Where are my child-free by choice ladies?

raissyrais

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that feels like this! H is 41 and I'm 34. so while technically we would still have time, it's pretty much been decided. And I feel extremely happy with that decision. It's just that "what if" thought that I hate. I'm hoping my brother will someday have kids, so that I can be an aunt. And then I can get out all my baby cravings, and hand the kid back later. 

What's definitely made this easier is that my parents are 100% on board with us not having kids. They've not once pressured me. In fact, my mom has drilled into me for years how much work it is. MIL would probably sabotage my BC pills, but at least she lives in Florida. 

Well you're lucky. My mom thinks I'm crazy and not natural to not want children. She keeps saying that children are her life, a continuation of her, a legacy, and who will take care of me when I'm old? Well of that's the reason people have kids at all then I'm truly sorry for the kids! And what legacy? What continuation? We are all just humans. We all turn to dust in the ground. Fuck that noise.

mikenberger

My FMIL wasn't keen on me to begin with (I "destroyed" the marriage of her perfect daughter in law and her son)... She REALLY isn't keen on me agreeing with FI on not having kids. I guess his ex wife had a pact with his mom that she would get pregnant anyways.

Neat, huh?

KatieinBkln

Good for all of you for knowing yourselves! I do want kids, but not any time right away. Before I'm 35, I guess, but I'm only 28 now so that leaves time for plenty of no-baby shenanigans before then.

But I came here to talk about my wonderful aunt and uncle, who are child-free by choice and who were THE BEST aunt and uncle a kid could ask for. Their house was always awesome to visit, and they both treated us like miniature humans, instead of like "kids," which made me feel smart and validated and like being small didn't mean I wasn't important. We cooked with them, went skiing with them, spent time talking about The Simpsons or South Park or plain old "naughty words you can't say around Mom and Dad." 

Any time people start off on CFC women about how "you'll change your mind" or "marriage is for procreation" or "hating kids* is so unnatural" I just become so FURIOUS on my aunt's behalf. She is so awesome! None of those things applied to her. She certainly didn't hate kids, nor did she change her mind, nor is her marriage any less valid or important than anyone else's.

So go forth, CFCers, and be you--many of you will end up being "the cool aunt" the way mine was to me when I was growing up. Many of you will travel the world. Many of you will be kind and loving parents to pets. And some of you might just...live your life on your terms, without any nieces/nephews, without globetrotting, without pets--but completely happy. In honor of my awesome aunt, I salute you.

*obviously the person in question rarely actually "hates kids" but that is the unfortunate assumption.

loveislouder

We're currently child-free by choice but won't necessarily stay that was. I'm HORRIFIED of being pregnant, and can not believe my mother did that to herself 4 times on purpose. What if I accidentally get drunk before I know I'm pregnant and give my baby FASD? I'm a big girl - what if I fall down when pregnant and crush my baby?

FI wants 4 kids because we both came from 4 child families, but I'm in the "I'm not having kids until I can support them" boat. And even when we can support them, we may not have them.

Plus my doc said because of my size and family history, if we didn't start having babies now there's a possibility we might not have any. 

Jells2dot0

I'm also very lucky that our families are on board with us not having kids (or any more kids in DH's case). DH's parents are almost 80 and have adult grandkids. I think they would be horrified if suddenly there was a new baby. My mom knows me well enough to remind me to never have kids. I don't need reminding mom, but she is 100% on the same page as me. My dad doesn't really count, as I barely talk to him, but he knows he'll never have any grandkids from me and he seems to not mind.

ShellD13

scribe95 said:

My husband and I are quasi-child-free. He had a five-year old daughter from a previous marriage when we met. He had custody on weekends etc. I have never wanted to have a child and he seemed content when we met to stick with one. We checked in with each other every few years and our feelings didn't change. 

At age 12, my stepdaughter moved in with us and now is in our lives full time (long complicated story about crazy mother and custody battles). It has been a rough go but we seem to have settled into a groove. (knock on wood.)

But I regularly still have feelings that I don't say out loud that I basically hate parenting. I don't understand why people love it. I think there is something wrong or missing in me sometimes. And then I cry. A lot. Been going to a therapist and he has helped me a lot. 

Scribe - Please don't feel like something is wrong with you.  Parenting is tough.  Parenting someone else's child is tougher still.  Parenting someone else's child who has been through the ringer of Mama Drama (sorry if I'm reading too much into your comment about crazy mom and custody battles) is a heartbreaking endeavor.

As for my experience, I always thought I wanted kids but I'd made up my mind a long time ago that if the timing wasn't right for me to get pregnant before I was thirty it wasn't going to happen for me.  My own mother passed away when I was very young and I was determined not to leave a young child behind if history repeated itself.  Please don't interpret that as a critique of women who wait, that was just my story/hangup.  I love babies, kids, teens.  I met H when I was in my late thirties.  He has two teenagers from his previous marriage.  While I love him and them dearly, it is a trial everyday because their mother is very threatened by my presence in her kid's lives and I think is also terribly unhappy that her ex-H has moved on in general.  It is very hard.  I do love his kids but it is a tightrope for sure.  If I show too much affection - I'm controlling and trying to replace her if I don't show enough affection - H is a crappy father that puts his marriage to me above his children.  There is no winning and in the meantime the kids are the ones that are suffering the most.

Meanwhile, I'm just doing my best to stay afloat until they are both 18.  I know that their Mom will always be a factor in my life - she will always be their Mom and kids don't magically disappear when they turn 18 (nor would I want them to) but I am greatly looking forward to a time when daily, weekly, monthly contact with her is not a requirement of our life.  Given how difficult it is even if I did want children of my own I would not bring them into this situation. 

princessofgenovia

I feel like I'm in a weird place because I don't know if I want kids or not. I think I want kids...but also maybe I just want to buy cute child sized outfits? But then I get really excited seeing kids learn to do new things.

FI is basically in the same place as me. Yes, maybe but also no possibly. We know right now is not when we want kids. And of course everyone says "Oh, no time is ever the perfect time!", true but there are many not perfect times, this is one of those times.

My parents are awesome about it, they get that they may or may not get grandkids. And if they get one, they might not get any more and it might be adopted. Because I just don't know if I want to grow a human inside of me. It seems a bit insane. Plus my mom keeps telling me she's too young to be a grandma anytime soon, which is true she's only 40.

My FMILs are pretty good about telling us to wait and take our time and not rush into being parents if that's what we want. I do know they'd love a grandchild though. But they're nice about not pressuring us.

I was having the "I'm not sure if I do or do not want kids" conversation with one of my mom's friends and said friend goes "Oh, but your mom wants grandbabies! Don't you want to give your mom a grandchild?" and my mom goes "Oh no, don't you put that shit on me. It's not up to her to give me anything and that's a shitty reason to bring a human into this world"...so...go mom.

novella1186

raissyrais said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that feels like this! H is 41 and I'm 34. so while technically we would still have time, it's pretty much been decided. And I feel extremely happy with that decision. It's just that "what if" thought that I hate. I'm hoping my brother will someday have kids, so that I can be an aunt. And then I can get out all my baby cravings, and hand the kid back later. 

What's definitely made this easier is that my parents are 100% on board with us not having kids. They've not once pressured me. In fact, my mom has drilled into me for years how much work it is. MIL would probably sabotage my BC pills, but at least she lives in Florida. 

Well you're lucky. My mom thinks I'm crazy and not natural to not want children. She keeps saying that children are her life, a continuation of her, a legacy, and who will take care of me when I'm old? Well of that's the reason people have kids at all then I'm truly sorry for the kids! And what legacy? What continuation? We are all just humans. We all turn to dust in the ground. Fuck that noise.

I'm pretty sure my mom would throw herself off a bridge if I told her I never want kids. My crazy cold-hearted sister has sworn a million times she'll never have a child (probably a good thing) so all hope lies with me now. My mom wants grandkids like nobody's business. She even picks up her friends' little kids to take them out for movie dates and play grandma to them. Ugh.

climbingsingle

princessofgenovia said:

I feel like I'm in a weird place because I don't know if I want kids or not. I think I want kids...but also maybe I just want to buy cute child sized outfits? But then I get really excited seeing kids learn to do new things.

FI is basically in the same place as me. Yes, maybe but also no possibly. We know right now is not when we want kids. And of course everyone says "Oh, no time is ever the perfect time!", true but there are many not perfect times, this is one of those times.

My parents are awesome about it, they get that they may or may not get grandkids. And if they get one, they might not get any more and it might be adopted. Because I just don't know if I want to grow a human inside of me. It seems a bit insane. Plus my mom keeps telling me she's too young to be a grandma anytime soon, which is true she's only 40.

My FMILs are pretty good about telling us to wait and take our time and not rush into being parents if that's what we want. I do know they'd love a grandchild though. But they're nice about not pressuring us.

I was having the "I'm not sure if I do or do not want kids" conversation with one of my mom's friends and said friend goes "Oh, but your mom wants grandbabies! Don't you want to give your mom a grandchild?" and my mom goes "Oh no, don't you put that shit on me. It's not up to her to give me anything and that's a shitty reason to bring a human into this world"...so...go mom.

H and I were very much when the same way when we started dating. We both were undecided. We'd talk about it, and say, "Eeh. Yes? Maybe no?" 

Once we started building a life together, we realized that we really liked this life. And we didn't want it to change like that.  

novella1186

I think the thing that makes me think I'll eventually want kids is more the fear of regret. Like my aunt never wanted kids, and now it's too late, and now she laments that she never had kids and she has no one but me (cuz she and I are really close) and she wishes she was my actual mother. It scares me to think I'll get to my 50s and just be sad about it and then there's nothing I can do to change it.

amelisha

I always thought my mom would freak because she LOVES babies, but it turns out her dayhome and the hundreds of surrogate kids she's had from that are enough and she supports the idea of fiance and I not having any.

HaileyDancingbear

I totally understand where you're coming from.  It has never happened to me though.  FI and I are 10000000000000% positive we are never having kids.  We have family members on his side and my side who are convinced we'll have kids, so they're in for some disappointment, but we have millions of reasons why nothing about parenthood appeals to us even slightly.  A third of mine are pregnancy-related.  

I have yet to see a kid or baby or anything and feel any sort of desire to have kids.  If you asked me every day when I woke up "Would you like to interact with children at all today?"  The answer would always be "no" and I would never see another kid again.  If you asked me the same about babies, it would be a "HELL NO."  I do NOT like babies.  They freak me out.  I haven't WILLINGLY held a baby since my 12 year old sister was born.  A few years back a family member who had just had a baby nagged me for 20 fucking minutes to hold her baby, and I held it for 10 seconds, until it cried (Little fucker smelled fear) and I immediately handed it right back.  I don't get that whole thing where you put a baby near me and I feel compelled to care for it in any way shape or form- those maternal instincts just aren't there.  Holding that baby did nothing but make me uncomfortable.  

I truly have absolutely no desire whatsoever to reproduce.  As far as that whole thing goes, there are no heartstrings to tug.  

Maggie0829

novella1186 said:

I think the thing that makes me think I'll eventually want kids is more the fear of regret. Like my aunt never wanted kids, and now it's too late, and now she laments that she never had kids and she has no one but me (cuz she and I are really close) and she wishes she was my actual mother. It scares me to think I'll get to my 50s and just be sad about it and then there's nothing I can do to change it.

Yup, this is what is keeping that 1-5% of yes I want kids open.  I am afraid I will regret it and at some point in my life it will be too late.  It isn't like putting off a trip to Italy you know?  There is a deadline to having kids so it makes deciding whether or not to have them when you are on the fence that much more difficult.

PrettyGirlLost

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that feels like this! H is 41 and I'm 34. so while technically we would still have time, it's pretty much been decided. And I feel extremely happy with that decision. It's just that "what if" thought that I hate. I'm hoping my brother will someday have kids, so that I can be an aunt. And then I can get out all my baby cravings, and hand the kid back later. 

What's definitely made this easier is that my parents are 100% on board with us not having kids. They've not once pressured me. In fact, my mom has drilled into me for years how much work it is. MIL would probably sabotage my BC pills, but at least she lives in Florida. 

You technically have time, but keep in mind that more and more research is showing that as men age their sperm aren't as "healthy" genetically as they were when they were in their 20's and early 30's, and sperm is being suspected and implicated in many developmental and genetic disorders now. . .

MsLodge

My wife and I are also child free by choice. We have eight nieces and nephews to keep us busy. We babysit our youngest niece (8 months) quite a lot, every few weeks or so, and she is our god daughter as well. I love buying her toys and books and other baby things for her to have at our house. I spoil her a little too much, well, all of them really. They're all adorable, but I know having our own child is not the right decision for us.

climbingsingle

PrettyGirlLost said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that feels like this! H is 41 and I'm 34. so while technically we would still have time, it's pretty much been decided. And I feel extremely happy with that decision. It's just that "what if" thought that I hate. I'm hoping my brother will someday have kids, so that I can be an aunt. And then I can get out all my baby cravings, and hand the kid back later. 

What's definitely made this easier is that my parents are 100% on board with us not having kids. They've not once pressured me. In fact, my mom has drilled into me for years how much work it is. MIL would probably sabotage my BC pills, but at least she lives in Florida. 

You technically have time, but keep in mind that more and more research is showing that as men age their sperm aren't as "healthy" genetically as they were when they were in their 20's and early 30's, and sperm is being suspected and implicated in many developmental and genetic disorders now. . .

Very interesting! I hadn't heard that. 

daria24

I think my mother is a little sad that we aren't having kids, she would like to be a grandmother. But she's supportive. And not so secretly hoping that she'll be right and I'll change my mind. I'm 32. H is 40. We are unanimous in this. My sister, who is only 22 has been saying lately she doesn't want kids and I think will be harder for my mother to swallow. It was easy accepting I wouldn't, but not both of us. 

I do feel slightly bad for my ILs. They are lovely people, who only had only one child, and would have liked to have more. But unfortunately their son is the most child-adverse person I have ever met. He is frightened by children. Like he doesn't even understand how you talk to them. And he is a wonderful husband but he would be a terrible father. I feel sorry that my MIL won't be a grandmother, but she's also nearly 80 and fragile and wouldn't really be able to enjoy grandkids very much anyway. 

My sister not having kids screws up my plan though! I had planned on making my nieces and nephews fight over who will get my inheritance and fight over taking care of me in my old age. 

phira

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

PrettyGirlLost

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This is fascinating to me because I didn't think having kids was something one could compromise on in a relationship, KWIM?

So would you say that you actually do want to have kids, you just don't look forward to parenting them?

mikenberger

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This I understand. I lived it. My Mother wanted my brother and I and planned us and my Dad didnt care. My dad got more involved as we got older and became "people" but apparently when we were babies, he wasn't the most attentive father. But we had a mother that wanted us more than anything and sacrificed everything to have us.

I frequently had this thought too. If I had a partner that wanted kids (because I'm not viscerally opposed to children) I would have a child with him. But with the understanding of him being the primary caregiver, not me. Luckily, I found someone of similar mind and we will not be having children and I can continue to keep my girlish figure fueled by craft beer and cheese.

Maggie0829

PrettyGirlLost said:

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This is fascinating to me because I didn't think having kids was something one could compromise on in a relationship, KWIM?

So would you say that you actually do want to have kids, you just don't look forward to parenting them?

This.

I mean I get compromising on paint colors and what sofa to get for your living room or even where you go on vacation, but having a kid I couldn't imagine compromising on.  That is a huge thing to compromise on for your SO.

PrettyGirlLost

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This is fascinating to me because I didn't think having kids was something one could compromise on in a relationship, KWIM?

So would you say that you actually do want to have kids, you just don't look forward to parenting them?

This.

I mean I get compromising on paint colors and what sofa to get for your living room or even where you go on vacation, but having a kid I couldn't imagine compromising on.  That is a huge thing to compromise on for your SO.

Especially as a woman because you have to carry the child, give birth to it physically, and then you are the primary care-taker for the 1st year or so, especially if you choose to breastfeed.

Maybe seahorses have it right. . . .

Maggie0829

mikenberger said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This I understand. I lived it. My Mother wanted my brother and I and planned us and my Dad didnt care. My dad got more involved as we got older and became "people" but apparently when we were babies, he wasn't the most attentive father. But we had a mother that wanted us more than anything and sacrificed everything to have us. I frequently had this thought too. If I had a partner that wanted kids (because I'm not viscerally opposed to children) I would have a child with him. But with the understanding of him being the primary caregiver, not me. Luckily, I found someone of similar mind and we will not be having children and I can continue to keep my girlish figure fueled by craft beer and cheese.

I still couldn't imagine having a kid when I know deep down I don't want them.  I mean, wouldn't the kid eventually get that feeling from you?  Like, since you don't want kids then you aren't attentive to them or their needs or that interested in them, wouldn't your kid or kids feel that? Wouldn't they wonder why Mommy or Daddy just doesn't seem to care about them?

I mean not wanting kids is not a bad thing, but I couldn't imagine pushing for my SO to have kids when he/she does not want them.  I don't think that is fair to the kids, you or your SO.

birdybride2014

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

I get what you mean here. 

FI always is fascinated that I could go through life completely satisfied with not having kids. I'm not anti-babies, but I've always known that I could go either way. Whereas he wants a big family, and has always wanted children. I'm certain I'll love my own children, but they aren't something I spend my time daydreaming about. 

RebeccaB88

Me!  I'm child-free, partly by choice, partly for medical reasons, and partly by default.

I adore my niece and nephew.  I love being an aunt.  But I'm also glad they aren't mine.  I miss them, but could never do it 24/7.  My sister HATED being pregnant. She did it because she wanted kids, but would have far preferred if the stork had just dropped them off.  My niece and nephew are my heirs in my will, so they'll get all my stuff and house (too small to be called an estate, lol), hopefully not in the near future. I feel bad that they will be some of the ones responsible for taking care of me in my old age, but hey, you want the estate, you gotta work for it, right?

Medically, I'd probably need help to get pregnant, and if I do, my chances of carrying to term are basically zero.  I'd be lucky to get past 6 months, and I'd have a very good chance of miscarrying. I have a problem risking a child's life that way.  Lots of preemies do well, but so many more end up with medical problems, developmental disabilities, that kind of thing.  NICU care is painful and financially ruinous.  I could never knowingly put a child at risk of needing that care, having severe medical problems, going through that kind of pain. It's just not fair to them.

By default, I've never met anyone yet who I'd want to have kids yet. Not even my ex, who is the reason I came here, when we were planning.  But I'd LOVE to be a stepmom, especially to older kids or teenagers. Call me crazy, but those are the ages I relate best to. Even the crazy hormonal years. I hope, hope I find someone with kids someday. I'd even be OK with him having full custody. That kind of mom-ing I'd be able to handle a lot better than little kids. More self-sufficiency.  Seriously, I can't wait to be a stepmom. I hope it happens.

mikenberger

Maggie0829 said:

mikenberger said:

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This I understand. I lived it. My Mother wanted my brother and I and planned us and my Dad didnt care. My dad got more involved as we got older and became "people" but apparently when we were babies, he wasn't the most attentive father. But we had a mother that wanted us more than anything and sacrificed everything to have us.

I frequently had this thought too. If I had a partner that wanted kids (because I'm not viscerally opposed to children) I would have a child with him. But with the understanding of him being the primary caregiver, not me. Luckily, I found someone of similar mind and we will not be having children and I can continue to keep my girlish figure fueled by craft beer and cheese.

I still couldn't imagine having a kid when I know deep down I don't want them.  I mean, wouldn't the kid eventually get that feeling from you?  Like, since you don't want kids then you aren't attentive to them or their needs or that interested in them, wouldn't your kid or kids feel that? Wouldn't they wonder why Mommy or Daddy just doesn't seem to care about them?

I mean not wanting kids is not a bad thing, but I couldn't imagine pushing for my SO to have kids when he/she does not want them.  I don't think that is fair to the kids, you or your SO.

I never once got the feeling from my Dad that he didn't want us. He just was not interested at all in being the primary caregiver/the heavy parent or anything like that. Its not like he allowed me to sit around in a dirty diaper with a fork in my hand by an electrical socket sitting in a tub of water. At least I dont think so, it would totally explain my hair

He was very active in my life once I started school (went on more than enough field trips than necessary) and even now that I'm an adult, he's still very much my friend and my Dad. Its weird. I know. I totally understand that it's weird. But hey, it worked for us.

amelisha

Maggie0829 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

phira said:

I'm pretty good with kids, but I prefer when I can give them back to their parents afterwards. However, my fiancé desperately wants to be a parent, so we'll probably have kids. But if he weren't planning on being the primary caregiver, I wouldn't do it. And I'm sure I'll love my own kids, but honestly, I'm kind of dreading being a parent.

This is fascinating to me because I didn't think having kids was something one could compromise on in a relationship, KWIM?

So would you say that you actually do want to have kids, you just don't look forward to parenting them?

This.

I mean I get compromising on paint colors and what sofa to get for your living room or even where you go on vacation, but having a kid I couldn't imagine compromising on.  That is a huge thing to compromise on for your SO.

I get that...but I'm on the "compromise" train too. I'll have them if he makes enough to support them and us and still save for retirement and buy me whatever lifts and tucks I might need afterwards.

I like kids and I don't feel very worried that I wouldn't love my own. If it were up to me alone I wouldn't have any, but if he thinks he needs them I will sacrifice my abs and a couple years of my working life for them as long as we continue to be financially stable and as long as he agrees that he is equally responsible for the not fun stuff like diapers and discipline.

However, obviously I'm not someone who gets handed a baby and feels nothing. I really do like them...I just think I'd be as happy without them so I've never really wanted any of my own.

princessleia22

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that feels like this! H is 41 and I'm 34. so while technically we would still have time, it's pretty much been decided. And I feel extremely happy with that decision. It's just that "what if" thought that I hate. I'm hoping my brother will someday have kids, so that I can be an aunt. And then I can get out all my baby cravings, and hand the kid back later. 

What's definitely made this easier is that my parents are 100% on board with us not having kids. They've not once pressured me. In fact, my mom has drilled into me for years how much work it is. MIL would probably sabotage my BC pills, but at least she lives in Florida. 

Yeah, eliminating the pressure from parents/family is definitely helpful.  My mom used to pressure me to give her grandbabies, but that stopped when my sister had a kid.  So, once she had a grandkid to fill that role, she started thinking more realistically that pregnancy may not be good for me due to health problems I have. It wouldn't be impossible, but just more difficult.  She has now moved on to telling me I should get my tubes tied. I think there are less drastic means of preventing babies than surgery.  MIL has never made any grandkid comments, at least not around me.  Some of that could be because she already has 2 from SIL.  Or some of it could be that there is a high likelihood that DH is sterile from cancer treatments, although he's never been tested.  So, she may not want to push on something that may not be possible or could be a sore subject.  But, all our parents know that we don't care to have kids anyway, even if the health concerns weren't there. And thankfully our siblings have provided them with outlets for the grandbaby urge... even though both moms would LOVE more grandbabies to love on. But, it's made life much easier to have our parents supportive of our choice.

Cookie Pusher

My mother has 4 children. Children that she did not want, but her husbands did. Did we know we were not wanted? Yep, we sure did because she told us as much. My father was also pretty clear about how dissatisfied he was with three daughters since he wanted sons. So neither of our parents were particularly desirous of our presence in their lives, neither ever showed us affection or did any of the things people say parents should do to encourage their children to succeed. My mother wasn't neglectful or anything - we had a roof over our heads, had several meals a week, and had clothes to wear to school - but we always made it clear that she wasn't interested in doing anything beyond meeting our basic needs as outlined by social services.

WinstonsGirl

I'm here!!!    I'm 99% no, DH is on the fence towards yes, but he's cool with not having kids.  He likes them in theory, but in practice, they're a lot of work/money/effort, etc.  I'm also on the "what if regret" bandwagon.  I've got nieces and nephews, and they're awesome, but I have no desire to spend excess amount of time with them.  They're all 3 and under, so they're still a lot of work.  I think I'd really like adult kids.  

My parents are much more on board that DH's parents.  MIL keeps bugging us for kids, but she's nice about it, so I don't mind too much.  I get the feeling to have kids more in that DH would be an amazing Dad, and I think he'd really enjoy it, so maybe we should have kids for him, but I'm pretty sure I'd hate it.  Pregnancy creeps me out and I really want no part of it.