Duties and Responsibilities of Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor

nascargirl1 · September 2014

I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.

lurkergirl · September 2014

Your only job is to show up in your dress on time, sober and with a smile.

Unfortunately, there is a common misconception that bridemaids=brideslaves. Lucky for you that is wrong, wrong, wrong.

And frankly...this isn't even a wedding! I know vow renewals are okay, but still.

edit: grammar

[Deleted User] · September 2014

holyguacamole79 · September 2014

nascargirl1 said:
I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends wedding out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.

Snort. I'd tell her that there is no need for a MOH for a VOW RENEWAL and that she can have a jolly good party. I wouldn't lift a finger for this, nor would I purchase a dress for it.

photokitty · September 2014

She's having a bridal shower for a vow renewal? Gross!
I would distance myself and let things play out, this is bound to get messier by 2015. She's being ridiculous WIFEzilla! GL

Blue_Bird · October 2014

Abort this mission ASAP. It will only get worse.

Good Lord.

MNVegas · October 2014

First of all this a vow renewal not a wedding. Please don't encourage your friend by calling it a wedding. Also why does your friend need MOH or bridesmaids for a vow renewal. Also how can there be a bridal shower when technically there is NO bride. I assume since there is going to be a shower there will be a registry?

Just so much wrong! I would not want to be associated with this circus. If you insist to continue as "MOH" just get your dress, show up and smile. That is all that is required of anyone.

ohannabelle · October 2014

This woman is out of line. She's not having a wedding, as much as she'd like to think so. That ship sailed.

She's having a shower??? That is just revolting. She had her wedding, years ago, and now she wants to play dress up bride, and she expects people to buy her presents?

You're a better friend than I, because I would have read that woman her beads a while ago.

Tell her to grow up and quit playing make pretend wedding. If she wants to celebrate her marriage, she can have an anniversary party, like grown ups do.

But this crap is ridiculous. People just can't have "weddings" and bridesmaids and showers whenever they please.

nascargirl1 · October 2014

Thanks so much..Yes they have 2 children and one daughter married and a grand baby. I thought is was going to be a simple vow renewal but she is ridiculous!! I decided to book my hotel someplace else and go sight seeing during the 2 weeks. I'm not staying in her house at all, she wanted me to but I will not. I will still participate in the vow renewal with a smile. I did just have my seamstress make some changes to my evening gown for this ceremony....lol NOW I will overshadow the bride with a classy evening gown.

nascargirl1 · October 2014

I will do it with a smile. I just had my seamstress bling my evening gown out to overshadow her dress.. She did tell me to get what I wanted....lol

lc07 · October 2014

nascargirl1 said:

Thanks so much..Yes they have 2 children and one daughter married and a grand baby. I thought is was going to be a simple vow renewal but she is ridiculous!! I decided to book my hotel someplace else and go sight seeing during the 2 weeks. I'm not staying in her house at all, she wanted me to but I will not. I will still participate in the vow renewal with a smile. I did just have my seamstress make some changes to my evening gown for this ceremony....lol NOW I will overshadow the bride with a classy evening gown.

nascargirl1 said:

I will do it with a smile. I just had my seamstress bling my evening gown out to overshadow her dress.. She did tell me to get what I wanted....lol

I call MUD

CMGragain · October 2014

Vow renewals do not have bridesmaids.
Vow renewals do not have showers.
Vow renewals do not have bridal gowns.

larrygaga · October 2014

A shower 20 years after she got married? Pure class.

beethery · October 2014

I'm repeating this advice, because it is good:

Pretend this is you, and zoom the fuck out of this mess.

grumbledore · October 2014

lurkergirl said:

Your only job is to show up in your dress on time, sober and with a smile.

Unfortunately, there is a common misconception that bridemaids=brideslaves. Lucky for you that is wrong, wrong, wrong.

And frankly...this isn't even a wedding! I know vow renewals are okay, but still.

edit: grammar

It's more than a little gauche, imo, to have bridesmaids etc for a vow renewal.

grumbledore · October 2014

lc07 said:

nascargirl1 said:

Thanks so much..Yes they have 2 children and one daughter married and a grand baby. I thought is was going to be a simple vow renewal but she is ridiculous!! I decided to book my hotel someplace else and go sight seeing during the 2 weeks. I'm not staying in her house at all, she wanted me to but I will not. I will still participate in the vow renewal with a smile. I did just have my seamstress make some changes to my evening gown for this ceremony....lol NOW I will overshadow the bride with a classy evening gown.

nascargirl1 said:

I will do it with a smile. I just had my seamstress bling my evening gown out to overshadow her dress.. She did tell me to get what I wanted....lol

I call MUD

Ditto this.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

short+sassy · October 2014

I actually don't even side-eye an attendant or two for a vow renewal. I also don't side-eye wearing more of a bridal gown. But not even true brides are supposed to expect their attendants to drop everything for two years and do all the work to make the bride's "vision" happen.

Is she having a mid-life crisis or something? Because she sounds like a spoiled 5-year-old, at least as far as her vow renewal goes. I also couldn't picture having what sounds like a big hoopla for my 20th anniversary. At that point, I've been a happily married woman for 20 years. I'd be celebrating THAT. Not trying to pretend to be a young, dewy-eyed bride.

And a bridal shower? That is so egregious I don't even have words. Because if she hasn't established her household goods after 20 years and multiple children...there is a whole lot more to worry about than a vow renewal ceremony. I side eye this the hardest. So gift grabby. So rude and tacky.

nascargirl1 · October 2014

I won't be catty I promise....lol

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"

http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/

Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

nascargirl1 · October 2014

Thanks for the tip :-) I was not aware I thought reply would do.
Thanks for the website.
lolo883 said:

Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"
http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/

Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

lolo883 said:

Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"
http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/

Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

nascargirl1 · October 2014

Forgive me for incorrectly replying to all your helpful post. I'm aware now....lol
nascargirl1 said:

I need your honest opinions. I was asked to be a maid of honor in my best friends 20 year Vow renewal out of state. We are 800 miles apart. Most important thing to remember this is for a 20 year vow renewal since they got married in court house years ago. It was never and issue to have my dress made since the dresses did not come in my size. I was told whatever I wanted since I was maid of honor. Suddenly, someone my friend rarely talk to and she is suddenly in wedding as Matron of honor, she also has another dress design different than mine. Not an issue with me It's not my wedding, I just want to stand up with the couple since I love them dearly. It does not matter to me who is standing next to bride I'm not catty about that subject. My friend keep mentioning to me that "other " people is helping her over the phone alot. Sound more like this is the reason this matron of honor was added. I have help with wedding planning and coordinating many time for many people I'm familiar with duties of the wedding. My friend has mention several times in past 2 weeks it was the brides maids, and MOH/MATOH to do everything, planning of wedding dress selections that she should not have to do nothing at all. My friend also mentioned many times her and her husband are on budget and decided not to have coordinator or planner and Ideas I have she said my ideas were too costly. She also made it clear she was irritated with the bride maids for not helping her who lives in her home state. She is puzzled why the ladies are not calling her daily and going along with wedding planning and other selections. The 3 other ladies did agree on the dress 3 brides maids are wearing alike, they all live in same state. When I mentioned my duties can't officially start until I am in the state nearly 2 weeks before wedding, she mentioned she need help now.. when I asked specifically what she needed help with she told me she is all done, Vow renewal is not until 2015. What can I do? I know I'm to be her right hand person before ceremony, take over calls if too many phone calls coming though, bustle dress and be there so her days leading to wedding can be stress free. I forgot to mention the Matron of honor is now planning a bridal shower since Bride renewing vows did not have one before, I can help with this no problem.. she is wearing full wedding gown, our dresses are formal gowns.

theartistformerlyknownas · October 2014

nascargirl1 said:

Thanks for the tip :-) I was not aware I thought reply would do.
Thanks for the website.
lolo883 said:

Your only responsibility is to send her this, ever-so-helpfully. "Hey look at the great website I found!"
http://www.idotaketwo.com/blog/vow-renewal-etiquette/

Also pro tip - if you're replying to a specific post, use the Quote feature rather than Reply so we know who you're talking to.

No problem! We can usually figure it out but that just makes it easier.

Duties and Responsibilities of Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor

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