I'm a Bride and an stressed MOH

kris98

Hey all! I'm in need of some advice.

I'm getting married in June and have 3 BMs. Two are friends and my MOH is my sister. I honestly have no complaints about involvement or lack thereof from my girls. Its my wedding and I can only expect myself and my FI to do any work for our wedding

My issue at hand is that one of my girls has recently gotten engaged (not a problem, I'm totally happy for her) and has asked me to be her MOH. At the time I was happy to do it for her. Since then, she has made the process difficult. Her wedding happens to be a month after my own (again, fine, she can pick whatever date she wants) but she has expectations that I should be putting her wedding before my own. I thought that it would subside after the initial post engagement excitement but she's becoming overbearing.

When picking out BM dresses and I told her I couldn't afford more than x amount of $ to spend on a dress, she told me that I'd come up with the money somehow after going $90 over budget. I chose not to start an argument about it in the bridal salon, but it hurt that she disregarded my feelings and my earlier conversation.

She has since told me that she expects me to help her mother cook the meal for her reception (they chose to cater the event themselves) and to clean up after the reception as the venue leaves cleanup as the B&G's responsibility.

I feel that from her comments she has made up her mind that our weddings should be some sort of competition and it's taking the fun out of planning my own wedding and is taking a toll on my friendship with her. I am sincerely regretting agreeing to be in her wedding but feel like I can't back out because I have given her my word that I'd stand with her on her day.

I'm hoping I'm not being a selfish and bad friend or a bridezilla for feeling like she's competing with me over our weddings. I'm just not sure what is the best way to approach this situation with tact. Please help!

Jen4948

I would tell her that no, your only "job" as her MOH is to obtain the dress and show up at the wedding in it sober and on time. You are not her slave and do not owe her any unpaid-for manual labor; nor is there a prize for "best wedding;" nor is your budget up to her, and she is endangering your friendship with you with her unreasonable expectations and comments.

Don't make any threats about backing out of her wedding or issue any ultimatums; just set appropriate boundaries and maintain them firmly.

Maggie0829

kris98 said:

Hey all! I'm in need of some advice. I'm getting married in June and have 3 BMs. Two are friends and my MOH is my sister. I honestly have no complaints about involvement or lack thereof from my girls. Its my wedding and I can only expect myself and my FI to do any work for our wedding My issue at hand is that one of my girls has recently gotten engaged (not a problem, I'm totally happy for her) and has asked me to be her MOH. At the time I was happy to do it for her. Since then, she has made the process difficult. Her wedding happens to be a month after my own (again, fine, she can pick whatever date she wants) but she has expectations that I should be putting her wedding before my own. I thought that it would subside after the initial post engagement excitement but she's becoming overbearing. When picking out BM dresses and I told her I couldn't afford more than x amount of $ to spend on a dress, she told me that I'd come up with the money somehow after going $90 over budget. I chose not to start an argument about it in the bridal salon, but it hurt that she disregarded my feelings and my earlier conversation. She has since told me that she expects me to help her mother cook the meal for her reception (they chose to cater the event themselves) and to clean up after the reception as the venue leaves cleanup as the B&G's responsibility. I feel that from her comments she has made up her mind that our weddings should be some sort of competition and it's taking the fun out of planning my own wedding and is taking a toll on my friendship with her. I am sincerely regretting agreeing to be in her wedding but feel like I can't back out because I have given her my word that I'd stand with her on her day. I'm hoping I'm not being a selfish and bad friend or a bridezilla for feeling like she's competing with me over our weddings. I'm just not sure what is the best way to approach this situation with tact. Please help!

As for the BM dress.  Have you ordered it?  If not, I would reiterate with her that you cannot spend more then $X amount.  And then keep repeating that.  If she really wants you to wear the overpriced dress then she should come up with the extra money.

In regards to her telling you that you will help with the cooking and cleaning.  I would politely tell her that you will not be able to do that.  If she throws a fit, keep repeating "I am sorry, but no I will not be able to do that."

I would also refrain from discussing wedding with her, whether it be your own or hers.  If she brings it up, tell her that you would prefer to talk about something else.

Personally I would be questioning this friendship once all is said and done.  Dropping out of her wedding, when she is in yours would be very difficult and could cause more drama then you really want to deal with.  So, IMO, I would stay in her wedding, but DO NOT succumb to her bridezilla demands and behavior.  Then once her wedding is over with I would possibly distance myself from her.  A good friend doesn't treat their friends like unpaid labor nor do they disregard what budget their friends have.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto PP.  You are going about this the right way, i.e. not expecting too much of your BMs.  Your friend has not caught on to your style of wedding planning, but that is not your fault.  Just tell your friend that you won't be able to help her as much as she would like.  Don't go into excuses, just say that you can't .  And if you haven't pushed back on that BM dress yet, do so ASAP.

edenisle

That is asking a lot of you since you will have just had your own wedding...financially speaking especially.  She of all people should know what goes into a wedding and should respect your wishes.  You are there to stand by her side on her wedding day...not be her worker bee- especially when you are still working out everything for your own event!  You should be planning and enjoying together, not more one than the other.

[Deleted User]

Oh, hell no!  There is a zero percent chance I would be helping to cook food for this shit show.  If you insist on remaining involved, tell her you'll be purchasing a tray of sub sandwiches from Costco and a veggie tray.  But you will NOT be responsible for making sure that the mayo-based salad stays cold or that the cooked meat stays hot.  AAAAND, once you're recessed down the aisle after standing by her during her ceremony and smiled for a couple of photos, you are Off Duty.  As her honored guest (Maid of HONOR, it's right there in the title), you will not be spending the reception in the kitchen.

If I were you, I'd stand my ground on the dress and hope to get kicked out of this shit show.