Wedding Etiquette Forum

No Children invited

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Re: No Children invited

  • Be prepared to make awkward calls... Despite only inviting children of the bridal party we still had people RSVP for their WHOLE family (even if only parent were on the envelope). 
    Just an idea, FI and I paid for babysitters to watch the children of the bridal party during the ceremony so there was not a peep during our vows. 
  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    So idk what to do. I really can not stand how some people just let there children run around and or do pay any attention to them. I have said i don't want any children at my wedding with the exception of the ring bear and the flower girl. I swear if i hear one crying baby or kid wining i would ask them to leave the wedding. in the middle of the ceremony. 

    Is this ok. apparently i am hurting some family feelings if i do. and or they will not come. Why cant they find a baby sitter for 5 hrs.i should there in- laws would love to watch there kids. 
    So first, It is perfectly fine to not extend the invite to children. Simply address your invitations to the parents only (do not put anything like "adult reception" on your invitations) and if someone rudely tries to rsvp for their child, you simply call and explain that the invitation was only meant for the parents and you hope they can still attend. 

    Second, check the attitude girlfriend. You need to acknowledge that some parents, especially those who are traveling or have very young children, will not attend a wedding where their kids aren't welcome. Just prepare yourself for those no rsvp's if they happen. Good baby-sitting is not cheap or easy to find; people may prioritize a night with their kids over your wedding, and that's ok. Also, not every grandma and grandpa is happy to play babysitter all the time, nor does every couple live near family.

    You're not a kid person and bad parenting annoys you (and me and every other sane person), but come on. If you stopped your own wedding to yell at the mother of a squalling infant, I wouldn't judge the mother, I'd judge you. Don't give everyone your bridezilla-sounding reasoning, just say that you are not able to accommodate children other than those in the wedding party. 

    It's fine to have a child free wedding, but seriously chill out. I agree with all of this. What happens if your ring bearer or flower girl do something during your ceremony? Will you ask them to leave too?
    [Deleted User]
  • You have every right to only invite the people you want invited. It's not rude to not invite children. People are rude to invite children who were not invited by the hosts.

    However, you do need to chill out. When I was getting married, I heard nothing but the officiant and my husband. We were in our own little world.


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    Alikat9614SuperSweet2014
  • I'm 99% sure that during your actual ceremony, you will not notice or care if a baby is crying. You think you will now, and I totally thought I would before my wedding a few weeks ago, but everyone on here is right when they say that on the day of, you will not care about most of the things you think you will care about beforehand.

    We didn't invite children, but we did invite babies and I'm sure at least one of the 7 babies present made noise during the ceremony. So didn't notice or care. I was stressing about what guests were going to wear to my wedding. One guy showed up in jeans. I so just did not care. You really really won't care on your wedding day.

  • I'm not a kid person either, but you need to dial it back girl.
    What happens if your flower girl acts up during the ceremony? Does she get personally kicked out by you? Not everything is going to go perfectly during your ceremony. You're going to have to accept that. Our PA system stopped working during ours. Did I stop the ceremony to yell at the DJ? Nope. I got married instead and didn't let anything bother me.

    It's totally fine to have a kid free wedding. We invited only kids that we're close to. But you need an attitude adjustment.
    AddieCakenovella1186PrettyGirlLostcupcait927
  • It's perfectly acceptable not to invite children to a wedding, but your attitude is very off-putting.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    ViczaesarPrettyGirlLost
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    Well, you could show all of the people you know who are parents your original post.  I guarantee none of them will much care to associate with you, let alone care about going to your wedding - so that would take care of the problem right there.

    But otherwise, just don't invite children.  You are allowed to not invite children and people will have to be ok with that.  Likewise, people with children are allowed to decline your invitation because they would rather spend time with their kid/not find a babysitter/not pay for a sitter or any other myriad of reasons that are well within their rights to decide for themselves and you will have to be ok with that rather than throw a hissy that they "couldn't just get a babysitter."

    ETA: You know that you have to invite your flower girl and ring bearer to the reception, right?  They aren't props, so you will have at least two children at the wedding ceremony and reception if you choose to have a flower girl and a ring bearer.  And if the flower girl and ring bearer have siblings, you'll have them as well as it is rude to split up families.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Am I the only one who wants to borrow a friend's kid, get the kid sugared up, and turn the kid loose at OPs wedding just to see how apeshit she goes during the ceremony?
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    Viczaesar[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostsarahufl
  • You need to calm down.  It's perfectly okay to have adults only at the reception.  @Manateehugger was spot on.  You should also take a moment to realize that your attitude sucks.  

    FWIW: I don't have any kids, nor do I want children at my wedding.  But your attitude is overly selfish and terrible.  




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    PrettyGirlLost
  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    Your English makes my brain hurt. But your attitude is worse than your grammar. You have every right to not invite children to your event. However, they have every right to decline the invite. If you choose to hire a babysitter, have it be someone that is not going to be missing out on the wedding if they're watching the kids you dismissed from the wedding/reception.

    Just be prepared to make some tough phone calls telling parents that they are invited but not their children. And have a little tact. These are people you are choosing to involve in one of the biggest days of your life.

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  • I'm not a kid person either, and I'm put off by your attitude in your post.

    No one here is claiming that you have to invite their kids and you don't have to allow the kids to attend even if the parents refuse to attend without them.  But the following attitude:

    I swear if i hear one crying baby or kid wining i would ask them to leave the wedding. in the middle of the ceremony.

    aside from the errors in grammar, is going to get people's hackles up.  I'd suggest you get yours down and just leave the kids' names off the envelopes.  If someone RSVPs for their uninvited kids, just contact them and let them know that you're sorry for the confusion, but their kids are not invited, and accept it graciously if they then tell you that they can't attend without their children:

    "I'm sorry to hear that.  We'll miss you." 

    It acknowledges their decision without expressing agreement with it.

    And if someone shows up with their children, you can choose between allowing the children in or having a DOC let them know gently: "Unfortunately, your children were not invited, and the couple aren't able to accommodate them."

    But stopping your wedding ceremony to bitch out the parent of a crying or "whining" child is going to get you judged-big time-and it will go beyond side-eying.
    [Deleted User]
  • Also not a kid person and had a child free wedding.

    Its fine to only invite adults, but against etiquette to write anything like "adults only" or "no kids please" on your invites/website/etc. Its fine to only have the RB and FG, but against etiquette to not invite them to the reception (just in case you were thinking of doing that). Just address the invites to whom you actually want to attend. If people RSVP with children, call then up and say "sorry for any confusion, but the invite was for you and your husband. We cannot accommodate little Suzie. Hope to see you there!"

    Really though, get a grip on your short fuse. Act like a polite adult if something goes wrong.
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    levioosa[Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • edited November 2014


    Really though, get a grip on your short fuse. Act like a polite adult if something goes wrong.

    Seriously. The person who caused a distraction at our wedding was my husband's 60+ year old uncle. If something doesn't go as planned (which is likely), keep your cool.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • DH and I too had a child-free wedding. We addressed our invitations by name to the adults only. We did have one of DH's uncles decline to attend since his three children were not invited. One of my cousins' H also stayed home with their kids, as they were OOT and didn't want to travel with the boys if they were going to be stuck in the hotel. We completely understood. We also posted on our wedding website that we would be happy to provide the contact information of local, reputable babysitters if any of our OOT guests were interested. One of my cousins took us up on the offer and was thrilled with the babysitter we suggested. 

    Look, OP, I totally get not wanting kids at your wedding. I once saw the ring bearer hide under the cake table at a reception and start pulling on the tablecloth. The cake came within an inch of sliding off the table before we were able to get to it to make him stop. That being said, if I ever saw a bride kick a mother and her child out of a wedding because the child was crying, etc., I would feel so sorry for that mother - and would totally judge the bride.
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    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLost
  • Kids that cry and run around are not poorly parented. They're kids. That's what kids do. You're welcome to have a child-free wedding but for your own well being, try to sound a little less psycho about your friends and family's loved ones when you speak to them about it.
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostesstee33
  • We only invited our nieces and nephews to our wedding (and our ring bearer and flower girl who is also my daughter).  We had several cousins who did not come because they couldn't bring their small children and that was fine......we knew that would happen and accepted it.  If you don't want kids there, don't invite them, but don't say it's for the reasons that you posted. One of the kids tnere was my 7 month old niece who happened to be cooing during one of the solos duringnthe ceremony.  Know when we noticed it? When we watched our video weeks later! The only thing I heard during the ceremony was my husband and the minister. If you're distracted by kids or anyone else, the problem is you.
  • PPs have given you good advice.

    I just want to echo the fact that your attitude is gross.  You better learn how to chill out, otherwise the rest of wedding planning is going to do you in.
    Anniversary

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  • Sadly, the DD only tells me this was not a joke.
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm also not inviting kids (except for the family kids - who are all IN the wedding), but you're tone is rude. 

    1st - why would you assume that everyone can SO EASILY get child care?  Not everyone has parents living close by who are able and/or willing to take the child.

    2nd - would you really kick out a child in the middle of your wedding?  Just think about that for a second.  Think about how it would look.  Kicking someone out causes much more of a commotion than does a crying child.

    3rd - maybe you're hurting people's feelings because of your approach.  It sounds very harsh.  Just politely explain that you are not inviting children.  Don't say that you can't stand horribly unparented kids, and that people will get kicked out of the wedding if a child cries.  Just a tip...

  • Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

    I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?

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    novella1186jenijoyk
  • amelisha said:
    Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

    I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?
    No, you are not alone in feeling this way.

  • amelisha said:
    Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

    I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?


    Not really... I think it's okay to make an exception for just flower girls or something.

     

    Every child in our wedding is family, and we would invite FAMILY children either way - my FI's neices and nephews absolutely should be at our wedding.  However, we are not inviting any children who are not immediate family.  I felt like that was a fair line to draw in the sand, because NO friends' kids are invited

     

    We are also going to arrange for babysitters to watch all kids of the WP

  • amelisha said:
    Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

    I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?
    Yes and no. I can see how a couple might be close to just one or two or three kids, and would want to honor just them by having them in the ceremony. And just because you're close to those children doesn't mean you'd want to then invite 10+ kids you're not as close to. 

    But yeah, I didn't have a RB or a FG. I just didn't feel it necessary to have that included in our wedding. And we only inviting my cousin's daughters and H's step-sister's kids.  
  • amelisha said:
    Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

    I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?
    I'm not remotely interested in even having a flower girl/ring bearer (we wanted our dog to be the ring bearer but he's not allowed at the venue and after reading a shit-ton of threads where people expressed some...vehement opinions about dogs at weddings, it seemed prudent to skip that idea regardless). I can see how it would be weird to invite 2 kids out of a large number of possible kids.

    Luckily my family doesn't have very many small children in it, nor have my friends started procreating. But I have to think I would be more likely to have a 100% kid-free wedding (meaning no kids in the WP) or have some kids (just family, just infants, for example). 

    I don't think it's officially bad etiquette, it just doesn't make a ton of sense. Those poor 2 kids, hanging out at an adult party with no one else to run around with? Sounds terrible.
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  • amelisha said:
    Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

    I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?
    I think it's weird too. I know it's not wrong, but it's weird. You dislike kids so much that you're going through the trouble of not allowing them at your wedding, yet then you're making sure to include kids in honored positions in your ceremony? What? 

    And yes, I know that some people don't invite kids cuz of budget issues or whatever, or they don't invite them because they want an adult atmosphere and it has nothing to do with disliking kids in general. I know, I know. But that's just where my mind goes. 
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  • amelisha, that to me sounds like they just want to have the cute kids as their props for the pictures.

    Or it could be like what @ClimbingbrideNYC said about being close to 2 or 3 kids.   But I think how the B&G interact with the FG / RB will distinguish which of the two they are.
  • Luckily my family doesn't have very many small children in it, nor have my friends started procreating. But I have to think I would be more likely to have a 100% kid-free wedding (meaning no kids in the WP) or have some kids (just family, just infants, for example). 

    I don't think it's officially bad etiquette, it just doesn't make a ton of sense. Those poor 2 kids, hanging out at an adult party with no one else to run around with? Sounds terrible.
    That's really what I was thinking. I admit I'm not really one to enjoy weddings where there are packs of practically feral, cake-coated children running amok, but at least they're having fun in that case, haha.


    Yes and no. I can see how a couple might be close to just one or two or three kids, and would want to honor just them by having them in the ceremony. And just because you're close to those children doesn't mean you'd want to then invite 10+ kids you're not as close to. 

    But yeah, I didn't have a RB or a FG. I just didn't feel it necessary to have that included in our wedding. And we only inviting my cousin's daughters and H's step-sister's kids.  
    That seems like a legitimately good reason that I hadn't considered (probably because I have no extended family or friends with kids much past the blob-in-a-carrier stage that I see with regularity. I'm not close to any kids at this point in my life so I do forget that other people are...

     
    I think it's weird too. I know it's not wrong, but it's weird. You dislike kids so much that you're going through the trouble of not allowing them at your wedding, yet then you're making sure to include kids in honored positions in your ceremony? What? 

    And yes, I know that some people don't invite kids cuz of budget issues or whatever, or they don't invite them because they want an adult atmosphere and it has nothing to do with disliking kids in general. I know, I know. But that's just where my mind goes. 
    This is also where my mind goes - I articulated it rather poorly as "this is weird" in my OP, but I think you've nailed why it seems odd to me.


    amelisha, that to me sounds like they just want to have the cute kids as their props for the pictures.

    Or it could be like what @ClimbingbrideNYC said about being close to 2 or 3 kids.   But I think how the B&G interact with the FG / RB will distinguish which of the two they are.
    And that's another excellent point (and, truthfully, I often make the same assumption when I see people with huge bridal parties. I know some people do have that many dear friends, and obviously some people have kids who are important to them in their lives, but I've been to a lot of weddings where that wasn't the case at all and people were just borrowing the cutest kids they could locate, and that makes me side-eye hard.

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