Warning, this is a total rant. I am just really fed up with my Mom.
I just got off of the phone with my Mom, and I was almost in tears.
So, to give some background... She started dating someone this spring (and lied to me about it.. which was hurtful, but it's her life, whatever.) and I just found out two days ago that they are coming to the wedding. I invited him as a +1 because she WOULDN'T GIVE ME HIS FUCKING NAME TO USE HIS ACTUAL NAME FOR THE INVITE. Thankfully we had budgeted for +1s (they were dating when we send out Save the Dates, but that was during the time that she was lying to me about seeing anyone). There is no way that I can drive the 4+ hours to where she lives before the wedding, and she refuses to drive down here (she told me that the drive is too far) so the first time I'm going to meet this guy is at the RD. I threw a little pity party, but I am over that now.
My Mom doesn't give a fuck about my wedding, which is fine- I'm a sensitive person, so it does makes me sad, but I know that weddings aren't everyone's thing. Overall, she just acts like she is so inconvenienced by the wedding. Even her offers for help are insincere and she makes it sound like it's a huge obligation to ask to help. And that has been the most she talks about the wedding. Other than that she talks about what her and her BF are up to (it's like talking to a high schooler about relationships) and then has me play therapist with where I think they might be in their relationship. She often gets upset when I say, "well, I don't know him well enough- you should probably just ask him how he feels/ what he wants to do/ where you stand/ etc." (seriously- these are two adults, you'd think that the "what are we" conversation wasn't a huge deal. At this point, it doesn't seem like she has any interest in my life, let alone wedding.
She is also complaining that she has to get there Friday. I know that weddings aren't tit for tat, and you can't tell other people how to spend their money.. but she got a fucking house for a full week when my sister got married. A FUCKING HOUSE FOR A WEEK AND TWO NIGHTS IN A HOTEL ARE INCONVENIENT?!
And she has just been a bit of a jerk in general. I know I sound really harsh, and I am happy that she is putting herself first- but this is just not how you treat people. She keeps asking me about my weight, telling me what she weighs (yay her for losing weight, I don't see how your weightloss means that you have any business knowing my weight), asking me what size I am, etc., etc.. I have a lot of issues with my body image, and this is making them worse. She has even started to say stuff like, "you should start kayaking to tone your arms!". I would love to, but- SHE TOOK MY KAYAK AND WON'T GIVE IT BACK BECAUSE SHE AND BF USE IT.
The final straw when we were talking tonight and she apologized for not calling me as often. (I don't care if she calls me often, I just want her to be nice and mentally present when she talks to me). I told her I was happy that she was doing her thing, (which I am, minus the BS she's pulling) and she just stopped talking. I think she was giving me the silent treatment? Or just checking her e-mail on the phone.. which is such a dick move, IMO. I even asked her if she had to go, and she said no. I tried to get her to chat, and she was giving me one word answers (like someone who is reading or engaged in something else). She finally got chatty again, and asked if we had booked the honeymoon, which is her first honest interest in the wedding in a long time. I told her where we were going and she asked if we were going hiking, and I told her that I wasn't sure. (We are only going to be there for 7 days, and we want to got to multiple cities.. not sure if we'll have time to go out hiking, even thought we are fairly avid hikers.) To which she said, "that sounds boring".
Really? You just called my honeymoon boring?! And you're my mother?! JFC. Second of all, we're going to Amsterdam- which I'm pretty sure is a very un-boring city.
I'm just fed up with her. There is nothing that I really can do because I don't want to stir up shit this close to the wedding, because it will only create more stress for me. I did talk to my sister, and apparently my Mom was a jerk to her during her wedding planning too.
I am sad that I asked her to walk me down the isle with my Dad. I wish that I never said anything, and I could have just walked in with FI.
She's never been an easy person to deal with, I've just accepted it... but I can't lie and say that I don't wish that she could pretend to be a nurturing person.