Would you be PO'd (semi-vent)?

beethery

We don't need to get on this god damn train again.

ashley8918

mrs4everhart said:

How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.

huskypuppy14

mrs4everhart said:

How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.

mrs4everhart

huskypuppy14 said:

mrs4everhart said:

How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.

It's my Friday. And I think people advising this girl to torpedo someone else's plans to make her own wedding appear "better" is patently bad advice. I'm as snarky and petty as the next person about all sorts of subjects. But I think the idea of  tattling on another adult whose personal choices you may disagree with to make your own event more attractive to your friends will be recognized by most people for exactly what it is (pouty sour grapes) and will appear immature, vindictive and desperate. And then yea, maybe the mutuals really will pick this other couple's wedding?

ashley8918

mrs4everhart said:

huskypuppy14 said:

mrs4everhart said:

How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.

It's my Friday. And I think people advising this girl to torpedo someone else's plans to make her own wedding appear "better" is patently bad advice. I'm as snarky and petty as the next person about all sorts of subjects. But I think the idea of  tattling on another adult whose personal choices you may disagree with to make your own event more attractive to your friends will be recognized by most people for exactly what it is (pouty sour grapes) and will appear immature, vindictive and desperate. And then yea, maybe the mutuals really will pick this other couple's wedding?

Seriously, you have to stop. We get it. You had a fake wedding, and you think that they are totally acceptable. Cool. Good for you. 

mrs4everhart

ashley8918 said: mrs4everhart said: huskypuppy14 said: mrs4everhart said: How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.
Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.
Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.



It's my Friday. And I think people advising this girl to torpedo someone else's plans to make her own wedding appear "better" is patently bad advice. I'm as snarky and petty as the next person about all sorts of subjects. But I think the idea of  tattling on another adult whose personal choices you may disagree with to make your own event more attractive to your friends will be recognized by most people for exactly what it is (pouty sour grapes) and will appear immature, vindictive and desperate. And then yea, maybe the mutuals really will pick this other couple's wedding? Seriously, you have to stop. We get it. You had a fake wedding, and you think that they are totally acceptable. Cool. Good for you. 

You're the one up in arms here apparently. Bad advice given to the OP has nothing to with me or my wedding, period. It's bad advice. If a kid was mad at another kid (for admittedly no reason that's even their business) and walked up and kicked the other one's blocks, wouldn't you expect it to be scolded for its terrible behavior? Some of the advice dispensed is the adulthood (and I mean that very loosely in this case) equivalent. 

 "I'm worried MY big day will somehow be RUINED by her big day, so I'll just try to ruin hers first!"

 Where was that advice found, 7th grade?

Behaving that way (whether the OP or lurkers) will generally never ingratiate oneself to others. Unless your people like hanging out with the bridal version of Veruca Salt. 

loro929

mrs4everhart said:

How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.

@mrs4everhart If you had read the entire thread, I think you would have seen /understood that there were two different types of advice given: A. damn, that sucks but it already is what it is so try to find your inner peace and let it go even though it would eat me up inside too and B. in the mental situation I would have playing through in my head I would do whatever I could to shit on that parade but WAIT! OH HEY! we are adults so revert ALWAYS to advice A.

Also, I think on the first page I mentioned that the STDs were sent out, over a month ago already.
This was more of a post just to vent and assure myself that I wasn't crazy for being really upset about the situation (of which my FI and I are aware of ONLY).

Why is this upsetting: because we carefully made a lot of plans (and besides the point, spent a lot of money) to organize a celebration with all of our friends and family. FG and FB knew perfectly well about this and announced their decision to marry after we already inquired to ALL VIPS about the dates and consequently reserved the place. Fine Yay HAPPY for them. FI and I gave lots of congratulations and well-wishes when they told us they wanted to marry in October.

It was when the sneaky back-handed phone calls came, asking innocently about who we were inviting and then realizing that we gave away all of this information to them that it started becoming a bit WTF is happening here. When they came to us no more than 5 times BECAUSE THEY KNEW THERE WOULD BE A LARGE AMOUNT OF OVERLAPPING GUESTS and inquired about what date they should pick and we told them several times that it would be EXTREMELY inconvenient for people to travel twice in a very short amount of time, and then still plunked their wedding a month BEFORE ours is when things started to get sour. And, oh wait, the fact that it is also a PPD was just the cherry on the cake. Now, that there are expectations to SHARE all pre-wedding events with them is just a bit much for (I would think) any sane person to deal with.

But, I digress, I am an adult and I would never EVER do anything malicious to anyone, even if the actual situation is eating me up inside. WHY? Because I am not Varuca Salt. DO I think that this couple was selfish and incosiderate but tried not to be by pretending that they gave two fucks by asking and then came swooshing in and becoming a HUGE inconvenience for everyone right before FI and I's wedding, YES. Am I petty for being pissed about it? YES. If it rained on her day (either one) would I be sad (would I maybe do a happy dance)? YES. Is it juvenile to think that? Probably.   But would I purposefully go behind someone's back? Unfortunately not. I am not a vindictive brat. BUt, the fact that it is a PPD and therefore they could have chosen whenever to celebrate their wedding, especially when they decided "coincidentally" to pick a date a month before ours, which is 7 months after their wedding PISSES ME OFF. YES! and I think it would to any single person here.

How would you feel if you planned a DW and then someone with a similar guest list smacked one right in front of your DW (PPD or not)? Pretty shitty that there is a chance that many of your closest friends won't be able to share that day with you because of someone else's inconsideration. The PPD is just the cherry on the cake.

LondonLisa

Haven't we learned enough already with Mrs Everhart:  never wrestle with a pig, you'll get dirty and the pig likes it. Don't engage with her posts- she lives in a planet where lying to one's friends and family and asking them to spend thousands of dollars for fake ceremonies is acceptable social behaviour. She will hardly listen to a rational argument, and quite frankly rationality/ self awareness/personal responsibility in general, so save your breath. 

As for the OP- yes, annoying, but I would just be clear and casually let everyone know that they are already married. Such as, for the Bachelorette party, I would most likely be a little petty and reply all: "Why don't we do it before they are actually married instead of their vow renewal in July. They are getting married at the courthouse on X so let's look into the weekend before so we can celebrate the bachelor instead of the husband!" Frankly, they are terrible if they are asking you to lie for them. 

Your STDs are out and people are free to make any decision they would like. However, they should be given all the facts about the wedding vs PPD to make an informed decision. After that, it is up to them.

mrs4everhart

LondonLisa said:

Haven't we learned enough already with Mrs Everhart:  never wrestle with a pig, you'll get dirty and the pig likes it. Don't engage with her posts- she lives in a planet where lying to one's friends and family and asking them to spend thousands of dollars for fake ceremonies is acceptable social behaviour. She will hardly listen to a rational argument, and quite frankly rationality/ self awareness/personal responsibility in general, so save your breath. 

As for the OP- yes, annoying, but I would just be clear and casually let everyone know that they are already married. Such as, for the Bachelorette party, I would most likely be a little petty and reply all: "Why don't we do it before they are actually married instead of their vow renewal in July. They are getting married at the courthouse on X so let's look into the weekend before so we can celebrate the bachelor instead of the husband!" Frankly, they are terrible if they are asking you to lie for them. 

Your STDs are out and people are free to make any decision they would like. However, they should be given all the facts about the wedding vs PPD to make an informed decision. After that, it is up to them.

I live on a planet where I don't maliciously fuck over my friends. And certainly not so they'd choose to attend my wedding over someone else's. Yuck. 

climbingsingle

I was going to type something. But yeah, no. This is so tired. 

MobKaz

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I was going to type something. But yeah, no. This is so tired. 

As we all know, deliberately lying, and causing "friends" to spend hundreds of dollars under false pretenses, could never be construed as maliciously effing them over. Thank you, Jesus, for the reminder to walk away. Let's hope others follow your word.

mrs4everhart

loro929 said:

mrs4everhart said:

How they get married isn't really anyone else's business. You have no more right to be pissed about their style of wedding than you do any other. You get what you plan and when, so do they. Easy, peasy.

Get your STD's out quick. I generally base my future plans on which I made first. In the case of multiple weddings, I wouldn't select the wedding which was sooner just because it comes along on the calendar first. I'd pick the one I knew an invitation was going to be extended first (whether by word of mouth, an email, an STD card in the mail, whatever). When each couple planned to sign their marriage license wouldn't be a factor, because that's of no interest to me.

Lastly, if I had a friend who decided to be petty and maliciously tried to fuck things up for a mutual friend, particularly for the sake of trying to make her event seem better, "more legit" or whatever so we'd all attend her wedding instead of the other, she wouldn't have to worry about my attendance, because I'd know immediately who the "pretty, pretty princess" was in that situation, and we wouldn't be friends anymore.

@mrs4everhart If you had read the entire thread, I think you would have seen /understood that there were two different types of advice given: A. damn, that sucks but it already is what it is so try to find your inner peace and let it go even though it would eat me up inside too and B. in the mental situation I would have playing through in my head I would do whatever I could to shit on that parade but WAIT! OH HEY! we are adults so revert ALWAYS to advice A.

Also, I think on the first page I mentioned that the STDs were sent out, over a month ago already.
This was more of a post just to vent and assure myself that I wasn't crazy for being really upset about the situation (of which my FI and I are aware of ONLY).

Why is this upsetting: because we carefully made a lot of plans (and besides the point, spent a lot of money) to organize a celebration with all of our friends and family. FG and FB knew perfectly well about this and announced their decision to marry after we already inquired to ALL VIPS about the dates and consequently reserved the place. Fine Yay HAPPY for them. FI and I gave lots of congratulations and well-wishes when they told us they wanted to marry in October.

It was when the sneaky back-handed phone calls came, asking innocently about who we were inviting and then realizing that we gave away all of this information to them that it started becoming a bit WTF is happening here. When they came to us no more than 5 times BECAUSE THEY KNEW THERE WOULD BE A LARGE AMOUNT OF OVERLAPPING GUESTS and inquired about what date they should pick and we told them several times that it would be EXTREMELY inconvenient for people to travel twice in a very short amount of time, and then still plunked their wedding a month BEFORE ours is when things started to get sour. And, oh wait, the fact that it is also a PPD was just the cherry on the cake. Now, that there are expectations to SHARE all pre-wedding events with them is just a bit much for (I would think) any sane person to deal with.

But, I digress, I am an adult and I would never EVER do anything malicious to anyone, even if the actual situation is eating me up inside. WHY? Because I am not Varuca Salt. DO I think that this couple was selfish and incosiderate but tried not to be by pretending that they gave two fucks by asking and then came swooshing in and becoming a HUGE inconvenience for everyone right before FI and I's wedding, YES. Am I petty for being pissed about it? YES. If it rained on her day (either one) would I be sad (would I maybe do a happy dance)? YES. Is it juvenile to think that? Probably.   But would I purposefully go behind someone's back? Unfortunately not. I am not a vindictive brat. BUt, the fact that it is a PPD and therefore they could have chosen whenever to celebrate their wedding, especially when they decided "coincidentally" to pick a date a month before ours, which is 7 months after their wedding PISSES ME OFF. YES! and I think it would to any single person here.

How would you feel if you planned a DW and then someone with a similar guest list smacked one right in front of your DW (PPD or not)? Pretty shitty that there is a chance that many of your closest friends won't be able to share that day with you because of someone else's inconsideration. The PPD is just the cherry on the cake.

The fact is, this whole "PPD" thing is a red herring. Another couple planned their wedding ahead of yours after your date was confirmed. Lots of people get pissed about that, lots of people get told there's nothing you can do. They are no more or no less inconsiderate by scheduling their wedding ahead of yours. Last I heard on TK "you get one day" not a month, not even a week. People will make their choice about what or who is most important to them and life will go on.

I did plan a DW. And we decided on a DW with the thought "if no one is able to come, is this still what we want?" When the answer was a resounding yes, we proceeded. There were people who I wanted there that weren't able to make it. The reasons why are irrelevant because the end result was the same - they weren't there. We had a great time with the people that were and each other. And at the end of the day, I'm a big believer in things happening exactly the way they're supposed to. Looking back, I don't think either of us would change a thing, attendees included.

I'm glad that you've decided against being intentionally malicious.  Chances are in your favor that since your wedding was announced in advance most people will chose to attend yours. And when that happens, your friend is the one who will lose out, but that's what happens when you plan your own wedding smack dab in front of someone else's. 

huskypuppy14

It's not their wedding!! For fucks sake.

theartistformerlyknownas

mrs4everhart said:

I live on a planet where I don't maliciously fuck over my friends. And certainly not so they'd choose to attend my wedding over someone else's. Yuck. 

It's. Not. Their. WEDDING!

mrs4everhart

lolo883 said:

mrs4everhart said:

I live on a planet where I don't maliciously fuck over my friends. And certainly not so they'd choose to attend my wedding over someone else's. Yuck. 

It's. Not. Their. WEDDING!

If you asked them, I doubt they'd agree.

lyndausvi

Has much as it pains me I think STB's point is it doesn't matter if the event is a real or fake wedding, a family union, a surprise birthday party or just a bbq, people have the right to plan whatever event they want, when they want.

Those people receiving an invitation have the right to attend or not attend.

It sucks when other people's plans may interfere with our own, but that is just life. Unfortunately you just have to go with the flow and the let the cards lie where they do in these situations.

I happily attended a  known PPD in Austria when there was another event going on.   I wanted to go to Austria.  This was a great opportunity.    If the host of the other event were mad I picked the Austria event over their's so be it.   As the recipient of the invitation it was 100% my choice on where to go.  Had the Austrian PPD had not be scheduled when it was I can't say for sure I would have gone to the other event.   I wasn't fond of that location and might have made up another excuse why I'm not attending.

It's silly to get worked up over this stuff.  You do not know for sure if the PPD wasn't schedule for when it was the common guests would still attend.   Do not borrow trouble.  Just let things fall where they will.

[Deleted User]

God.  Just when I unblocked you.

theartistformerlyknownas

mrs4everhart said:

lolo883 said:

mrs4everhart said:

I live on a planet where I don't maliciously fuck over my friends. And certainly not so they'd choose to attend my wedding over someone else's. Yuck. 

It's. Not. Their. WEDDING!

If you asked them, I doubt they'd agree.

I'm not asking them. I'm asking the dictionary.

If you ask my niece, she'll tell you she's Spiderman. Doesn't make it true.

mrs4everhart

lolo883 said:

mrs4everhart said:

lolo883 said:

mrs4everhart said:

I live on a planet where I don't maliciously fuck over my friends. And certainly not so they'd choose to attend my wedding over someone else's. Yuck. 

It's. Not. Their. WEDDING!

If you asked them, I doubt they'd agree.

I'm not asking them. I'm asking the dictionary.

If you ask my niece, she'll tell you she's Spiderman. Doesn't make it true.

The difference is, no one has probably ever suggested someone go shit all over your niece's Spidy plans to make their plans sound more appealing. Sounds ridiculous when it's suggested this way. It sounds equally as ridiculous to me for anyone to suggest it about someone else's wedding plans, whether others agree with their plans or not. 

But as has been reiterated repeatedly now the wedding/PPD conundrum is not relevant in the thread. Only how the OP would/could handle her feelings about it. Or how anyone could in similar circumstances. I suppose it really doesn't matter - without other people's wedding nightmare scenarios to read about what would we all do with ourselves on random weeknights?