H and I are trying

themuffinman16

   H and I are trying to conceive.  It is exciting terrifying.  I really want kids, now, and I realized I didn't want to wait any longer to start our family. H and I discussed it and realized we should start trying now if we want to kids before my junk dries up.  I am hoping it all works out.  It is funny that you can plan for something, but, at the same time,  be really nervous about it.

   I am waiting for my next cycle, which is next week, and then I will be off of hormones for the first time in 18 years. Children used to terrify me.  I was never around them, but since my twin sister had children, I am around kids a lot more.  I was more afraid of not being able to get a child to stop crying, or dropping a tiny baby, not wake up when they cry. (see episode of Friends where Rachel is holding a baby how she would hold a football (1 foot from her body.)

   I don't really understand this small part of my twin sister.  We grew up in the same environment, she KNEW she wanted to have kids, and knew she had what it takes.  I was always the one who was terrified of my past, and afraid I would be the same parent mine were to me. Has anyone else wanted children, but was still worried about what kind of parent they will be?  I am afraid to talk to people about this IRL because I am afraid they think I don't want to have children and will judge me. So I guess I feel safer sharing this here with a multitude of women who will be completely honest. Is it normal to have this much fear but want something at the same time? 

sarawifenow

Good luck! H and I will start trying in 6-12 months. Keep in mind that if you are going off of BC that it can take some time to get out of your system. I have heard up to a month. I'm sure each woman is different, though.

 

I'm sure you will be a great parent! It is completely natural to worry. I think the reason you have fear IS because you want this so much. Have you visited with your OBGYN? I'm sure they can give you some more insight as well!

theartistformerlyknownas

I think most logical people are terrified of the kind of parent they'll be. It's something you can't know until you're there, and it's a BIG DAMN RESPONSIBILITY molding a human. It goes so far beyond knowing what to do with babies - you're creating an adult, ultimately. It's a good instinct to be scared - it shows you won't take this lightly.

Also, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YAY BABIES!

themuffinman16

I have visited all of my doctors and we were going to wait six months, but, I realized with my endometriosis, I should be trying to conceive sooner and not later. It was keeping me up nights, worrying about if I would be able to get pregnant. And to be able to get pregnant twice before I turn 40. 

 

My H knows that I am not a natural with children and he says everyone has doubts. But I just wanted to know from people who wouldn't spare my feelings, and tell me if it actually was normal.

smalfrie19

Fertile vibes to you! Everyone is a first time parent at least once. Those feelings are normal. I have those feelings too and I am not even HAVING kids..EVER!!! 

lovesclimbing

I think most people are nervous at first or are scared.  It is a big responsibility! I would try to learn as much as you can.  Buy books and read them. No, the book probably won't help you not drop it or wake up when the baby cries, but the more you know, the better you'll likely feel.  Look at the library, and then you won't be spending tons of money on books that might wind up being the stupidest thing you ever read. 

Lots of hospitals or birthing centers offer free classes about pregnancy, which include diapering and not dropping it, so I'd look into those.

Sugargirl1019

Yay! My Ob/gyn told me to stop my birth control after I get my period (end of the pack) then you need to wait one month until you get your period again (she said use condoms) and then you can try conceiving. So that one month time frame is pretty generic all around.

So exciting though! You will be wonderful.

VulgarGirl

themuffinman16 said:

I have visited all of my doctors and we were going to wait six months, but, I realized with my endometriosis, I should be trying to conceive sooner and not later. It was keeping me up nights, worrying about if I would be able to get pregnant. And to be able to get pregnant twice before I turn 40. 

 

My H knows that I am not a natural with children and he says everyone has doubts. But I just wanted to know from people who wouldn't spare my feelings, and tell me if it actually was normal.

This is a link to a long and rambly post about me freaking out at the idea that once we got married we were going to start trying.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1020456/nwr-not-sure-how-i-feel#latest

We're going to start TTCing in December. I think...Wifey says she might want to wait until after the holidays. I still freak out.

theycallmelinz

Yay! I'm sure this is scary but I think the fact that you're already concerned for your future children is a good start And to echo PPs, you can only be SO prepared until you actually are a parent and get smacked with reality. You guys are gonna do just fine

SmileDamnit

Woot for baby making!!

FWIW, I don't think the feeling of terror regarding the making/cooking/birthing/raising kids ever goes away. You decide to try to conceive, and the thought of it not happening is scary. You actually get pregnant, and it's scary when you think about everything you might be doing wrong as you cook him/her. Baby is born, and then shit gets REALLY scary when you realize this little spawn is your to protect and guide and inspire and love for eternity. 

Yep, it's pretty damn terrifying...and pretty fucking awesome, too

Sugargirl1019

MagicInk said:

themuffinman16 said:

I have visited all of my doctors and we were going to wait six months, but, I realized with my endometriosis, I should be trying to conceive sooner and not later. It was keeping me up nights, worrying about if I would be able to get pregnant. And to be able to get pregnant twice before I turn 40. 

 

My H knows that I am not a natural with children and he says everyone has doubts. But I just wanted to know from people who wouldn't spare my feelings, and tell me if it actually was normal.

This is a link to a long and rambly post about me freaking out at the idea that once we got married we were going to start trying.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1020456/nwr-not-sure-how-i-feel#latest

We're going to start TTCing in December. I think...Wifey says she might want to wait until after the holidays. I still freak out.

So.. Not to be inappropriate, but, how will your WiFE! go about the process? Both she and him need to be in the doctors office for him to do his "thing" and then the doctor takes it to transplant? I am not familiar with this kind of thing.

sunset30

I think this is a pretty common fear. I am actually pregnant with our first baby now and much like you haven't spent a ton of time around kids and don't feel comfortable at all with babies. My husband also has not spent time around babies either so we're both starting from scratch here. I've just been reading a lot (agree with PP who suggested the library), follow The Bump, and we will be taking "Baby 101" classes through our hospital as we get a bit closer to the due date. 

My view is that having some insecurity about it is probably a healthy thing and means you'll be a good parent. I think with anything you try in life, having some insecurity that prompts you to prepare makes you better at something than if you think you know it all and aren't open to learning to improve yourself. Plus your concern shows you are conscientious and have a desire to be a good parent, which is a very good quality!

Good luck to you in your TTC journey!

themuffinman16

MagicInk said:

themuffinman16 said:

I have visited all of my doctors and we were going to wait six months, but, I realized with my endometriosis, I should be trying to conceive sooner and not later. It was keeping me up nights, worrying about if I would be able to get pregnant. And to be able to get pregnant twice before I turn 40. 

 

My H knows that I am not a natural with children and he says everyone has doubts. But I just wanted to know from people who wouldn't spare my feelings, and tell me if it actually was normal.

This is a link to a long and rambly post about me freaking out at the idea that once we got married we were going to start trying.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1020456/nwr-not-sure-how-i-feel#latest

We're going to start TTCing in December. I think...Wifey says she might want to wait until after the holidays. I still freak out.

Thank you so much, MagicInk. I swear, I thought I was BSC to plan for this and be scared at the same time. 

My H has 35 cousins, all younger than him. He is just a natural with children, and I get a little jealous, sometime.  I wish I could be that good. Sometimes, I feel like he is scared of me being a mother, but these are just my insecurities. When he sees my parents, I wonder if it scares him to have children with me. I love my mom, but she talks about the most awful things, like it is appropriate for every day conversations. My H says I am nothing like my parents, so I need to just calm the hell down. 

VulgarGirl

Sugargirl1019 said:

themuffinman16 said:

I have visited all of my doctors and we were going to wait six months, but, I realized with my endometriosis, I should be trying to conceive sooner and not later. It was keeping me up nights, worrying about if I would be able to get pregnant. And to be able to get pregnant twice before I turn 40. 

 

My H knows that I am not a natural with children and he says everyone has doubts. But I just wanted to know from people who wouldn't spare my feelings, and tell me if it actually was normal.

This is a link to a long and rambly post about me freaking out at the idea that once we got married we were going to start trying.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1020456/nwr-not-sure-how-i-feel#latest

We're going to start TTCing in December. I think...Wifey says she might want to wait until after the holidays. I still freak out.

So.. Not to be inappropriate, but, how will your WiFE! go about the process? Both she and him need to be in the doctors office for him to do his "thing" and then the doctor takes it to transplant? I am not familiar with this kind of thing.

Actually we'll be doing it at home (to start with, wifey wants to try it at home for 6 months and then we'll move to doctors if it doesn't take).

So he'll ejaculate into a cup, and then I'll use a needless syringe (like what you'd use to give a kid medicine) to insert the sperm into her. If we need him to, he'll put some on ice at a sperm bank type place for us to check out when we need it. Otherwise when she ovulates we'll call him up and he'll do his thing. We're going to give him a calender with her possible ovulation dates circled and that way he can be prepared to get the text from us. 

Sugargirl1019

MagicInk said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

MagicInk said:

themuffinman16 said:

I have visited all of my doctors and we were going to wait six months, but, I realized with my endometriosis, I should be trying to conceive sooner and not later. It was keeping me up nights, worrying about if I would be able to get pregnant. And to be able to get pregnant twice before I turn 40. 

 

My H knows that I am not a natural with children and he says everyone has doubts. But I just wanted to know from people who wouldn't spare my feelings, and tell me if it actually was normal.

This is a link to a long and rambly post about me freaking out at the idea that once we got married we were going to start trying.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1020456/nwr-not-sure-how-i-feel#latest

We're going to start TTCing in December. I think...Wifey says she might want to wait until after the holidays. I still freak out.

So.. Not to be inappropriate, but, how will your WiFE! go about the process? Both she and him need to be in the doctors office for him to do his "thing" and then the doctor takes it to transplant? I am not familiar with this kind of thing.

Actually we'll be doing it at home (to start with, wifey wants to try it at home for 6 months and then we'll move to doctors if it doesn't take).

So he'll ejaculate into a cup, and then I'll use a needless syringe (like what you'd use to give a kid medicine) to insert the sperm into her. If we need him to, he'll put some on ice at a sperm bank type place for us to check out when we need it. Otherwise when she ovulates we'll call him up and he'll do his thing. We're going to give him a calender with her possible ovulation dates circled and that way he can be prepared to get the text from us. 

I apologize, my mind went waay south when I saw "doing it at home". I thought "you're gonna let your wife have sex with a man??" And then you explained. Good luck guys

SBmini

Yay!!!

We're actively trying too. I always knew I wanted kids, but I was really worried about a lot of the details. Mostly, financial. I make more than my H but I want to be the one to stay home. Losing my income was terrifying to me. But then, we got some adult friends with kids, and I saw how they were able to always make things work, always make sure their kids were cared for, and always provide a loving environment. And it made me feel a lot better. 

I realized that if you always wait for the perfect time to have kids that you'll never have them. Most of what makes a good parent is just innate. You don't need a degree in child development to raise a well balanced child- you just need half a brain and some common sense. I also think that the people who worry about all the what ifs of parenting are the ones who will be the best parents. It means that you care enough to ask the hard questions.

KatieinBkln

I think your fears are totally normal.

I'll also say, that not everyone is a natural with kids. Not everyone is all that "into" babies--but you can be "not a baby person" who realizes that you're absolutely a "kid" person. Or you might never be the "gets down on the floor and plays with the kids and builds forts and comes up with cool art projects mom" but a really great "reads to my kids and takes them to museums and fosters their love of learning and speaks to them like a person and has conversations with them" mom. As long as you love your kids (and you will), you can be a wonderful mom no matter what your "style" is. If anything, I think your attitude of being really aware of what a challenge it is can only be helpful in the long run--you aren't rushing into this, you aren't taking it lightly, and you'll work  at it--any kid would be lucky to have a mom with those priorities.

Good luck to you!

ohannabelle

Being worried is a good sign. It means you're not a dumbass rushing in without thinking.

You will be fine. There are no animal instincts in us as strong as the parental instinct, and when that instinct kicks in, you'll wonder why you ever worried. 

(This is all very exciting. I love when new people arrive. It makes my heart happy.)

lc07

Congrats! This is very normal from what all of my friends with kids tell me.

And just to throw my $.02 about getting off of hormones, some people start ovulating immediately and others it can take longer. I got off the pill at 32 when I had been on it since 16. It took me three months to begin ovulating. My doctor told me 3-6 months was a normal time frame for my body to start ovulating again.

themuffinman16

My doc said it will probably take three months to start ovulating. I remember my sister coming to me, in tears, thinking she couldn't get pregnant.  I asked her how long she and her FI had been trying, she said 3 months.  Yep, she was pregnant when we had that conversation, and didn't know it. Hilarious!

CMGragain

I had a terrible role model for motherhood.  My Mom had Narcissistic  Personality Disorder, and told me that having children was the worst mistake of her life, and that she hated babies.  I knew she was nuts, but I was terrified that I would be a bad mother.
I wasn't a perfect mother, but my kids turned out just fine.  They are loving, caring people, and I only wish I could have had more.
There are plenty of books you can read that will help you make good decisions about raising children.  Good luck to you!

lacqueredlover

I honestly never really wanted kids but now that I have my FI's 2 kids, we've talked about having another one.  Mainly because I see how awesome they are and what a great experience it is having kids.

I don't think there is any such thing as a perfect parent.  Kids come out with personalities all their own and as the adult, you will have to adapt to them, not the other way around.  It's all a learning curve and yes, you'll make mistakes, but the trick is learning from them and doing the best job you can.

larrygaga

Yeah you are attempting to grow another human inside you, teach it about the world and protect it at all costs.

Nah, you shouldn't be scared.

FiancB

Yay! We just talked about it and decided to start trying in September, so that we hopefully have the baby in the summer right when I'm done with nursing school and he'll be off from work since he's a teacher. 

It's really weird to go from trying really hard NOT to get pregnant to actively trying to, lol. 

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

I went off the pill the day we got married and I suppose our 30 days will be in early december.  We want to move to a bigger place first.

I'm worried about my career.  I am in a lovely job right now and another lovely job is tempting me, but I don't want to switch jobs and then get pregnant.  I feel like I'd 'let people down' by going on maternity leave.  I really have to shake this feeling of betrayal for putting myself and family first for once and not my job.  

I have the same fears, OP.  I'm not around kids much but DH says I interact with them well when I do.  When if I don't know the baby needs something?  What if I brush off an issue and it turns out I should have taken my child to the hospital?  I want to keep a child safe but I don't want to hover.  I don't want to be an STFU Parent!

southernbelle0915

themuffinman16 said:

   H and I are trying to conceive.  It is exciting terrifying.  I really want kids, now, and I realized I didn't want to wait any longer to start our family. H and I discussed it and realized we should start trying now if we want to kids before my junk dries up.  I am hoping it all works out.  It is funny that you can plan for something, but, at the same time,  be really nervous about it.

   I am waiting for my next cycle, which is next week, and then I will be off of hormones for the first time in 18 years. Children used to terrify me.  I was never around them, but since my twin sister had children, I am around kids a lot more.  I was more afraid of not being able to get a child to stop crying, or dropping a tiny baby, not wake up when they cry. (see episode of Friends where Rachel is holding a baby how she would hold a football (1 foot from her body.)

   I don't really understand this small part of my twin sister.  We grew up in the same environment, she KNEW she wanted to have kids, and knew she had what it takes.  I was always the one who was terrified of my past, and afraid I would be the same parent mine were to me. Has anyone else wanted children, but was still worried about what kind of parent they will be?  I am afraid to talk to people about this IRL because I am afraid they think I don't want to have children and will judge me. So I guess I feel safer sharing this here with a multitude of women who will be completely honest. Is it normal to have this much fear but want something at the same time? 

The highlighted is my favorite quote of the week thus far. 

I share similar sentiments as you. There are days where I'm like ZOMG, want to have a big family!! And then I go to a restaurant and the sounds of children are like nails on a chalkboard. Also, I am terrified of pregnancy. DH knows he wants kids. Well, that's great, but he's not the one who has to squeeze a soccer ball out of his loins.

If you decide to be a parent, you will figure it out as you go. You'll make mistakes, everyone does. I hope you find a way to quell your anxiety, because I'm sure you'll be a wonderful parent. 

LakeR2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

Yay! My Ob/gyn told me to stop my birth control after I get my period (end of the pack) then you need to wait one month until you get your period again (she said use condoms) and then you can try conceiving. So that one month time frame is pretty generic all around. So exciting though! You will be wonderful.

@Sugargirl1019  So, I've heard the waiting too - but never heard the 3-6 months to ovulate.  All of that being said - when I discussed the idea of my H and I wanting to get pregnant down the road.  Her advice was simply to start taking Folic Acid a month before we start trying (while still on the pill) and simply go naturally (no protection) once my period is down after the last pill pack.    She told me there was no need to have a waiting period.   This could also be because I have PCOS so have irregular periods, but did anyone else get information like this?

thisismynickname2

I'm with you. I'm actually more afraid of being able to afford a child... and a home that would fit a child... and taxes... and school costs... and day care costs... and clothes, toys, etc.

Also, Lifetime Movie Network has taught me that even my perfect, cello-playing, sweet daughter will get syphilis or my honor student will have her sexy photos broadcast over the internet and her life ruined. To say nothing of the story on CNN today about how mean girls are getting younger. Oh, and my son will either bust his head playing football or get bullied into gunning down his classmates. 

Can't wait. 

wandajune6

Are you my triplet?

I feel the same way. We're trying right now too, sort of.

Now for TMI on my life:

My twin has a toddler and has always known her goal in life was to get married and have babies. I figured out that I wanted kids a few years ago. I find it much scarier than she does. I adore my niece and seeing her reminds me of exactly how much I want a baby. I have a 15 year old stepson now who is going through a massive asshole phase but- despite DH's jokes - even he can't change my mind.

I'm old. DH is old. I went off of BC about 7 months ago for a variety of reasons. Due to some side effects of a medical condition, DH needs a procedure done before we're "officially" trying. Currently, we're going through the process of him having lots of tests confirming the need for the procedure. It's frustrating because I desperately want to start trying but the medical stuff keeps taking longer and longer.

DH and his ex made a lot of mistakes raising their kid. They had him when they were in their early 20's and weren't mindful of the decisions they made, then made everything worse in their vicious divorce and custody battle. Plus, his ex was a train wreck who caused a lot of harm to the kid.
I mention this because I spend my life with a kid who dealt with some crappy parenting. I've also seen how you can still raise a good kid while making mistakes. Despite the previously-mentioned asshole phase, SS is a pretty normal 15 year old kid thanks to DH's realization that he couldn't do everything alone and needed professional help. Though I will say that I'm thrilled his ex has mostly dropped out of SS's life. It's better for everyone, even our potential future offspring.

My parents have told my sister about some of the mistakes they made. They talked and read endlessly on certain parenting topics but still screwed up pretty badly on a few things. They thought they were making the right decisions but got it wrong. However, they love us to pieces and are invested in our happiness and success so they still raised pretty awesome kids, if I say so myself! (Though I have some pretty messed up views about things like sports, competition and religion.)

I guess what I'm saying is that every parent makes mistakes but if you're truly invested in your child and love her to pieces, you'll still be a good parent and raise an amazing kid. Worrying that you'll make mistakes means that you understand the enormity of what you're getting yourself into. That's a good thing.

levioosa

Being worried is normal.  I'd be more worried if you went into this gun (vagina?) blazing without any worries at all.  It's a huge responsibility, and you're trying to be smart and informed about it.  Like ohannabelle said, it means you're not a dumbass.

Good luck!  

theartistformerlyknownas

LakeR2014 said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

Yay! My Ob/gyn told me to stop my birth control after I get my period (end of the pack) then you need to wait one month until you get your period again (she said use condoms) and then you can try conceiving. So that one month time frame is pretty generic all around. So exciting though! You will be wonderful.

@Sugargirl1019  So, I've heard the waiting too - but never heard the 3-6 months to ovulate.  All of that being said - when I discussed the idea of my H and I wanting to get pregnant down the road.  Her advice was simply to start taking Folic Acid a month before we start trying (while still on the pill) and simply go naturally (no protection) once my period is down after the last pill pack.    She told me there was no need to have a waiting period.   This could also be because I have PCOS so have irregular periods, but did anyone else get information like this?

Yeah I don't understand why you'd need to use condoms the month in between. It's unlikely that you'd be ovulating (my sister got pregnant both times on her first cycle off the pill), so if you weren't it wouldn't matter but if you are, happy surprise, right?