NWR: Lingerie question

ChemFanatic25

Hi Ladies!

I have a question about lingerie. I have been dating my SO for a little over 7 months. I have lingerie that was given to me as a gift in my previous relationship. I never opened it because . . . well the sexual department was almost gone. It still isn't open but my sex life is absolutely amazing with my current SO. I have bought some lingerie since dating him and he really likes it. Now I have this lingerie sitting unopened that I know he will really enjoy.

Honest opinions: Do you think it would be weird to use that lingerie now or should I go and buy something since that was purchased by my ex? I honestly feel a little weird but I don't know if I am overreacting or being silly so if you think I am please let me know. The reason I feel it is weird is because of the implications associated with it. 

Thanks everyone!

lifeisajourney

He wont know or care where the lingerie came from. He will just be worrying about how delicious you look and how fast he can take it off. Lingerie is expensive.I wouldn't get rid of it just because things didn't work out with an ex. He wont ask you where you got it. He will think you picked it out with him in mind and that will be the end of it. If he does ask (which I HIGHLY doubt will happen) I guess you will have to tell him where it came from for the sake of honesty, but I would just simply say something like "It was given to me as a gift but I needed the right person to wear it for, that's why I'm so glad I have you" 

lacqueredlover

He won't know but honestly, I wouldn't use things like lingerie or sex toys that was from a previous partner.  Just my personal preference but I would know where it came from so I wouldn't be comfortable wearing something that someone else bought me to wear for them.

speakeasy14

It would only be weird if you have some kind of emotional attachment.  I have tons of lingerie from my previous relationship, and it has made no impact on my current relationship. 

ChemFanatic25

Okay, that is very true. Lingerie is very expensive! I was trying to find a decent french maid costume and it was like $78 on VS and what I read from the reviews, not even that good quality.

How do I get rid of the mindset that it's weird then? I know it is totally me and not him but I feel like I am being . . . "wrong" by using this lingerie for him. Just think "I need the right person to wear this for"?

ChemFanatic25

speakeasy14 said:

It would only be weird if you have some kind of emotional attachment.  I have tons of lingerie from my previous relationship, and it has made no impact on my current relationship. 

Okay, I don't think I have any emotional attachment to it because I never wore it and like I had said earlier nothing going in the sexual department. I will think of it as "never been used and I finally have the right person who will absolutely appreciate it".

lifeisajourney

I would think about the fact that you are wearing it for him. But honestly if you cant get the idea out of your mind you may want to consider not wearing it because I know for me sex is 60% mental and if my mind is thinking about something else a sexy night can go all wrong.

speakeasy14

Well you've never worn it, so take it out of the giftwrap and put it with your other stuff.  When you put it on, it will be like you're grabbing something out of your good things drawer.  If when you put it on, you think of your ex, then get rid of it. 

Swazzle

I think I'd feel weird about it. If you had purchased it for yourself and then you didn't wear it at all, that'd be one thing. But since it was bought for you as a gift from your ex, that's the part that would weird me out. 

ChemFanatic25

Thank you for the advice everyone! I really appreciate it. I know it sounds silly but I am actually going to sit down and think about it tonight. A lot of it is mental and I most definitely know how much your mind can get in the way of sex from personal experience. The last thing I want is to ruin what I have because I can't mentally get something out of my mind about a piece of cloth. 

If I keep feeling uncomfortable about it I will get rid of it, but if I pick it up and open it and that feeling stops then I will keep it and wear it the next time I see my SO. 

Dignity100

I think, though it sounds SUPER silly, I'd probably talk to my SO about it.  Probably just say 'hey, I have this, it's from 'ex' but I never wore it.  I thought you might like it, but would it be weird??' and get his response - if he says 'burn it' then you know to get rid of it; if he says he doesn't care, then wear it.

loves2shop4shoes

I think it's only weird if it feels weird to you, or if you have some emotional attachment to it that reminds you of your ex.

Also, can I just say, as an OMH, I can't remember the last time I bought lingerie for DH.  Maybe for our wedding/honeymoon 2+ years ago?  I'm old as hell.

phira

I bought lingerie when I was with my college boyfriend, who absolutely LOVED when I wore lingerie, and I've worn it for other boyfriends since then without really thinking about it. However, he didn't buy the lingerie for me, and when I think about it, I realize that the only gift I've ever gotten from an ex-boyfriend that I've kept was season 2 of Friends. Everything else I've tossed.

So I'm helpful.

Anyway, if it feels wrong to you, then I'd pass on it.

lacqueredlover

I think if you have to ask, you probably feel weird about it and that's your answer.  If you didn't feel odd about it, you wouldn't have given it a second thought, you just would have worn it.

eilis1228

I think if it weirds you out, then don't wear it. He definitely won't know who it's from, and it was never worn, so it's not THAT weird to wear it with your new SO. Plus, lingerie is super expensive. However, as others have said, since it was a gift from an ex, it's really up to you on whether or not you want to keep it. I've gotten rid of all gifts my ex gave me, including a Lover's Knot ring from James Avery that I absolutely adored and specifically asked my ex for because I really liked the design. It just seemed weird to keep those things around when the relationship was over even if they didn't necessarily have an emotional attachment to him or the relationship. Anywho, regardless of what advice we give, you need to be comfortable with your decision. Whatever feels right to you is the right decision.

[Deleted User]

I'm with everybody who says "if it makes you feel weird, don't do it."  I used to work retail, and I bought a lot of lingerie on sale with my employee discount...this was probably 6-7 years ago, way before I met Mr. Historian.  I did buy something new when he came home from Afghanistan, but to be honest, it sat in my suitcase the entirety of our reunion weekend.  I was a little too busy to put anything on.  ;-)

That said, I'm sort of in the same boat as @phira as far as gifts from exes go.  The only thing I have from an ex that I've kept is a washer/dryer...my college/early 20s boyfriend gave me his set when he moved back in with his parents, and they still work, and new ones are pricey.  I don't think of him every time I do laundry (anymore...immediately post-horrific ugly breakup I threw a sheet over them and took my laundry to my parents' house).