What To Say and What NOT to Say to a Young(er) Bride: A Guide

kelseykhaos

Decided to post this blog entry I wrote today. Enjoy

Alright, let's get this over with, and fast. Yes, I'm getting married. Yes, I'm 22. Yes, my fiancé is 20/will be 21 when we get married. No, I'm not pregnant. Okay. So now that we've been over the basics, let me set a few ground rules for what you should and should NOT say to me about the fact that I'm getting married at 22.

What NOT to Say:

• But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you. You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. Furthermore, I didn't realize there was a rule that you had to get married after age 25/27/etc. And no, I'm not above making the argument that our parents/grandparents got married at 18-21 and they're doing just fine
  

• But you have so much living to do!: Or something else implying that once you get married, all you do is live in a 12 x 12 box with your spouse (kids available in some models) and never see the light of day. My definition of living is doing things I enjoy with my loved ones. Well, okay so really my definition of living is breathing, heart beating, blood pumping, etc. Anyways. My definition of living IS NOT going out, getting black-out drunk and waking up with a different person I can't remember meeting every morning. Or even once. I did my share of "living" in high school. People do things at different stages- high school, college, mid-life crisis, never. I will not apologize for not fitting your cookie-cutter mold of going to college, partying, graduating, marrying some frat boy you woke up next to one morning and popping out some kids. I knew what I wanted by the time I was 19 or 20. I went through enough crap to know exactly what I DIDN'T want. Honestly, I think the thing I miss most about being single is having the whole bed to myself. 
  

• Are you pregnant?: I THOUGHT WE COVERED THAT. Regardless of whether you're a friend, family member or a complete stranger, you must have some nerve to ask me that because you refuse to believe a 22-year-old is capable of the emotional compassion and commitment required to be in a serious relationship/marriage. "Of course, the ONLY reason someone could get married at your age is because they're burdened with a baby!" I'm going to skip over the fact that people act like a child is a "burden", because that's a different story for a different day. But seriously. *eyeroll*

• Various assumptions/accusations that a marriage is a different type of relationship than the one we were already in: Okay, I get that marriage is a bigger show of your commitment that's more difficult to "get out of." *Cringe* THAT'S THE POINT. I know from the bottom of my heart that he's the one I want to wake up next to every morning and have random dance parties in my kitchen with. If you're making this assumption/accusation, I invite you to peek in my window when we're at home together. That's not going to change as soon as we say "I do." Or ever, hopefully. I get that you wouldn't marry everyone you date. (Also the point of dating: to weed out the rotten ones.) Shoot, if I had married the first person I dated, I'd be in an emotionally and verbal abusive marriage in a career I didn't want with 3 kids by now. Or more likely divorced at age 22. So you tell me-- would you rather see me happy and married at age 22 or a battered, divorced single mom at age 22?
  

What TO Say:

• "Congratulations!"
  
• "I'm so happy for you!": Only if you are, though. If not, pick another option. Like the next one!
  
• Nothing at all.
  

My dad, while loving and supportive, has also always been hard nosed and very blunt, especially about some of my choices in life. But one thing he has NEVER put me down for was choosing to get married. I will never forget his excitement and the happiness in his voice when we called to tell him we were engaged; it legitimately shocked us both. If someone so historically critical but knowledgeable of my situation can be so ecstatic, there's no reason complete strangers can't at least be accepting of my choice.

HaileyDancingbear

Ugh I hate the "You have so much living to do" comment.  Hate to break it to ya, but if a person prevents you from living your life and being happy, there is a problem, and it's not age.   

LittlePeachBlossom

I get your gripes but I think this only makes you sound immature. HS life cannot in anyway compare to life as an adult in your 20s. You have no concept of this because you're only a couple of years in. You're in that phase where you think you know it all. We've all been there. I would say instead of getting defensive, ask yourself what's the underlining meaning in these comments. What are their concerns? Then answer them by explaining why you are ready for marriage. 

Mature statements: We have shared interests and goals so I feel confident this is the best step for us. I graduated with my BS in Accounting and have started on my career path. I understand it's a risk to get married young but it's one I'm willing to take because of the aforementioned. We're looking to start a family when we're more settled financially. If babies are to come early, we're prepared to make sacrifices.

Not that you owe anyone an explanation but for friends and family that are genuinely concerned, I think it's nice to put them at ease.

I was married at 20 and thought I knew it all. I went through lots of growing pains and learned a lot since then. I'm not trying to tell you to not get married. I just think there's a mature way and an immature way to validate your reasons.

climbingsingle

Yeah, dude. This comes across as immature. In my head, I see you stomping your feet and whining, "but I AM mature enough to get married!!" *pout*

People that feel mature enough/ready to get married don't feel compelled to explain that to people. They just do it.

I got married for the first time when I was 23. I thought I knew it all too. I didn't. And I also had been through some shit, much more than most people. At the time I got married, I had already been on my own for 4 years and owned my own house, purchased with money I earned from working. And I still didn't know shit. I had a lot more growing up to do.

esstee33

kelseykhaos said:

Decided to post this blog entry I wrote today. Enjoy

Alright, let's get this over with, and fast. Yes, I'm getting married. Yes, I'm 22. Yes, my fiancé is 20/will be 21 when we get married. No, I'm not pregnant. Okay. So now that we've been over the basics, let me set a few ground rules for what you should and should NOT say to me about the fact that I'm getting married at 22.

What NOT to Say:

• But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you. Well that's totally fucking presumptuous and makes you sound petty and judgmental as hell. But I guess you must just know everything at this age, so carry on. You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. Furthermore, I didn't realize there was a rule that you had to get married after age 25/27/etc. There isn't. Sounds more like you're projecting your insecurities about your age. And no, I'm not above making the argument that our parents/grandparents got married at 18-21 and they're doing just fine Your grandparents lived in a very, very different time. Using that as a basis of why marrying young is totally going to work out for you is pretty short-sighted. 
  

• But you have so much living to do!: Or something else implying that once you get married, all you do is live in a 12 x 12 box with your spouse (kids available in some models) and never see the light of day. My definition of living is doing things I enjoy with my loved ones. Well, okay so really my definition of living is breathing, heart beating, blood pumping, etc. Anyways. My definition of living IS NOT going out, getting black-out drunk and waking up with a different person I can't remember meeting every morning. Cool. Neither is mine. At least we agree on one thing. Except I don't use my definition of "living" to make my choices seem better than other people's. Or even once. I did my share of "living" in high school. People do things at different stages- high school, college, mid-life crisis, never. I will not apologize for not fitting your cookie-cutter mold of going to college, partying, graduating, marrying some frat boy you woke up next to one morning and popping out some kids. Are you fucking kidding me with this? Who the fuck are you to say shit like this? This is SUCH a silly, teenaged thing to say. Just because you didn't make the same choices as this hypothetical person you've made up to disparage just to make a point doesn't mean you're right. I knew what I wanted by the time I was 19 or 20. Yeah, so did I. He was an emotionally abusive asshole that I thought loved me. And then right after that I met my XH, another emotionally abusive asshole. But I was SO FUCKING CERTAIN I WAS RIGHT that I didn't listen to anyone who tried to tell me otherwise. I went through enough crap to know exactly what I DIDN'T want. Honestly, I think the thing I miss most about being single is having the whole bed to myself. 
  

• Are you pregnant?: I THOUGHT WE COVERED THAT. Regardless of whether you're a friend, family member or a complete stranger, you must have some nerve to ask me that because you refuse to believe a 22-year-old is capable of the emotional compassion and commitment required to be in a serious relationship/marriage. "Of course, the ONLY reason someone could get married at your age is because they're burdened with a baby!" I'm going to skip over the fact that people act like a child is a "burden", because that's a different story for a different day. But seriously. *eyeroll*

• Various assumptions/accusations that a marriage is a different type of relationship than the one we were already in: Okay, I get that marriage is a bigger show of your commitment that's more difficult to "get out of." *Cringe* THAT'S THE POINT. I know from the bottom of my heart that he's the one I want to wake up next to every morning and have random dance parties in my kitchen with. If you're making this assumption/accusation, I invite you to peek in my window when we're at home together. That's not going to change as soon as we say "I do." Or ever, hopefully. The point people are making is that you are going to change SO MUCH in ways you can't begin to imagine throughout your 20s. And your FI will too. And neither of you can possibly know the people you're ultimately going to turn out to be, and whether those people will also still be compatible and want to have fun dance parties together. Maybe you guys will turn out to be one of the marriages that lasts. I really, truly hope you do. But sweet Jesus, girl, get your fucking panties untwisted. The people saying this shit to you are presumably older and did it ever fucking occur to you that MAYBE THEY KNOW SHIT YOU DON'T KNOW? I get that you wouldn't marry everyone you date. (Also the point of dating: to weed out the rotten ones.) Shoot, if I had married the first person I dated, I'd be in an emotionally and verbal abusive marriage in a career I didn't want with 3 kids by now. Or more likely divorced at age 22. So you tell me-- would you rather see me happy and married at age 22 or a battered, divorced single mom at age 22? I'd rather see you acting like an adult and not making up wild shit to justify your defensiveness because you're really young and clearly not very mature, however much "living" you claim to have done in high school. 
  

What TO Say:

• "Congratulations!"
  
• "I'm so happy for you!": Only if you are, though. If not, pick another option. Like the next one!
  
• Nothing at all.
  

My dad, while loving and supportive, has also always been hard nosed and very blunt, especially about some of my choices in life. But one thing he has NEVER put me down for was choosing to get married. I will never forget his excitement and the happiness in his voice when we called to tell him we were engaged; it legitimately shocked us both. If someone so historically critical but knowledgeable of my situation can be so ecstatic, there's no reason complete strangers can't at least be accepting of my choice.

Ditto everything @LittlePeachBlossom said, also. Start focusing on why YOU want to get married, not tearing down other people's choices and making up hypothetical situations about where you could possibly be in your life if you weren't doing this. Unless you have some sort of clairvoyance that allowed you to see that you would actually, really have turned out to be some 22 year old abused divorcee. In that case, maybe you should consider using that skill for profit. 

By the way, the easiest response to people's criticisms about your age is simply "That's nice." Don't rise to their provocation by getting defensive, because then YOU look bad. 

jennyleigh16

@kelseykhaos Thank you!!!!!! I don't think this makes you sound immature, I think it's what many of us wish we could say. If I was 18 and we'd dated for 3 months then people might have a point but come on, I'm 25 and it's been 6 years. Yes I'm sure, no I'm not pregnant (!!!!!!), yes I've dated other people. Just because you're older than me does not mean your relationship is any more real or legitimate than mine and it does not mean that yours will be successful while mine will fail. I understand that many people married young and it didn't work out and more power to you if you've now found the right person. Good for you. But fortunately that was your life and this is mine and just because your young marriage went poorly doesn't mean mine will. I don't judge your marriage so why are you judging mine? End rant.

levioosa

OP, I hate to say it....but this post is the worst way to prove you are mature enough to get married. In fact, it says quite the opposite. Ditto PPs. I was a mature 22 year old too, but I have since learned more than I dreamed was possible at that age. Try to approach this knowing that most people are honestly concerned for you.

FYI this is nothing against you being young. We were all floored when we found out the age of our youngest poster here. We never would have known how old she was had she not told us.

Edit: Ugh, TK, where are my paragraphs?

jenajjthr

OP, been there, bought the t-shirt. When you have to post what you did, your arguments show that your maturity is not quite there yet. Your points are still very childish. 

Copy and paste what you wrote, put in a word doc and pull it out again in say 10 years. I bet you'll look at it and say I can't believe how silly I sound. This is regardless of if you get married or not. 

And I'm not above saying that a lot of our parents who got married at 18/21 stayed married because divorce was literally NOT an option. Divorce was not what people did back then, either it was to difficult legally, it went against morals, or you had pressure from your family to make it work. So you can't use it as an argument in today's world. 

ETA - Words hard.

chibiyui

Your brain is not actually done maturing until 25. So, you and your FI will be basically different people when you both get to that age. You will change. 

And thank fucking god, cause almost all of us were insufferable at 22. It's a fucking Taylor Swift song for fucks' sake.

southernbelle0915

LittlePeachBlossom said:

I get your gripes but I think this only makes you sound immature. HS life cannot in anyway compare to life as an adult in your 20s. You have no concept of this because you're only a couple of years in. You're in that phase where you think you know it all. We've all been there. I would say instead of getting defensive, ask yourself what's the underlining meaning in these comments. What are their concerns? Then answer them by explaining why you are ready for marriage. 

Mature statements: We have shared interests and goals so I feel confident this is the best step for us. I graduated with my BS in Accounting and have started on my career path. I understand it's a risk to get married young but it's one I'm willing to take because of the aforementioned. We're looking to start a family when we're more settled financially. If babies are to come early, we're prepared to make sacrifices.

Not that you owe anyone an explanation but for friends and family that are genuinely concerned, I think it's nice to put them at ease.

I was married at 20 and thought I knew it all. I went through lots of growing pains and learned a lot since then. I'm not trying to tell you to not get married. I just think there's a mature way and an immature way to validate your reasons.

THIS!!!!

And this.....

chibiyui said:

Your brain is not actually done maturing until 25. So, you and your FI will be basically different people when you both get to that age. You will change. 

And thank fucking god, cause almost all of us were insufferable at 22. It's a fucking Taylor Swift song for fucks' sake.

themosthappy91

Blugh I was excited to read this because I too get surprised at how comfortable people are being really judge-y and invasive about getting married at my age (23) but this is sort of silly and definitely more than a little bit rude.  

This is a nasty phenomenon I see a lot among friends my age, now that we're just graduating college and seeing the first real wave of a lot of us getting married- the two camps (married and not-married) paint each other so ridiculously, and it's always the exact same stupid stereotype.  The not-married people are like "Well I am going to take the time to live my life for me- see the world, focus on my career ambitions, have fun and figure this whole 'life' thing out!  That is clearly the much superior option."  The married people are like "I don't feel the need to sleep around and party for the next five years of my life, what a waste of time.  I'm better than all these poor single people who have to try to fill their loneliness with such shallow pursuits."  And you know what?  Both sides are SO DUMB.  You can travel, work on yourself and your career, party and go out- all with or without a spouse or significant other.    

The reality is, yes you are going to be a way different person at 30 than you are at 20, so a lot of people would rather not make that kind of commitment at this juncture.  You're also going to be a way different person at 40 than 30, or 50 as opposed to 40, so to me I see it all as a risk.  To me, getting married is just kind of about reaching that point where you feel confident that yeah, at some point in the future both you and your SO are probably going to be different people than you are today, but you think you can roll with that.  No one- whether they're getting married at 23 or 43- can ever know for sure, and you just have to hope you're one of the ones who can make it work.  

  

climbingsingle

themosthappy91 said:

Blugh I was excited to read this because I too get surprised at how comfortable people are being really judge-y and invasive about getting married at my age (23) but this is sort of silly and definitely more than a little bit rude.  

This is a nasty phenomenon I see a lot among friends my age, now that we're just graduating college and seeing the first real wave of a lot of us getting married- the two camps (married and not-married) paint each other so ridiculously, and it's always the exact same stupid stereotype.  The not-married people are like "Well I am going to take the time to live my life for me- see the world, focus on my career ambitions, have fun and figure this whole 'life' thing out!  That is clearly the much superior option."  The married people are like "I don't feel the need to sleep around and party for the next five years of my life, what a waste of time.  I'm better than all these poor single people who have to try to fill their loneliness with such shallow pursuits."  And you know what?  Both sides are SO DUMB.  You can travel, work on yourself and your career, party and go out- all with or without a spouse or significant other.    

The reality is, yes you are going to be a way different person at 30 than you are at 20, so a lot of people would rather not make that kind of commitment at this juncture.  You're also going to be a way different person at 40 than 30, or 50 as opposed to 40, so to me I see it all as a risk.  To me, getting married is just kind of about reaching that point where you feel confident that yeah, at some point in the future both you and your SO are probably going to be different people than you are today, but you think you can roll with that.  No one- whether they're getting married at 23 or 43- can ever know for sure, and you just have to hope you're one of the ones who can make it work.  

  

OP, take note. This is a mature, level-headed take on the situation.

vulpiepop

I understand going through this. I got engaged at 23 and have gotten most of those comments and yeah, they're annoying, especially when you have to repeat yourself over and over to the same people with the same comments/questions/responses. 

When I first started getting these comments, they upset me a little too but I've since come to realize that many, if not all, of the people making those comments and asking such questions were people who cared and are worried about me. They became so much less annoying when I realized this and I took extra measure to reassure them that I'll be alright and that my judgement is sound. I get a lot less of those comments now.

penguin44

themosthappy91 said:

Blugh I was excited to read this because I too get surprised at how comfortable people are being really judge-y and invasive about getting married at my age (23) but this is sort of silly and definitely more than a little bit rude.  

This is a nasty phenomenon I see a lot among friends my age, now that we're just graduating college and seeing the first real wave of a lot of us getting married- the two camps (married and not-married) paint each other so ridiculously, and it's always the exact same stupid stereotype.  The not-married people are like "Well I am going to take the time to live my life for me- see the world, focus on my career ambitions, have fun and figure this whole 'life' thing out!  That is clearly the much superior option."  The married people are like "I don't feel the need to sleep around and party for the next five years of my life, what a waste of time.  I'm better than all these poor single people who have to try to fill their loneliness with such shallow pursuits."  And you know what?  Both sides are SO DUMB.  You can travel, work on yourself and your career, party and go out- all with or without a spouse or significant other.    

The reality is, yes you are going to be a way different person at 30 than you are at 20, so a lot of people would rather not make that kind of commitment at this juncture.  You're also going to be a way different person at 40 than 30, or 50 as opposed to 40, so to me I see it all as a risk.  To me, getting married is just kind of about reaching that point where you feel confident that yeah, at some point in the future both you and your SO are probably going to be different people than you are today, but you think you can roll with that.  No one- whether they're getting married at 23 or 43- can ever know for sure, and you just have to hope you're one of the ones who can make it work.  

  

You said exactly what I came here to say. Exactly.

esstee33

jenajjthr said: OP, been there, bought the t-shirt. When you have to post what you did, your arguments show that your maturity is not quite there yet. Your points are still very childish. 
Copy and paste what you wrote, put in a word doc and pull it out again in say 10 years. I bet you'll look at it and say I can't believe how silly I sound. This is regardless of if you get married or not. 
And I'm not above saying that a lot of our parents who got married at 18/21 stayed married because divorce was literally NOT an option. Divorce was not what people did back then, either it was to difficult legally, it went against morals, or you had pressure from your family to make it work. So you can't use it as an argument in today's world. 
ETA - Words hard.
*******
For real. My great-grandparents were married for like 50 or 60 years or some shit, but not because they loved each other and "made it work." My great-grandmother despised her husband, but she had no other option. Had divorce been as easy then to obtain as it is now, and women as independent, I bet there would have been significantly more divorces. 

larrygaga

Just going to pretend like I never saw any of this entire thread.

artbyallie

OP, you sound way overly defensive. We have a regular poster who is 19. You would never know it because she doesn't mention it and doesn't act childish/defensive/immature.

Also, your second argument is missing the point. If you haven't lived on your own and paid your own bills etc. before getting married you absolutely should do that. It's not very fun but it's important for making sure you have basic life skills without your partner.

In addition, your crap about assumptions is particularly hypocritical given the ones you're making about everyone else.

KatieinBkln

Oh dear god.

kelseykhaos

Wow. Not the response I was hoping for. I wasn't trying to be rude, judgmental or act like a know-it-all. It was supposed to be humorous. Never did I say I wasn't going to ever change. I know that my FI and I are both going to change. But it's something I can handle. And if not, then shit happens. 

falsara

OP as a person who also gets these comments (I'm 22), the way you have decided to respond to these comments is hardly a way to appropriately handle the situation.

My honest response to these types of comments has always been:

Thanks for your concern! We know that it will not be easy, but we are both devoted to a life of learning and growing together. He was my best friend before we dated, that friendship has only grown stronger as we've moved through the last few years, and we will work to make sure it continues as we tackle the ups and downs of married life. We both know what we want for our futures, the things we want and our interests compliment each other and we are willing to make sacrifices and support each other in the future just as we have in the past.

ethelbeavers

Someone once gave me advice: if you go into a marriage thinking "if it doesn't work out, we can always get divorced" you shouldn't be getting married.
So the fact that you @kelseykhaos‌ said "I know FI and I are both going to change...but if not, shit happens" is pretty indicative of your youth and "maturity."

hellohkb

I was 22 when I got engaged, I'm 23 now. Honestly, it's best to let these sorts of comments roll off your shoulder. I understand that it can sometimes be humiliating, but it's best to simply allow people to have their opinions and be done with it. Just don't let those opinions of your relationship get to you.

You're getting married and you need to accept that some people may not approve because of your age. Think about what they're saying and understand that although it may get on your nerves, they're not trying to get under your skin. Also, I completely agree with you that a simple congratulations would suffice.

However, I think you got the grandparent line from that ridiculous meme thats going around with the older gentleman on it. I would ignore most of those memes with that guy on it. Our grandparents time was a different generation.

MegEn1

ethelbeavers said:

Someone once gave me advice: if you go into a marriage thinking "if it doesn't work out, we can always get divorced" you shouldn't be getting married. So the fact that you @kelseykhaos‌ said "I know FI and I are both going to change...but if not, shit happens" is pretty indicative of your youth and "maturity."

QFT.

climbingsingle

ethelbeavers said:

Someone once gave me advice: if you go into a marriage thinking "if it doesn't work out, we can always get divorced" you shouldn't be getting married. So the fact that you @kelseykhaos‌ said "I know FI and I are both going to change...but if not, shit happens" is pretty indicative of your youth and "maturity."

Word. I went into my first marriage thinking this. Shocker it didn't work out, right? 

ohannabelle

But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you.

You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. 

Seriously? I rolled my eyes so hard at this that I had to stop reading.

One of the hallmarks of immaturity is not thinking before you speak. This is a perfect example. 

So, mentally and emotionally, you've lived longer than everyone else in the world? 

And nobody in the world understands what you've been through, or your life story- but you, you are somehow gifted with magical psychic abilities that let you know that your experiences and knowledge are vastly different and greater and deeper than anyone else's.

You've lived eons longer than me, it seems, and yet somehow, I just need to tell you to get over your ever so mature self, and grow the fuck up. 

Do you know a girl named Wiggsaj? You girls should hang out.

KatieinBkln

ohannabelle said:

But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you.

You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. 

Seriously? I rolled my eyes so hard at this that I had to stop reading.

One of the hallmarks of immaturity is not thinking before you speak. This is a perfect example. 

So, mentally and emotionally, you've lived longer than everyone else in the world? 

And nobody in the world understands what you've been through, or your life story- but you, you are somehow gifted with magical psychic abilities that let you know that your experiences and knowledge are vastly different and greater and deeper than anyone else's.

You've lived eons longer than me, it seems, and yet somehow, I just need to tell you to get over your ever so mature self, and grow the fuck up. 

Do you know a girl named Wiggsaj? You girls should hang out.

I love you, KnotMommy.

climbingsingle

ohannabelle said:

But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you.

You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. 

Seriously? I rolled my eyes so hard at this that I had to stop reading.

One of the hallmarks of immaturity is not thinking before you speak. This is a perfect example. 

So, mentally and emotionally, you've lived longer than everyone else in the world? 

And nobody in the world understands what you've been through, or your life story- but you, you are somehow gifted with magical psychic abilities that let you know that your experiences and knowledge are vastly different and greater and deeper than anyone else's.

You've lived eons longer than me, it seems, and yet somehow, I just need to tell you to get over your ever so mature self, and grow the fuck up. 

Do you know a girl named Wiggsaj? You girls should hang out.

Don't forget - high school taught her everything she needs to know about life. 

KatieinBkln

ClimbingBrideNY said:

ohannabelle said:

But you're so young!: In the scheme of things, number-wise, yeah-- I guess I'm fairly young. I'm not 30, 50, 70 or anything beyond and between. But mentally and emotionally, I've lived eons longer than you.

You do NOT know what I've been through in life or my story. 

Seriously? I rolled my eyes so hard at this that I had to stop reading.

One of the hallmarks of immaturity is not thinking before you speak. This is a perfect example. 

So, mentally and emotionally, you've lived longer than everyone else in the world? 

And nobody in the world understands what you've been through, or your life story- but you, you are somehow gifted with magical psychic abilities that let you know that your experiences and knowledge are vastly different and greater and deeper than anyone else's.

You've lived eons longer than me, it seems, and yet somehow, I just need to tell you to get over your ever so mature self, and grow the fuck up. 

Do you know a girl named Wiggsaj? You girls should hang out.

Don't forget - high school taught her everything she needs to know about life. 

I thought high school taught her everything she needs to know about sleeping around and partying?

(Protip: the parties and the sex get WAY better in adulthood, just sayin')

raissyrais

On another note, just my input, studies have shown that the pre-frontal cortex of the human brain is not fully grown until reaching the age of exactly 25. The pre-frontal cortex has to do with all your decision making. That is why teenagers have this know-it-all-king-of-the-world attitude even though there is still a long way to go. That is why they tell you that all the most important decisions you will make in your life should be around or after that age. And that includes marriage.

Now I'm not saying you are immature or other younger people are. I've seen very very mature teenagers and young adults. If it makes any sense, I'm 28 and sometimes I think about waiting until I turn 30 to get married! Like @LittlePeachBlossom noted, people tend to say these things because there are indeed some underlying concerns. Yes, some of them are nosey, some of them are worded the wrong way, but they all have something in common: concern.

I was engaged when I was 19 to a 20 year old man and I was oh-so-sure that we were going to be together forever. I was so in love. But I'm glad I learned that we were really ill matched (him cheating as well didn't help) and our personalities grew into different people by the time we were 25. And we are now good friends, but as a couple, it could never have worked.

raissyrais

levioosa said:

OP, I hate to say it....but this post is the worst way to prove you are mature enough to get married. In fact, it says quite the opposite. Ditto PPs. I was a mature 22 year old too, but I have since learned more than I dreamed was possible at that age. Try to approach this knowing that most people are honestly concerned for you.

FYI this is nothing against you being young. We were all floored when we found out the age of our youngest poster here. We never would have known how old she was had she not told us.

Edit: Ugh, TK, where are my paragraphs?

Yes cause she is very very mature!

Bubblegum5586

I had a friend who was a young bride at 20 (they started dating at 15). When they first got engaged I was shocked because they were so young! Like she couldn't even drink champagne at the champagne toast (legit the hall took it away from her and gave her apple juice!).

A few years after that H (then BF) and I graduated college and were trying to figure out a living situation as our parents lived over an hour away from each other but we didn't make a lot of money to quite afford our own place. I ended up reconnecting with this friend and they wanted to rent a house as her H played the drums and they needed a basement for that. We decided that the 4 of us would rent a house together. We lived in a 3Br 1bath ranch for 18 months and it was a blast! We went out and partied more then I had the whole year after graduating. I remember her saying to me;

"When we decided to get married so young we got so many comments about needing more time to live our lives... but all I wanted was to live my life WITH my husband"

I thought it really described them. After 18 months we discussed resigning for another year and they shared the news they were pregnant! What a happy reason to part ways. The couple is still my best friends (one of the few couples I can hang out with without H because they are both my friends) and their daughter is the light in my life! 

The point of this story is I see it can work. Granted it has only been 7 years of marriage and things will continue to change, but they seem to change with each other as they face each battle. But unfortunatly that is one story to the dozens more that haven't worked.