Wedding Timeline

Knottie98236150

this is reminiscent of my wedding. In order to save myself a substantial amount of money I agreed to a venue that only had a 6pm start option for ceremony. if i were willing to spend more i could have had whatever I wanted but if I chose a wedding date that was 8 months out so I could save a substantial amount however as i was getting married in a church which requires a gap. yes it is an etiquette problem. my problem with most of the posters on this board is sure yea its against etiquette and sure it may not be right but at the end of the day its a f*cking party that for some reason people put a huge amount of pressure on. sure i could get married and save oodles of cash and have a no dinner or party but I chose to include a gap and supply dinner and a night time wedding so now I'm an asshole? again i understand this is against etiquette but you know what if I am willing to spend $100 a person for your enjoyment how about you do me a favor and if you're that fundamentally upset about the time spent at my wedding, please don't come and let me add to my bar tab. kind of hits me as a litmus test of people i want to maintain relationships with.

again lets recap. sure the OP had a problem but if you read it she asked for solutions for the problem she is STUCK with. doesn't seem like they are oblivious its not perfect etiquett but rather for solutions to a problem they are dealt. suggesting a change of venue or something is not helpful. 

southernbelle0915

Knottie98236150 said:

this is reminiscent of my wedding. In order to save myself a substantial amount of money I agreed to a venue that only had a 6pm start option for ceremony. if i were willing to spend more i could have had whatever I wanted but if I chose a wedding date that was 8 months out so I could save a substantial amount however as i was getting married in a church which requires a gap. yes it is an etiquette problem. my problem with most of the posters on this board is sure yea its against etiquette and sure it may not be right but at the end of the day its a f*cking party that for some reason people put a huge amount of pressure on. sure i could get married and save oodles of cash and have a no dinner or party but I chose to include a gap and supply dinner and a night time wedding so now I'm an asshole? again i understand this is against etiquette but you know what if I am willing to spend $100 a person for your enjoyment how about you do me a favor and if you're that fundamentally upset about the time spent at my wedding, please don't come and let me add to my bar tab. kind of hits me as a litmus test of people i want to maintain relationships with.

again lets recap. sure the OP had a problem but if you read it she asked for solutions for the problem she is STUCK with. doesn't seem like they are oblivious its not perfect etiquett but rather for solutions to a problem they are dealt. suggesting a change of venue or something is not helpful. 

She was given solutions. She got a timeline and suggestions that would solve things AND be good etiquette. I'm guessing you didn't actually read the whole thread...

Knottie98236150

I'm guessing YOU didn't read the whole thread...most of the suggestions given were to change the timeline of the wedding which is not an option for her because she has already signed contracts. If you read the OP it is not about how to change contracts but for ideas on how to fill the gap between the ceremony and the reception in the best way possible.

Love the GIF...very creative.

levioosa

Knottie98236150 said:

I'm guessing YOU didn't read the whole thread...most of the suggestions given were to change the timeline of the wedding which is not an option for her because she has already signed contracts. If you read the OP it is not about how to change contracts but for ideas on how to fill the gap between the ceremony and the reception in the best way possible.

Love the GIF...very creative.

Are you fucking kidding me?  You obviously didn't read. She was definitely given suggestions that included her deposits.  And btw, the GIF wasn't to you, it was a signature that shows up automatically each time she posts.  You should lurk more. 

martha1818

Knottie98236150 said:

this is reminiscent of my wedding. In order to save myself a substantial amount of money I agreed to a venue that only had a 6pm start option for ceremony. if i were willing to spend more i could have had whatever I wanted but if I chose a wedding date that was 8 months out so I could save a substantial amount however as i was getting married in a church which requires a gap. yes it is an etiquette problem. my problem with most of the posters on this board is sure yea its against etiquette and sure it may not be right but at the end of the day its a f*cking party that for some reason people put a huge amount of pressure on. sure i could get married and save oodles of cash and have a no dinner or party but I chose to include a gap and supply dinner and a night time wedding so now I'm an asshole? again i understand this is against etiquette but you know what if I am willing to spend $100 a person for your enjoyment how about you do me a favor and if you're that fundamentally upset about the time spent at my wedding, please don't come and let me add to my bar tab. kind of hits me as a litmus test of people i want to maintain relationships with.

again lets recap. sure the OP had a problem but if you read it she asked for solutions for the problem she is STUCK with. doesn't seem like they are oblivious its not perfect etiquett but rather for solutions to a problem they are dealt. suggesting a change of venue or something is not helpful. 

Glad I don't have any friends like you if that's how you measure friendships- whether or not they're willing to wait hours for you at an event that they're your guests at.

southernbelle0915

Knottie98236150 said:

I'm guessing YOU didn't read the whole thread...most of the suggestions given were to change the timeline of the wedding which is not an option for her because she has already signed contracts. If you read the OP it is not about how to change contracts but for ideas on how to fill the gap between the ceremony and the reception in the best way possible.

Love the GIF...very creative.

You must be new. Welcome to TK! I highly recommend lurking. The gifts is part of my signature that shows IP every time I post. You can make one too if you want.

Anyway, OP was given etiquette friendly suggestions on how to make things work. After all, this is the etiquette board, in case you missed that too.

theartistformerlyknownas

Knottie98236150 said:

I'm guessing YOU didn't read the whole thread...most of the suggestions given were to change the timeline of the wedding which is not an option for her because she has already signed contracts. If you read the OP it is not about how to change contracts but for ideas on how to fill the gap between the ceremony and the reception in the best way possible.

Love the GIF...very creative.

Suggestions to try and get out of the contracts were made because oftentimes, there's a reduced penalty if you cancel early enough, or none if you simply shift to a different day or timeslot. It's worth looking into.

lyndausvi

Knottie98236150 said:

this is reminiscent of my wedding. In order to save myself a substantial amount of money I agreed to a venue that only had a 6pm start option for ceremony. if i were willing to spend more i could have had whatever I wanted but if I chose a wedding date that was 8 months out so I could save a substantial amount however as i was getting married in a church which requires a gap. yes it is an etiquette problem. my problem with most of the posters on this board is sure yea its against etiquette and sure it may not be right but at the end of the day its a f*cking party that for some reason people put a huge amount of pressure on. sure i could get married and save oodles of cash and have a no dinner or party but I chose to include a gap and supply dinner and a night time wedding so now I'm an asshole? again i understand this is against etiquette but you know what if I am willing to spend $100 a person for your enjoyment how about you do me a favor and if you're that fundamentally upset about the time spent at my wedding, please don't come and let me add to my bar tab. kind of hits me as a litmus test of people i want to maintain relationships with.

again lets recap. sure the OP had a problem but if you read it she asked for solutions for the problem she is STUCK with. doesn't seem like they are oblivious its not perfect etiquett but rather for solutions to a problem they are dealt. suggesting a change of venue or something is not helpful. 

The church does not require the gap.   They just have strict rules of when the last wedding can start.  They are not trying to be jerks here. EVERY SINGLE SATURDAY they have a mass.  Generally a start time around 4-5pm.  This is a long standing commitment they have with their parishioners.    If you are a true practicing Catholic this is NOT a surprise.  Everyone knows there is a Saturday night mass.  

It just bugs the crap out of me that people blame the Catholic church over this.  No one would think about getting up in arms over a Jewish temple not allowing a Friday night or Saturday morning wedding because it's the sabbath.  Or a Baptist church wedding on a Sunday morning.  These churches/temple have long standing mass/service schedules which is not going to change for you.

Because of that I feel it's up to the couple to plan accordingly.   In some cases there are truly not many options.  Especially if you live in a smaller area and might have a large guest list.  Sometimes there are only so many venues to hold your guest list.  If that is the case they it's up to you to still host the guests somehow.   However, most of the time it's simply the couple wants an evening wedding or even worse they do it "because everyone else does".   They do not even try.

As I've said I've attended a ton of Catholic weddings.  Only a couple had a gap.   Which to means to me it is very possible to have a Catholic wedding without a gap if you actually put some thought into it. True story.

And mentioning how much you are spending is just unnecessary.  I've attended $35 a head weddings and $400 a head weddings.   They were both equally as nice and well hosted.   Just because you choose to spend the amount you are doesn't mean I can't feel slighted by having to wait around for the 2nd part of the day to start.

AddieCake

I never understand why people equate money spent with level of rudeness.

MairePoppy

Ditto Lynda -There is no excuse for the gap. It's not the Catholic church's fault if you planned poorly. If your Catholic wedding is important to you, then you know you're supposed to book your ceremony first and plan the reception around that. The reason many of you run into a problem is that you want and evening reception at the expense of your guests' convenience.

MGP

Knottie98236150 said:

sure i could get married and save oodles of cash and have a no dinner or party but I chose to include a gap and supply dinner and a night time wedding so now I'm an asshole? again i understand this is against etiquette but you know what if I am willing to spend $100 a person for your enjoyment how about you do me a favor and if you're that fundamentally upset about the time spent at my wedding, please don't come and let me add to my bar tab. kind of hits me as a litmus test of people i want to maintain relationships with.

This is so gross to me.  So the true sign of a friendship is someone who will unnecessarily wait around hours to have dinner with you?  How huge of an ego do you have to think that people think it is an honor to do this?  I bet money that part of your "friendship litmus test" also includes assembling invitations, throwing lavish bridal showers, and being available at all hours to consult about major details like napkin colors.

If I was your friend, I would fail your test miserably and be happy about it.

ETA - stop with the $100/head figure.  Don't front.  You are probably proving a $28/pp buffet and a cash bar.

banana468

I don't understand why it's bad for your friends to be pissed that you invited them somewhere and then left them but it isn't bad for you to leave your guests unhosted.

huskypuppy14

Many people on here had etiquette approved weddings and spent over 100 dollars a person. I'd be more willing to give someone who had a smaller budget the benefit of the doubt over someone spending a lot of money, because if you have a larger budget, you also have more options.

Stop making excuses.