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Is This As Terrible An Idea As Everyone Keeps Telling Me It Is?

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Re: Is This As Terrible An Idea As Everyone Keeps Telling Me It Is?

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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    Ok, take a deep breath.

    Relax.

    You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adultsYou cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go.  You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts.  Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.

    Let it go, Elsa ;-)

    Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.
    Thank you.  I love you.
    *Blushes*

    Now go forth, my friend, and enjoy your Christmas shopping!!!!  Or if you are crafty, enjoy making your gifts!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    Ok, take a deep breath.

    Relax.

    You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adultsYou cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go.  You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts.  Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.

    Let it go, Elsa ;-)

    Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.
    Thank you.  I love you.
    *Blushes*

    Now go forth, my friend, and enjoy your Christmas shopping!!!!  Or if you are crafty, enjoy making your gifts!
    I'm not crafty but I pretend to be.  The movie gift basket idea now has my brain spinning out of control with "Just add ice cream" gift basket and all sorts of things.  I might have to go hit up Pinterest now.
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    My grandmother did this for us one year! 

    It was so amazing. I was a little older than that, maybe 14, so my youngest sister would have been 5. I believe I gave a goat, my sister a well, and my other little sister a flock of chickens or something. We thought it was so great. It came with a story about how the animal would help. I believe it was my favorite Christmas present that year. 
    image
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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    To the bolded: Why is it your obligation to make them not feel bad about it?  That makes absolutely no sense to me.  This is their issue, not yours, stop overthinking it. Get the kids something small and move on from it.
    image
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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    To the bolded: Why is it your obligation to make them not feel bad about it?  That makes absolutely no sense to me.  This is their issue, not yours, stop overthinking it. Get the kids something small and move on from it.
    It's probably not but I have a tendency to overthink statements made to me like that.  I think I've come back from the ledge a bit now but just the fact that someone thought it was important to tell me about these feelings makes me start thinking "Oh crap, now I need to keep that in mind."  Rather than, "Meh, okay whatever."  

    Looking back, it seems like, "Meh, okay, whatever." would have been a lot better than, "OMG OMG what am I going to get them because now they feel bad and I can't let them feel bad and if I do this they may feel worse but if I do this other thing they will hate us and if I do this other thing then they'll feel even worse than worse and OMG OMG OMG."  Because that's just how my brain interprets shit.  
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    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    To the bolded: Why is it your obligation to make them not feel bad about it?  That makes absolutely no sense to me.  This is their issue, not yours, stop overthinking it. Get the kids something small and move on from it.
    It's probably not but I have a tendency to overthink statements made to me like that.  I think I've come back from the ledge a bit now but just the fact that someone thought it was important to tell me about these feelings makes me start thinking "Oh crap, now I need to keep that in mind."  Rather than, "Meh, okay whatever."  

    Looking back, it seems like, "Meh, okay, whatever." would have been a lot better than, "OMG OMG what am I going to get them because now they feel bad and I can't let them feel bad and if I do this they may feel worse but if I do this other thing they will hate us and if I do this other thing then they'll feel even worse than worse and OMG OMG OMG."  Because that's just how my brain interprets shit.  
    I totally get it.  FI is the same way as you are, I'm usually the one who is talking him down in situations like this, so it's definitely not a bad thing!  You just have to learn that everyone's problem is not your problem. If you want to get the kids something, which it sounds like you do, do it!  No one is stopping you!
    image
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    While I agree with the PP's statements there is another reaction the kids could have. FSS was being a brat and I had just got the catalogue from the charity and told him I was using his Christmas money to get a goat for a family...He was ecstatic, because he's a kid and did not realize that the family getting the goat was not in fact our family. The look on his face when he realized he did not get his own pet goat broke my heart.

    So you could easily end up with a similar reaction especially from the younger kids.

    image
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    You have to know your giftee.  My in-laws are filthy rich.  They seemed rather disdainful of the gifts we gave them in the past, so a few years ago I started doing Heifer International.  It works for them.  I wouldn't do it for other people.
    (They always give us cash - if they remember.  They are "too busy" to shop for us.  My kids don't mind at all!)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    I skimmed a lot of the PPs, but I took OPs post to mean that since the parents have a low budget, the gifts she gets the kids might be the only gifts they get. Anyway, just be careful about gifts that involve spending more. I love the PPs ideas of movie gift cards or theme parks but just be careful about the added expense of going to those places like food and drinks, parking etc. If the family doesn't have much of an extra spending budget it might keep them from using that gift. I'd just shop for each kid like you regularly would.
  • Options
    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  
    Ok, take a deep breath.

    Relax.

    You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adultsYou cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go.  You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts.  Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.

    Let it go, Elsa ;-)

    Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.
    Thank you.  I love you.
    *Blushes*

    Now go forth, my friend, and enjoy your Christmas shopping!!!!  Or if you are crafty, enjoy making your gifts!
    I'm not crafty but I pretend to be.  The movie gift basket idea now has my brain spinning out of control with "Just add ice cream" gift basket and all sorts of things.  I might have to go hit up Pinterest now.
    A couple years ago I worked at Macy's and we CONSTANTLY had these pancake griddler things on sale. I thought the coooooolest gift would be to get that griddler, then a variety of cool pancake mixes and fancy syrups. I never did since it wouldn't have been all that appreciated by the people I needed gifts for, but I still think about it every damn year haha. 
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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014









    Okay so now everyone thinks I'm evil and I hate children.  Cool.  I don't hate children.  I really love my FILs.  They are actually a lot nicer to me than my own family.  I'm not doing this to punish anyone.  As a matter of fact, I stated above that I won't be doing this at all.  The idea did not come to me as an idea of "Hey how can I punish people.  I know!  I'll donate money to a charity!"  The only thing that bothers me about the whole them not buying presents for people is that it was told to me that "they feel really bad about it".  Now, I feel like it's my obligation to make them not feel bad about it.  I've never felt so terrible about picking out presents.  I have bought presents for all of FI's family since before they even acknowledged my existence let alone bought me gifts.  I love Christmas shopping.  Last year, I bought the girls necklaces even though FI didn't want me to because he said they would just lose them, just because I love buying gifts!  

    Ok, take a deep breath.

    Relax.

    You are NOT responsible for the feelings of other adultsYou cannot control or change how they feel, so let this concept go.  You are sucking the life out of Christmas for yourself by trying not to make your in laws feel badly about gifts.  Only your in laws can make themselves stop feeling badly.

    Let it go, Elsa ;-)

    Buy them all gifts if you want to and enjoy the act of giving them.

    Thank you.  I love you.

    *Blushes*

    Now go forth, my friend, and enjoy your Christmas shopping!!!!  Or if you are crafty, enjoy making your gifts!



    I'm not crafty but I pretend to be.  The movie gift basket idea now has my brain spinning out of control with >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "Just add ice cream" gift basket<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< and all sorts of things.  I might have to go hit up Pinterest now.</p>

    -/----------------

    To the arrowed: (I'm on mobile and can't bold.)

    Just FYI, H and I got that for our wedding and it was the coolest gift ever!
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    In general I'm not a fan of getting everyone in a family the same gift. It's really unlikely a 9 year old and a 20 year old want the same thing. It's like saying I don't know you and don't care to find our. Like getting all your bridesmaids the same thing.
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    Actually... This reminded me of that Full House episode where Uncle Jesse took Steph and Michelle to feed the homeless at Christmas. It might be fun to ASK the kids if they'd like to do this charity for Christmas. You say the kids have everything anyway and love animals. Help instill in them the spirit of giving. I think it could be really nice.
    ________________________________


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    SBmini said:
    My grandmother did this for us one year! 

    It was so amazing. I was a little older than that, maybe 14, so my youngest sister would have been 5. I believe I gave a goat, my sister a well, and my other little sister a flock of chickens or something. We thought it was so great. It came with a story about how the animal would help. I believe it was my favorite Christmas present that year. 
    I do this with my stepchildren.  I've asked my parents to do this for me most of my life.  So a couple of years ago - my stepkids saw the thank you card I got in the mail that said a dozen baby chicks have been given in your honor and they asked about it so I showed them the organization's catalog and let them each pick $25 worth of "gifts" that I would donate in their names.  Granted, I do it in addition to their regular Christmas gifts but I think it is wonderful to go through the catalog with them and to see what they pick and why.  Even though we have some struggles with the stepfamily stuff - it warms my heart that they have picked up and enjoy a tradition that I love.
    Anniversary
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