No Children invited

holyguacamole79

amelisha said:

holyguacamole79 said:

amelisha, that to me sounds like they just want to have the cute kids as their props for the pictures.

Or it could be like what ClimbingbrideNYC said about being close to 2 or 3 kids.   But I think how the B&G interact with the FG / RB will distinguish which of the two they are.

And that's another excellent point (and, truthfully, I often make the same assumption when I see people with huge bridal parties. I know some people do have that many dear friends, and obviously some people have kids who are important to them in their lives, but I've been to a lot of weddings where that wasn't the case at all and people were just borrowing the cutest kids they could locate, and that makes me side-eye hard.

When I was in junior high, my sister was one of these flower girls.  The MOB was my dad's office manager at the time, and her daughter asked my sister because, I assume, that was the only kid at that age they knew.  In an effort to keep me from feeling left out, I was the guest book attendant (vomit).  I knew it was a crap job and seriously hated that I did that while people fawned over my sister. 

We actually had quite a few options for FGs / RBs, but we kept it simple.  We asked my step-niece (who was 10) and my husband's niece (who was 7).  Between DH's cousins, my friends' kids, and DH's friends' kids (when you get married in your 30s and have a lot of Catholic friends, there are plenty of kids who could be FG / RB) we had PLENTY of options. 

PrettyGirlLost

manateehugger said:

Knottie72812467 said:

So idk what to do. I really can not stand how some people just let there children run around and or do pay any attention to them. I have said i don't want any children at my wedding with the exception of the ring bear and the flower girl. I swear if i hear one crying baby or kid wining i would ask them to leave the wedding. in the middle of the ceremony. 

Is this ok. apparently i am hurting some family feelings if i do. and or they will not come. Why cant they find a baby sitter for 5 hrs.i should there in- laws would love to watch there kids. 

I had a largely child free wedding. During my full Catholic mass my 6 month nephew lost his shit. . . No big deal, you could still hear everything and someone walked him out of the church until he could calm down. It's been my experience that all young kids lose their shit at mass during the consecration for whatever reason.

One of my flower girls talked and sang all through mass, to the embarrassment of her mother. She was hilarious and was cracking us up at the altar, but the only reason we could even hear her faintly was because she was sitting in the 1st pews with the bridal party.

The point is that honestly this stuff you are worrying about is a non issue. By no means do you HAVE to have any kids at all in your wedding or invited to it, but you also don't need such a silly and petty attitude either.

PrettyGirlLost

amelisha said:

Hey, Knotties, this seems as good a place as any to ask this because I'm curious...does anyone else find it kinda weird when people have kids in the bridal party but don't invite any others?

I don't have a horse in this race at all (don't have kids, don't have any guests with kids, not having a bridal party) but I feel like if I didn't want kids at my wedding I'd probably skip the flower girl and ring bearer and all that too. I know it seems to be etiquette-accepted to have kids in the WP but nowhere else, so it's obviously just a preference thing, but am I the only one who feels like it's a weird thing to do?

Not really. Couples are usually close to the kids they ask to be a part of their wedding party. . . Just as they are close to the adults they ask to be in their wedding party. Couples aren't necessarily close to all of their guests' kids, and therefore they don't need to invite all of those kids.

If a couple aren't close to any kids period, but still have them in the WP, then they'd seem like props but it's not something I'd particularly care to judge.

Jen4948

No, I don't think it's "weird" or something to judge if there are ring bearers and/or flower girls in a wedding party but no other children.

Sadly, it's likely to happen to me because my parents are verrrrrrrrrrrrrry invested in being grandparents, to the point that when their grandchildren are around, their adult children get shunted to the side because they're so involved with them that it's impossible to talk about or do anything that isn't about their grandchildren.  I anticipate that although I would prefer an adults-only wedding myself, my parents will keep throwing around "Oh, but they'll be so cute!" and "They'll enjoy it so much!" and "Everyone (adult) wants to see them!" and about "learning experiences" for them that I might end up feeling pressured to have them in my wedding party.  And a lot of my other relatives feel the same way about their kids and grandchildren.

Also, just to make clear where I stand about kids, I do love my nieces and nephews and even the children of my cousins, and since my family is scattered all over the place, my wedding, regardless of where it takes place, would involve out-of-town travel for a large percentage of my relatives, and I do hesitate to ask them to not bring their kids.  I really don't know how to keep things from becoming excessively kid-oriented to the point that I don't feel comfortable at my own wedding.  My parents, especially my mother, just can't comprehend points of view that are not their own.

jenijoyk

I have a terrible story about a wedding where kids weren't invited except for the ring bearer and flower girl... those two were siblings BUT THEY HAD ANOTHER SIBLING! He wasn't asked to be in the wedding party or even invited to the wedding because kids not in the wedding party were not invited to the wedding. So awkward. All three kids were under 10. It's not like this one kid was any more of a pain in the ass than the other two, in my opinion.

All three kids were at the rehearsal dinner, and the bride and groom started handing out gifts to the wedding party. Including the flower girl and ring bearer. And of course they had no gift for the third kid. Who already was probably feeling crappy because I kept hearing his parents explain to him throughout the night that he wasn't invited to the wedding the next day. Kid burst into tears at the dinner table. It was so terrible. I felt so bad for that little guy.

People are WEIRD.

Maggie0829

jenijoyk said:

I have a terrible story about a wedding where kids weren't invited except for the ring bearer and flower girl... those two were siblings BUT THEY HAD ANOTHER SIBLING! He wasn't asked to be in the wedding party or even invited to the wedding because kids not in the wedding party were not invited to the wedding. So awkward. All three kids were under 10. It's not like this one kid was any more of a pain in the ass than the other two, in my opinion.

All three kids were at the rehearsal dinner, and the bride and groom started handing out gifts to the wedding party. Including the flower girl and ring bearer. And of course they had no gift for the third kid. Who already was probably feeling crappy because I kept hearing his parents explain to him throughout the night that he wasn't invited to the wedding the next day. Kid burst into tears at the dinner table. It was so terrible. I felt so bad for that little guy.

People are WEIRD ASSHOLES.

FTFY

amelisha

Seriously. That's such a sad story. I'm mad about it and I don't even know the kid.

Some people's brains seem to fall out of their heads as soon as they get a ring on their finger, I swear.

novella1186

Yeah I don't really like kids in general but that story broke my heart a little. How awful! 

Jen4948

That's a really sad story.  Why didn't they want the other kid in the wedding-because he was too old to be a ring bearer but "too young" to be a bridesman or groomsman?

How cruel.

Kauris

We didn't plan on inviting children, so we decided not to have any in the wedding either. And I could have, easily. One of my BM has four year old twins, they are super cute, have done it before and would make precious and sweet FG/RB. But we decided to keep everything adult only. We did it correctly and GUESS WHAT? We still ended up with a kid at our wedding. And she was the most well behaved little guest!

My friend calls me, to say her sitter for her daughter backed out, the only way she could make our wedding was if she brought little O. So we have this sweet girl at our wedding, I've heard so many compliments on how well behaved she was and how sweet she is. And I didn't make my friend feel like shit because my child free wedding was more important than her actually being there with us.

Plus we got this cute photo of my uncle dancing with her daughter and I couldn't be happier. OH and our marriage is still valid.

jenijoyk

Jen4948 said:

That's a really sad story.  Why didn't they want the other kid in the wedding-because he was too old to be a ring bearer but "too young" to be a bridesman or groomsman?

How cruel.

I know!!! It was terrible. I have no idea what the thinking was. Maybe that they could only have one ring bearer? And so they gave the job to the younger guy? Even though the older kid was still like 7? Or 5? I don't know. I'm bad with guessing kids' ages. But no older than 7.

In extra fun, I was seated next to the ring bearer during the reception, and he spent the entire time smashing food into the tablecloth and then rolling around on the floor. (It was very pleasant.) So really, the older one would have probably been the better move. OR JUST NONE OF THEM because it was a super boring wedding for kids and the two that won the honor of being there probably hated every second of it. You either have a kid friendly wedding, or you don't. A wedding with only two kids at it is no fun for anyone - the bored kids or the adults who get stuck around bored kids. Nothing is worse than a bored 5 year old.

mrsk616

we chose to not have kids because of our venue and the fact that they are picky eaters. our venue is on the water front and we are afraid they will fall in the lake. ( they refuse to listen)