Wedding 911

What obligation do I have to invite?

A little backstory:

My family is fuc..... a modern family. My parents split after 14 years of marriage when I was 11, both of them remarried and my Dad had a child with his wife and has since divorced that wife and is now dating a new woman. When my brother got married, he was still married to wife #2 and at the reception she made QUITE the point to state that she was my Dad's wife, that my Mother had no place sitting with HER (my father's family) and promptly booted my mother, her husband, my stepbrothers, their wives, children and my stepfather's parents from the "family" table. My brother said nothing to my stepmother and my Mom and that whole side of the family left the reception shortly after and it was a little tense for about a year. Since then, we see my stepmom (Dad and her split in 2009) once a year. We all have Christmas Eve together: My former stepmom, my former stepmom's new husband, me, my FI, my Dad, my Dad's girlfriend, her kids, my sister, my brother and his wife and their boys. Slightly ridiculous, but whatever. It's not too awful of a time, but literally, that's all I see them. 

Fast forward from 2007 to 2014. My former stepmother got married in August 2014 and invited, for some odd reason, myself and my FI (Along with the rest of my clan.) We attended the reception (not the wedding), gave a gift etc. Overall, not an awful time. But still weird. It's nice we can all get along, but it's a little odd. 

I sent out my STDs last week for my wedding in May. I immediately get a phone call from my Dad "Why didn't you invite X? (your former stepmother)" "I didn't realize that I was under an obligation to invite X to my wedding. I'm not sure why I would. I don't really consider her a friend. Yes, I went to her wedding for my sister -- not her." "You should invite her and Y. Her feelings are very hurt you're not inviting her." "I'll think about it Dad. Thanks."

My parents are paying for most of the wedding. My mom is gifting more than my Dad. I asked my Dad for a list of people that I should invite on his behalf and he didn't give me one. So I'm thinking the ship has sailed. He's throwing a fit like a child (He apparently doesn't recall how terrible his wife was to me when I was a teenager). I also want my Mom to have a fantastic day as well and not relive my brother's wedding. I'm frustrated. image

Then my Dad asks if I'm inviting his girlfriend to my bridal shower/bachelorette party. I am obviously not hosting it -- the mothers are and my bridal party. Apparently his GF thinks that she should be invited (obviously she'll be at the rehearsal dinner/wedding etc). Her and I are not friends in the slightest. When did my Dad become such a premadonna? Help.
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Re: What obligation do I have to invite?

  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    You don't need to invite former stepmom's ass. He can have a seat.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014

    My parents are paying for most of the wedding. My mom is gifting more than my Dad. I asked my Dad for a list of people that I should invite on his behalf and he didn't give me one. So I'm thinking the ship has sailed. He's throwing a fit like a child (He apparently doesn't recall how terrible his wife was to me when I was a teenager). I also want my Mom to have a fantastic day as well and not relive my brother's wedding. I'm frustrated. 

    If I were in a similar situation, I wouldn't want to invite her, either. I'm no etiquette expert per say, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. But if your parents are footing part of the bill, then your parents have a say in who they want to be invited. Unless these family members in question have made threats to anyone, then they need to be invited. It may be worth it for you just to keep the peace and be done with it. 
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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  • My parents are paying for most of the wedding. My mom is gifting more than my Dad. I asked my Dad for a list of people that I should invite on his behalf and he didn't give me one. So I'm thinking the ship has sailed. He's throwing a fit like a child (He apparently doesn't recall how terrible his wife was to me when I was a teenager). I also want my Mom to have a fantastic day as well and not relive my brother's wedding. I'm frustrated. 

    I'm no etiquette expert per say, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. But if your parents are footing part of the bill, then your parents have a say in who they want to be invited. Unless these family members in question have made threats to anyone, then they need to be invited. It may be worth it for you just to keep the peace and be done with it.
    But I did ask him. And he didn't have anybody he wanted me to invite. And I showed him the invite list. I can't babysit my Dad to look at the list and verify that his people are or are not on there. I'm only one woman! :)

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  • My parents are paying for most of the wedding. My mom is gifting more than my Dad. I asked my Dad for a list of people that I should invite on his behalf and he didn't give me one. So I'm thinking the ship has sailed. He's throwing a fit like a child (He apparently doesn't recall how terrible his wife was to me when I was a teenager). I also want my Mom to have a fantastic day as well and not relive my brother's wedding. I'm frustrated. 

    I'm no etiquette expert per say, so someone correct me if I'm wrong. But if your parents are footing part of the bill, then your parents have a say in who they want to be invited. Unless these family members in question have made threats to anyone, then they need to be invited. It may be worth it for you just to keep the peace and be done with it.
    But I did ask him. And he didn't have anybody he wanted me to invite. And I showed him the invite list. I can't babysit my Dad to look at the list and verify that his people are or are not on there. I'm only one woman! :)
    I know you said that your Dad didn't give you a list of people to invite but he did call and say that you should invite your ex Stepmom.  Even if he is only suggesting that because she called him upset that she didn't get a STD, since he is helping to pay he does get a say in the guest list.

    So I would have another conversation with him and maybe tell him why you kept her off the list and that since he didn't say he wanted her included to begin with, why does he want to include her now?

    This is a tough one.  I get not wanting to invite her, but your Dad is helping to pay so he has a say.  I think a deeper conversation with your Dad is needed.

  • Nope nope nope. I would not invite her. Why? You don't even like her. All she is to you is your dad's ex-wife and your half-sister's mom. And I'd be sick on xmas eve this year because drama.

    However, your dad is contributing and those who pay.... Unless you can funnel your dad's money to something specific, you kind of have to take some of his say into account. Just tell him his money is going toward something unrelated to guests, like your dress, your transportation, your hotel room, your officiant, etc. KWIM? And then be ready for him to pull it and pay for it yourself. 

    WHAT MAN ON EARTH WANTS HIS TWO EX-WIVES AND GIRLFRIEND IN THE SAME ROOM? Sorry, couldn't help it.
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  • Oh, and you certainly DO NOT have to invite your dad's new girlfriend to the shower. Nope.
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  • Nope nope nope. I would not invite her. Why? You don't even like her. All she is to you is your dad's ex-wife and your half-sister's mom. And I'd be sick on xmas eve this year because drama.

    However, your dad is contributing and those who pay.... Unless you can funnel your dad's money to something specific, you kind of have to take some of his say into account. Just tell him his money is going toward something unrelated to guests, like your dress, your transportation, your hotel room, your officiant, etc. KWIM? And then be ready for him to pull it and pay for it yourself. 

    WHAT MAN ON EARTH WANTS HIS TWO EX-WIVES AND GIRLFRIEND IN THE SAME ROOM? Sorry, couldn't help it.
    Lol I never said he was right in the head. My family is sooooo weird. When FI came to his first Christmas Eve with all of us, he couldn't understand it. He still doesn't. He just goes along with it.

    This year though, there will be NO wedding talk. None. At all.

    And we're prepared to pay for the whole thing ourselves. Parental money was never demanded and frankly, you need WD40 to open my Dad's wallet. So I was very surprised about his contribution. He must've been drunk haha

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  • I'm with @Maggie0829 in that I'd sit down with him and ask why he all of a sudden feels that she just must be invited when he didn't offer her name up to begin with, and explain to him why you don't think she should be invited. You're not obligated to invite her, but since he's contributing, you should definitely take it into account. 
  • A little backstory:

    My family is fuc..... a modern family. My parents split after 14 years of marriage when I was 11, both of them remarried and my Dad had a child with his wife and has since divorced that wife and is now dating a new woman....
    ...
    Then my Dad asks if I'm inviting his girlfriend to my bridal shower/bachelorette party. I am obviously not hosting it -- the mothers are and my bridal party. Apparently his GF thinks that she should be invited (obviously she'll be at the rehearsal dinner/wedding etc). Her and I are not friends in the slightest. When did my Dad become such a premadonna? Help.

    I'm sorry, but it's not "premadonna." It's prima donna, which can be commonly used to mean a person who is needy, demanding, or, well, your dad. 

    Anyway, stand your ground and good luck. 
  • Your mom is wayyyy more important than your former stepmother's feelings. Men can be so clueless, but at the end of the day you are right in watching out for your mom and making sure she feels comfortable and will have the ability to enjoy your special day. Ultimately this is your day and you should not have to worry about ANY drama. There is a reason he got divorced from wife #2. Maybe you need to remind him of those reasons. 
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