Asking about diamond size,...

amelisha

princessofgenovia said:

Mine's not a diamond. I've gotten "But don't you want a diamond" nope not at all, or "Couldn't he afford a real ring?" dude it's not a hologram, and "Make him buy you a diamond" why?

Hey if you got a diamond and you love it good for you. But they aren't my style and my FI knows me pretty well so he didn't get me a diamond.

Yep. I am so tired of explaining this. I do not and will not wear diamonds, period, and people's attitudes on the subject are getting more and more infuriating the longer I wear my ring. I haven't even announced my engagement at work because I know it's going to trigger a flood of people wanting to see my ring and then giving me the dismayed look I've already seen so much of. Ugh.

VulgarGirl

We wear sterling silver claddagh rings bought at the renaissance fair. No diamonds. No jems. No jewels. No bedazzling. Just plain and simple and no one can ask about diamond size cause there ain't no diamond! We've both gotten a little "but don't you want something that sparkles" flack over the years. Please I dress like a goddamn disco ball, I don't need any extra sparkle. 

AddieCake

One of my best friends got a fake ring after she and her now husband got engaged with no ring because a couple of mutual friends kept telling her he had to buy her a diamond. He couldn't afford it. Then the "diamond" fell out while she was on a trip with those friends, and they were panicked wanting to look for it, and she was not worried because it wasn't real. And so then she had to confess and felt very embarrassed. All that discomfort ( from friends, no less! )for her because people can't mind their own fucking business.

lacqueredlover

MagicInk said:

We wear sterling silver claddagh rings bought at the renaissance fair. No diamonds. No jems. No jewels. No bedazzling. Just plain and simple and no one can ask about diamond size cause there ain't no diamond! We've both gotten a little "but don't you want something that sparkles" flack over the years. Please I dress like a goddamn disco ball, I don't need any extra sparkle. 

I want to dress like a disco ball.  That sounds amazing.

And I can't believe people ask you that!  Clearly you guys have what you want, which makes it none of anyone else's business!

CMGragain

"How much did your ring cost?"
"Why do you want to know?"

Cookie Pusher

I've been tempted, on more than one occasion, to tell someone who is being overly nosey about my ring that it is made from the ashes of my dead cat. That would surely shock some of them into silence.

esstee33

Hey y'all, if you're trying to get the upper hand on people saying dumb and/or rude shit, you might want to say "he did well" rather than "he did good," unless he's actually running into burning buildings to save babies or other superhero-type stuff. 

lacqueredlover

esstee33 said:

Hey y'all, if you're trying to get the upper hand on people saying dumb and/or rude shit, you might want to say "he did well" rather than "he did good," unless he's actually running into burning buildings to save babies or other superhero-type stuff. 

Ah another grammar nerd, I love it!  (I met my FI because of grammar haha.)

 I love your gif!  Flipadelphia!

dcbride86

My ring was my great-grandmothers, and it seems like people think that gives them license to ask more questions about it, because FI didn't pay for it.  Over a dozen people have asked how big it is, how much it was appraised for, and whether I'm going to "make" him get me a wedding band with lots of diamonds to "make up for the fact that he didn't have to buy me an engagement ring"

Rude.

thisismynickname2

You know.... the problem with these people is that when there's so much public opinion on what constitutes a "proper" engagement ring, other people actually believe they need to have it.

A good friend of mine got engaged awhile back prompted in part by an unplanned pregnancy. He gave her a beautiful ring. She said words to the effect of, "We'll upgrade in the future when we can better afford it." My immediate response was, "Ohhh, why? This is beautiful and has the sentimental value."

This woman is the least materialistic person I've ever met in my life and nontraditional jewelry very much suits her personality. I find it hard to believe she even wants a diamond ring...

Stupid societal pressure. 

HaileyDancingbear

thisismynickname said:

You know.... the problem with these people is that when there's so much public opinion on what constitutes a "proper" engagement ring, other people actually believe they need to have it.

A good friend of mine got engaged awhile back prompted in part by an unplanned pregnancy. He gave her a beautiful ring. She said words to the effect of, "We'll upgrade in the future when we can better afford it." My immediate response was, "Ohhh, why? This is beautiful and has the sentimental value."

This woman is the least materialistic person I've ever met in my life and nontraditional jewelry very much suits her personality. I find it hard to believe she even wants a diamond ring...

Stupid societal pressure. 

My grandma saw my ring and was under the impression the moonstone was just a placeholder for a diamond in the future.  First off, even if at any point the ring was "Upgraded" the moonstone would be the number one thing I would NEVER allow to be switched out.  I would maybe be open to switching the band if I ever needed to (It's sterling silver so it may not be possible to re-size it) but I would flat out demand the same exact moonstone be used.  

Second, being a relatively cheap stone, and me being obsessed with watching it change colors, it's a pretty big moonstone- No, we are not buying a big ass oval diamond. 

But FI did promise to buy me a blue and gold macaw.  

princessofgenovia

My great-aunt was married for 30 years (her husband recently passed away), and they were in there late 30s/early 40s when they got married. He could have afford to buy her a nice big shiny ring but she didn't want one. She has a gold ring with a small-ish diamond in it (I don't know carts, maybe a full carat at most) and some engravings on the side. For years people asked her why he didn't upgrade it since they could afford to and she said "That money is for going to Vegas and on cruises, not for jewerly", she just didn't see the point of an "up-grade". 

[Deleted User]

I was asked if I wanted to buy a house or if I wanted him to spend money "on something else" i.e. an engagement ring.  I said house.

I have two stones I'd love to put into an engagement ring.  One is a blue stone (no idea the type) that belonged to my mom (until I stole it from the abyss of her jewelry box).  The other is a purple stone set in a charm that belonged to my great grandmother, also saved from the abyss of mom's jewelry box.  No idea if either of them are worth anything, but they both have special meaning, are both beautiful, and are both the exact cut and size that I'd want for a ring.  FH has succumbed to the guilt of proposing with a big expensive diamond ring and doesn't want to cheap out by making a ring with with one of these two stones.  Sigh.  Whatever.  At least I have my house.

badbnagdway

It's three carats, gawd, stop asking guys. 

I had the size question for the first time last night. A woman I hadn't met before asked me if it was two carats, and I had to sheepishly say it is three. I get a lot of comments that the center stone on my ring is huge (ie, you could eat off it, it's dinner plate sized, etc), but this was the first time someone came out and asked. 

It was kind of an odd feeling, partly because I didn't know if I should just agree with the size she suggested it was or tell her the actual size, but I can also see how people would be curious. There is a woman in my office who has two diamonds both bigger than 8 carats and I'm sure she gets questions all the time.

vmj23

I never had anyone ask me the size but a new girl had just started at work when i got it, i barely knew her, she worked there for literally like 2 days and asked me how much it was. I was shocked she had the nerve to ask that! I said i didn't know, which was a lie since I was with my now husband when he paid for it (we picked it out together).  It's no one's business, esp a complete stranger!   

bridet0be15

I saw this post and had to tell you guys this.. because it bothered me!!

One of my FI really good friends and a friend of mine is marrying a total immature stupid girl!  We both got engaged at the same time, however I didn't know her at the time because her and her fiancé hadn't been dating long so we just hadn't had the opportunity to meet.  My FI came home from visiting with his friend and told me that the girl was asking for pics of my rings and how many carrots and how much it cost!!! I couldn't believe it.  I judgmentally decided I didn't like her right then.  He told me when he told her the size of my ring she got pissed off at her fiancé that my ring was bigger and threw a mini hissy fit!!!!

I did finally meet her a few months or so ago and my impression of her was reinforced.  I couldn't stand her for more than 5 minutes.  We were at another friends wedding stuck at a table with her.  It was miserable.

mhoffman17

FI and I went to a wedding a few months ago and a drunken guest was so shocked at the size of my ring that he kept FOLLOWING ME AROUND insisting that there was no way FI could afford it and that I must have paid for it myself.  We tried to laugh it off for as long as we could, but we couldn't wait to leave.  How rude can you be??

mrsk616

im not sure what it is or how to explain my setting (tension setting) i love it no matter what. i had a customer tell me my FI was stupid because we couldnt find a wedding band to match. seriously? thats a good way to piss someone off. 

raissyrais

bridet0be15 said:

I saw this post and had to tell you guys this.. because it bothered me!!

One of my FI really good friends and a friend of mine is marrying a total immature stupid girl!  We both got engaged at the same time, however I didn't know her at the time because her and her fiancé hadn't been dating long so we just hadn't had the opportunity to meet.  My FI came home from visiting with his friend and told me that the girl was asking for pics of my rings and how many carrots and how much it cost!!! I couldn't believe it.  I judgmentally decided I didn't like her right then.  He told me when he told her the size of my ring she got pissed off at her fiancé that my ring was bigger and threw a mini hissy fit!!!!

I did finally meet her a few months or so ago and my impression of her was reinforced.  I couldn't stand her for more than 5 minutes.  We were at another friends wedding stuck at a table with her.  It was miserable.

I'm sorry but it's carats not carrots

lacqueredlover

raissyrais said:

bridet0be15 said:

I saw this post and had to tell you guys this.. because it bothered me!!

One of my FI really good friends and a friend of mine is marrying a total immature stupid girl!  We both got engaged at the same time, however I didn't know her at the time because her and her fiancé hadn't been dating long so we just hadn't had the opportunity to meet.  My FI came home from visiting with his friend and told me that the girl was asking for pics of my rings and how many carrots and how much it cost!!! I couldn't believe it.  I judgmentally decided I didn't like her right then.  He told me when he told her the size of my ring she got pissed off at her fiancé that my ring was bigger and threw a mini hissy fit!!!!

I did finally meet her a few months or so ago and my impression of her was reinforced.  I couldn't stand her for more than 5 minutes.  We were at another friends wedding stuck at a table with her.  It was miserable.

I'm sorry but it's carats not carrots

ChemFanatic25

My ex got me a 1.5 carat moissanite ring. I helped pick it out and made it very clear I didn't want a diamond. The only rude comment I got was from a close friend who asked the size, the cost, and why we chose moissanite. He is really REALLY cheap so when he heard the price he asked his then gf (now FI) about getting a moissanite ring over a diamond and she said no. He later made a comment that he was going to get the "real" thing. That hurt my feelings a bit because I got the "real" thing. It just wasn't diamond and I didn't want a diamond. I even asked if I could switch out the surrounding small diamonds for moissanite just because I loved the stone so much but they said that it would be difficult so we opted not to. 

Luckily I don't have to hear those ignorant comments since I don't have the ring anymore. My friend got his FI a halo ring and it's absolutely beautiful, and I have no idea the size or cost and I don't care. He tried to tell me how much it cost once but I said I didn't care, only as long as she liked it. He shut up and I think he is learning. It looks great on her hand and she likes it.

teddygirl9

I actually dont think its rude at all. But I'm not weird about money. Some of our friends were looking at houses after we bought and asked how much we paid, and I gladly told them. We compared specs, upgrade prices, etc. Tbh I think people put so much value on money now a days, and thats why it comes off rude. I ask for the diamond specs on all my friends diamonds because I LOVE diamonds. Its like asking what kind of dog you have, or admiring someone shoes. Its just a possession to me, and its just money that bought it. If you have a cute rescue mutt and someone comes up to you at the dog park and asks 'omg what kind of dog is that?!' do you get upset because it isnt a purebred? No! You love it just the same

There are alot of ways to get around it though, first saying 'I dont know', or 'Guess!' or you can say 'around x'.  

lacqueredlover

teddygirl9 said:

I actually dont think its rude at all. But I'm not weird about money. Some of our friends were looking at houses after we bought and asked how much we paid, and I gladly told them. We compared specs, upgrade prices, etc. Tbh I think people put so much value on money now a days, and thats why it comes off rude. I ask for the diamond specs on all my friends diamonds because I LOVE diamonds. Its like asking what kind of dog you have, or admiring someone shoes. Its just a possession to me, and its just money that bought it. If you have a cute rescue mutt and someone comes up to you at the dog park and asks 'omg what kind of dog is that?!' do you get upset because it isnt a purebred? No! You love it just the same

There are alot of ways to get around it though, first saying 'I dont know', or 'Guess!' or you can say 'around x'.  

No, asking what breed a dog is and asking someone how large their diamond is or how much it cost isn't remotely the same thing.  That's like saying asking someone what color their wall paint is and how much their house cost is the same thing.  It's inappropriate and tacky, especially when you are asking someone who isn't a very close friend or family member.

And saying "guess" implies you will tell the person if they are right.  And saying "around x" is also giving them an answer.  

teddygirl9

Eh guess I just don't care as much. I probably wouldn't ask how much their ring costs, but asking how many carats to me, is similar to asking what kind of counters you have. Would you be offended by that? If you have marble some people might be like ooooh. Or if you have laminate, people could think you're cheap. But its just counters!

EDIT: I also think there is a sense of judgement from the replies on this thread. So you think that if you tell someone they are going to judge you (either from spending too much, not spending enough, etc) and it seems like some people have experienced that, which is terrible. Some people are just honestly curious, or like myself, jewelry lovers. Not everyone is 'out to get you' in a sense, but it seems like alot of people here have been burned. 

I sound so naive haha. But I think where I'm from people just arent like that as much. Or at least, I dont interact with those ones

hugsy76103

I can definitely see how this is irritating. I think I was asked three times. I got engaged literally at the airport before leaving to go to out of the country, so for our trip I didn't bother to announce anything on social media, we only called our family and I called my girlfriends. When we did come home and I did make it "Facebook official" I immediately got lots of texts and one was from a girl i used to work with. Now, I don't necessarily call her a close friend by any means. She asked if I would send her a picture, and I didnt really want to, but did anyway. And then she asked me how big it was. I thought that was a little weird, and I told her. My hairdresser also commented on how beautiful it was and was like "is it 2...?" meaning is it 2 carats...its not and I told her, but I didn't mind that at all. And the only oher person that asked really was one of my bridesmaids, and that didn't really bother me because she knew that i actually know quite a bit about diamonds and did lots of research and pretty much helped my FI pick out the ring. I didn;t pick the exact ring, but we went together to look and I taught him everything I know basically, and we worked with a jeweler to narrow down some main stone choices.

Being that I love talking about and learning about diamonds I'm always curious to know ring sizes, although I don't ask. I have a pretty good eye to guess myself, but I don't ask because I don't want to offend anyone. I think if everyone continued to ask me I would get very irritated.

caitieharrison94

One of my bridesmaids, after I got engaged, forgot that I was engaged the next time I saw her. After being together about 30 minutes, she exclaimed "Oh yeah! You got engaged! Let's see the ring!" after which she examined it and then said, "Wow, he couldn't do any better than that?" Yeah, some people just have no class. The only thing you can do is stay above that and move along.

carrie0924

I haven't gotten any rude questions along these lines, but I have gotten some shocked gasps. My ring is a family ring (I'm the third generation to marry into this family and wear it), so it has a TON of meaning to me. It is white sapphire, (sapphire is my birthstone & I wanted sapphire in my ring so it has an additional layer of awesomeness). I believe it is 3.5 carats or so, and since it looks like diamond, it looks like I've got a pretty nice car priced diamond sitting on my finger, so I've seen more than a few people doing some mental calculations when they first see it, which is off-putting. I'm always quick to clarify its white sapphire, because I like having a less common stone and I like that it's my birthstone. UNLESS I'm being a catty bitch and I'm talking to somebody I don't like who I know is materialistic. Then I just never mention what type of stone it is, and they assume my ring is worth about 20 times what it actually is

kmbay84

I can also understand how that would be annoying after awhile.  My ring is also part of his family @carrie0924 and it also has a ton of meaning.  My ring is from my fiancé's grandmother who died about two months before he gave it to me and I guess she wanted me to have it as it was a special ring.  I knew that the ring was going to be from her and I honestly did not care what it looked like whatsoever.  The fact that it was from his grandmother was the most important part.  It is bigger than I expected, but that is all I know about it honestly.  That and that it looks nice.  I am honored just to wear a ring that means so much to his family.  Luckily, most of my friends and family just mentioned how beautiful it was when they saw it and did not ask anything further, which is how I think it should go down.  Just admire the beauty and meaning of the ring, comment on how beautiful it is, and talk about the engagement or whatnot, but I would not ask probing questions about carat size and worth.  I did have someone ask me that  and I just said that I did not know, because I honestly didn't know.  I still don't know the carat size and money value and all that jazz because it is not important to me. 

I don't really wear jewelry in the first place, so it's taken some getting used to in wearing the ring.  People have asked if I am going to get a wedding band as well, which I think is a more appropriate question, and I do not plan on it.  It is beautiful as is and I don't need anything else.  That is the ring that he will slip on my finger at the altar during the ceremony. 

I have never been this openly opinionated before lol.  Usually I would just try to sit back and listen if we were all in person or be very diplomatic about my answers.  I hope I am not sounding rude or anything! 

teddygirl9

kmbay84 Do you not have your ring insured? The 'money value and all that jazz' might not be important to you now, but if it is ever lost/damaged/stolen you will surely care then.

kmbay84

That is a good point @teddygirl9!  I was just trying to say that the sentimental value is more important than the money value to me.  It could have been a very simple ring and I would have been happy.  We haven't gotten it insured, but we will soon.  You are right about that.  Sorry for the way I sounded.