Help with Wording Save the Dates

kc4299

My fiance and I are getting married in a very small ceremony in April, but having a large "party" in September for friends and family. We will be sending out save the dates for the party before we're actually married (we have many out of town guests who will need to make travel plans), so I'm just wondering what the wording should be on the save the dates? 

Celebration of upcoming nuptials?

Join us for a wedding reception?

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

CMGragain

As soon as you are married in April, you should send out marriage announcements.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State

No other information should be included. 

You send out invitations for your party just like you would for any other party.  It is NOT a part of your wedding.   It is NOT your wedding reception! 

 Save the Dates are not appropriate.  Those are for wedding invitations, not parties.

I am confused by your post, and I have revised mine twice.  Your wedding comes first, in April, correct?  Then five months later you are having a big party? 
This party is simply a party.  Do not expect gifts.  I would expect a lot of declines.  People will be disappointed to not have been invited to your wedding.

kc4299

@CMGragain - I appreciate your quick response, but this is what we have decided and still plan to do, so if anyone else has some ideas on actual wording that could help, I'd appreciate it.

Many of our friends and family know of our plans and are HAPPY to celebrate with us, even if that means not going to the actual ceremony. Weddings today are becoming more different and non-traditional. Anyone who does not agree with how we choose to celebrate OUR day, we wouldn't want there anyway. Luckily, we have a fantastic group of non-judgmental friends and family.

CMGragain

You get ONE DAY!  There is nothing wrong with having a small ceremony and reception.  I had one, myself.  What is wrong is trying to extend your wedding day to FIVE MONTHS LATER???
I'm sure your family loves you and cares about you, and they don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you that your plans are rude.  On The Knot, we tell you the truth, which some of them might be thinking.
Go ahead and have your party.  You can have a party anytime.  Trying to make it a part of your wedding day is what is wrong.

kc4299

Who says we each get ONE DAY? Some rule book from the 50s? A bride and groom can do WHATEVER they want. My fiance and I are all about breaking tradition. I feel bad for anyone who is friends with you (from your responses I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have many). Again, if anyone has some actual help that could answer my question, I'd appreciate it. I didn't ask for your opinion on how we should celebrate our wedding.

CMGragain

kc4299 said:

Who says we each get ONE DAY? Some rule book from the 50s? A bride and groom can do WHATEVER they want. My fiance and I are all about breaking tradition. I feel bad for anyone who is friends with you (from your responses I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have many). Again, if anyone has some actual help that could answer my question, I'd appreciate it. I didn't ask for your opinion on how we should celebrate our wedding.

Yes, you did ask my opinion.  You asked me how to word something that is not polite, and you asked it on a open internet forum..
There are rules of behavior called "etiquette".  They are about how you treat your guests.  You want to ignore etiquette and invite people to a second celebration, and expect them to be happy about missing your real wedding.  This is rude.
Why not just have a great party?  There is nothing wrong with that.
There is also nothing wrong with being non-traditional.  Things like a white wedding dress, tossing your bouquet at the reception, bridesmaids, groomsmen, all these things are optional.  Treating your guests with politeness and care is not optional.
Yes, the bride and groom can do whatever they want - if they elope.  The minute they invite guests, then they wedding plans must be about treating the guests according to established etiquette.

kc4299

Is this all you do all day? Respond to posts telling people they are rude for not following some BS rules? Get a life. If, as you say, people on theknot.com are like you, I don't plan to frequent this site any more. I'd much rather be part of a community where people support others during the happiest times of their lives, no matter what their decisions and if they agree with them or not.

doeydo

kc4299 said:

My fiance and I are getting married in a very small ceremony in April, but having a large "party" in September for friends and family. We will be sending out save the dates for the party before we're actually married (we have many out of town guests who will need to make travel plans), so I'm just wondering what the wording should be on the save the dates? 

Celebration of upcoming nuptials?

Join us for a wedding reception?

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

kc4299 said:

@CMGragain - I appreciate your quick response, but this is what we have decided and still plan to do, so if anyone else has some ideas on actual wording that could help, I'd appreciate it.

Many of our friends and family know of our plans and are HAPPY to celebrate with us, even if that means not going to the actual ceremony. Weddings today are becoming more different and non-traditional. Anyone who does not agree with how we choose to celebrate OUR day, we wouldn't want there anyway. Luckily, we have a fantastic group of non-judgmental friends and family.

kc4299 said:

Who says we each get ONE DAY? Some rule book from the 50s? A bride and groom can do WHATEVER they want. My fiance and I are all about breaking tradition. I feel bad for anyone who is friends with you (from your responses I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have many). Again, if anyone has some actual help that could answer my question, I'd appreciate it. I didn't ask for your opinion on how we should celebrate our wedding.

kc4299 said:

Is this all you do all day? Respond to posts telling people they are rude for not following some BS rules? Get a life. If, as you say, people on theknot.com are like you, I don't plan to frequent this site any more. I'd much rather be part of a community where people support others during the happiest times of their lives, no matter what their decisions and if they agree with them or not.

QFP.

CrazyCatLady3

It's not rude to have the ceremony one day and a separate party at a later date as long as the couple is honest that they got married on a prior date and don't stage a fake redo.  There's also nothing wrong with asking people to STD for your future party.  If they don't want to go they can throw out the STD.

I would suggest the following:

"Jane and John are getting married in a private ceremony on [date].  Please join us on [date] in [location] to celebrate their prior nuptials.  Formal invitation to follow."

kc4299

Thank you VERY much @CrazyCatLady3, this is quite helpful

marie2785

My only recommendation would be to NOT have a registry--have a friend/family member spread the word that this is a no-gift event in case anyone asks. I've happily gone to post-elopement parties before, and the couples have all made it clear since no one was invited to the actual wedding, gifts were not to be given.

I still gave them something small each time since they were my friends, but their politeness was appreciated. Had they registered, I might not have even shown up to the party since I'd have interpreted it as a "you're not close enough to see me get married but we are close enough for you to get me a gift".  

MyNameIsNot

It's fine to have a private wedding and a big party later.  

Still, you don't send STDs for things that aren't weddings. Just as you wouldn't send a STD for a birthday party or a shower, you don't send one to a non-wedding celebration party.  You send an invitation to the big party at the appropriate time.  

People will be hurt to be excluded from the wedding, but that's your prerogative. I can only help you with etiquette and invitations. 

[Deleted User]

kc4299 said:

Who says we each get ONE DAY? Some rule book from the 50s? A bride and groom can do WHATEVER they want. My fiance and I are all about breaking tradition. I feel bad for anyone who is friends with you (from your responses I wouldn't be surprised if you don't have many). Again, if anyone has some actual help that could answer my question, I'd appreciate it. I didn't ask for your opinion on how we should celebrate our wedding.

Sure, a bride and groom and do whatever they want.  But if you're married in April, you won't be a bride and groom anymore by September.  You'll be a husband and wife.  So there's that.

MyNameIsNot said:

It's fine to have a private wedding and a big party later.  

Still, you don't send STDs for things that aren't weddings. Just as you wouldn't send a STD for a birthday party or a shower, you don't send one to a non-wedding celebration party.  You send an invitation to the big party at the appropriate time.  

People will be hurt to be excluded from the wedding, but that's your prerogative. I can only help you with etiquette and invitations. 

Actually, I've been getting STDates for things that aren't weddings recently.  I got a STDate for a graduation party.  It was a super big deal at a restaurant local to many of the guests but not local to the hosts or the guest of honor, so I think they wanted us all to be sure they were serious when they said they were hosting the party here.

CMGragain

@adk19, just because people do something, doesn't mean that it is correct.  STDs are for weddings, and they are a relatively new idea.