Ever wonder if a proposal is ever coming?

happy2016

Anyone in that predicament where you wonder if the proposal will come?     Want to hear your stories....

speakeasy14

Do you mean you're antsy because you know it is coming or wondering if it will ever happen?

If you're wondering, then I would have a chat with significant other to have a timeline/plan for the future.  Making sure you're on the same page will help with a lot of those doubts.  For me, I stated that we need to live together for a minimum of a year before there is a proposal.  So because I have provided that timeline an engagement is not even on my mind right now. 

bethsmiles

Not really, BF and I are pretty good at the whole communication thing. If I have questions about our relationship or want to discuss the timeline we have set up I just bring it up and we talk about. I highly suggest it.

lavenderfields13

I've been there. FI and I always talked as if we were going to be married someday but it seemed like he was never going to get around to making it a reality. I made the mistake of just being bat shit crazy instead of trying to talk about a timeline. That did not help.

Finally I told him I needed some kind of timeline.

Have you ever talked with your SO about getting married? If so definitely talk about a timeline. Ask where he/she sees the relationship in 1 year, 3 years, is there something they are wanting to accomplish before getting engaged?

Communication is key.

phira

We talked about timelines, and our engagement wasn't a surprise. *trounces off into the sunset*

But seriously. If you're feeling stressed and antsy because you're entirely in the dark about your significant other's timeline, then you should talk to them.

Hummingbird125

speakeasy14 said:

Do you mean you're antsy because you know it is coming or wondering if it will ever happen?

This ^^^

I've never been there. I always knew a proposal would come eventually, and I knew that "eventually" wasn't too far into the future.

eilis1228

Definitely sit down and talk with your SO about a timeline. 

Dignity100

Have the timeline talk. I know my FI and I talked about our timeline over a year before we got engaged. He had a few goals he wanted to accomplish and then needed to save up for a ring. Even while I knew he had the goals, sure there were times I had my moments where I felt it was NEVER going to happen.

LabLove86

I agree - timeline talk for sure.

We had a timeline, then life happened, then the timeline changed. The only time I was anxious was in that in-between time that our timeline was changing but we hadn't set a new one yet. I was amazed (still am kind of amazed) at how much my anxiety was relieved after we decided on a new timeline. With it being up in the air like that was an issue for me. 

If you're talking about you've had the talk and you're just waiting - I'm in the same boat as you! But I know it'll be within the next 3 months . . . and it's weird. The more time goes by, the more relaxed I am. I know he isn't going to back out of what we've talked about without having a discussion with me first - so for now I'm heading the advice of the ladies on here and enjoying this last stretch of being a GIRLFRIEND before I am a FIANCEE. I just wanna soak it all in while I can because I won't have this time back. And I've been working out a lot more. It gives me something else to concentrate on.

PS - @Dignity100 - OMG a week and a half!! I can't wait to see these pics!!!!!

happy2016

Timelines have a way of changing often, that's the only problem with those. 

speakeasy14

Talk with your significant other.  It sounds like you are not communicating and are upset when life happens causing a change to your timeline. 

happy2016

Not upset at all.   I just don't believe people should wait years for a ring.   

eilis1228

happy2016 said:

Not upset at all.   I just don't believe people should wait years for a ring.   

A lot of the people on this board have been with their SOs for 5-10 years and still don't have a ring. Every relationship moves at its own pace, and there are legitimate reasons why a proposal might be delayed one time or even multiple times. Not being engaged to your SO by no means discounts the legitimacy of the relationship, the depth of feelings, and the long-term compatibility of the couple. I don't think using a ring to gauge the state of your relationship is appropriate. 

If the ring is being delayed for legitimate reasons, then I wouldn't sweat it. Just keep checking in with your SO on the timeline a couple of times a year and make sure that you're still on the same page. If your SO isn't giving very good reasons or avoiding the talk, then I'd probably be concerned, but honestly, a ring is not the end all be all of your relationship. 

KeptInStitches

eilis1228 said:

happy2016 said:

Not upset at all.   I just don't believe people should wait years for a ring.   

A lot of the people on this board have been with their SOs for 5-10 years and still don't have a ring. Every relationship moves at its own pace, and there are legitimate reasons why a proposal might be delayed one time or even multiple times. Not being engaged to your SO by no means discounts the legitimacy of the relationship, the depth of feelings, and the long-term compatibility of the couple. I don't think using a ring to gauge the state of your relationship is appropriate. 

If the ring is being delayed for legitimate reasons, then I wouldn't sweat it. Just keep checking in with your SO on the timeline a couple of times a year and make sure that you're still on the same page. If your SO isn't giving very good reasons or avoiding the talk, then I'd probably be concerned, but honestly, a ring is not the end all be all of your relationship. 

SITB...

@eilis1228 FTW. OP, I dated my now-FI for 5.5 years before we got engaged. It worked for us because we knew that we were in a relationship heading for marriage, but needed to sort out some issues (primarily financial, but also some communication) before we agreed to marry. The ongoing timeline talks were absolutely instrumental.

justbeingme93

happy2016 said: Not upset at all.   I just don't believe people should wait years for a ring.   



SO and I are going on seven years this December. You can't view years together as the defining element of the "quality" of your relationship. Years do not equate to being ready for marriage or needing to get married. Some people are ready for marriage after a few months of knowing each other. Some people wait a decade to get hitched. It depends on your unique situation. 

happy2016

I agree - nothing is wrong with couples that date 5 or 10 years IF both individuals want that.

happy2016

So new question for everyone.... when one person's timeline is a couple years and the other person's is 5 years, whatcha do? Neither person's timeline should trump the other person's.

speakeasy14

Communicate. Compromise. Be open and honest.

bethsmiles

happy2016 said:

So new question for everyone.... when one person's timeline is a couple years and the other person's is 5 years, whatcha do? Neither person's timeline should trump the other person's.

I disagree to some extent that neither person's timeline should trump the other's. If one person isn't ready, they aren't ready. But it all comes down to communication. My BF wanted to wait longer to get married than I would have if I had decided all on my own. But I love him and decided that I was willing to wait until he was ready. You are also free to decide that you don't want to wait and end the relationship. And then obviously there are a multitude of options in between but it all depends on the reasoning behind each person's timeline. Something can be compromised on (want to buy a house before getting married) and some things can't (not emotionally ready).

Waiting hasn't been my favorite but BF has always been willing to have open, honest communication about our timeline so that I'm not left in the dark just wondering when he'll be ready. I've always known what goals he wanted to reach before getting married and I've always known where we stand. So yes, I've endured the horror of waiting years for rings (sarcasm) but I'm completely happy in my relationship and I don't regret waiting at all. His timeline trumped mine and that worked for us. It doesn't work for everyone - you need to COMMUNICATE.               

eilis1228

happy2016 said:

So new question for everyone.... when one person's timeline is a couple years and the other person's is 5 years, whatcha do? Neither person's timeline should trump the other person's.

You sit down and talk about it with your SO. Figure out why one person wants to wait longer than the other and come up with a timeline that works for both of you. Like @bethsmiles, I was ready before my FI was. He had goals in mind that he wanted to achieve prior to getting married, and I decided I was OK with waiting until he was ready. For me, it was a given that we were getting married some day, so the when wasn't a huge priority for me. I don't know what your situation is with your SO, but talking about it will help immensely.

lavenderfields13

bethsmiles said:

happy2016 said:

So new question for everyone.... when one person's timeline is a couple years and the other person's is 5 years, whatcha do? Neither person's timeline should trump the other person's.

I disagree to some extent that neither person's timeline should trump the other's. If one person isn't ready, they aren't ready. But it all comes down to communication. My BF wanted to wait longer to get married than I would have if I had decided all on my own. But I love him and decided that I was willing to wait until he was ready. You are also free to decide that you don't want to wait and end the relationship. And then obviously there are a multitude of options in between but it all depends on the reasoning behind each person's timeline. Something can be compromised on (want to buy a house before getting married) and some things can't (not emotionally ready).

Waiting hasn't been my favorite but BF has always been willing to have open, honest communication about our timeline so that I'm not left in the dark just wondering when he'll be ready. I've always known what goals he wanted to reach before getting married and I've always known where we stand. So yes, I've endured the horror of waiting years for rings (sarcasm) but I'm completely happy in my relationship and I don't regret waiting at all. His timeline trumped mine and that worked for us. It doesn't work for everyone - you need to COMMUNICATE.               

This was the same for me. 

OP, I felt ready A LOT sooner than FI did. I wished he wanted to get married earlier but he wasn't emotionally ready and I didn't want to force him into a proposal. We got engaged when we had been together for over 6.5 years. At that point people wouldn't STFU about "when are you getting engaged??". Earlier in the relationship I had it in my head that if he hadn't proposed by the 5 year mark then I was done. Well, 5 years came and no proposal but I was still in love with him. 6 years came, still couldn't imagine being without him. That's what it came down to for me, I wasn't willing to give up an amazing man that I could truly imagien spending forever with just because we weren't getting married on my timeline.

Has your SO said why he wants to wait?

chloe97

One good thing about being older (I'm 35) is that there is no "let's wait a few more years" option.  He doesn't really get the chance to push off a proposal b/c he gets the biological realities. We've been together for 2 years and at a year we decided that we would get married eventually and moved in together, at 2 years, I sat him down and a frank timeline talk about how that should probably be sooner than later.  

That being said, I am antsy because I am older and desperately want children. I would do anything to have met my bf when I was 25 and be able to travel and have more fun experiences without hearing the very loud noise of the ticking clock. If I was even 5 years younger, I think we would probably put off engagement another year or 2 so that we could save for our dream wedding and buy a bigger place.  

So I echo the sentiments- enjoy your life together now! While I am definitely looking forward to a proposal and a wedding and just being married, I love this time in my life so much and I know that in a few years when we are in the throes of newborns and toddlers, I am going to be yearning for these days when life was a lot easier and we had fewer responsibilities. 

Dignity100

Knottie02344586 said:

One good thing about being older (I'm 35) is that there is no "let's wait a few more years" option.  He doesn't really get the chance to push off a proposal b/c he gets the biological realities. We've been together for 2 years and at a year we decided that we would get married eventually and moved in together, at 2 years, I sat him down and a frank timeline talk about how that should probably be sooner than later.  

That being said, I am antsy because I am older and desperately want children. I would do anything to have met my bf when I was 25 and be able to travel and have more fun experiences without hearing the very loud noise of the ticking clock. If I was even 5 years younger, I think we would probably put off engagement another year or 2 so that we could save for our dream wedding and buy a bigger place.  

So I echo the sentiments- enjoy your life together now! While I am definitely looking forward to a proposal and a wedding and just being married, I love this time in my life so much and I know that in a few years when we are in the throes of newborns and toddlers, I am going to be yearning for these days when life was a lot easier and we had fewer responsibilities. 

I'm currently 35 and planning my first wedding.  I've been with my FI for just under 7 years (it will be 7 next month).  Even at my age, I couldn't see 'rushing' things.  I totally get the 'hey 40 is just around the corner and I don't want to be saving up to pay for college when I should be starting to think about retirement'. 

My FI and I are thinking about having kids, but even so, it won't be for another 1-2 years after we're married.  Sure, we'll be older, but we'll also be more settled/established in our married ways and hopefully in a better house/school district.

I honestly don't think your should let your 'biological clock' interfer with the timeline of your relationship.  Again - enjoy the relationship for what it is now!

chloe97

I completely understand and respect people in their late 30's who decide to push off having children. For both of us- we are financially secure and having children is the most important thing to both of us. I've also have some health issues that have caused me to think that it's better to not put it off because it's very possible that I will have to do IVF.  

lavenderfields13

OP, are you actually in this predicament or are you just asking for stories? If you're not engaged yet you probably should stop shopping for wedding dresses.

happy2016

I think many people who are engaged, or in a serious relationship, browse wedding gowns, rings, etc...

bethsmiles

Looking at dresses on Pintrest in a day-dreaming way is different than shopping for a dress.

Dignity100

Knottie02344586 said:

I completely understand and respect people in their late 30's who decide to push off having children. For both of us- we are financially secure and having children is the most important thing to both of us. I've also have some health issues that have caused me to think that it's better to not put it off because it's very possible that I will have to do IVF. 

SITB
Then this is a discussion you need to be having with your BF.  It sounds like you and your BF might be in 2 different places in your relationship and that's between you guys.  It's ok to be in 2 different spots as long as you don't let it interfere with your relationship and know you'll be on the same page someday.  You have to be willing to accept that 'someday' may not be today or tomorrow; it may be weeks or months or even years down the road.  I know my FI and I are not on the same page as far as kids go, but he knows my time line and he accepts it (I would like to move to a better school district/neighborhood and have a house with more open of a floor plan (and not so narrow stairs)).

The strangers on the internet can only tell you how long they've been in relationships (many 5+ years) and that it is pretty common to sometimes have that feeling that the proposal is never going to happen.  We're here to support each other when we have those moment and remind each other that all relationships move at different paces.

missnicajenn

I was just thinking about this question earlier.  For me its more, is he going to propose soon because we have talked it about alot.  He promised my dad he wouldn't marry me until I'm done with school.  I should be done the latest the beginning of 2016.  To be honest I already feel engaged/married to him I'm just wondering what signs if any I should look to see if the actual proposal is coming.  For some reason my gut is saying Christmas of this year.  I hope so!

lilacck28

missnicajenn said:

I was just thinking about this question earlier.  For me its more, is he going to propose soon because we have talked it about alot.  He promised my dad he wouldn't marry me until I'm done with school.  I should be done the latest the beginning of 2016.  To be honest I already feel engaged/married to him I'm just wondering what signs if any I should look to see if the actual proposal is coming.  For some reason my gut is saying Christmas of this year.  I hope so!


SITB

Don't count on it. Seriously. Put it out of your mind! Focus on school (this, times a million)! A hobby! Chit chat with us! Don't set yourself up for disappointment, ESPECIALLY when there's already been a decision to wait much longer than Christmas of this year.

lilacck28

as for signs... the signs I had were when he said "yeah. I still want to get engaged this spring. Want to start ring shopping this weekend?" I think reading into anything other than concrete statements  will just drive you nuts (as fun as it may be to think "OHEMGEE he's acting quiet tonight! That must mean something!", I don't think it does any good or is in any way accurate)