People disgust me

KatieinBkln

novella1186 said:

beachyone15 said:

I hate when "Christian" people act/think this way. God tells us to love thy neighbor and that we are not to pass judgement on others. I'm glad you are there for her.

That's what I've always been confused by. I've had very religious friends tell me that I'm going to hell for being a Jew (needless to say we're not friends anymore). And the same people who tout "Christian values" and constantly brag "I'm a good Christian" are the people who often are extremely racist and discriminatory against EVERY minority. So you only have good values and are a good Christian when it comes to white people who are also Christian? 

And what pisses me off the most about that is that I also know tons and tons of Christians who are NOT the least bit racist or discriminatory and who are very open-minded and accepting of everyone, but they get a bad wrap based on those other jerks. 

Don't use your religious values as an excuse to treat other people like shit, because those are NOT religious values and you're making your religion look bad! 

The way I see it, humans are monumentally shitty. Many humans do not wish to see themselves this way. 

Religion is meant to be a mechanism for making humans less shitty. However, many, many people take the lazy way out, and use their affiliation with said religion not as a tool for self-improvement, but rather as a faulty syllogism to maintain their view of themselves as fundamentally un-shitty:"Religion is about not being shitty>I am religious>therefore I MUST not be shitty!"

The corollary of course is: "I have established that I am religious/un-shitty, therefore everyone who isn't must be super shitty!"

It's intellectually, spiritually, and morally lazy reasoning, and it's pure bullshit.

VulgarGirl

There are many members of my "family" I do not speak to any longer because they kept trying to "de-gay" me or telling me I was gonna burn in hell. Blah, blah, blah, burn, burn, burn, whatever. If all the gays are going to hell, guys, it's gonna be a fanfuckingtastic party. Good luck in heaven with the judgmental fuckwads. 

But once, after a nasty fight with one of my aunts, during which she told me I need to have a conversation with God, I turned to her and said "Oh, I talk to God everyday. I wake up and thank God, for making me gay. I ask God to help me be the best homosexual I can. Then I go down on this little hottie right here during which she praises God for good 20 minutes. It's all very celebratory to God", she called me a heathen and told me she was no longer speaking to me so I dropped to my knees (very dramatically) and went "Thank you God!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"...haven't spoken to that bitch since.

Family, I have learned, has nothing to do with genetics or legal papers. Family is what you make. Family is the people who love you no matter what. 

FiancB

It really sucks she knows she can't talk to her family about it. I'm really glad she at least has you.

I'm pretty sure I would've been kicked out if I'd turned out to be a lesbian. God knows it's bad enough I turned out an atheist. Sucks to know your parents only love you so much. 

novella1186

Story time. 

I had this friend in college, let's call her Jen. She was actually one of the best friends of the guy I was dating so that's how I met her. When we first met, Jen had a boyfriend. She was quiet and awkward and seemed uncomfortable around me. Then she dumped the boyfriend and realized she was gay, and met a girl. They started dating. I hung out with them, and Jen was a totally different person. She was glowing, seemed totally comfortable in her own skin, was laughing, relaxed, it was awesome to see the change in her. It was like she was finally being who she really was and felt so good about it. 

BUT. Jen's new girlfriend had extremely religious, conservative parents. When they found out their daughter was dating Jen, they pulled her out of school, sent her down south (the area where she was originally from) and put her in a camp that was meant to "straighten her out." A year or so later I ran into her on campus, and she was holding hands with a guy. It was kind of gut-wrenching. 

Jen also had conservative religious parents, so it took her a long time to come out to them after seeing what had happened to her first girlfriend. When she finally did, though, they accepted her, and invited her new girlfriend over for the holidays. Jen moved on to a really awesome, happy relationship and her entire family loves her -now- wife. 

esstee33

FiancB said:

It really sucks she knows she can't talk to her family about it. I'm really glad she at least has you.

I'm pretty sure I would've been kicked out if I'd turned out to be a lesbian. God knows it's bad enough I turned out an atheist. Sucks to know your parents only love you so much. 

This is killing me right now. Hahahaha. 

My family would've been cool with it if I had come out to them. They're shitbags, but at least they're not homophobic shitbags. 

Good on you for providing a safe place, OP. 

afox007

ClimbingBrideNY said:

It's really wonderful that she has you in her life. And it's very said that her mom's family will most likely shun her for just being who she is. 

Is there any way she can go live with you and your FI? Do you guys already share custody?

I don't think any one formally has custody. FI never adopted her, but her was her step dad for 12 years she's never even met bio dad. So when shit got bad with her mom after the divorce both kids lived with us. When she moved in with her grandparents there was no custody to transfer, she went up to visit them for a few weeks and then decided she was staying since she was still resentful towards FI.

I have talked to her a little to see if maybe it would be better if she just came back now instead of waiting for shit to hit the fan, but she doesn't want to have to transfer schools again until it is necessary. She does feel better knowing she won't be out on the streets if/when her family finds out.    

princessofgenovia

It's really great she has you, it's really shitty she has those other fuckheads to deal with though.

I terrified when I had my first girlfriend about telling my parents I was bi. My parents aren't religious, and I'd never really heard them say anything bad about gay people, my mom had two friends who had gay sons even. But...I was their daughter. And I just knew it was going to be different. Plus I couldn't even say I was gay. I'm bi, I could barley explain it to myself, no way I could explain it to them.

My dad actually caught me with my girlfriend one day. Just kissing, he raised his eyebrows and went "Oh...we should maybe talk about this...later...door stays open" and left. I was so scared he was going to hate me. Or yell at me or something. 

I send my girlfriend home and go to my dad and he goes "So, I'm little confused because...you dated those two guys. Did you just realise you were a lesbian?" and I tell him I'm not a lesbian...I'm bi. And he goes "Ok, I don't really know what that means, you like both girls and guys right? You're sure? You're not just trying to fit in or piss us off or something? Cause I gotta tell you, dating a girl is not gonna piss us off. You're gonna have to work a lot harder then that" and we talked about how I was pretty sure and how I'd been really confused about my feelings but felt better now that I had a name for what I was. And he told me he loved no matter what.

My mom was...a little harder. Well, no that's not exactly right either. She always loved me and accepted me. The idea of bisexuality was harder for her to wrap her head around. If I'd told her I was a lesbian she would've been fine. It was the whole liking both she didn't understand. She loved me, and just wanted me happy, she just didn't get it. 

The girlfriend, her parents found out and threatened to take away her car. So she dumped me and started dating the resident pot dealer at our school. They were much happier she was with him.

carrie0924

I just wanted to add one more "Thank you for supporting her" post. It can be a dark and scary world, and there are lots of cruel people. Everybody needs a few people they can trust in life.

decembergrl2014

afox007 said:

decembergrl2014 said:

It's great that she feels comfortable with you. I agree that it's very sad that she doesn't feel like she can tell her family. As long as she is happy that's all that should matter.

I love that she is comfortable with me, but as happy as she is now that she has figured out some of these feelings she seems equally if not more scared. It would be one thing if she was just worried they would judge her, but outing herself could lead to her getting kicked out? That just doesn't seem to be the "Christian" thing to do.

it's definitely not the Christian thing to do. Family is supposed to love and support each other unconditionally. It is unfortunate that she feels her happiness would be short lived because her family is judgmental. She should want to be able to shout from the rooftops about her new girlfriend.

kerbohl

I may be a bit sheltered, but are "gay camps" a common thing - as in the idea that you send your child to one of these camps and they "ungay" you?  If so, this saddens me, saddens me greatly.  You know, those camps would be put to better use focusing on other things that are legitimate problems.  You know, like helping people with problems like homophobia.  These problems cause broken families and psychological issues.  Being gay should not cause broken families and psychological issues, but these things result because of the homophobia that then rears its ugly head.  These "gay  camps" seem so backwards - they are focusing on the wrong party and the wrong issue completely. 

Also, loving the responses by PP.  Christianity is love, but unfortunately many Christians get it wrong, ignore this part of it, and hate and think they are still good Christians.  I try to be a good Christian and love everyone.  I also happen to find it very easy to love gay people (especially the gay couple on Survivor right now - I am a huge Survivor fan and they are both turning out to be two of my favourite players).  I find it harder to love people who are actually hurting others and causing problems in society, and unfortunately these people are sometimes my fellow "Christians".  

Knottie93133394

I was coming here to give you all kinds of advice, but it looks like you're doing a really great job. I'm so glad she has you.

To lurkers: The best thing to do when someone vulnerable and scared comes out to you is to show your support just like OP did. And add in a "thank you for telling me this, I know it must have been very scary. I won't tell anyone unless you explicitly tell me to."

afox007

Since it's Thanksgiving I just want to thank all of you wonderful ladies for being so loving and supportive. I have to admit that before I posted part of me was worried there would be at least one person who would respond negatively to this. Instead I was reminded why I love being here. 

Your support even help her. I sent her screen shots of some of the posts and seeing that even total strangers are on her side and know her family is the one with the problem has taken whatever fear of their judgement away. There was a brief moment where she even worried she was going to hell over this, but you all helped me get her to realize she is doing nothing wrong and deserves to be happy.