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Is This As Terrible An Idea As Everyone Keeps Telling Me It Is?

I figured since I'm totally bored at work for the next hour and a half, I would run this by TK for some opinions.  

FBIL and wife have 5 children ranging in age from 20 down to 9.  They don't have a whole lot of money and apparently will be unable to give Christmas presents to everyone this year.  Now, their children really do have pretty much everything.  No one has any idea what to get them for Christmas.  One of my thoughts was to make donations to Heifer International and basically tell each kid that they bought a family in an underdeveloped community a flock of geese/flock of chickens/half a goat/whatever. Here's my reasons:

1. Heifer International is my favorite charity.  
2. This family loves animals.
3. These children break or lose anything you get them really quickly.  They can't break a chicken in South America.

FI said first that he thought they may feel like a charity case.  I was like "Um it's the opposite.  It's saying, 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you.'"  Then he basically said that they are kids and they will want presents.  I gave a very sarcastic, "Right, because Christmas is about getting presents?"  I mentioned this idea to a coworker who also said, "Yeah, they won't like that.  That's a terrible idea."

So, Knotties, on a scale of 1 to Cash Bar, how bad an idea is this?
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Re: Is This As Terrible An Idea As Everyone Keeps Telling Me It Is?

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    Maybe you could let them pick their own charity that they'd like to donate to?


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    I don't see this as any different than doing a charity donation as a wedding favor. It's a nice gesture, but I think rarely appreciated. For kids I think it'll be even less appreciated. 

    I pretty much agree with your coworker that they'll want presents, but I think that also depends a lot on which kid -- the 20 year old might be more receptive to an idea than the 9 year old. 

    Can you get them some sort of experience-based gift? Something they can do rather than own? 
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    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
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    edited November 2014
    I figured since I'm totally bored at work for the next hour and a half, I would run this by TK for some opinions.  

    FBIL and wife have 5 children ranging in age from 20 down to 9.  They don't have a whole lot of money and apparently will be unable to give Christmas presents to everyone this year.  Now, their children really do have pretty much everything.  No one has any idea what to get them for Christmas.  One of my thoughts was to make donations to Heifer International and basically tell each kid that they bought a family in an underdeveloped community a flock of geese/flock of chickens/half a goat/whatever. Here's my reasons:

    1. Heifer International is my favorite charity.  
    2. This family loves animals.
    3. These children break or lose anything you get them really quickly.  They can't break a chicken in South America.

    FI said first that he thought they may feel like a charity case.  I was like "Um it's the opposite.  It's saying, 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you.'"  Then he basically said that they are kids and they will want presents.  I gave a very sarcastic, "Right, because Christmas is about getting presents?"  I mentioned this idea to a coworker who also said, "Yeah, they won't like that.  That's a terrible idea."

    So, Knotties, on a scale of 1 to Cash Bar, how bad an idea is this?

    What does the parents not having a lot of money this year have to do with you not giving the children gifts? This sounds like a tit-for-tat, "if you're not gonna give me a gift I'm giving away the money I would have spent on your family" kind of thing, and that is super shitty. If the parents can't afford gifts for everyone, just accept that you won't be getting one. Don't take it out on the kids. 

    If they don't need physical things and/or break lots of toys easily, there are lots of things you could gift them that they'll appreciate more than you forcing your charitable values upon them. A family membership to a zoo or science center, magazine subscriptions, movie theater gift cards, etc. No, the holidays shouldn't be about physical gifts, but it's not your place to teach them that (especially since you seem hung up on whether you get one or not. Don't think you've learned that yet.)
    I really don't care if I get a present from them or not.  I actually thought that not giving them $50 presents might be nicer than waving in their face that they don't have as much money as I do.  I swear I did not intend it to be a thing about not giving them presents.  I didn't even expect them to get me a gift last year and still bought them gifts.  

    ETA: Also, why does it seem like I want them to give me a present?  I think I'm actually kind of the opposite of the person you think I am.
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    This is bad idea. PPs have given good reasons. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    LakeR2014 said:
    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
    I certainly don't want to just not give them anything.  I was trying to think of something that would be a little less "Hey look at all the money I can spend."  
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    edited November 2014
    LakeR2014 said:
    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
    I certainly don't want to just not give them anything.  I was trying to think of something that would be a little less "Hey look at all the money I can spend."  
    See, I think "I could have gotten you a gift, but instead I gave the money to someone else" says that more so than just buying them a gift. 

    Get 'em gift cards and call it a day. 

    ETA: By "says that", I am referring to the bolded
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    LakeR2014 said:
    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
    I certainly don't want to just not give them anything.  I was trying to think of something that would be a little less "Hey look at all the money I can spend."  
    I don't think I've ever received a present and thought that.   If they do, then that's their parents issue, not yours.   If you're worried about that, scale down how much you're going to spend or put a limit on how much you spend on each child say $20 or whatever.   They'll appreciate the gift, no matter the cost, a lot more than a piece of paper stating you donated to a charity for them. 
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    Last year we got season passes to a local amusement park. They had a promotion that let us spread payments over 6 months. The kids got the passes from Santa YAY!, we got the luxury of paying over time and getting to take the kids out a lot and enjoying lots of time with them, not a toy to be used once or broken. 

    If you don't want to get a toy, get them an experience like another PP suggested, zoo, amusement park, swim park, etc. Something the family can do over and over again. 
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    jenajjthr said:
    Last year we got season passes to a local amusement park. They had a promotion that let us spread payments over 6 months. The kids got the passes from Santa YAY!, we got the luxury of paying over time and getting to take the kids out a lot and enjoying lots of time with them, not a toy to be used once or broken. 

    If you don't want to get a toy, get them an experience like another PP suggested, zoo, amusement park, swim park, etc. Something the family can do over and over again. 
    I like this idea.  Not sure how easily it can be implemented given where they live but I'll look into it. 
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    Well, TK has spoken so I won't be doing this.  

    I also Googled "Things to do in [their county]".  Apparently there are only campgrounds and public parks.  That's on their "tourism" page.  The second page of Google results consisted of the county jail, public schools, and Fourth of July fireworks times lol. 

    I guess it'll just have to be gift cards.  
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    LakeR2014 said:
    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
    I certainly don't want to just not give them anything.  I was trying to think of something that would be a little less "Hey look at all the money I can spend."  
    As a child do you know what I thought when I received a very generous and awesome gift?

    image

    As an adult do you know what I think when I receive a very generous and awesome gift?

    image

    I enjoy giving gifts to other people and I try very hard to give them things that they would really enjoy and appreciate. . . and are within the budgets I give myself.  Never once have I ever worried about anyone feeling badly because they thought I had more money than they did.

    You seem to be overly concerned with the fact that you have more money than your in laws.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Does it need to be specifically in their county? Where I live, going one county over in any direction is like a 15 minute drive, so that wouldn't be a big deal to me at all. 

    What about things like putt putt courses, sports complexes with batting cages & stuff like that, or go-karts? We have a trampoline arena here that I bet basically any kid would flip shit about. Do they have anything like that near them? 
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    LakeR2014 said:
    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
    I certainly don't want to just not give them anything.  I was trying to think of something that would be a little less "Hey look at all the money I can spend."  
    As a child do you know what I thought when I received a very generous and awesome gift?

    image

    As an adult do you know what I think when I receive a very generous and awesome gift?

    image

    I enjoy giving gifts to other people and I try very hard to give them things that they would really enjoy and appreciate. . . and are within the budgets I give myself.  Never once have I ever worried about anyone feeling badly because they thought I had more money than they did.

    You seem to be overly concerned with the fact that you have more money than your in laws.
    Only because it was mentioned to me that they felt bad about not buying Christmas presents.  Honestly, I've never had anyone say that to me before and it kind of shook me that they would feel bad about it.  I've had years where I couldn't get people birthday or Christmas presents because I was working two jobs just to pay my bills and never thought twice about it.  Now, I feel like, since I was told that they feel bad, that it's my job to not make them feel worse and I don't know how to not make them feel bad about it so now I feel bad about it.  It's confusing the crap out me because now I feel bad that they feel bad.  
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    IMHO, I just personally dislike the whole "I gave something to a charity in your honour." It just screams condescending, and like you're patting yourself on the back (even if the intent is obviously not that).

    If someone wants to give to charity, that's great! They should do it on their own time and not use it as a "gift" to someone. This is just my opinion though, I know tons of people out there probably do this all the time :)


    Ditto to everything @lovegood90 said.

    To the bolded, donating to a charity in someone's honor just doesn't seem right if it's not a charity or organization that they aren't passionate about. If you're doing it, just because you like the charity or because you don't know what else to do with the money, then you're doing it wrong. In my opinion.

    Also,

    I don't think giving gifts would be an insult to the children's parents.  If anything it would show how much you care, and how thoughtful you are which is what a gift is intended for.  You bought it because you thought about them. I have nieces and nephews, and every year it's a challenge to decide what to buy them because they too have EVERYTHING. But I do always get them a little something because I love them, and I want them to know that. And not that a gift is the only way to show that, but you get my drift... ok I'm rambling....

    image
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    esstee33 said:
    Does it need to be specifically in their county? Where I live, going one county over in any direction is like a 15 minute drive, so that wouldn't be a big deal to me at all. 

    What about things like putt putt courses, sports complexes with batting cages & stuff like that, or go-karts? We have a trampoline arena here that I bet basically any kid would flip shit about. Do they have anything like that near them? 
    It looks like no.  They live waaaaay out in the middle of nowhere. 15 minutes is about how long it takes for them to get to their neighbor's house. 
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    steph861steph861 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    randomnumber041616 said: lolo883 said: randomnumber041616 said: I figured since I'm totally bored at work for the next hour and a half, I would run this by TK for some opinions.  
    FBIL and wife have 5 children ranging in age from 20 down to 9.  They don't have a whole lot of money and apparently will be unable to give Christmas presents to everyone this year.  Now, their children really do have pretty much everything.  No one has any idea what to get them for Christmas.  One of my thoughts was to make donations to Heifer International and basically tell each kid that they bought a family in an underdeveloped community a flock of geese/flock of chickens/half a goat/whatever. Here's my reasons:
    1. Heifer International is my favorite charity.  2. This family loves animals.3. These children break or lose anything you get them really quickly.  They can't break a chicken in South America.
    FI said first that he thought they may feel like a charity case.  I was like "Um it's the opposite.  It's saying, 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you.'"  Then he basically said that they are kids and they will want presents.  I gave a very sarcastic, "Right, because Christmas is about getting presents?"  I mentioned this idea to a coworker who also said, "Yeah, they won't like that.  That's a terrible idea."
    So, Knotties, on a scale of 1 to Cash Bar, how bad an idea is this?
    What does the parents not having a lot of money this year have to do with you not giving the children gifts? This sounds like a tit-for-tat, "if you're not gonna give me a gift I'm giving away the money I would have spent on your family" kind of thing, and that is super shitty. If the parents can't afford gifts for everyone, just accept that you won't be getting one. Don't take it out on the kids. 
    If they don't need physical things and/or break lots of toys easily, there are lots of things you could gift them that they'll appreciate more than you forcing your charitable values upon them. A family membership to a zoo or science center, magazine subscriptions, movie theater gift cards, etc. No, the holidays shouldn't be about physical gifts, but it's not your place to teach them that (especially since you seem hung up on whether you get one or not. Don't think you've learned that yet.) I really don't care if I get a present from them or not.  I actually thought that not giving them $50 presents might be nicer than waving in their face that they don't have as much money as I do.  I swear I did not intend it to be a thing about not giving them presents.  I didn't even expect them to get me a gift last year and still bought them gifts.  
    ETA: Also, why does it seem like I want them to give me a present?  I think I'm actually kind of the opposite of the person you think I am. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------[OMG BOXES]--------------------------------------------------------------------------Lolo will correct me if I'm wrong, but I think she got the impression you wanted a present because a) you made a point of saying FBIL and his family likely
    won't be getting other people presents, and b) this seemed to factor into your decision not to buy the kids presents. That may not have been your train of thought at all, but I can see how it could be interpreted that way.
    image



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    >snip<

    You seem to be overly concerned with the fact that you have more money than your in laws.
    Only because it was mentioned to me that they felt bad about not buying Christmas presents.  Honestly, I've never had anyone say that to me before and it kind of shook me that they would feel bad about it.  I've had years where I couldn't get people birthday or Christmas presents because I was working two jobs just to pay my bills and never thought twice about it.  Now, I feel like, since I was told that they feel bad, that it's my job to not make them feel worse and I don't know how to not make them feel bad about it so now I feel bad about it.  It's confusing the crap out me because now I feel bad that they feel bad.  

    I think you are really over thinking this. Also, I think it would make the kids feel pretty terrible to not receive a gift and to be told that their gift was given to someone else for charity.

     

    I say give the kids a small gift and give the parents a nice card and a bottle of wine.

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    esstee33 said:
    Does it need to be specifically in their county? Where I live, going one county over in any direction is like a 15 minute drive, so that wouldn't be a big deal to me at all. 

    What about things like putt putt courses, sports complexes with batting cages & stuff like that, or go-karts? We have a trampoline arena here that I bet basically any kid would flip shit about. Do they have anything like that near them? 
    It looks like no.  They live waaaaay out in the middle of nowhere. 15 minutes is about how long it takes for them to get to their neighbor's house. 
    Is there a movie theater anywhere near them? A movie theater gift card would be good for the whole family! 

    Or you could even put together a gift basket with the movie theater GC, some family-friendly movies they can watch at home, and some popcorn and candy or other snacks. 
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    LakeR2014 said:
    Cash Bar.   Sorry but I would've hated that as a kid no matter what age you gave it to me as.  Instead of a 'You don't need anything else so much so that I gave away the money that I would have spent on a present for you,'  It'd be 'I couldn't think of anything I'd want to get for you/You don't deserve anything/I don't really like you/<Whatever horrible thought you could come up with goes here.>'  Type of thing.

    I get what you're trying to say - but to me this goes along the lines of telling your guests at the wedding that in lieu of a favor you donated to PETA or something like that for them.

    Either don't get them anything or take the money you'd spend on them as a family, find out their favorite restaurant and get a giftcard to there so they can enjoy a family night out. 
    I certainly don't want to just not give them anything.  I was trying to think of something that would be a little less "Hey look at all the money I can spend."  
    As a child do you know what I thought when I received a very generous and awesome gift?

    image

    As an adult do you know what I think when I receive a very generous and awesome gift?

    image

    I enjoy giving gifts to other people and I try very hard to give them things that they would really enjoy and appreciate. . . and are within the budgets I give myself.  Never once have I ever worried about anyone feeling badly because they thought I had more money than they did.

    You seem to be overly concerned with the fact that you have more money than your in laws.
    Only because it was mentioned to me that they felt bad about not buying Christmas presents.  Honestly, I've never had anyone say that to me before and it kind of shook me that they would feel bad about it.  I've had years where I couldn't get people birthday or Christmas presents because I was working two jobs just to pay my bills and never thought twice about it.  Now, I feel like, since I was told that they feel bad, that it's my job to not make them feel worse and I don't know how to not make them feel bad about it so now I feel bad about it.  It's confusing the crap out me because now I feel bad that they feel bad.  
    That's something they need to resolve for themselves though.  It should have no bearing on whether or not you get them a gift, and definitely no bearing on whether or not you at least get their children a gift.

    Gifts are given because we want to give them, not because we are obligated to via a tit for tat system.  Adults need to understand this.  Also, a gift does not need to be something one purchases foe another.  Creativity can go a long way!

    I can empathize with you because my brother and SIL told us they can't afford to buy everyone Christmas gifts this year.  They want to focus on their two kids and save up to buy a house.  Makes perfect sense.

    We- my parents and the other siblings- are still going to buy my niece and nephew Christmas gifts.  And I'm still going to get something for my brother and SIL.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  


    BOX -


    Oh quit trying to make try to feel sorry for you. No one said that, at all. Calm down. 

    Just buy gifts and stop thinking. Jesus. 

    Edited because words are hard.
    Not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me.  Just trying to explain that I don't hate these kids.  I'm not sure what it that post was a "Feel sorry for me, my life is so terrible." kind of statement.  I just want you to know that I don't hate them and I'm not trying to punish them.  Yes, it was mentioned several times that it seemed like I was trying to punish them or their children for not giving me a gift. 
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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    Ok, take a deep breath.

    Relax.

    You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adultsYou cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go.  You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts.  Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.

    Let it go, Elsa ;-)

    Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    esstee33 said:
    esstee33 said:
    Does it need to be specifically in their county? Where I live, going one county over in any direction is like a 15 minute drive, so that wouldn't be a big deal to me at all. 

    What about things like putt putt courses, sports complexes with batting cages & stuff like that, or go-karts? We have a trampoline arena here that I bet basically any kid would flip shit about. Do they have anything like that near them? 
    It looks like no.  They live waaaaay out in the middle of nowhere. 15 minutes is about how long it takes for them to get to their neighbor's house. 
    Is there a movie theater anywhere near them? A movie theater gift card would be good for the whole family! 

    Or you could even put together a gift basket with the movie theater GC, some family-friendly movies they can watch at home, and some popcorn and candy or other snacks. 
    I just wanted to say that this is a really nice and helpful suggestion.  It does look like the nearest movie theater to them is 1 hr 1 min away according to Google maps but maybe I could still put together a gift basket with some family movies, popcorn, and maybe even put it all with a popcorn popper.  FI loves his popcorn popper.  
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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    Ok, take a deep breath.

    Relax.

    You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adultsYou cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go.  You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts.  Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.

    Let it go, Elsa ;-)

    Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.
    Thank you.  I love you.
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