Pre-wedding Parties

Who's Right?

My MOH offered to host a bridal shower. I accepted and gave her my guest list which consisted of a few friends, my mom and FMIL.

FMIL called me after she got her invite and asked if I invited anyone from her family. I told her no, that it was a small shower and she hung up. Later on I get a call from MOH asking me if certain family members are on our wedding guest list. When I asked why, she told me FMIL invited three more people.

Last night, FI gets a call from FMIL asking why I only invited her and no one else from her family to the shower and then proceeded to ask if she could invite FI's Godmother to the showr too. FI again explained that it is a small shower, that I don't know her family and didn't want to be perceived as being gift-grabby.

She said I was being rude since in her culture and "every other culture except for WASPs" (her direct quote) that everyone who is invited to the wedding is invited to the showr.

Is she right? Also should my MOH put her foot down when FMIL calls every few days to invite more people? My MOH has been adding people to the guest list for FMIL, but I don't even know these people!!!!

 Wedding Countdown Ticker




image 59 Invited
image 36 Yes
image 2 No
image 21 Unknown

Re: Who's Right?

  • She is wrong. Also, the size of your shower is determined by the host and what she can afford, NOT FMIL's wishes. Now, maybe in HER culture all women are invited, but you are fine to have a small shower.
    doeydoMairePoppy[Deleted User]Blue_Bird
  • She's wrong. The host says "I can afford to host X people" and then the bride says "ok, here's a guest list with X people". No where in that process does the FMIL add a bunch people because her culture. Just no. If someone from her family/culture wants to host an all inclusive shower and you accept their offer, fine. 

    I would instruct your MOH to stop adding people. Your MOH is stuck in a pretty awkward position if FMIL is contacting her directly. I would have your FI tell FMIL to stop contacting her and to go through him/you. 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    doeydoCMGragainMairePoppy[Deleted User]
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    She is wrong. While it is rude to ask someone to throw a shower for you, if I was your FI I would have told her if she wants to have a shower and invite everyone on her side of the guest list then she can offer to host it. She is incredibly rude expecting your MOH to host additional guests.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    doeydoMairePoppy
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    One would imagine that a bride would want her nearest and dearest at a shower.  Unless you are besties with your FI's cousins, I really don't see why one would presume that his side be invited to a shower for you (unless, maybe, if someone on your FI's side was the one throwing the shower).
    image
  • "FMIL, MOH has offered to host a shower for # of people. It is making her very uncomfortable when you call and try to invite more. If you want a bigger shower, you'll have to host it yourself because MOH cannot host any more people."

    The end.
    image
    southernbelle0915bahamabride2015chibiyui
  • While I agree that the FMIL is in the wrong here and shouldn't have added guests to the shower, i'm not sure if I have ever attended a shower where there weren't at least some of the groom's family members. . . .aunts, cousins, etc.  Maybe in all of those situations the bride knew those family members more than is being described here?

    At my shower my MIL, DH's 2 aunts and 1 cousin with her GF at the time, all attended.  I would think it rude not to invite them, because I had spent time with all of them and they were going to be family by marriage.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In my circle, it's typical to include some of the groom's close family members on the shower guest list. But usually the food it provided by the moms or other close family member. It was very rude of the MOG to call the MOH and request that her family members be added, especially after she had after the bride said no.
                       
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    kaos16 said:

    While I agree that the FMIL is in the wrong here and shouldn't have added guests to the shower, i'm not sure if I have ever attended a shower where there weren't at least some of the groom's family members. . . .aunts, cousins, etc.  Maybe in all of those situations the bride knew those family members more than is being described here?

    At my shower my MIL, DH's 2 aunts and 1 cousin with her GF at the time, all attended.  I would think it rude not to invite them, because I had spent time with all of them and they were going to be family by marriage.

    In my circle they are two separate showers. The moms and sisters of both the B&G, as well as the BMs are invited to both/all the showers. If MOG wants to invite everyone on her side, then she should host that shower.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    [Deleted User]
  • Thanks everyone for the helpful advice!

    @esstee33 these women are on our guest list for the wedding, my MOH had access to my gdrive with our guest list and was able to cross-reference.

    @kaos16 I don't know any of FI's family except for FMIL. They aren't that close that we all hang out together at holidays, birthdays, etc so I didn't want to invite these people to the shower because they aren't my nearest and dearest.

    @photokitty, FI took your suggestion and asked FMIL if she wanted to throw a shower for her family. FMIL told him that she didn't have the money too, that's why she was adding guests to the shower.

    Needless to say, after FI was done talking to her, no more additional guests have been invited ot the shower.

     Wedding Countdown Ticker




    image 59 Invited
    image 36 Yes
    image 2 No
    image 21 Unknown
    esstee33photokitty[Deleted User]weddingcactus
  • Just a thought, I am having two showers. This is due to family being in two different locations in my case but, my mother is throwing one for my side and my Mother in law is throwing one for her side. 

    Just a thought, it may not be what you want though. 
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