Wedding 911

BM just got engaged, chose same wedding month

13

Re: BM just got engaged, chose same wedding month

  • cmperry17 said:
    Hi, I think I get what you are saying. My niece just got engaged in October (so happy for her) and is getting married 6mths later (Easter weekend) then 6nths later is my wedding. My sister and the bride (niece) and her sister (other niece) don't get why we can't fly 4 people (fiancé, and 2 kids and myself)(over $1500.00) plus rent a car and hotel for overnight. I am sad about not being able to see her married. However the $$ is not there. It's earmarked for our wedding 6mths after. #2. She just got bridesmaid dresses in the same color that my girls dresses are. (She knew the color). So I get what you are saying. But i wouldn't offer to let her go because she can't help. I am doing a lot of DIY, and my fiancé will help if needed otherwise if anyone offers great, but otherwise I am on my own. Also , I am making favors for niece. Only cause I offered BEFORE the dress issue. Try a relax, the bottom line , nothing can take away that you are marrying the man of your dreams and that's the most important thing. I hope you aren't offended my response, I tried not to make it sound judgmental or nasty. Just sympathizing with you and sharing. :) Congratulation by the way.!
    The same color dress - the HORROR! Let me guess it's super specific and not one of the trite colors - coral, tiffany blue, sea foam green - or the basic ones - red, black, navy??? Unless you picked purple, green and orange stripes you shouldn't be surprised someone else is using the same color.

    I'm sorry if you offended by my response, but it is really petty of you to get bent out of shape over your niece picking the same color. Seriously, you wouldn't have offered to make her favors if you had known she would pick the same dress color?? Think about how that sounds. You are her aunt and probably have a few years on her, maybe you should think about how juvenile you are behaving. How would you feel if the tables were turned and it was your daughter and sister? I think you would think your sister was being unreasonable calling dibs on color - it's not even the same dress for crying out loud.

    Read the bolded and take your own advice. Don't ruin your relationship with your niece over a color.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I'm supposed to be upset my FSIL is getting married 3 weeks after me? Dang. Because it's fun this way. We can be insanely wedding obsessed and not annoy everyone else. Since our weddings are pretty different, it's not much help, but oh well.

    Yes, she planned this for right after us. Great Aunt Cranky Pants is refusing to attend our outlandish wedding because god forbid she have to fly. Then since no one is making us change, she's refusing to attend FSIL wedding. We'll see how she behaves come weddings.
  • Hahahahahha! Thanks, guys ;) 

    Guess what?  I didn't say a WORD and she said she felt bad and moved it to the next month.  Guess my original post wasn't so OUTRAGEOUS after all as even she felt the need to move it for me.  I would do the same for any friend of mine.
    Or maybe the venue wasn't available until the following month or a VIP couldn't make it...or she caught the drift that you were so put out by her getting married in the same month and she decided it wasn't worth all the drama. 

     Congrats or getting the full month to yourself, keep up the self-back-patting, bc you're not going to get it here :unamused:
    Read:  I didn't say a WORD.  She lives far from me and besides a "CONGRATULATIONS!" text, she didn't 'catch the drift.' lol.  She said 'Hey I didn't want to steal your shine and make it difficult for our families so I'm pushing my date back.  Love ya!"

    Sorry you don't have friends as nice as mine.  And I'll for SURE keep self-back-patting! I couldn't be happier.  DEUCES!
  • Hahahahahha! Thanks, guys ;) 

    Guess what?  I didn't say a WORD and she said she felt bad and moved it to the next month.  Guess my original post wasn't so OUTRAGEOUS after all as even she felt the need to move it for me.  I would do the same for any friend of mine.
    Or maybe the venue wasn't available until the following month or a VIP couldn't make it...or she caught the drift that you were so put out by her getting married in the same month and she decided it wasn't worth all the drama. 

     Congrats or getting the full month to yourself, keep up the self-back-patting, bc you're not going to get it here :unamused:
    Read:  I didn't say a WORD.  She lives far from me and besides a "CONGRATULATIONS!" text, she didn't 'catch the drift.' lol.  She said 'Hey I didn't want to steal your shine and make it difficult for our families so I'm pushing my date back.  Love ya!"

    Sorry you don't have friends as nice as mine.  And I'll for SURE keep self-back-patting! I couldn't be happier.  DEUCES!
    These statements are extremely immature. How old are you?
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  • Hahahahahha! Thanks, guys ;) 

    Guess what?  I didn't say a WORD and she said she felt bad and moved it to the next month.  Guess my original post wasn't so OUTRAGEOUS after all as even she felt the need to move it for me.  I would do the same for any friend of mine.
    Or maybe the venue wasn't available until the following month or a VIP couldn't make it...or she caught the drift that you were so put out by her getting married in the same month and she decided it wasn't worth all the drama. 

     Congrats or getting the full month to yourself, keep up the self-back-patting, bc you're not going to get it here :unamused:
    Read:  I didn't say a WORD.  She lives far from me and besides a "CONGRATULATIONS!" text, she didn't 'catch the drift.' lol.  She said 'Hey I didn't want to steal your shine and make it difficult for our families so I'm pushing my date back.  Love ya!"

    Sorry you don't have friends as nice as mine.  And I'll for SURE keep self-back-patting! I couldn't be happier.  DEUCES!

    Well bless your heart!
  • Hahahahahha! Thanks, guys ;) 

    Guess what?  I didn't say a WORD and she said she felt bad and moved it to the next month.  Guess my original post wasn't so OUTRAGEOUS after all as even she felt the need to move it for me.  I would do the same for any friend of mine.
    Or maybe the venue wasn't available until the following month or a VIP couldn't make it...or she caught the drift that you were so put out by her getting married in the same month and she decided it wasn't worth all the drama. 

     Congrats or getting the full month to yourself, keep up the self-back-patting, bc you're not going to get it here :unamused:
    Read:  I didn't say a WORD.  She lives far from me and besides a "CONGRATULATIONS!" text, she didn't 'catch the drift.' lol.  She said 'Hey I didn't want to steal your shine and make it difficult for our families so I'm pushing my date back.  Love ya!"

    Sorry you don't have friends as nice as mine.  And I'll for SURE keep self-back-patting! I couldn't be happier.  DEUCES!

    Well bless your heart!
  • I am going to be the voice of dissent here and am prepared for all the backlash it will likely earn me. 

    I do not understand the "bridesmaids have no responsibilities" thing. I just don't get it. I didn't pick my bridesmaids because I thought they would be good little workhorses for me and plan my whole wedding, but I did pick them because they are really great friends and I knew that they would step up to help me when I needed it. This includes everything from helping to plan the bachelorette party to going dress shopping with me to getting on the phone with me to calm me down when I am panicking. And when I had a bridesmaid who did NOT help me out or attend a single extra-wedding event, it bummed me out. It made me feel like she didn't care about me or my wedding. 

    Firing this girl from your bridal party for choosing a wedding date close to yours is not cool (not that anyone said you were even considering that). But I do not think you are overreacting for being concerned. If it were me, I would talk to her about it and discuss expectations. YOUR expectations, not the expectations of anyone on this forum (including mine). And not in the tone of "you have to do x, y, and z or you're fired" but having an open and honest conversation that puts you both on the same page. That may result in her deciding she can't handle the commitment, or it may result in you deciding you need to tap some other folks in your life to help you out with your DIY stuff. Either way, you are friends, so you should be able to talk about it and work out a solution that works for both of you and puts your mind at ease. 

    And while you're at it, ask if there's anything you can do to help her out with her wedding, cuz friendship works both ways!
  • elleC14 said:
    I am going to be the voice of dissent here and am prepared for all the backlash it will likely earn me. 

    I do not understand the "bridesmaids have no responsibilities" thing. I just don't get it. I didn't pick my bridesmaids because I thought they would be good little workhorses for me and plan my whole wedding, but I did pick them because they are really great friends and I knew that they would step up to help me when I needed it. This includes everything from helping to plan the bachelorette party to going dress shopping with me to getting on the phone with me to calm me down when I am panicking. And when I had a bridesmaid who did NOT help me out or attend a single extra-wedding event, it bummed me out. It made me feel like she didn't care about me or my wedding. 

    Firing this girl from your bridal party for choosing a wedding date close to yours is not cool (not that anyone said you were even considering that). But I do not think you are overreacting for being concerned. If it were me, I would talk to her about it and discuss expectations. YOUR expectations, not the expectations of anyone on this forum (including mine). And not in the tone of "you have to do x, y, and z or you're fired" but having an open and honest conversation that puts you both on the same page. That may result in her deciding she can't handle the commitment, or it may result in you deciding you need to tap some other folks in your life to help you out with your DIY stuff. Either way, you are friends, so you should be able to talk about it and work out a solution that works for both of you and puts your mind at ease. 

    And while you're at it, ask if there's anything you can do to help her out with her wedding, cuz friendship works both ways!

    You wouldn't have a dear friend as a BM if she couldn't help you with your DIY? Or, if she didn't plan a party for you? Or, if she couldn't attend a party where you get lots of presents? Or, if they couldn't help you pick out your dress? How shallow and small minded.
  • I didn't say that. There is not a list of things I expect of my bridesmaids and if they can't do EVERY SINGLE THING they're fired. Also if when I asked her she explained "Hey I have school/a new baby/a new puppy/a demanding job and I won't be able to help you out all the time but I'm going to do my best" I would be totally supportive of that. 

    But if I have a dress shopping weekend, two bachelorette parties, a wedding shower, and a craft night, and you don't come to a single one and also order your dress late, I'm going to be a little ticked off and wish I had not asked you. You should make time to be there for at least ONE event because that demonstrates your support of me as a friend. That's what bridesmaids do. They support you, by attending things. That's the whole concept.

    If I just wanted a warm body to stand next to me for 20 minutes, I'd just ask strangers to do it.
  • elleC14 said:
    I didn't say that. There is not a list of things I expect of my bridesmaids and if they can't do EVERY SINGLE THING they're fired. Also if when I asked her she explained "Hey I have school/a new baby/a new puppy/a demanding job and I won't be able to help you out all the time but I'm going to do my best" I would be totally supportive of that. 

    But if I have a dress shopping weekend, two bachelorette parties, a wedding shower, and a craft night, and you don't come to a single one and also order your dress late, I'm going to be a little ticked off and wish I had not asked you. You should make time to be there for at least ONE event because that demonstrates your support of me as a friend. That's what bridesmaids do. They support you, by attending things. That's the whole concept.

    If I just wanted a warm body to stand next to me for 20 minutes, I'd just ask strangers to do it.

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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    elleC14 said:
    I didn't say that. There is not a list of things I expect of my bridesmaids and if they can't do EVERY SINGLE THING they're fired. Also if when I asked her she explained "Hey I have school/a new baby/a new puppy/a demanding job and I won't be able to help you out all the time but I'm going to do my best" I would be totally supportive of that. 

    But if I have a dress shopping weekend, two bachelorette parties, a wedding shower, and a craft night, and you don't come to a single one and also order your dress late, I'm going to be a little ticked off and wish I had not asked you. You should make time to be there for at least ONE event because that demonstrates your support of me as a friend. That's what bridesmaids do. They support you, by attending things. That's the whole concept.

    If I just wanted a warm body to stand next to me for 20 minutes, I'd just ask strangers to do it.

    My friends support me, but in ways that are not quantified by attending things, or by making the damn crafts to which I committed myself and myself alone. I asked them to be my bridesmaids to honor them, because they are my friends. All my friends continued to support me in a non-wedding related way during my engagement because they are my friends, and because we both had lives outside my wedding planning, and so their ability or inability to attend wedding-related stuff was not the measure of our friendship.

  • elleC14 said:
    I am going to be the voice of dissent here and am prepared for all the backlash it will likely earn me. 

    I do not understand the "bridesmaids have no responsibilities" thing. I just don't get it. I didn't pick my bridesmaids because I thought they would be good little workhorses for me and plan my whole wedding, but I did pick them because they are really great friends and I knew that they would step up to help me when I needed it. This includes everything from helping to plan the bachelorette party to going dress shopping with me to getting on the phone with me to calm me down when I am panicking. And when I had a bridesmaid who did NOT help me out or attend a single extra-wedding event, it bummed me out. It made me feel like she didn't care about me or my wedding. 

    Firing this girl from your bridal party for choosing a wedding date close to yours is not cool (not that anyone said you were even considering that). But I do not think you are overreacting for being concerned. If it were me, I would talk to her about it and discuss expectations. YOUR expectations, not the expectations of anyone on this forum (including mine). And not in the tone of "you have to do x, y, and z or you're fired" but having an open and honest conversation that puts you both on the same page. That may result in her deciding she can't handle the commitment, or it may result in you deciding you need to tap some other folks in your life to help you out with your DIY stuff. Either way, you are friends, so you should be able to talk about it and work out a solution that works for both of you and puts your mind at ease. 

    And while you're at it, ask if there's anything you can do to help her out with her wedding, cuz friendship works both ways!

    The only thing on this list I *might* expect a BM to do is talk to me on the phone if I'm panicking.  But that has nothing to do with them being a BM.  My friends are generally those I turn to when I have serious anxiety, so I would expect a friend to pick up the phone if I text them that I'm extremely anxious and need to talk.  Other than that... several of my BMs have not done anything for my wedding except tell me their measurements so I could order their dresses.  Only 3 will be able to make my wedding shower, and I think 2 or 3 will miss my bachelorette party.  I will miss them, sure, but that's really not their "job" or "duty."  And I would never think twice about asking a dear friend to be a BM just because she couldn't sit with me and help me print my "Welcome to DC!" notes for the out of towner gift bags.
  • elleC14 said:
    I am going to be the voice of dissent here and am prepared for all the backlash it will likely earn me. 

    I do not understand the "bridesmaids have no responsibilities" thing. I just don't get it. I didn't pick my bridesmaids because I thought they would be good little workhorses for me and plan my whole wedding, but I did pick them because they are really great friends and I knew that they would step up to help me when I needed it. This includes everything from helping to plan the bachelorette party to going dress shopping with me to getting on the phone with me to calm me down when I am panicking. And when I had a bridesmaid who did NOT help me out or attend a single extra-wedding event, it bummed me out. It made me feel like she didn't care about me or my wedding. 

    Firing this girl from your bridal party for choosing a wedding date close to yours is not cool (not that anyone said you were even considering that). But I do not think you are overreacting for being concerned. If it were me, I would talk to her about it and discuss expectations. YOUR expectations, not the expectations of anyone on this forum (including mine). And not in the tone of "you have to do x, y, and z or you're fired" but having an open and honest conversation that puts you both on the same page. That may result in her deciding she can't handle the commitment, or it may result in you deciding you need to tap some other folks in your life to help you out with your DIY stuff. Either way, you are friends, so you should be able to talk about it and work out a solution that works for both of you and puts your mind at ease. 

    And while you're at it, ask if there's anything you can do to help her out with her wedding, cuz friendship works both ways!
    I feel like I need to sort out  friend behaviour from crazy demanding person behaviour (taking the wedding out of it):


    Normal friend behaviour:
    - Calling a friend when you are upset but also understanding that they might not be able to drop everything right that second.
    - Ask a friend if they would like to go shopping with you to pick out an outfit for a special occasion but understanding that they might be busy that day and your needs to not take precedent over theirs.


    Crazy behaviour:
    - Asking a friend to give up a weekend to come over to help you DIY your Christmas tree ornaments and saying they are a bad friend when they don't.
    - Demanding they help you plan a party in your honour and expecting them to pay for it
    - Sitting down with them and asking them if they can "handle the commitment" of being your friend.


    Being a bridesmaid is the ultimate form of friendship. Outside of wearing a specific dress, you should never ask a bridesmaid to do anything that you wouldn't ask in real life. If one normally ask their friends to drop everything and give them time, effort and attention, then I'd be surprised if they didn't have to ask strangers to stand up with  them by the time the wedding came around.
  • Y'all are taking this way out of context. Which again, I was prepared for. 

    When did I ever say I was demanding that all of my bridesmaids completely drop everything and do everything on some psychotic to-do list you seem to envision I have? 

    I agree with you London Lisa. Being a bridesmaid is the ultimate form of friendship. If I have a friend that I invite to hang out with me all the time, and she never comes, then that's not a very good friend in my opinion. Real friendship takes work and requires that people put in time, especially to share special occasions such as a birthday. It is a give and take. My friends show up for me in lots of ways (by hanging out with me, by talking to me on the phone, by helping me when I need help) and I show up for them in the same way. 

    Friendship is not a no-strings-attached arrangement. But it is also not meeting an arbitrary list of criteria or checking shit off of a to-do list, and I never said it was.

    I invited my bridesmaids to stand up with me on my wedding day because I know they are there for me in a multitude of ways. When one girl failed to be there for me in ANY way, it hurt, because it made me feel as though she didn't value our friendship enough to set aside some time for me. I'm not asking her to breast feed me. I just wanted her to come to ONE of 5 or 6 events that took place.

    How is this a controversial position to take?? 
  • Also if y'all google "responsibilities of a bridesmaid" you will notice that MOST PEOPLE expect certain things of wedding attendants. People tend to go overboard with their expectations for sure, but there are basic things that go along with the honor. 
  • elleC14 said:
    Y'all are taking this way out of context. Which again, I was prepared for. 

    When did I ever say I was demanding that all of my bridesmaids completely drop everything and do everything on some psychotic to-do list you seem to envision I have? 

    I agree with you London Lisa. Being a bridesmaid is the ultimate form of friendship. If I have a friend that I invite to hang out with me all the time, and she never comes, then that's not a very good friend in my opinion. Real friendship takes work and requires that people put in time, especially to share special occasions such as a birthday. It is a give and take. My friends show up for me in lots of ways (by hanging out with me, by talking to me on the phone, by helping me when I need help) and I show up for them in the same way. 

    Friendship is not a no-strings-attached arrangement. But it is also not meeting an arbitrary list of criteria or checking shit off of a to-do list, and I never said it was.

    I invited my bridesmaids to stand up with me on my wedding day because I know they are there for me in a multitude of ways. When one girl failed to be there for me in ANY way, it hurt, because it made me feel as though she didn't value our friendship enough to set aside some time for me. I'm not asking her to breast feed me. I just wanted her to come to ONE of 5 or 6 events that took place.

    How is this a controversial position to take?? 

    It totally depends on how busy she is, whether the dates chosen took her schedule into consideration, where the events are located, how much money it costs to get there, etc...

    And perhaps your BM doesn't link attendance these things to a demonstration of friendship, like you do, and she doesn't know that you do. I very much see people being late to meet me as a show of disrespect for my time, but not everyone sees it that way, and if they don't know this about me, they won't see a reason to make more of an effort to be on time.

    I do not see attendance at pre-wedding events as a demonstration of friendship, and I think many pre-wedding events are boring/silly/not my responsibility (in case of crafts), so if I didn't know that one of my friends cared a lot about my presence at them, I wouldn't feel pressured to shift my schedule around to make attendance work, bridesmaid or no. I'll talk to you later, girl.

    If your BM didn't come to any one of 5 or 6 events which were all located in her hometown, did not require her taking off work, sacrificing precious time for family trips, etc., AND you made it clear that it would be really important to you to have her there, you might have a point.

    But since we (and likely you) cannot know the situation of the ladies who come here upset about this sort of thing, it is much easier to say that the BMs cannot and should not be required to attend 1+ pre-wedding events as a show of "commitment." Because in the end, they shouldn't.

  • elleC14 said:
    Y'all are taking this way out of context. Which again, I was prepared for. 

    When did I ever say I was demanding that all of my bridesmaids completely drop everything and do everything on some psychotic to-do list you seem to envision I have? 

    I agree with you London Lisa. Being a bridesmaid is the ultimate form of friendship. If I have a friend that I invite to hang out with me all the time, and she never comes, then that's not a very good friend in my opinion. Real friendship takes work and requires that people put in time, especially to share special occasions such as a birthday. It is a give and take. My friends show up for me in lots of ways (by hanging out with me, by talking to me on the phone, by helping me when I need help) and I show up for them in the same way. 

    Friendship is not a no-strings-attached arrangement. But it is also not meeting an arbitrary list of criteria or checking shit off of a to-do list, and I never said it was.

    I invited my bridesmaids to stand up with me on my wedding day because I know they are there for me in a multitude of ways. When one girl failed to be there for me in ANY way, it hurt, because it made me feel as though she didn't value our friendship enough to set aside some time for me. I'm not asking her to breast feed me. I just wanted her to come to ONE of 5 or 6 events that took place.

    How is this a controversial position to take?? 
    Again, take the wedding out of it and does this sound like normal friend behaviour: I'm throwing a birthday party. I just want my best friend to come to one of my 6 pre-birthday party events. Even though she said she would be there for my actual birthday party and was excited to celebrate with me, I was hurt that she didn't care enough about our friendship to come to even one of my six pre-birthday events. 


  • elleC14 said:
    Also if y'all google "responsibilities of a bridesmaid" you will notice that MOST PEOPLE expect certain things of wedding attendants. People tend to go overboard with their expectations for sure, but there are basic things that go along with the honor. 

    Just because it's common doesn't mean it's good.

    Take Lisa's birthday party example. You would probably sound insanely self-important for even having the pre-birthday events. It is common for people to feel like they should be insanely important to others in a special way in the lead-up to the actual life milestone which is the wedding, when in fact that's just overblown. These parties (and the brides) are not as important as they are often led to believe by the wedding industry. But the belief generates these "expectations."

  • I'd just like to accept my award for worst friend and worst bride. I couldn't have done it without you all. K byeeeeeee


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  • elleC14 said:
    I'd just like to accept my award for worst friend and worst bride. I couldn't have done it without you all. K byeeeeeee


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    Dramatic much? No one said anything of the sort - just trying to help you see through your assumptions without the wedding-goggles.
  • elleC14 said:
    I didn't say that. There is not a list of things I expect of my bridesmaids and if they can't do EVERY SINGLE THING they're fired. Also if when I asked her she explained "Hey I have school/a new baby/a new puppy/a demanding job and I won't be able to help you out all the time but I'm going to do my best" I would be totally supportive of that. 

    But if I have a dress shopping weekend, two bachelorette parties, a wedding shower, and a craft night, and you don't come to a single one and also order your dress late, I'm going to be a little ticked off and wish I had not asked you. You should make time to be there for at least ONE event because that demonstrates your support of me as a friend. That's what bridesmaids do. They support you, by attending things. That's the whole concept.

    If I just wanted a warm body to stand next to me for 20 minutes, I'd just ask strangers to do it.
    No. The "event" you get their undivided attention at is your WEDDING, FFS.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • elleC14 said:
    I am going to be the voice of dissent here and am prepared for all the backlash it will likely earn me. 

    I do not understand the "bridesmaids have no responsibilities" thing. I just don't get it. I didn't pick my bridesmaids because I thought they would be good little workhorses for me and plan my whole wedding, but I did pick them because they are really great friends and I knew that they would step up to help me when I needed it. This includes everything from helping to plan the bachelorette party to going dress shopping with me to getting on the phone with me to calm me down when I am panicking. And when I had a bridesmaid who did NOT help me out or attend a single extra-wedding event, it bummed me out. It made me feel like she didn't care about me or my wedding. 

    Firing this girl from your bridal party for choosing a wedding date close to yours is not cool (not that anyone said you were even considering that). But I do not think you are overreacting for being concerned. If it were me, I would talk to her about it and discuss expectations. YOUR expectations, not the expectations of anyone on this forum (including mine). And not in the tone of "you have to do x, y, and z or you're fired" but having an open and honest conversation that puts you both on the same page. That may result in her deciding she can't handle the commitment, or it may result in you deciding you need to tap some other folks in your life to help you out with your DIY stuff. Either way, you are friends, so you should be able to talk about it and work out a solution that works for both of you and puts your mind at ease. 

    And while you're at it, ask if there's anything you can do to help her out with her wedding, cuz friendship works both ways!
    You do realize that DIY stands for Do It YOURSELF, right?  Not, Assign Others To Help, or Voluntell Your Brideslaves?

    Yeah, haven't selected my bridesmaids yet, but likely one will be a 9 year old who lives three states away, one will be my currently pregnant sister who lives on the other coast, and one may be my college student cousin two states away.  For the love of all that is holy, who the fuck is going to help me to DIY my paper flowers????  I'm so screwed.
  • elleC14 said:

    I didn't say that. There is not a list of things I expect of my bridesmaids and if they can't do EVERY SINGLE THING they're fired. Also if when I asked her she explained "Hey I have school/a new baby/a new puppy/a demanding job and I won't be able to help you out all the time but I'm going to do my best" I would be totally supportive of that. 


    But if I have a dress shopping weekend, two bachelorette parties, a wedding shower, and a craft night, and you don't come to a single one and also order your dress late, I'm going to be a little ticked off and wish I had not asked you. You should make time to be there for at least ONE event because that demonstrates your support of me as a friend. That's what bridesmaids do. They support you, by attending things. That's the whole concept.

    If I just wanted a warm body to stand next to me for 20 minutes, I'd just ask strangers to do it.
    I'm sorry, PPs have already addressed how wrong this is and you've already allegedly GBCTed, but two bacherlorette parties? Yeah, I wouldn't be attending that shit either.

    No one cares about your wedding as much as you do..
    Anniversary

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  • edited June 2015
  • rcher912rcher912 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    I have three BMs.

    1 is excited about planning pre-parties. She's super organized, gave me hand-me-down magazines and budget books, etc. She just loves logistics, and cracks me up.

    1 is for when I panic and need to chat (realized I needed this lady right when I was thinking about BP and a family emergency hit, and she came through for me, emotionally, like a rock star. Hadn't thought of her before because we're new friends, but now I can't imagine my BP without her!)

    1 is my sister. Whooo...will be pretty fun to hang out with on the day. She's super busy, so I'm not sure how much she'll be able to do (she's also in the process of buying a house)


    All in all, besides being people I particularly like, I just want to make sure I get pretty pictures of me and my best friends on the day. Yes, I know, gasp, pictures, but we'll all look extra pretty and we'll get extra hang-out time, and we'll all get pretty pictures. I think this is a recipe for fun.


    ETA: I'm so bad at getting to the point. The point is, I chose each BM for pretty different (but overall the same) reasons. I'd like a shower, and I want a bachelorette, but the more I get into planning, the less fucks I give. I'm too busy, and if they don't want to plan it and pay for it, I really don't have the time, energy, or funds to do it myself. Oh well. The wedding will kick ass.
  • rcher912 said:
    I have three BMs.

    1 is excited about planning pre-parties. She's super organized, gave me hand-me-down magazines and budget books, etc. She just loves logistics, and cracks me up.

    1 is for when I panic and need to chat (realized I needed this lady right when I was thinking about BP and a family emergency hit, and she came through for me, emotionally, like a rock star. Hadn't thought of her before because we're new friends, but now I can't imagine my BP without her!)

    1 is my sister. Whooo...will be pretty fun to hang out with on the day. She's super busy, so I'm not sure how much she'll be able to do (she's also in the process of buying a house)


    All in all, besides being people I particularly like, I just want to make sure I get pretty pictures of me and my best friends on the day. Yes, I know, gasp, pictures, but we'll all look extra pretty and we'll get extra hang-out time, and we'll all get pretty pictures. I think this is a recipe for fun.


    ETA: I'm so bad at getting to the point. The point is, I chose each BM for pretty different (but overall the same) reasons. I'd like a shower, and I want a bachelorette, but the more I get into planning, the less fucks I give. I'm too busy, and if they don't want to plan it and pay for it, I really don't have the time, energy, or funds to do it myself. Oh well. The wedding will kick ass.
    You shouldn't be planning your own shower/bachelorette anyways. 

    image
  • elleC14 said:
    Also if y'all google "responsibilities of a bridesmaid" you will notice that MOST PEOPLE expect certain things of wedding attendants. People tend to go overboard with their expectations for sure, but there are basic things that go along with the honor. 
    I'm not quite sure you understand what it means to honor someone.
    image
  • levioosa said:
    So....you only get one day. All she has to do is show up on time and in the dress in a good mood.  

    Just like she only gets one day, and if you are her bridesmaid all you have to do is show up happy and on time in the dress.

    Super simple.  Hell, it might even be super fun for you guys to plan together.  Be happy for her.  Stressing about this will get you no where, will harm the friendship, and is ultimately pointless.  She has done nothing wrong by getting married the same month.  
    One hundred percent yes. Two of my bridesmaids are getting married this year, one isn't "officially" engaged yet but is planning her wedding for a 2-3 weekends before mine (depending on venue). I'm super excited to be going through all of this side by side with my best friends (plus, we are all super wedding focused which has made planning various events that much more exciting!). The ONLY problem that I'm having is the prospect of five weddings (including mine) in which I'm involved in some capacity (because *gasp* I do believe that as a bridesmaid I have the opportunity to show my friends how much they mean to me).
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