Wedding Reception Forum

Charity donation in lieu of favors...

13

Re: Charity donation in lieu of favors...

  • I'm just gonna list every charity FI and I have ever been even loosely associated with in our program. And I'm gonna to give an exact number of how much to each charity has been given. So people can properly see how much good work we do.
  • Bragging about your donations is so gross.

    It boggles my mind that people seriously think this is ok. 
  • edited June 2015
  • @pinkrevenge not sure if you comment was directed at me. But I am an attorney and literally argue for my profession, but I am trained to do so in a manner that is respectful and still gets my point across. 

    I apologize for feeling some compassion for this OP, even though I do disagree with what she was asking to do. 

  • HReis13 said:

    I agree with everyone that the "in lieu of" is a little self-serving especially since favors aren't required for a reception, but I do feel bad for the OP because reading through these posts it seemed other users are just name-calling and shaming the OP for even having this idea. I must not read these boards often enough, but it seems like it is tip-toeing towards being malicious... especially the person who references another post of the OP in order to shame her more. 

    Just seemed like this thread took an ugly turn...

    Are you kidding? This place is so mild and lined with eggshells it's mind-boggling. Here you can get a warning if you insult a general presence and someone thinks it applies to them, you don't even have to target someone. You have to be sure you say someone is ACTING in a bad way because saying they are that way will get you banned, and even the "acting" loophole has some severe limits.

    Seriously people, do you guys just never ever venture to more open forums?


    I'd pay good money to watch the Reddit and 4Chan regs go at some of these posters. . .

    Good frigging grief.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I applaud that you want to make giving to charity part of your wedding. I read some of the other posts and they said you would seem selfish giving up the favors of your guests instead of something of your own. I think you should make giving to charity an option with the registry. Wherever you mention your registry, you could put a few stores down where you registered, then say they could donate money or write a check to the charity of your choice instead of buying a gift. 
  • I applaud that you want to make giving to charity part of your wedding. I read some of the other posts and they said you would seem selfish giving up the favors of your guests instead of something of your own. I think you should make giving to charity an option with the registry. Wherever you mention your registry, you could put a few stores down where you registered, then say they could donate money or write a check to the charity of your choice instead of buying a gift. 


    No.

    What PP were saying was to donate the money they would have used on centerpieces/cake/dress/whatever  to the charity of their choice.  Since charitable donations are an extremely personal thing to most people, there's really no need to display it or make your guests feel like they have to donate. I don't think you read the previous comments.

    image
  • I applaud that you want to make giving to charity part of your wedding. I read some of the other posts and they said you would seem selfish giving up the favors of your guests instead of something of your own. I think you should make giving to charity an option with the registry. Wherever you mention your registry, you could put a few stores down where you registered, then say they could donate money or write a check to the charity of your choice instead of buying a gift. 
    And what if they'd rather buy you a gift than donate to the charity of your choice?  What if they don't support the charity of your choice?

    Sorry, this doesn't work.  If you want to donate, go ahead and donate, but keep it to yourself.  Real charity doesn't need to make itself known to the rest of the world.
  • Weddings = two people getting married and then a celebratory party to follow 

    Fundraiser = a party to raise money for charity

    There is no such thing as a fundraiser wedding.  Sorry.

  • I applaud that you want to make giving to charity part of your wedding. I read some of the other posts and they said you would seem selfish giving up the favors of your guests instead of something of your own. I think you should make giving to charity an option with the registry. Wherever you mention your registry, you could put a few stores down where you registered, then say they could donate money or write a check to the charity of your choice instead of buying a gift. 
    No.  There is no right way to do a charity option with a wedding.  This is not an obituary (in lieu of flowers.....)
  • My father passed away and I wanted to honor him in some way, so we choose to do a donation to Diabetes Foundation in his memory instead of favors.  we struggled with what to do and how to make it tasteful as well. In the end I made a nice sign printed in my colors and fonts to match my other stationary and placed it in a nice 8x10 frame and placed it on the table with the place-cards.  many people noted it, and thought it was very nice.
  • My father passed away and I wanted to honor him in some way, so we choose to do a donation to Diabetes Foundation in his memory instead of favors.  we struggled with what to do and how to make it tasteful as well. In the end I made a nice sign printed in my colors and fonts to match my other stationary and placed it in a nice 8x10 frame and placed it on the table with the place-cards.  many people noted it, and thought it was very nice.
    My condolences on your loss.  I'm struggling to understand though why you couldn't honor your father privately?  Maybe an old tie of his wrapped around your bouquet?  Or a picture of him in a locket?   You could've even skipped the favors (they're not required!) and donated privately.  Why do you have to throw the donation in your guests face?  That doesn't seem very tasteful to me.
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Moral of the story, if you want to donate to charity, you don't have to announce it. 
    Or well, I guess I should say, you shouldn't announce it. 

    ETA: 2nd sentence. 
    image
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    I simply continue to be baffled by this every time someone comes along and can't grasp the inappropriateness. Clearly, people worry that not having favors for their guests will look bad, and they feel the need to AW themselves about donating to charity instead as a way of "explanation" for what they think would appear a slight. It won't look bad, folks. Nobody gives a damn if there are favors or not. The risk of them raising an eyebrow at you for being an AW is much greater than raising one at no favors, so congratulations! You ended up doing exactly what you wanted to avoid.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • If a wedding didn't have something that is expected at a wedding, that is also something that really doesn't contribute to the fun or comfort of the guests, such as no flowers at all, or no centerpieces at all, I could understand a small line in a program or on the guest book table indicating that instead of the useless item a donation was made. Only if you would expect your guests to be wondering why there were no flowers/centerpieces. Although I would think that word of mouth would be much better than a sign of any kind. 

    It just doesn't make any sense to replace something for your guests, such as a favor. It's one thing to say "instead of using my money on something selfish, I gave it to the needy", but it's just totally different to say "I was going to buy you something, but then I didn't and gave it to someone else". You can do it, just don't say it!


    On the charity topic, however, I don't see how it's wrong to include a favorite charity in with wherever you've provided Registry info (such as on your website), and/or have it spread by word of mouth the same way you may have it spread that you're saving up for something (i.e. you prefer cash). Of course some people would prefer to buy you a gift or give you cash, but I don't see the harm in having your mother say "They really don't need anything, so they didn't Register. Their favorite charity is the Children's Hospital, I'm sure they'd appreciate a donation if you feel you want to give a gift" if someone asks her about gifts/registries. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    MandyMost said:

    If a wedding didn't have something that is expected at a wedding, that is also something that really doesn't contribute to the fun or comfort of the guests, such as no flowers at all, or no centerpieces at all, I could understand a small line in a program or on the guest book table indicating that instead of the useless item a donation was made. Only if you would expect your guests to be wondering why there were no flowers/centerpieces. Although I would think that word of mouth would be much better than a sign of any kind. 


    It just doesn't make any sense to replace something for your guests, such as a favor. It's one thing to say "instead of using my money on something selfish, I gave it to the needy", but it's just totally different to say "I was going to buy you something, but then I didn't and gave it to someone else". You can do it, just don't say it!


    On the charity topic, however, I don't see how it's wrong to include a favorite charity in with wherever you've provided Registry info (such as on your website), and/or have it spread by word of mouth the same way you may have it spread that you're saving up for something (i.e. you prefer cash). Of course some people would prefer to buy you a gift or give you cash, but I don't see the harm in having your mother say "They really don't need anything, so they didn't Register. Their favorite charity is the Children's Hospital, I'm sure they'd appreciate a donation if you feel you want to give a gift" if someone asks her about gifts/registries. 
    Nobody ever has to register for gifts. But it's not okay to tell people to donate to a charity as a gift to oneself, because it needs to be up to them to decide if they want to donate at all, let alone to the cause you indicate. It's also really not okay to tell other people what to do with their own money. You can certainly donate any cash or physical gifts you receive-once you've received them. But until you receive them, what should be done with them is not up to you.
  • melizabethpmelizabethp member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2015
    "Boy...that escalated quickly."

    Two of my friends did charitable donations in lieu of favors -- one to our sorority's philanthropic partner, one to the American Heart Association after his mother had had many heart problems. The former included a line on her menu cards. The latter did a business card-sized placard at each place.

    I am neutral on the subject, but since you've asked, I wanted to share what I've seen done.

    ETA: I posted this without reading the rest of the comments, and it seems the OP has taken her leave. Welp. That'll learn me.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    "Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here."

  • I've been to many weddings that didn't give out favors. Only one of them did the whole "donation to charity in lieu of favors" announcement (and had a donation jar out as well). It's all good and well that the couple wanted to donate to charity, but why take something that is for the guests to do so? Why not buy a cheaper dress or forgo flowers/centerpieces or something?
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • I'm jumping into this a little late, so I don't know if you have had your wedding or not, but I think just one sign posted either on a guest book signing table or cake table would be classy.  Don't clutter the tables with extra stuff.  And maybe word it like, "In honor of their wedding day, X & X have donated to a charity that is special to their hearts."  And then give the name of the charity and maybe tell why it is so special to you.  If you did have your wedding, how did you end up doing it?  And did any of your guests tell you that they hated it as much as some of these posters?

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