
    Thanks for the website.
     lolo883 said:
    Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"

    Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

    Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"

    Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

  • Forgive me for incorrectly replying to all your helpful post. I'm aware now....lol
    I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.

  • Thanks for the tip :-) I was not aware I thought reply would do. 
    Thanks for the website.
     lolo883 said:
    Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"

    Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.
    No problem! We can usually figure it out but that just makes it easier. :)

    image
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards