This is so much worse: a vent, unsolicited advice....

Jells2dot0

I can't even begin to get into some of the comments made to me. I just smile and say thank you, even if I thought the comment was rude. There is no point in getting all bent over anything because it's not going to change anything.

Cookie Pusher

mschristie123 said:

Ugh this thread reminded me that DH and I have a "friend" (his friend's wife) who snarked hard core on my ring right after we got engaged. This couple wasn't engaged yet at the time, and she said to me, "oh how dainty! I could never have a ring like that with my big fingers." I'm pretty sure in that situation dainty= small.

Bitch.

The now-FI of a friend of ours made similar remarks when another friend proposed. While we were looking at the ring, she said something about how she'd need a much bigger stone because her fingers are bigger. It took every bit of self-control not to snark back at her when she did finally get engaged and her stone was smaller.

mschristie123

Cookie Pusher said:

mschristie123 said:

Ugh this thread reminded me that DH and I have a "friend" (his friend's wife) who snarked hard core on my ring right after we got engaged. This couple wasn't engaged yet at the time, and she said to me, "oh how dainty! I could never have a ring like that with my big fingers." I'm pretty sure in that situation dainty= small.

Bitch.

The now-FI of a friend of ours made similar remarks when another friend proposed. While we were looking at the ring, she said something about how she'd need a much bigger stone because her fingers are bigger. It took every bit of self-control not to snark back at her when she did finally get engaged and her stone was smaller.

Yeah this girl did end up getting a giant rock- like 3 carats or something like that. So I guess that means she wins?.....or something....??

Cookie Pusher

mschristie123 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

mschristie123 said:

Ugh this thread reminded me that DH and I have a "friend" (his friend's wife) who snarked hard core on my ring right after we got engaged. This couple wasn't engaged yet at the time, and she said to me, "oh how dainty! I could never have a ring like that with my big fingers." I'm pretty sure in that situation dainty= small.

Bitch.

The now-FI of a friend of ours made similar remarks when another friend proposed. While we were looking at the ring, she said something about how she'd need a much bigger stone because her fingers are bigger. It took every bit of self-control not to snark back at her when she did finally get engaged and her stone was smaller.

Yeah this girl did end up getting a giant rock- like 3 carats or something like that. So I guess that means she wins?.....or something....??

It's so stupid to think the size of someone's ring has any bearing whatsoever on anything. I mean, someone could be given a very large stone of poor quality - is that somehow better than receiving a smaller stone of superior quality? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Jells2dot0

Cookie Pusher said:

mschristie123 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

mschristie123 said:

Ugh this thread reminded me that DH and I have a "friend" (his friend's wife) who snarked hard core on my ring right after we got engaged. This couple wasn't engaged yet at the time, and she said to me, "oh how dainty! I could never have a ring like that with my big fingers." I'm pretty sure in that situation dainty= small.

Bitch.

The now-FI of a friend of ours made similar remarks when another friend proposed. While we were looking at the ring, she said something about how she'd need a much bigger stone because her fingers are bigger. It took every bit of self-control not to snark back at her when she did finally get engaged and her stone was smaller.

Yeah this girl did end up getting a giant rock- like 3 carats or something like that. So I guess that means she wins?.....or something....??



It's so stupid to think the size of someone's ring has any bearing whatsoever on anything. I mean, someone could be given a very large stone of poor quality - is that somehow better than receiving a smaller stone of superior quality? Dumb, dumb, dumb.

I met someone in college who got engaged and was trying as hard as she could to flash her ring in everyone's face. It was a larger stone- maybe 2 cts or so- but it was yellow in not a good way. It barely had any shine either. The important part is that she loved it, but IMHO, she was drawing only negative thoughts by bragging.

slothiegal

I think I've mentioned it before, but I've had the opposite problem--I've actually had someone comment, "Oh, your diamond's so small, could he not afford anything bigger?"

My diamond is from my MIL; when slothieguy was ready to propose, she asked if he would like to use the diamond that his first dad gave her before he died.  When I heard that, I was FLOORED that she would let me have that, it meant the world to me.

But even without that sentimental factor, shut the fuck up.  Where do people get off thinking they can say shit like that?

holyguacamole79

slothiegal said:

I think I've mentioned it before, but I've had the opposite problem--I've actually had someone comment, "Oh, your diamond's so small, could he not afford anything bigger?"

Daaaaaaaaaaaang, that's super tacky. 

novella1186

slothiegal said:

I think I've mentioned it before, but I've had the opposite problem--I've actually had someone comment, "Oh, your diamond's so small, could he not afford anything bigger?"

My diamond is from my MIL; when slothieguy was ready to propose, she asked if he would like to use the diamond that his first dad gave her before he died.  When I heard that, I was FLOORED that she would let me have that, it meant the world to me.

But even without that sentimental factor, shut the fuck up.  Where do people get off thinking they can say shit like that?

SIB

And what if the guy really couldn't afford a bigger diamond? Cuz a lot of people don't have over $10,000 to drop on a piece of jewelry. Does that make him a bad person? Does it make the ring less pretty? Does it make the love story less romantic? Let's rub it in the bride's face that they don't have unlimited amounts of cash to spend on whatever nonsense they want. Let's try to make her feel bad that she doesn't have an insanely huge gem on her finger. Ugh. JFC. People annoy me. 

lacqueredlover

People have asked me really inappropriate questions about my ring.  I had a whole thread about it in Snarky Brides.  Basically, anyone who says anything about your ring other than something to the effect of "it's beautiful" is an asshole.  Rings are SUCH a personal thing and you never know the stories behind it.

falsara

Yea, the small thing bugs me.  Mine is small, because I wanted it to be small.    I've gotten the "Its so small.  You guys are going to upgrade it right?"  

Um, no.  I feel no reason to upgrade because being engaged to my FI is more about the fact that I'm going to marry him than about the fact that I now have a ring on my finger.

mrs4everhart

For the life of me I just can't imagine mustering the fucks to give about other people's jewelry choices. Talk about stuff that has absolutely ZERO effect on anyone else! 

I also can't imagine being such a dick that I'd want to insult someone else's jewelry. That's one instance of "if you can't find anything nice to say, STFU." Or, a simple, "Congratulations" will suffice.

Like I said in my OP, the idea that anyone thinks big ring = big love is just appalling to me. There are lots of people out there with huge rings and shitty marriages and people with no rings at all and love stories to rival every love story ever written. And all sorts of situations in between. There is no correlation. 

I wish people would get it out of their heads that one has any damn thing to do with the other. And then realize that commenting negatively on other people's personal accessories is just unnecessary. 

I did enjoy many of the witty comebacks listed above. I just wish no one ever had cause to have to use any of them!

ETA: words

novella1186

We went to look at rings once, a while before we got engaged, and the lady at the jewelry store kept nagging FI about the budget, and then wanted to show me "the biggest stone our money could get." I kept asking to see smaller stones cuz I have tiny fingers and I didn't want it to look ridiculous on me. She put a 5ct diamond on me and I honestly thought it looked stupid, and it looked like fake costume jewelry, cuz it was just too big for my finger. Not to mention that it was quiet a ways out of our budget. I told FI that if he spent that kind of money on a stupid ring, while we're trying to save for a house, I would leave him because it would be such a totally senseless waste of money. Since I asked for a smaller stone, does that mean I love him less? Guess so. 

hellosweetie1015

I just don't like any of this. I have a tiny quiet ring. My sister wants a big flashy ring (and has a cheap placeholder at the moment). Neither one of them are indicative of how much our partners love and care about us. 

I will say that if someone dares say something about my ring I wouldn't hesitate to rip them a new one. 

slothiegal

sarahbear31 said:

slothiegal said:

I think I've mentioned it before, but I've had the opposite problem--I've actually had someone comment, "Oh, your diamond's so small, could he not afford anything bigger?"

Daaaaaaaaaaaang, that's super tacky. 

Yeah, I think my response was something along these lines:

thisismynickname2

KatieinBkln said:

mrs4everhart said:

alucky23 said:

mrs4everhart said:

Honestly, it sounds more like a put down to me - like the big ring wearer is the one without their priorities straight. 

How so? Many women are surprised by their engagement/ring. And many people can afford more expensive rings. So the price is relative. The idea that people equate size of a ring to how much love someone feels for another is jacked up, IMO.

It sounds petty and jealous to me. Obviously the statement says more about the person making it than the wearer. 

SIB*****************************************

Thanks for the clarification. I think I read it wrong the first time and misunderstood.

Even though it makes no sense, I totally see this. Maybe it's the midwestern upbringing, but there is definitely a subset of people who think any girl with a big/fancy ring is automatically an ostentatious, materialistic, high-maintenance biddy. It's a really shitty attitude, but it's certainly a persistent one.

I'll admit I'm ashamed to agree with this. Particularly in Chicago, I think it has more to do with the wealth of the man than the materialism of the woman. 

KatieinBkln

thisismynickname said:

KatieinBkln said:

mrs4everhart said:

alucky23 said:

mrs4everhart said:

Honestly, it sounds more like a put down to me - like the big ring wearer is the one without their priorities straight. 

How so? Many women are surprised by their engagement/ring. And many people can afford more expensive rings. So the price is relative. The idea that people equate size of a ring to how much love someone feels for another is jacked up, IMO.

It sounds petty and jealous to me. Obviously the statement says more about the person making it than the wearer. 

SIB*****************************************

Thanks for the clarification. I think I read it wrong the first time and misunderstood.

Even though it makes no sense, I totally see this. Maybe it's the midwestern upbringing, but there is definitely a subset of people who think any girl with a big/fancy ring is automatically an ostentatious, materialistic, high-maintenance biddy. It's a really shitty attitude, but it's certainly a persistent one.

I'll admit I'm ashamed to agree with this. Particularly in Chicago, I think it has more to do with the wealth of the man than the materialism of the woman. 

I had to really confront that aspect of my upbringing when I moved away from WI. This is not to say everyone raised there feels this way, but I needed to realize that reverse snobbery is also tacky as fuck and that I needed to knock that shit off. There are plenty of substantive things to judge people about; their rings are just not one of them.

Jells2dot0

KatieinBkln said:

thisismynickname said:

KatieinBkln said:

mrs4everhart said:

alucky23 said:

mrs4everhart said:

alucky23 said:

Honestly, it sounds more like a put down to me - like the big ring wearer is the one without their priorities straight. 

How so? Many women are surprised by their engagement/ring. And many people can afford more expensive rings. So the price is relative.

The idea that people equate size of a ring to how much love someone feels for another is jacked up, IMO.

It sounds petty and jealous to me. Obviously the statement says more about the person making it than the wearer. 

SIB*****************************************

Thanks for the clarification. I think I read it wrong the first time and misunderstood.

Even though it makes no sense, I totally see this. Maybe it's the midwestern upbringing, but there is definitely a subset of people who think any girl with a big/fancy ring is automatically an ostentatious, materialistic, high-maintenance biddy. It's a really shitty attitude, but it's certainly a persistent one.


I'll admit I'm ashamed to agree with this. Particularly in Chicago, I think it has more to do with the wealth of the man than the materialism of the woman. 


I had to really confront that aspect of my upbringing when I moved away from WI. This is not to say everyone raised there feels this way, but I needed to realize that reverse snobbery is also tacky as fuck and that I needed to knock that shit off. There are plenty of substantive things to judge people about; their rings are just not one of them.

I know we're all poor judges of ourselves. I think I can safely say that I have a ring that is on the larger side. I happen to think it's gorgeous. DH picked out a great ring. However, we're the exact opposite of flashy. At least in my eyes. Sure, I own a few nice things, but i'm also super casual, laid back, and like to fly under the radar. DH even more so. Quite frankly, any attention makes me uncomfortable, but I deal with it as it comes.

KatieinBkln

Jells2dot0 said:

thisismynickname said:

KatieinBkln said:

mrs4everhart said:

alucky23 said:

mrs4everhart said:

Honestly, it sounds more like a put down to me - like the big ring wearer is the one without their priorities straight. 

How so? Many women are surprised by their engagement/ring. And many people can afford more expensive rings. So the price is relative. The idea that people equate size of a ring to how much love someone feels for another is jacked up, IMO.

It sounds petty and jealous to me. Obviously the statement says more about the person making it than the wearer. 

SIB*****************************************

Thanks for the clarification. I think I read it wrong the first time and misunderstood.

Even though it makes no sense, I totally see this. Maybe it's the midwestern upbringing, but there is definitely a subset of people who think any girl with a big/fancy ring is automatically an ostentatious, materialistic, high-maintenance biddy. It's a really shitty attitude, but it's certainly a persistent one.

I'll admit I'm ashamed to agree with this. Particularly in Chicago, I think it has more to do with the wealth of the man than the materialism of the woman. 

I had to really confront that aspect of my upbringing when I moved away from WI. This is not to say everyone raised there feels this way, but I needed to realize that reverse snobbery is also tacky as fuck and that I needed to knock that shit off. There are plenty of substantive things to judge people about; their rings are just not one of them.

I know we're all poor judges of ourselves. I think I can safely say that I have a ring that is on the larger side. I happen to think it's gorgeous. DH picked out a great ring. However, we're the exact opposite of flashy. At least in my eyes. Sure, I own a few nice things, but i'm also super casual, laid back, and like to fly under the radar. DH even more so. Quite frankly, any attention makes me uncomfortable, but I deal with it as it comes.

Yep. I think unless people are saying nasty things to go along with their expensive jewels, the best practice is not to assume anything about their circumstances. Not that I begrudge anyone who can afford beautiful things! But it's true that there's no way to know just by looking at someone whether they're scrimping or diving into Scrooge McDuck-style pools of money every night. It doesn't do to speculate, really.

lacqueredlover

I don't know, maybe it's just me but I don't judge people's personalities and values based on the size or cost of their engagement ring.   I happen to have a large ring (on a small hand so I'm sure people think it's even bigger than it is) because the center stone was my grandmother's, my mom added to it and then my fiance and I reset it.  Other people might have a large stone because they can afford it and like it.  Some people might have a small stone because it's all they can afford and others because it's what their taste is.  I don't presume to know anything about a person based on their ring just like I don't based on what car they drive or the size of the home they live in.  We all do what works for us personally.

jennyleigh16

I had a coworker tell me tonight that my FI must really love me because he got me a nice big ring. (It really isn't, the diamonds are just set really high). He followed that up with "Maybe if I bought my wife a ring that big we'd still be married." Because his temper and her cheating had nothing to do with their downfall, just the ring size.

raissyrais

lacqueredlover said:

I don't know, maybe it's just me but I don't judge people's personalities and values based on the size or cost of their engagement ring.   I happen to have a large ring (on a small hand so I'm sure people think it's even bigger than it is) because the center stone was my grandmother's, my mom added to it and then my fiance and I reset it.  Other people might have a large stone because they can afford it and like it.  Some people might have a small stone because it's all they can afford and others because it's what their taste is.  I don't presume to know anything about a person based on their ring just like I don't based on what car they drive or the size of the home they live in.  We all do what works for us personally.

Agreed. Only materialistic, heads up their own butts assholes would think that the size of a stone is equal to the size of their love. You know, yesterday my FI picked his wedding band off of Amazon and I'm buying it for him as my wedding present to him. He picked a titanium ring finally and it cost 17 pounds! As cheap as that is, does it mean I don't love him enough?! Shaddap all of you mofos out there.