Do you still have a wedding ceremony after you're already legally married?

Knottie37604366

My fiance and I are eager to get our lives started together... we both grew up in Christian homes and live nearly 40 minutes away from each other. we have plans for me to move in with him by the beginning of the year- out of my apartment into his home. Both of our parents are uneasy about the decision due to our religion, mainly and their old fashioned ways. what do you do if you were to get married now but wasn't planning on having a wedding until September 2015? do you still have a ceremony? or just a reception? or anything at all? 

lacqueredlover

You get ONE wedding on ONE day.  that's it. 

Honestly if you're old enough to get married without your parents permission, then you're old enough to make your own decision on living with your FI before marriage.  It's your life, it's your choice.  If you want to have a wedding, then have it on the day you choose.

Check out this site for PPD threads, they are very informative as to why it's against etiquette to have your legal marriage one day and then another wedding later on.

photokitty

What you are asking about is not a second wedding. You can't have a second wedding to the same person without getting divorced. You can have a vow renewal, but that does not include a bridal party or the typical trappings of a wedding.

Either have the wedding now, be done with it or have a party, not a wedding, in Sept. If your religion is important then you have to choose what's more important - abiding with the "rules" or it or dealing with a 40 min drive for another 10 months. It's a decision only you can make, but if you get married this month you can't have a wedding next year.

esstee33

If you're going to post the same question on multiple boards, put "XP" in the title. Lots of people responded to you on the other one, but for good measure: 

You can only have one wedding. A wedding is when you wed your partner. If you get married now so you can live together and not upset your families, that's the only wedding you get. You can't have a do-over with the big white dress and all that. At most, and many people will still side-eye this, you can have a "celebration of marriage" party later, which is just that -- a celebration of your marriage. There aren't any of the traditional trappings of a wedding, because it's not a wedding. 

Jells2dot0

I agree with the PPs on this one.

Everyone is free to post on this board, but what you are describing is a PPD or even a vow renewal. There is a separate forum for those planning vow renewals:

http://forums.theknot.com/categories/special-topic-wedding-boards_vow-renewals

 

Given the background of what you posted, it's of my opinion that you should not even do a vow renewal. I suggest getting married when you want and based on what your needs are, but you only get one wedding.

kls0383

I disagree with all the above posts....I had a JOP wedding almost a year ago, but I am planning a vow renewal with a reception afterwards. I am having the big white dress and the whole nine yards. My sister did the same thing, as well as a lot of other people that I have talked to about it either did it themselves or knew someone that did. It is 2014 (soon to be 2015) and I don't think there is a 'standard' for lots of things anymore....anything goes today! I say do what you want, and for the people you invite that don't agree...they don't have to come!! It is your life...write your own rules and be happy. This was my husband and I's first marriage, and hopefully our last, and we both wanted to full ceremony and everything,but for our own private reasons different from yours, decided to get married prior to the ceremony we were planning. All of our family and friends have been supportive and understanding, and are anxiously awaiting our celebration!!

antibride2013

kls0383 said:

I disagree with all the above posts....I had a JOP wedding almost a year ago, but I am planning a vow renewal with a reception afterwards. I am having the big white dress and the whole nine yards. My sister did the same thing, as well as a lot of other people that I have talked to about it either did it themselves or knew someone that did. It is 2014 (soon to be 2015) and I don't think there is a 'standard' for lots of things anymore....anything goes today! I say do what you want, and for the people you invite that don't agree...they don't have to come!! It is your life...write your own rules and be happy. This was my husband and I's first marriage, and hopefully our last, and we both wanted to full ceremony and everything,but for our own private reasons different from yours, decided to get married prior to the ceremony we were planning. All of our family and friends have been supportive and understanding, and are anxiously

awaiting our celebration!!

 

SIB-

 

Please don't give bad advice.  Go away.

Jells2dot0

kls0383 said:

I disagree with all the above posts....I had a JOP wedding almost a year ago, but I am planning a vow renewal with a reception afterwards. I am having the big white dress and the whole nine yards. My sister did the same thing, as well as a lot of other people that I have talked to about it either did it themselves or knew someone that did. It is 2014 (soon to be 2015) and I don't think there is a 'standard' for lots of things anymore....anything goes today! I say do what you want, and for the people you invite that don't agree...they don't have to come!! It is your life...write your own rules and be happy. This was my husband and I's first marriage, and hopefully our last, and we both wanted to full ceremony and everything,but for our own private reasons different from yours, decided to get married prior to the ceremony we were planning. All of our family and friends have been supportive and understanding, and are anxiously awaiting our celebration!!

I recommend you look into the vow renewal board. You are not having a second marriage, as you have not been divorced or widowed in between. 

That being said, proper etiquette and manners is something that will always be standard. In your case, you are at least being honest about your plans, so your guests do have the option of not attending if they do not agree with your plans. However, it is considered against etiquette to have a re-do wedding. You decided to have a JOP wedding for your own reasons, so embrace your decision. 

rox2112

I did this for my first marriage. Got married before we had the ceremony and planned a Vow Renewal for almost a year later. Once everyone found out that I was getting a divorce, all the feelings came out and my family expressed how upset they were with the way everything went down (we hid our marriage for 3 months) and they always called my vow renewal my fake wedding. Even though they found out about the JOP marriage well before the vow renewal, they called it my "fake wedding" but still attended. Vow Renewals are great 10 years out. 1 year out, not so much. 

CMGragain

Knottie37604366 said:

My fiance and I are eager to get our lives started together... we both grew up in Christian homes and live nearly 40 minutes away from each other. we have plans for me to move in with him by the beginning of the year- out of my apartment into his home. Both of our parents are uneasy about the decision due to our religion, mainly and their old fashioned ways. what do you do if you were to get married now but wasn't planning on having a wedding until September 2015? do you still have a ceremony? or just a reception? or anything at all? 

You act like responsible Christian adults.  You decide when you want to get married, and you follow through by doing so.  Once you are legally married, that is it!  No more re-dos.  Only the two of you can decide what is right for you,  You cannot have it both ways.  You might consider arranging a small religious ceremony with your pastor instead of a courthouse wedding.  A simple afternoon ceremony with a small guest list and a cake and punch reception is easy to plan.