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What To Say and What NOT to Say to a Young(er) Bride: A Guide

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Re: What To Say and What NOT to Say to a Young(er) Bride: A Guide

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    princessofgenoviaprincessofgenovia member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    So..I'm going to be 24 tomorrow. I've only gotten a few comments about getting married young. Most from people who know me and know I always thought I'd be in the 30s before I got married. Not really negative but mostly "Oh wow, always thought you'd be older, well congrats FI is a great guy, blah de blah". 

    The majority of people we've told are really happy for us and think it's great we're getting married. Even though we're young. Because we act mature. I don't have to say "I'm MATURE, I've LIVED", I just ya know, act mature, do my thing, and people don't really question it. 

    I totally partied and slept around though. And I'm marrying a frat boy I woke up next to one morning. So according to you, I'm just following my cookie cutter mold I'm suppossed to. So what do I know right? 
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    lacqueredloverlacqueredlover member
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    princessofgenovia said:
    kelseykhaos said: So you tell me-- would you rather see me happy and married at age 22 or a battered, divorced single mom at age 22?
    Why are those your only two life choices? There are way more choices. If these are your only life choices you need to reexamine some shit.
    Perfectly put.

    At 22, I was a college senior, single, loving my life and preparing to travel europe for several months.  The "options" of being happily married or a battered, divorced single mom weren't even part of the equation.
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    levioosalevioosa member
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    lacqueredlover said:
    princessofgenovia said:
    kelseykhaos said: So you tell me-- would you rather see me happy and married at age 22 or a battered, divorced single mom at age 22?
    Why are those your only two life choices? There are way more choices. If these are your only life choices you need to reexamine some shit.
    Perfectly put.

    At 22, I was a college senior, single, loving my life and preparing to travel europe for several months.  The "options" of being happily married or a battered, divorced single mom weren't even part of the equation.
    Did she change her name to MusicSoul and delete the comment? I missed it. 

    Regardless, is there a reason it has to be one or the other?  At 22 I was in college, working, and living life.  That is one of the stupidest comparisons I have ever seen.  This feels like a toddler throwing a tantrum that we didn't hand over the lollipop.  


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    beetherybeethery member
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    levioosa said:

    lacqueredlover said:
    princessofgenovia said:
    kelseykhaos said: So you tell me-- would you rather see me happy and married at age 22 or a battered, divorced single mom at age 22?
    Why are those your only two life choices? There are way more choices. If these are your only life choices you need to reexamine some shit.
    Perfectly put.

    At 22, I was a college senior, single, loving my life and preparing to travel europe for several months.  The "options" of being happily married or a battered, divorced single mom weren't even part of the equation.
    Did she change her name to MusicSoul and delete the comment? I missed it. 

    Regardless, is there a reason it has to be one or the other?  At 22 I was in college, working, and living life.  That is one of the stupidest comparisons I have ever seen.  This feels like a toddler throwing a tantrum that we didn't hand over the lollipop.  
    Nah, the name change would be reflected in the OP. MusicSoul is a different person.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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    levioosalevioosa member
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    beethery said:
    levioosa said:

    lacqueredlover said:
    princessofgenovia said:
    kelseykhaos said: So you tell me-- would you rather see me happy and married at age 22 or a battered, divorced single mom at age 22?
    Why are those your only two life choices? There are way more choices. If these are your only life choices you need to reexamine some shit.
    Perfectly put.

    At 22, I was a college senior, single, loving my life and preparing to travel europe for several months.  The "options" of being happily married or a battered, divorced single mom weren't even part of the equation.
    Did she change her name to MusicSoul and delete the comment? I missed it. 

    Regardless, is there a reason it has to be one or the other?  At 22 I was in college, working, and living life.  That is one of the stupidest comparisons I have ever seen.  This feels like a toddler throwing a tantrum that we didn't hand over the lollipop.  
    Nah, the name change would be reflected in the OP. MusicSoul is a different person.
    I noticed after I ran my mouth. I feel so nosy.  Ha. 


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    rocklibsta24rocklibsta24 member
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    edited November 2014
    Like many people have already said, it is really childish and immature for the OP to assume she is so much more mature than others because she's gone through a lot. Hate to break it to ya, girl, but you can't just make assumptions like that! Everyone has faced some kind of hardship or another! Sometimes those hardships don't make you more mature, either!
    Also, I thought I was ready to get engaged over 3 years ago, but I'm really glad that my fiancé (then boyfriend) and his mom talked sense into me. I was way too selfish, immature, and young to get married. I saw my classmates getting engaged and thought I needed to be engaged, too. So, although I'm still pretty young I am glad I listened to others when they said something because their concerns were valid at the time and I needed to hear them (even though I may not have wanted to hear them at first).

    Edited because I'm bad at words.
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    glitch104glitch104 member
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    kelseykhaos said:
    For what it's worth, this was meant to be humorous. It wasn't meant to be taken -too- seriously. Most of the comments I've gotten have been from strangers who only know my age and that I'm engaged. I'm genuinely appalled at some of these comments and feel like some of the responses are just as immature as what you're accusing me of. I usually give a much more tactful, thought-out response than this. So, do with that what you will. 
    Sounds like someone is backpedaling because she got put in her place and cant form mature responses to the backlash. So why hold back on your oh so "tactful, thought-out response"? Please I am dying to read it.









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    redheadbride15redheadbride15 member
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    You go, girl! May you hold onto your ideals and don't let age make you bitter.

    Best wishes from a 37 year-old bride :)
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    Wegl13Wegl13 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    You know, when I was 22, it was a totally normal age to get married at in my circle of people. In fact, at 22, I got a LOT more questions about why my BF and I weren't engaged yet. 22 is really not that shockingly young- generally that's about the age of a college grad with a bachelors. Generally my friends got engaged around the holidays in their senior year and married after graduation.
    I think this is further proof that the comments you are getting about being so young are more related to your maturity level than your age.
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    glitch104glitch104 member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    What NOT to Say:
    • But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you. You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. Furthermore, I didn't realize there was a rule that you had to get married after age 25/27/etc. And no, I'm not above making the argument that our parents/grandparents got married at 18-21 and they're doing just fine

    GIRL PLEASE! YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE SO DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS?!? PLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE! SHARE YOUR STORY OF LIFE TO "ENLIGHTEN US ALL!" 

    YOU dear lady are so warped!!!! wanna hear my "STORY OF LIFE?"

    pffft you dont deserve to hear it!







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    MegEn1MegEn1 member
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    Yeah I'd love to hear these thoughtful responses about how much more OP has lived than we have.

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
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    mrsk616mrsk616 member
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    high school does not prepare you for the real world. you have not experienced anything until you get in college when the professors and no one else care about you. as for the explanations well that is just childish itself. grow up wait a few years and go from there. 
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    sassyfrass2014sassyfrass2014 member
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    I teach high school science, so I've seen the maturity range. I even sometimes like to think that I was one of those mature students, but honestly, probably not. Some of my students are very immature and absolutely could not be married, however some of my students have seen more life than I have.

    The latter group of students, were they to wed, would not write a post like the one I just read. That, my dear, may be why you have people questioning your marriage-eligibility. Maturity is not stamping your foot on the ground and screaming, "I'M MATURE! I'M OLD ENOUGH!" Maturity is something that is shown. It is something that people can see, and don't have to question. Sweetie, I have not seen maturity in your original post, nor any of the rebuttals that you've since posted.

    Think about your words before you speak. Think about your actions before you act. Honestly, just think for a second, because you can now count another person amongst the near army that doesn't think you're ready to be married.

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    MegEn1MegEn1 member
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    sassyfrass2014 said:
    I teach high school science, so I've seen the maturity range. I even sometimes like to think that I was one of those mature students, but honestly, probably not. Some of my students are very immature and absolutely could not be married, however some of my students have seen more life than I have.

    The latter group of students, were they to wed, would not write a post like the one I just read. That, my dear, may be why you have people questioning your marriage-eligibility. Maturity is not stamping your foot on the ground and screaming, "I'M MATURE! I'M OLD ENOUGH!" Maturity is something that is shown. It is something that people can see, and don't have to question. Sweetie, I have not seen maturity in your original post, nor any of the rebuttals that you've since posted.

    Think about your words before you speak. Think about your actions before you act. Honestly, just think for a second, because you can now count another person amongst the near army that doesn't think you're ready to be married.
    I used to get called 'mature' all the time when I was in high school by teachers, parents, etc. because of my kind of effed-up upbringing and how I'd handled it.

    In no way, shape, or form was that 'mature' child anywhere near ready to be married.

    Not saying some of your kids not, just saying that even though I had my act really together despite bad situations in high school does not mean I was developed and, well, mature enough to make a life decision like that. 

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    sassyfrass2014sassyfrass2014 member
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    MegEn1 said:
    sassyfrass2014 said:
    I teach high school science, so I've seen the maturity range. I even sometimes like to think that I was one of those mature students, but honestly, probably not. Some of my students are very immature and absolutely could not be married, however some of my students have seen more life than I have.

    The latter group of students, were they to wed, would not write a post like the one I just read. That, my dear, may be why you have people questioning your marriage-eligibility. Maturity is not stamping your foot on the ground and screaming, "I'M MATURE! I'M OLD ENOUGH!" Maturity is something that is shown. It is something that people can see, and don't have to question. Sweetie, I have not seen maturity in your original post, nor any of the rebuttals that you've since posted.

    Think about your words before you speak. Think about your actions before you act. Honestly, just think for a second, because you can now count another person amongst the near army that doesn't think you're ready to be married.
    I used to get called 'mature' all the time when I was in high school by teachers, parents, etc. because of my kind of effed-up upbringing and how I'd handled it.

    In no way, shape, or form was that 'mature' child anywhere near ready to be married.

    Not saying some of your kids not, just saying that even though I had my act really together despite bad situations in high school does not mean I was developed and, well, mature enough to make a life decision like that. 
    Of course! All I'm saying is my perspective. As a teacher I know only some of their story, even if I'm very close to a student. No one is truly and fully developed in their prefrontal cortex (decision-making zone of the brain) until around 25 anyway. I was just saying that I have high schoolers that could have handled this thread better. :)

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    MandyMostMandyMost member
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    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

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    glitch104glitch104 member
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    MandyMost said:
    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY!







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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    glitch104 said:
    What NOT to Say:
    • But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you. You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. Furthermore, I didn't realize there was a rule that you had to get married after age 25/27/etc. And no, I'm not above making the argument that our parents/grandparents got married at 18-21 and they're doing just fine

    GIRL PLEASE! YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE SO DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS?!? PLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE! SHARE YOUR STORY OF LIFE TO "ENLIGHTEN US ALL!" 

    YOU dear lady are so warped!!!! wanna hear my "STORY OF LIFE?"

    pffft you dont deserve to hear it!
    You're not showing yourself to be any more mature than the OP.



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    glitch104glitch104 member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    Viczaesar said:
    glitch104 said:
    What NOT to Say:
    • But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you. You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. Furthermore, I didn't realize there was a rule that you had to get married after age 25/27/etc. And no, I'm not above making the argument that our parents/grandparents got married at 18-21 and they're doing just fine

    GIRL PLEASE! YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE SO DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS?!? PLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE! SHARE YOUR STORY OF LIFE TO "ENLIGHTEN US ALL!" 

    YOU dear lady are so warped!!!! wanna hear my "STORY OF LIFE?"

    pffft you dont deserve to hear it!
    You're not showing yourself to be any more mature than the OP.
    really why is that???? because i used ALL CAPS?????







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    glitch104glitch104 member
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    Sorry I used all CAPS!!! PLEASE LADIES CHILL THE EFF OUT!







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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    @glitch104, yes, all caps is the text equivalent of yelling. It is rude to bounce into a conversation and shout at people. HTH.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    glitch104 said:
    Viczaesar said:
    glitch104 said:
    What NOT to Say:
    • But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you. You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. Furthermore, I didn't realize there was a rule that you had to get married after age 25/27/etc. And no, I'm not above making the argument that our parents/grandparents got married at 18-21 and they're doing just fine

    GIRL PLEASE! YOUR EXPERIENCES ARE SO DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS?!? PLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSSEEEEE! SHARE YOUR STORY OF LIFE TO "ENLIGHTEN US ALL!" 

    YOU dear lady are so warped!!!! wanna hear my "STORY OF LIFE?"

    pffft you dont deserve to hear it!
    You're not showing yourself to be any more mature than the OP.
    really why is that???? because i used ALL CAPS?????
    It has less to do with your text formatting and more to do with your content and one-upping attitude.
    *********************************************************************************

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    glitch104 said:
    MandyMost said:
    I don't think someone is mature enough to get married until they realize that, regardless of your age, that there is a lot of growing and changing left to do. And the younger you are, the more substantial that growth and change will be. So a young bride who is ready to get married, in my opinion, is one who is able to say "I know I'm young, and I know there will be a lot of growth and change for both me and my future husband along the way. We've decided to commit ourselves to each other, and we will do whatever we can to ensure we grow and change in the same direction, and to make the most out of that change, and to try to allow it to bring us even closer together. I know there will be extra hardships because we still have all this change to go through, but we want to do it anyway". 

    HMMMMM..... YOU DEAR POSTER SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS TRAPPED IN THE 17TH CENTURY!
    Uh. 

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    esstee33esstee33 member
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    I'm going to drink a lot of wine tonight, then reread this page of nonsense and hope it makes more sense when I'm drunk. 
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    slothiegalslothiegal member
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    esstee33 said:
    I'm going to drink a lot of wine tonight, then reread this page of nonsense and hope it makes more sense when I'm drunk. 
    Spoiler alert: I tried that last night.

    Didn't work  :(
    Anniversary

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    esstee33esstee33 member
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    slothiegal said:
    esstee33 said:
    I'm going to drink a lot of wine tonight, then reread this page of nonsense and hope it makes more sense when I'm drunk. 
    Spoiler alert: I tried that last night.

    Didn't work  :(
    I shoulda just listened to you. Now I just have a headache. 
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