Bringing liquor-- update in the thread

novella1186

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Tbh , I'd be thinking what I'm thinking now "really princess? Mmhmmyeahsure your tummy is brand sensitive. Totes buying that". If you showed up with fancy wine and were like "oh I can only drink this kind" I'd be insulted that you thought poorly of my hospitality. Stoli and tonic? I'd be thinking you were a total prima Donna. I'd judge hardcore but I wouldn't be personally hurt by it.

Well I've had stomach problems for 17 years. I don't need expensive wine. Usually the wine I drink is about $10 per bottle. But I can't drink sweet wine. That's what makes me feel sick, is the sweetness or sugary stuff. That's why I stick with tonic. I don't think a medical condition requires anyone, including you, to call me a princess or a prima donna but that's cool. 

Ok, but your saying "I require Stoli or Tanqueray" instead of "vodka or gin" is what's giving me a princess vibe.

I don't require those specific brands, those are just my favorites so that's what I would bring if I were to bring something. If they had some other brand of vodka or gin, I'd gladly drink that. I just know that some people only do beer and wine, or they'll have something like Bailey's which would definitely make me sick, or they'll have mixed punch which usually has orange juice which makes me sick. My stomach is just weird and annoying, and a lot of really specific things will most definitely make me sick for at least the night and at worst several days, so I try to be as cautious as I can. 

Aray82

We always bring something to parties, but our circle consists of grad students on a tight budget so people generally appreciate it even if they're hosting entirely and it's not a potluck. This seems like it would be different.

buttercup1958

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

novella1186

PrettyGirlLost said:

novella1186 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

STARMOON44 said:

Tbh , I'd be thinking what I'm thinking now "really princess? Mmhmmyeahsure your tummy is brand sensitive. Totes buying that". If you showed up with fancy wine and were like "oh I can only drink this kind" I'd be insulted that you thought poorly of my hospitality. Stoli and tonic? I'd be thinking you were a total prima Donna. I'd judge hardcore but I wouldn't be personally hurt by it.

Yeah if you are gonna ask,  don't use the my tummy excuse nonsense.  Just straight up ask.

However, I wouldn't do that in this case.  If you and she provided all of the alcohol for your past event, and she didn't specifically say to bring whatever you want to drink this time. . . chances are the rando that showed up at your last party with his/her own swill was just being a cad.

Bring your food dish and just drink what she provides.

Have to say I find it really annoying when people think my stomach problems are some kind of fake excuse. I was in the hospital many times because of stomach issues. If I drink something that has orange juice in it without realizing it, I have to go to the hospital or I'm sick for several days. If I drink something sugary I'm in the bathroom all night. So no. It's not some lame excuse. And no, I'm not being a princess. It's a pretty serious medical condition that has caused me a good amount of pain on a regular basis, so I'm pretty sure I have every right to make sure that what I'm eating and drinking isn't going to make me ill without being called names for it or being accused of lying about it. 

Um, I had no idea you actually have legit stomach issues.

My comment was in reference to a PP who was suggesting: "Mention that your tummy doesn't like certain things and that you were thinking of bringing your own."

Which I thought she meant as a way to gently ask the host if you could bring a preferred drink so as not to seem presumptuous and rude.  I didn't realize she meant you actually have GI issues.

Gotcha. Sorry but this is a touchy issue for me. Especially since my stomach has been bad again and I've been running the gauntlet of doctors and bullshit again and it's kind of a nightmare. And I've been accused by people in the past who say stuff like "oh x doesn't really make you sick, you're just saying that cuz you don't like the taste of it." Gets really frustrating. 

novella1186

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

I'm kind of the same way. I thought it was rude to show up empty handed. But the different opinions on it definitely make me re-think things, and are really interesting. 

buttercup1958

novella1186 said:

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

I'm kind of the same way. I thought it was rude to show up empty handed. But the different opinions on it definitely make me re-think things, and are really interesting. 

I find it really interesting as well. Maybe it's a regional thing? I have no idea!

PrettyGirlLost

novella1186 said:

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Tbh , I'd be thinking what I'm thinking now "really princess? Mmhmmyeahsure your tummy is brand sensitive. Totes buying that". If you showed up with fancy wine and were like "oh I can only drink this kind" I'd be insulted that you thought poorly of my hospitality. Stoli and tonic? I'd be thinking you were a total prima Donna. I'd judge hardcore but I wouldn't be personally hurt by it.

Well I've had stomach problems for 17 years. I don't need expensive wine. Usually the wine I drink is about $10 per bottle. But I can't drink sweet wine. That's what makes me feel sick, is the sweetness or sugary stuff. That's why I stick with tonic. I don't think a medical condition requires anyone, including you, to call me a princess or a prima donna but that's cool. 

Ok, but your saying "I require Stoli or Tanqueray" instead of "vodka or gin" is what's giving me a princess vibe.

I don't require those specific brands, those are just my favorites so that's what I would bring if I were to bring something. If they had some other brand of vodka or gin, I'd gladly drink that. I just know that some people only do beer and wine, or they'll have something like Bailey's which would definitely make me sick, or they'll have mixed punch which usually has orange juice which makes me sick. My stomach is just weird and annoying, and a lot of really specific things will most definitely make me sick for at least the night and at worst several days, so I try to be as cautious as I can. 

But you know what drinks/foods to avoid so that you don't get sick, right?

If you suspect there won't be anything for you to drink or eat at this party, then let the host know you have dietary issues that preclude you from eating/drinking certain things.  If she says then feel free to BYOB/BYOSnack then go for it.  If she asks how she can accommodate you then let her know.

esstee33

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

I'm interpreting that the difference is whether you intend it as a gift to the hosts or as something to be served at the party. I don't get fussed about it either way. /shrug

I feel ya with the stomach issues, Novella. I have to do the same dance with apples. I can eat an unspecified amount of apples without issue, but anything over that and I have crippling pain. I do not know where the line is, so I just avoid them altogether, even though I FUCKING LOVE APPLES. Sometimes when I mention this issue with apples, people are like "Oh, really? Apples? But you can eat some amount of apples and it's OK?" like I'm being unnecessarily difficult. 

beethery

PrettyGirlLost said:

Also, those of you in this thread that mentioned it would be offensive to you to have a guest bring food/drinks to a party you were hosting. . . it's probably that your guest means no offense, in fact the opposite, and was raised like those of us who were raised that it's rude to show up to a party empty handed.

And if anyone is Italian, well you know:

@prettygirllost I drew out a schematic for my antipasto board and how I'm going to lay out all the apps and drinks for present night. It basically looks like that picture.

I'm going to be eating italian deli meat subs for a week and I'm not even mad.

theartistformerlyknownas

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

Even though I think it's unnecessary to BYOB when you weren't asked to, I wouldn't necessarily think it was rude if someone did. I'd just think it was somewhat strange and then shrug it off. I would think it was rude if you offered me something as a hostess gift, and then opened it and started drinking. 

Actually that has happened... we had a Memorial Day BBQ where we said "we'll have water, pop, beer and lemonade, BYOB if you'd like something specific besides that." Well the neighbor saw people over, dropped by to say hello and brought me a bottle of wine. Somebody opened it and drank the whole thing without asking. It wasn't offered to you, assface. You wanna dig through my fridge, too? Maybe take home some coffee creamer, I heard you were running low.

I can see the "gimme a little credit here," miffed sort of feeling if you're told everything is provided but show up with something super common like Bud Light or Diet Coke.

STARMOON44

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function.

And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc.

Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

novella1186

esstee33 said:

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

I'm interpreting that the difference is whether you intend it as a gift to the hosts or as something to be served at the party. I don't get fussed about it either way. /shrug

I feel ya with the stomach issues, Novella. I have to do the same dance with apples. I can eat an unspecified amount of apples without issue, but anything over that and I have crippling pain. I do not know where the line is, so I just avoid them altogether, even though I FUCKING LOVE APPLES. Sometimes when I mention this issue with apples, people are like "Oh, really? Apples? But you can eat some amount of apples and it's OK?" like I'm being unnecessarily difficult. 

Yeah, it's a weird thing to explain to people and sometimes it's kind of embarrassing cuz I feel like  I do sound high maintenance with "well I can't eat this, this, this, or this, and definitely not that." People always question me on the thing with oranges, cuz not only can I not drink orange juice but I also get sick if I eat an orange at all. So then it's always like "Oh, oranges? Really? Well can you eat grapefruit? Are you sure they make you sick?" 

PrettyGirlLost

beethery said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Also, those of you in this thread that mentioned it would be offensive to you to have a guest bring food/drinks to a party you were hosting. . . it's probably that your guest means no offense, in fact the opposite, and was raised like those of us who were raised that it's rude to show up to a party empty handed.

And if anyone is Italian, well you know:

@prettygirllost I drew out a schematic for my antipasto board and how I'm going to lay out all the apps and drinks for present night. It basically looks like that picture.

I'm going to be eating italian deli meat subs for a week and I'm not even mad.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

PrettyGirlLost

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function. And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc. Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.

buttercup1958

Yeah I can see some of those situations as rude. I would never go into anyone's fridge without asking. I always ask unless I was told I never had to ask like my aunt. I still do though if the item does seem special like icecream. And I would never take the hosts gifts and drink them myself! That is beyond tacky.

theartistformerlyknownas

STARMOON44 said:

Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

OMG this. My mom cannot fathom the idea that I have planned a menu that goes together. She won't take no for an answer when I tell her she doesn't need to bring anything, but i can't just assign her a specific recipe I want either because she doesn't have a lot of confidence in her cooking. But by golly she has her certain things she makes really well, and feels no shame in showing up for a lasagna dinner with a taco salad. Thanks, Mom.

@novella and esstee33, I feel you with the stomach things. I've had a mystery ailment going on with my damn stomach for like 8 years now that makes me regurgitate whatever I've eaten, sometimes completely undigested. 4 different doctors, a barium test, endoscopy, thousands of dollars in medical bills haven't been able to figure it out. The strongest correlation I've been able to find is that it's some type of preservative - for example, salad from a salad bar makes me upchuck. Organic mixed greens at home do not. Pre-cut squash or apples = puke. Cut my own = fine. Boxed mac and cheese = puke (but I eat it anyway). Homemade = fine. Oatmeal packets with dried fruit = puke. Homemade with fresh fruit or organic dried fruit = fine. But sometimes my stomach just gets irritated and I've thrown up pure water. I'm sure some people think I'm a princess for eating only organic salads but dammit, it's working for me. Anyone who takes issue with it can GTFO it and realize it doesn't affect you, or you can come here and let me throw up on you. 

beethery

PrettyGirlLost said:

beethery said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Also, those of you in this thread that mentioned it would be offensive to you to have a guest bring food/drinks to a party you were hosting. . . it's probably that your guest means no offense, in fact the opposite, and was raised like those of us who were raised that it's rude to show up to a party empty handed.

And if anyone is Italian, well you know:

@prettygirllost I drew out a schematic for my antipasto board and how I'm going to lay out all the apps and drinks for present night. It basically looks like that picture.

I'm going to be eating italian deli meat subs for a week and I'm not even mad.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think I'm going to do an AW type post and ask everyone to show their favorite food pictures when I have my whole setup laid out.

Though I do think I'm going to have to put the cats up in their room that night. They like cold cuts as much as I do but they don't wash their little feet with the antibacterial stuff.

Back on topic, out of habit, I always ask if anyone wants me to bring something if they invite me to a party. I usually end up making cream cheese salsa or mini key lime pies and bringing bottle of wine just to round it out.

novella1186

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function. And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc. Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Again. I don't need top shelf liquor. Those are my favorite brands. So those are what I would bring if I were to bring something. If the hostess had other, less expensive brands of vodka or gin, that is what I would drink. And I don't know how it is in other areas, but Stoli is not top shelf here. It's $17 per bottle. It's not like Kettle One ($26) or Grey Goose ($30) or Crystal ($40) so Stoli is the most common vodka that most of my friends drink when they don't want the cheap stuff. I did a case study on Stoli for grad school so I know how it's made, and that's why I'm partial to it. 

cupcait927

PrettyGirlLost said:

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function. And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc. Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.

I find food allergies to be different than the situation we have here. In the OP's case, she could just drink water, or whatever else the host may have that wouldn't irritate her stomach. She doesn't HAVE to have alcohol, in particular the alcohol she wants to bring.

Food allergies on the other hand present a different issue. If someone has an food allergy such as nuts, soy, dairy, etc. that means they could potentially be unable to eat anything at a party I'm hosting. I'd love to have a heads up if someone has a food allergy so that way I could prepare properly if it was a situation that wasn't potluck.

STARMOON44

PrettyGirlLost said:

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function.

And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc.

Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.




Absolutely! and I wouldn't ask any follow up questions. You tell me "oh I can't eat onions" or even "I'm really sensitive so I'd like to just bring my own/could you make me white rice" and I will bend over backwards to make sure you can eat something. But I view alcohol differently- you should be able to eat and drink something, not provide me with your preferences in case I don't have them.

PrettyGirlLost

beethery said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

beethery said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Also, those of you in this thread that mentioned it would be offensive to you to have a guest bring food/drinks to a party you were hosting. . . it's probably that your guest means no offense, in fact the opposite, and was raised like those of us who were raised that it's rude to show up to a party empty handed.

And if anyone is Italian, well you know:

@prettygirllost I drew out a schematic for my antipasto board and how I'm going to lay out all the apps and drinks for present night. It basically looks like that picture.

I'm going to be eating italian deli meat subs for a week and I'm not even mad.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I think I'm going to do an AW type post and ask everyone to show their favorite food pictures when I have my whole setup laid out.

Though I do think I'm going to have to put the cats up in their room that night. They like cold cuts as much as I do but they don't wash their little feet with the antibacterial stuff.

Back on topic, out of habit, I always ask if anyone wants me to bring something if they invite me to a party. I usually end up making cream cheese salsa or mini key lime pies and bringing bottle of wine just to round it out.

My mom has a cat that loves fresh baked bread, cakes, rolls, etc.  We have caught him taking bites out of quite a few backed goods, no mater how hard we try to sequester him >< 

He would also jump on the dinner table to get at fresh turkey and chicken, so we always have to have a guard present before we sit down to eat, lol!

southernbelle0915

buttercup1958 said:

novella1186 said:

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

I'm kind of the same way. I thought it was rude to show up empty handed. But the different opinions on it definitely make me re-think things, and are really interesting. 

I find it really interesting as well. Maybe it's a regional thing? I have no idea!

I don't know if it's regional, cultural, or whatever, but I kind of understand it....

When I put on a party, I provide everything - beer, wine, liquor, mixers, snacks, heavy apps and/or a full meal, dessert, etc. When people just BYOB or bring a dish to pass, it kind of says "I didn't think you'd actually HOST, so I brought my own stuff." In other words, kind of insulting my ability to host a kick ass, all-inclusive party and/or accommodate my guests. 

Also, I often carefully think out my menu, so if I'm doing a cinco de mayo party I don't want someone to bring perogis or general tso chicken. KWIM? 

Hostess gifts are different. I'm obviously never insulted if someone brings me a bottle of wine and says, "thank you so much for having us over, great party". It helps if it's clear that it's a hostess gift and not a potluck contribution - if it has a ribbon, or it's in a gift bag, it's obvious it's a gift.

esstee33

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function. And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc. Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.

Absolutely! and I wouldn't ask any follow up questions. You tell me "oh I can't eat onions" or even "I'm really sensitive so I'd like to just bring my own/could you make me white rice" and I will bend over backwards to make sure you can eat something. But I view alcohol differently- you should be able to eat and drink something, not provide me with your preferences in case I don't have them.

Right. And in this case, novella said she has stomach issues with some things, but she knows she doesn't with these particular things, and she wanted to know if it was OK to bring it. She ALSO said she'd be perfectly fine drinking water if the response was that it would be rude. You're making a big, massive fucking deal out of something and insulting her because you seem to believe that she's making up her digestive issues, which is a super assholeish thing to do. People have food (including alcohol) sensitivities, even if you don't understand them. 

lc07

It is rude to show up empty handed. Which is why you should bring a host/hostess gift. This can be flowers or cookies or alcohol or other type of gift. It should not be something you expect to use or consume. It is a gift for the host or hostess thanking them for hosting.

It would be rude to bring liquor for yourself or for others to be consumed at a party you are not hosting unless asked to do so by the host (but then the host is being rude because they should be providing the refreshments)

I always ask guests for their dietary restrictions once they accept an invitation. 

Sounds like in this particular case, the host has asked you to bring something else for the group so I think bringing the liquor would be fine. Just bring enough to share.  

Maggie0829

If I was throwing the party and was hosting all the alcohol plus the food I would want to make sure that I not only had food that my guests enjoyed and could eat (depending on their food issues) I would also want to make sure that they had some drinks that they could enjoy without getting sick.  I realize that 'hey she can just drink water' but if you are willing to bend over backward in regards to food why wouldn't you do the same for the drinks?  It isn't like OP just prefers vodka or gin but rather anything else makes her physically ill.

STARMOON44

esstee33 said:

STARMOON44 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function.

And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc.

Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.

Absolutely! and I wouldn't ask any follow up questions. You tell me "oh I can't eat onions" or even "I'm really sensitive so I'd like to just bring my own/could you make me white rice" and I will bend over backwards to make sure you can eat something. But I view alcohol differently- you should be able to eat and drink something, not provide me with your preferences in case I don't have them.

Right. And in this case, novella said she has stomach issues with some things, but she knows she doesn't with these particular things, and she wanted to know if it was OK to bring it. She ALSO said she'd be perfectly fine drinking water if the response was that it would be rude. You're making a big, massive fucking deal out of something and insulting her because you seem to believe that she's making up her digestive issues, which is a super assholeish thing to do. People have food (including alcohol) sensitivities, even if you don't understand them. 

?!?

She said in her post name brand liquor. I reacted to her words. I didn't and still don't believe that and she clarified what she meant. How having opinions and sharing them in response to a question makes me super assholeish is beyond me.

buttercup1958

southernbelle0915 said:

buttercup1958 said:

novella1186 said:

buttercup1958 said:

Wow I never knew bringing something could be seen as rude. I was brought up with the idea if you are invited to a party you always bring something no matter what. I view it as being helpful. Even with other knotties saying it's rude I don't think I'll change that habit. It would feel very off putting to me. I guess different strokes for different folks.

I'm kind of the same way. I thought it was rude to show up empty handed. But the different opinions on it definitely make me re-think things, and are really interesting. 

I find it really interesting as well. Maybe it's a regional thing? I have no idea!

I don't know if it's regional, cultural, or whatever, but I kind of understand it....

When I put on a party, I provide everything - beer, wine, liquor, mixers, snacks, heavy apps and/or a full meal, dessert, etc. When people just BYOB or bring a dish to pass, it kind of says "I didn't think you'd actually HOST, so I brought my own stuff." In other words, kind of insulting my ability to host a kick ass, all-inclusive party and/or accommodate my guests. 

Also, I often carefully think out my menu, so if I'm doing a cinco de mayo party I don't want someone to bring perogis or general tso chicken. KWIM? 

Hostess gifts are different. I'm obviously never insulted if someone brings me a bottle of wine and says, "thank you so much for having us over, great party". It helps if it's clear that it's a hostess gift and not a potluck contribution - if it has a ribbon, or it's in a gift bag, it's obvious it's a gift.

Yeah I can understand how it can be seen as rude. If someone didn't want me to bring anything to contribute then I would at least give a great hostness/host gift. I would never force myself on the host if they really didn't want me to bring anything.

esstee33

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function. And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc. Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.

Absolutely! and I wouldn't ask any follow up questions. You tell me "oh I can't eat onions" or even "I'm really sensitive so I'd like to just bring my own/could you make me white rice" and I will bend over backwards to make sure you can eat something. But I view alcohol differently- you should be able to eat and drink something, not provide me with your preferences in case I don't have them.

Right. And in this case, novella said she has stomach issues with some things, but she knows she doesn't with these particular things, and she wanted to know if it was OK to bring it. She ALSO said she'd be perfectly fine drinking water if the response was that it would be rude. You're making a big, massive fucking deal out of something and insulting her because you seem to believe that she's making up her digestive issues, which is a super assholeish thing to do. People have food (including alcohol) sensitivities, even if you don't understand them. 

?!? She said in her post name brand liquor. I reacted to her words. I didn't and still don't believe that and she clarified what she meant. How having opinions and sharing them in response to a question makes me super assholeish is beyond me.

I'm saying that calling someone a princess because they like a certain brand of liquor because they know it doesn't bother their sensitivities is kind of a dick move. It's hard enough to have sensitivities to things without being shamed for them because the OK things happen to be nice things. Maybe I'm just seeing her side of this way more easily because I also have bizarre food sensitivities that people give me shit about and don't understand. 

Furthermore, tons of people comment on threads about beer/wine weddings that many people get headaches from drinking "cheap" wine, so it's better to provide something better than that. How is that any different? Some brands are made differently or better/worse than others, or contain different ingredients, so it makes total sense that some nicer brands may not have as much weird shit in them to bother her stomach. 

novella1186

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

STARMOON44 said:

If you don't want people to think your stomach issues are BS, don't pretend like you need top shelf liquor to function. And I still wouldn't bring it. Drink what they provide- if that's not your alcohol of preference, water. I'd feel differently if everyone always brought a bottle of something but since you know that isn't the case with this hostess I really wouldn't. As a hostess if I'm serving beer and wine, I've got that totally covered. I actually don't want one person showing up with gin, because if I were serving liquor I'd want to meet my own standards- have enough for everyone, make the fancy ice, make sure I have enough glasses etc. Same deal with food. No. I don't want you to bring a dish unless it's a potluck. I've planned the menu carefully and I don't want additions to it. By all means don't show up empty handed if that bothers you, but bring a hostess dish not tater tot casserole.

Would you want a guest to let you know if they had dietary issues though?

My friend has a lactose allergy- she is not intolerant, it's an allergy and dairy products cause paralysis of her intestines. . . no peristalsis, no movement for days.  She also cannot eat onions for the same reason.

She always has to ask if food items have dairy or onions in them.

Absolutely! and I wouldn't ask any follow up questions. You tell me "oh I can't eat onions" or even "I'm really sensitive so I'd like to just bring my own/could you make me white rice" and I will bend over backwards to make sure you can eat something. But I view alcohol differently- you should be able to eat and drink something, not provide me with your preferences in case I don't have them.

Right. And in this case, novella said she has stomach issues with some things, but she knows she doesn't with these particular things, and she wanted to know if it was OK to bring it. She ALSO said she'd be perfectly fine drinking water if the response was that it would be rude. You're making a big, massive fucking deal out of something and insulting her because you seem to believe that she's making up her digestive issues, which is a super assholeish thing to do. People have food (including alcohol) sensitivities, even if you don't understand them. 

?!? She said in her post name brand liquor. I reacted to her words. I didn't and still don't believe that and she clarified what she meant. How having opinions and sharing them in response to a question makes me super assholeish is beyond me.

SIB

Wait, name brand liquor as opposed to what? Generic liquor? I said in an earlier post that Stoli, where I live, is $17 per bottle. It's not considered top shelf in my circle at all. It's not Kettle One or Grey Goose. I don't get how naming specific brands that I happen to like makes me a liar or something? 

And what do you still not believe? I'm confused. 

STARMOON44

I already address your point re: wine- requiring expensive wine is princessish.

It's clear now novella doesn't. Awesome. But I still maintain that I don't believe anyone who says the only kind of gin they can drink is tanqueray, because science.