Asking about diamond size,...

lacqueredlover

sarahufl said:

lol, I live in New York City, where asking what people pay in rent is pretty standard on your first meeting.

I live in NYC too and I've always considered it tacky to ask that as does everyone I know.  I would never ask someone their rent because it's none of my business.  Also, because I have the internet and could easily enough find it out if I cared haha.

lacqueredlover

It's also virtually NEVER a good friend who has asked me about it.  It's strangers or like random coworkers.  Just so awkward to ask!  

KatieinBkln

Tacky, tacky, tacky. 

Your ring is bitchin', though. I get the curiosity, but not the wording. What's wrong with "Wow, what a gorgeous ring?" 

theartistformerlyknownas

So tacky. I've gotten the question about carat weight, plus "wow, that's bigger than it looked in the picture" and a very depressed sounding "oh, it's way bigger than mine." SUPER awkward.

lacqueredlover

lolo883 said:

So tacky. I've gotten the question about carat weight, plus "wow, that's bigger than it looked in the picture" and a very depressed sounding "oh, it's way bigger than mine." SUPER awkward.

People never cease to amaze me.  I purposely never posted my ring to my personal facebook or anywhere blog related because I didn't want to hear questions/comments about it.

pinkcow13

So tacky. What I noticed though, was that it was guys asking me the question. One coworker asked me how many carats my ring was, and another guy flat out asked how much FI paid for it. The other couple of questions were also from males. The females just commented on the ring, or asked how FI proposed. Although one chick (who invited herself to our wedding because she has never been to a wedding before. Cool, good to know. My wedding is not a guinea pig.) asked FI if he bought the ring at Tiffany's. Which I think is just a way to kind of find out how much the ring cost. 

I just chalked up all the guys asking me those questions so that they could kind of see what they were up for, since they were all in relationships lol.

lacqueredlover

pinkcow13 said:

So tacky. What I noticed though, was that it was guys asking me the question. One coworker asked me how many carats my ring was, and another guy flat out asked how much FI paid for it. The other couple of questions were also from males. The females just commented on the ring, or asked how FI proposed. Although one chick (who invited herself to our wedding because she has never been to a wedding before. Cool, good to know. My wedding is not a guinea pig.) asked FI if he bought the ring at Tiffany's. Which I think is just a way to kind of find out how much the ring cost. 

I just chalked up all the guys asking me those questions so that they could kind of see what they were up for, since they were all in relationships lol.

That I could almost understand.  But when a female coworker (or a randomly lady at my Starbucks, I kid you not) asks me, just plain tacky.

thisismynickname2

pinkcow13 said:

So tacky. What I noticed though, was that it was guys asking me the question. One coworker asked me how many carats my ring was, and another guy flat out asked how much FI paid for it. The other couple of questions were also from males. The females just commented on the ring, or asked how FI proposed. Although one chick (who invited herself to our wedding because she has never been to a wedding before. Cool, good to know. My wedding is not a guinea pig.) asked FI if he bought the ring at Tiffany's. Which I think is just a way to kind of find out how much the ring cost. 

I just chalked up all the guys asking me those questions so that they could kind of see what they were up for, since they were all in relationships lol.

This is an interesting point. Being a Tiffany ring, or other designer, significantly ups the price. If someone was asking carats because they were secretly fishing for value, really, it wouldn't matter.  One day my BFF and I cruised into Movado and she wanted to try on rings. One was $24k! We backed away slowly and awkwardly. It didn't look large; we can't believe it cost that much.  Also, we have a Jewelers Row here where you can buy loose diamonds wholesale. Many couples go that route because they can get better quality and value than buying a whole ring from a more usual kind of jewelry store.

Point being, tacky questions about carat aren't necessarily about price. I agree men would ask to get an idea of what they're getting into! ;-)  

jenna8984

lacqueredlover said:

sarahufl said:

lol, I live in New York City, where asking what people pay in rent is pretty standard on your first meeting.

I live in NYC too and I've always considered it tacky to ask that as does everyone I know.  I would never ask someone their rent because it's none of my business.  Also, because I have the internet and could easily enough find it out if I cared haha.

I'm that nosey stalker who looks up properties my friends buy to see how much they were. But not in a judging way, more in a I'm interested in real estate way. I'm always keeping an eye on the market seeing what my house can potentially list for and what I can afford in my next house. It's more "oh if that house is XX sf for $xx then I should know if something else is over/under priced". I don't look at it as "wow, how does that friend afford that".

KatWAG

I have had people as how many carats, can I take a picture of it, did fi buy it himself, etc. people have no shame. I dont know why but asking about rent never bothered by as much,

FWIW, diamonds should be measured in carats and all other gemstones should be measured on millimeters. A one carat diamond is not the same size/ weight as a one carat sapphire/ moonstone/ CZ/ ruby/ etc. Its not a accurate way to compare size.

lacqueredlover

jenna8984 said:

lacqueredlover said:

sarahufl said:

lol, I live in New York City, where asking what people pay in rent is pretty standard on your first meeting.

I live in NYC too and I've always considered it tacky to ask that as does everyone I know.  I would never ask someone their rent because it's none of my business.  Also, because I have the internet and could easily enough find it out if I cared haha.

I'm that nosey stalker who looks up properties my friends buy to see how much they were. But not in a judging way, more in a I'm interested in real estate way. I'm always keeping an eye on the market seeing what my house can potentially list for and what I can afford in my next house. It's more "oh if that house is XX sf for $xx then I should know if something else is over/under priced". I don't look at it as "wow, how does that friend afford that".

But that's kinda my point, you look it up, you don't straight up ask your friend!

canadianhearts

Asking a bride-to-be about the value of her engagement ring (price, number of carats, etc.) is the same as touching a mother-to-be's stomach. Some things you just don't do, yet people seem to think it's completely okay. Because you're "engaged". Or "pregnant". Or whatever "special circumstances" apparently don't call for common sense.

lbuet348

I don't even know how many carats my ring is and I went with my husband to pick it out lol shit like that just doesn't matter to me I guess.

amelisha

I've gotten plenty of crap about my ring in the other direction. It's small and it's an untreated aquamarine, not a diamond (and it's exactly what I wanted...I picked it out, I don't wear diamonds and I don't like a lot of jewelry), and people look SO disappointed when they ask to see it sometimes, like "...oh. That's it?" It's on their faces if not always in their mouths.

I am already so sick of having to justify MY CHOICE and defending my fiancé (who bought me exactly what I asked for and would have spent ten times more, if that's what I wanted...see, I'm defensive talking about it now) because some people are rude.

So I feel your pain. The only appropriate comment to make, in my opinion, is "oh, how lovely/unusual/sparkly/huge/delicate/etc." Like, just say something generally considered to be a compliment and then move on. Leave the how much/how big/what clarity comments alone except with your very closest friends.

lnixon8

There's 3 ways I answer this. (My solitaire diamond is a little more than 2, in case anyone was wondering the "tone" of questions I get)

1. What other PPs have said.. "I'm not sure, but I love it!" or something to that extent...

2. To well meaning people (older work friends, family friends) "It's 2 but I would have said yes to a ring pop"

3. To assholes and besties (who I tell later) "65 carats." These are usually the people that ask my theme for my wedding and I respond "glitter and ribs", which is a GREAT billy eichner as t. swift music video in case you haven't seen it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzqw57Q3eNI

 

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

lnixon8 said:

There's 3 ways I answer this. (My solitaire diamond is a little more than 2, in case anyone was wondering the "tone" of questions I get)

1. What other PPs have said.. "I'm not sure, but I love it!" or something to that extent...

2. To well meaning people (older work friends, family friends) "It's 2 but I would have said yes to a ring pop"

3. To assholes and besties (who I tell later) "65 carats." These are usually the people that ask my theme for my wedding and I respond "glitter and ribs", which is a GREAT billy eichner as t. swift music video in case you haven't seen it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzqw57Q3eNI

 

Or if you wanna be a total bitch you can also add to that list of responses "How much do you weigh?  Oh, I'm sorry, was that RUDE?  Don't you hate RUDE PEOPLE??"

knottie75e99fe4be548d97

What if you gave an outrageous answer like a 1/4 (if it's quite big) or 2 carats (if it's fairly average or small).  What is the # validating to them?  Then it turns the tables on them and if they refute it, it just makes them look even more nosy.  Most people can look at a ring and decide if it appeals to them or not (not to mention it's none of their business since it's not theirs if they don't like it). Wow.  Even better, ask them what size jeans they're wearing.

feignducky

What creeped me out most ring-question-wise was vendors when you meet any, want to see the ring. I had not worn it to a few first meetings, which was awkward. I never wear jewlery regularly - I'll fidget with most, and was in the process of getting it re-sized. So I left it home, to keep me from accidentaly losing it. 

I didn't like the some of my extended family's casual nick-names and coments. They included the phrase"...bling bling...", which disurbed me. We're much different personalities, so I let them finish, and guide the conversation go to another topic.

My favorite comment/reaction was a random neighbor pulling me aside at a party (months after the engagement), and sharing a story about her grandparent's relationship, then saying and how my ring resembeled their grandparent's ring. 

vegasbride2015

HaileyDancingbear said:

People like to ask me if it's "Real," which I think is just an insanely stupid question.  Because technically, no ring is "Fake-"  Cubic Zirconia is "Real" Cubic Zirconia, not a "Fake" diamond.  Same with Moissanite or other diamond substitutes.  Even if it was plastic it would be "Real" plastic.  Unless someone is nuts and is imagining a ring that doesn't exist, it's friggin real.  

Also, I have a moonstone.  It's not a diamond, nor is it intended to look like a diamond, it's intended to look like a damn moonstone because I think moonstones are pretty.  I think it's stupid that people seem to categorize rings as either "Diamond" or "Fake."  Not every stone is trying to be a diamond, and I personally prefer moonstones over diamonds.  

THANK YOU!!! That bugs me to death. Love your gif by the way, great movie.

kelseykhaos

My ring is Cubic Zirconia. That's all he could afford at the time, and he wanted to give me the most sparkle he could. Soon after getting engaged, my aunt, (whose daughter is married to a rich financial planner I might add) grabbed my hand and said in a very scornful manner, "That's gotta be CZ. There's no way a manager of a sandwich shop could afford that much diamond." I was LIVID.

photokitty

Outside of my immediately family - but we talk about everything -the only people who ever asked my were guys friends who were asking foe advice about buying a ring for their girlfriend. 

I give those dudes a free pass too bc some people need a friend who will tell you want your in for before you get blinded by the jewelry store. 

hellosweetie1015

I really, truly dare people to say something about my ring. I want it. Because I swear to God I'd be that bitch that says 65 carats, how big is yours?

My ring is sterling silver and I have no idea what the carat weight is, but I suspect it's close to nothing. It's also beautiful, delicate, and it has a little "secret" heart in the setting. I had no input at all in my ring, had no idea he'd even been shopping for one, and it's still perfect. Its carat weight means fuck all to me.

charlieyankee03

I'm a little late to the party, but this was worth sharing. I was reading this thread and laughing out loud at the audacity of some people. My coworker asked what I was laughing about and I told her about the thread and how rude some people are to ask about rings and that I was laughing at some of the responses.

Not ONE HOUR LATER, she leaned over and asked where FI got my ring from. I told her I didn't know (I do). She asked what the box looked like, I told her it was a non-descript blue box (it wasn't). She said he must have ordered it online (he did), from somewhere like Blue Nile (nope). I played stupid the whole time, bean dipping and refusing to give any information. I thought the conversation was over, until ten minutes later when she leaned over and told me that it looks like it is about 2 carats (around there) and that according to the clarity he must have spent over $10K on my ring (he most certainly did not).

I told her I had no idea what he spent (I do) and I don't care to. It's not about money and it's CERTAINLY not her business. She is one of the few people from work that have spent time with FI and I and she was on the list for an invite. Good thing we didn't send out STD's yet, I'm seriously considering taking her off the list after that.

**Side note, I was already feeling snarky after getting called out by another coworker whom recently wed. He knows FI and I but I have NEVER hung out with him outside of work, nor have I met his wife (FI has twice). We declined the wedding invite for scheduling reasons and did not get them a gift. He proceeded to call me out in front of multiple coworkers for this. I was in such a state of shock that all I could say was 'Gifts are not a requirement.' 

Negativity

I've gotten a lot of compliments on it, and had a few 'what did that cost?'.  I just respond with 'fucked if I know, don't care.'  I picked it out, but that doesn't mean I was paying attention to the price tag/weight/anything.  

Edited because I failed miserably at the pic adding.  

irishfly

I feel like that's like seeing a huge penis and asking the size. So you must be sporting a huge rock. Congrats!!!

cupcait927

I managed to get through my entire engagement period without one single remark about my ring and last night, it happened. I was at a local business where most of the people know H and I. The woman at the register asked to see my rings. I show her and she exclaims "oh it's so tiny! but that's okay, you have tiny hands". I had to keep my jaw from dropping and wasn't sure whether or not to be offended. Was she talking about the band, or the setting and stone itself? I don't have the biggest ring but I wouldn't call it tiny. I was just so taken aback and irritated by the whole situation. For someone who's already self-conscious, this didn't help. Big, small, real or "fake", it is NEVER EVER okay to remark on the size or type of someone's ring.

raissyrais

Yep, I was being hit on really bad by a guy at a club once and he suddenly saw the ring on my finger (finally!) and his reaction went from surprised, pissed to smug : "that's it? If it was me, it would have been way bigger!". And my ring is quite a large sapphire with diamonds around it. What's the problem with people and wanting everything to be bigger and bigger all the time?! It doesn't MEAN anything.

[Deleted User]

The worst I got was "Oh… it's so simple". It's a 0.5c solitaire ring, and absolute perfection for ME. Hers is a $20,000 ring (I know because her now-husband talked to me about it… which was weird in itself), which is absolute perfection for HER. Urrrgh...

CMGragain

I was once asked by one of my former high school students, "Mrs. Jones, are those chains around your neck real, or are they plated?"  My response was to smile and say, "I'm so glad you like them.  Please pass the bean dip."

princessofgenovia

Mine's not a diamond. I've gotten "But don't you want a diamond" nope not at all, or "Couldn't he afford a real ring?" dude it's not a hologram, and "Make him buy you a diamond" why?

Hey if you got a diamond and you love it good for you. But they aren't my style and my FI knows me pretty well so he didn't get me a diamond.