Sibling Controversy...HELP!

phillybride9615

Hi all! This is my first post on here and I'm hoping for some good advice. I have asked my two sisters to be bridesmaids and my oldest sister's daughters (my nieces) to be junior bridesmaids as they are almost teenagers and too old to be flower girls. I have a total of 6 bridesmaids and then the 2 junior bridesmaids makes 8. My issue is that my brother (much older than me and we are not very close) also has 2 daughters (one is a step daughter that I have only known for a few years) the same age as my other nieces. I am not very close with him, we see each other maybe twice a year when he is in to visit for holidays and in fact, he never even wished me congratulations when I got engaged. Apparently he recently told my sister and my dad that he is confused as to why I haven't asked his daughters to share the same role as my other nieces. It is starting to cause controversy and I am not sure how to handle it. I am wondering if anyone has suggestions as to some other roles that his daughters can take part in during the wedding, or if I am being ridiculously rude and should have them as junior bridesmaids also. My problem is that my sister's girls have been a huge part of my life and I am so very close to them that I really wanted them to have a special role in my day. Really looking for some insight and I appreciate any opinions I can get! Thank you!

AddieCake

First, remove the junior. Bridesmaids all do the same thing no matter what their ages. Second, you are not obligated to have people you are not close to in your wedding party. Not everyone needs to be "included."

Jen4948

AddieCake said:

First, remove the junior. Bridesmaids all do the same thing no matter what their ages. Second, you are not obligated to have people you are not close to in your wedding party. Not everyone needs to be "included."

All of this.  Your brother needs to get over it.  When my first cousin got married, she did not ask me to be in the wedding party even though my father, brother, grandfather, and second cousin were all in the processional or bridesmaids.  If I had bitched to anyone about it I would have been told to get over it because it's not up to me who someone else chooses to be in their wedding party.

southernbelle0915

You brother overstepped by commenting on your BM choice. Its actually his etiquette mistake to comment on it - you've done nothing wrong.

People will make comments like this throughout your planning, unfortunately. Vent here, but be gracious IRL. Personally, I would not address it with him unless he approaches you directly. Then just let him know you plan to invite his kids as guests and change the subject.

If you really WANT to include them (you certainly do not have to), you could have them do a reading.

CMGragain

Knottie7402568 said:

Hi all! This is my first post on here and I'm hoping for some good advice. I have asked my two sisters to be bridesmaids and my oldest sister's daughters (my nieces) to be junior bridesmaids as they are almost teenagers and too old to be flower girls. I have a total of 6 bridesmaids and then the 2 junior bridesmaids makes 8. My issue is that my brother (much older than me and we are not very close) also has 2 daughters (one is a step daughter that I have only known for a few years) the same age as my other nieces. I am not very close with him, we see each other maybe twice a year when he is in to visit for holidays and in fact, he never even wished me congratulations when I got engaged. Apparently he recently told my sister and my dad that he is confused as to why I haven't asked his daughters to share the same role as my other nieces. It is starting to cause controversy and I am not sure how to handle it. I am wondering if anyone has suggestions as to some other roles that his daughters can take part in during the wedding, or if I am being ridiculously rude and should have them as junior bridesmaids also. My problem is that my sister's girls have been a huge part of my life and I am so very close to them that I really wanted them to have a special role in my day. Really looking for some insight and I appreciate any opinions I can get! Thank you!

There is no such thing as a "junior bridesmaid".  They are bridesmaids.

You get to choose your wedding party.  Your brother is out of line.  You do not need to invent roles for his daughters.  Just invite them as guests.

ElcaB

He shouldn't be commenting about your choices. It is your wedding party and you should choose the people you love and want up there with you. 

phillybride9615

Thanks all for your help, I really appreciate it! He'll be in from FL for Thanksgiving so I guess I'll have to talk to him about it all then.

beethery

Knottie7402568 said:

Thanks all for your help, I really appreciate it! He'll be in from FL for Thanksgiving so I guess I'll have to talk to him about it all then.

Don't bother. You don't need to explain yourself to him, and if he brings it up, then you can break it down for him.

If he has a problem with it, he needs to step off.

OliveOilsMom

beethery said:

show previous quotes

Knottie7402568 said:

Thanks all for your help, I really appreciate it! He'll be in from FL for Thanksgiving so I guess I'll have to talk to him about it all then.

Don't bother. You don't need to explain yourself to him, and if he brings it up, then you can break it down for him.

If he has a problem with it, he needs to step off.

This.  Don't breach the subject with him.  If he is rude enough to mention it to you directly, then simply say that you are sorry he is upset by your choices, but that you cannot wait to have the girls attend as guests at the wedding.  Then change the subject.

Do not give the girls any crap jobs to help "make up" for the slight.  There was no slight not having them as BMs, but asking them to greet guests, hand out programs, or make sure people sign the guest book is slighting them.