the Bump forums do not seem welcoming

beethery

Cythe said:

beethery said:

@cythe For fuck's sake, it was directed at the general 'you' for something you don't even care about, and you felt that it applied to you.

Don't suck a dick, the end.

this was a joke since you explained it above.

PHEW alright, good. My apologies. I was sitting here reading this like.... FOR REALLY REAL WHAT IS HAPPENING.

We good.

VulgarGirl

See my gif was totally appropriate. We're all dancing together now.

In a semi-homoerotic way.

[Deleted User]

MagicInk said:

See my gif was totally appropriate. We're all dancing together now.

In a semi-homoerotic way.

@cythe and Franken, peacemakers one and all.

Cythe

I'm glad we bro hugged that out, ladies.

JaniV123

wow... I missed a lot. 

theartistformerlyknownas

Can we all just rejoice that we can use emoji now?

And I'm sorry to anyone my blatant ignorance offended. Truly.

ode2slappy

MagicInk said:

I'm actually wondering, any Bumpies currently checking us out, can we say fuck? And make jokes about our uterus being where we store vodka? Or is this frowned upon?

Cause if I have to say eff instead of fuck and not make jokes about where I keep my vodka, TB really isn't for me.

@cythe explained it all, but you're allowed to say fuck.  You can even tell someone to fuck off.  You can't say fuck you.  For that I warn/ban. 

We fucking love vodka.  Well, I do.  I keep mine in a very cold refrigerator.  We have a drinking thread like every day.  We also love dirty fucking jokes.  And sarcasm.  And returning shopping carts to the cart return.  And the Parenting board.  The Parenting board is TTGP's sister board on TB.

@magicink we have had non-carrying moms on TTGP before.  I don't think there are any currently, but everyone is welcome!  I promise that we talk about a lot of other things besides what our bodies are doing.  In fact, I'm not currently TTGP and I'm very active on the board. 

KatieinBkln

lolo883 said:

Can we all just rejoice that we can use emoji now?

And I'm sorry to anyone my blatant ignorance offended. Truly.

I'm not.

This was fun, though! I popped over to that thread; it made me laugh. TB seems pretty analogous to us, honestly. If we're Springfield, they're Shelbyville--ever so slightly different, but ultimately what brings us together (vodka, the word "fuck," giving out Real Talk [TM]) is greater than what pulls us apart. 

ETA: I realized I am not sorry if anyone was "offended" but then I saw on the other thread that one person had a legitimate gripe, but I can't remember if it was something Lolo said or not, so here I am in the edit field, frantically splitting the difference.

BunkinMama

MagicInk said:

I think part of the reason I feel, not unwelcomed, but more like I just won't fit in, on TB is that, I'm not the birth mom. My wife is. And I'm not comfortable talking about what's going on with her body because it's her body. Not my body. 

Even on the same sex parenting board, the non-birth mom seems to want to be the birth mom next time maybe. I don't. While I greatly desire a child and want to be a mother, I never ever want to get pregnant ever. As everyone here knows, I keep vodka in my uterus, it's no place for a child.

I feel like that regulates me to "daddy" status. But I'm not the daddy. I'm the other mom. Or the mama. We think we're gonna have the kid call me mama and her mommy. The kid that has not yet been conceived, yes we've had that conversation. We're two women who have been together for over 10 years, we've had a lot of fucking conversations. 

All the women on TB want to be pregnant. I just want to be a parent.

@MagicInk‌ please do come to parenting! http://forums.thebump.com/categories/parenting

Being a current parent is not a requirement. We have nightly drinking threads, although drinking is not required but it is strongly encouraged.

We just don't like assholes.

KatWAG

Cythe said:

KatWAG said:

Okay serious question. I think I et called out in the first page for my suggestion regarding Materni21 or panerma testing (someone else might have made the suggestion before me) . A bumpie was like "good luck with that one...."

I dont get it. If you are willign to pay out of pocket, why is there any reason why you cant get the test? That is how I got my Mat21 test done.

FWIW, I post on both TK and TB and manage to co-exist just fine.

That was me, actually. And its because as someone did point out here the cost can vary wildly and much like everything TTC you may struggle to find a doctor that will do that as its often reserved for at risk women. Not everyone will be able to get this test done so it seems pretty moot to suggest it as a blanket suggestion.

PS - Hi Knotties. We can be frands. Have Stitch.

Okay, I would like to apologize for my post and bail this morning. And for not proofreading (thus the 500 typos, I was running late!)

I can only speak from my personal experience but when I went in for my 8 week appointment, my OB asked if I wanted the test. We discussed cost. I said yes. It was pretty cut and dry. 

On a side note, my only issue with TB is that I see a lot of telling people how to post, where to post, what questions to ask and how to ask them. It rubs me the wrong way. It is a public forum, yet there seems to be a ton of policing going on by people who aren't mods. On TK, we get asked every single day about cash bars, plus ones, honeymoon funds, etc. It gets old. But its all part of a public forum; for better or worse. 

ode2slappy

KatWAG said:

Okay, I would like to apologize for my post and bail this morning. And for not proofreading (thus the 500 typos, I was running late!)

I can only speak from my personal experience but when I went in for my 8 week appointment, my OB asked if I wanted the test. We discussed cost. I said yes. It was pretty cut and dry. 

On a side note, my only issue with TB is that I see a lot of telling people how to post, where to post, what questions to ask and how to ask them. It rubs me the wrong way. It is a public forum, yet there seems to be a ton of policing going on by people who aren't mods. On TK, we get asked every single day about cash bars, plus ones, honeymoon funds, etc. It gets old. But its all part of a public forum; for better or worse. 

True, but anyone can plan a wedding and get married.  It's similar to planning an event.  I know I had helped plan events before planning my own wedding, so that's something I'd dealt with before.  Most everyone on TK is planning or has planned a wedding.  Women who are currently planning their weddings can help answer those questions.  In regards to that, I think it's unfair to compare TK to the TTGP board and the TB forums. 

We have members who have never, and will never be able to have children.  We have members who tried for years before becoming successful.  We have members who are just starting TTGP or will be.  We have members with losses.  We have members who are or their partner is pregnant.  Members who have children of all ages.  On TB we do ask that you keep your audience in mind when posting.  It's actually viewed as rude and inconsiderate on the board when you don't.

For example, "Hey, I know you ladies are suffering.  I am pregnant and healthy and think I'm experiencing Braxton Hicks. What was your experience?"  You certainly wouldn't think of asking that to one of the loss boards.  A lot of it is common sense when you sit for a second and think about it.

I just think the two forums (TB vs TK) are very different in regards to their 'make-up' in that particular respect.

I hope I was able to clearly define how I view the audience make-up.

Admittedly, I haven't been on TK in over 4 years so I may have it wrong.  I do like to analyze things like this and would like to make sure I understand both worlds properly. 

ETA: Sorry, that was longer than I anticipated.

KatWAG

slappiness said:

KatWAG said:

Okay, I would like to apologize for my post and bail this morning. And for not proofreading (thus the 500 typos, I was running late!)

I can only speak from my personal experience but when I went in for my 8 week appointment, my OB asked if I wanted the test. We discussed cost. I said yes. It was pretty cut and dry. 

On a side note, my only issue with TB is that I see a lot of telling people how to post, where to post, what questions to ask and how to ask them. It rubs me the wrong way. It is a public forum, yet there seems to be a ton of policing going on by people who aren't mods. On TK, we get asked every single day about cash bars, plus ones, honeymoon funds, etc. It gets old. But its all part of a public forum; for better or worse. 

True, but anyone can plan a wedding and get married.  It's similar to planning an event.  I know I had helped plan events before planning my own wedding, so that's something I'd dealt with before.  Most everyone on TK is planning or has planned a wedding.  Women who are currently planning their weddings can help answer those questions.  In regards to that, I think it's unfair to compare TK to the TTGP board and the TB forums. 

We have members who have never, and will never be able to have children.  We have members who tried for years before becoming successful.  We have members who are just starting TTGP or will be.  We have members with losses.  We have members who are or their partner is pregnant.  Members who have children of all ages.  On TB we do ask that you keep your audience in mind when posting.  It's actually viewed as rude and inconsiderate on the board when you don't.

For example, "Hey, I know you ladies are suffering.  I am pregnant and healthy and think I'm experiencing Braxton Hicks. What was your experience?"  You certainly wouldn't think of asking that to one of the loss boards.  A lot of it is common sense when you sit for a second and think about it.

I just think the two forums (TB vs TK) are very different in regards to their 'make-up' in that particular respect.

I hope I was able to clearly define how I view the audience make-up.

Admittedly, I haven't been on TK in over 4 years so I may have it wrong.  I do like to analyze things like this and would like to make sure I understand both worlds properly. 

ETA: Sorry, that was longer than I anticipated.

I completely understand that planning a party and having a child are like apples and oranges.

And I too have suffered miscarriages and am considered a "high risk pregnancy" so believe me I get it.

But what I think the women (and men) of the bump fail to realize, or accept is that it is still a public forum, no matter who much of a community you think it is. Not everyone is going to post the way you want them to. And they dont need to. I know that some of these issues are sensitive, but that make the self- policing any more acceptable.

One of my big pet hates is one the bump month boards (BMB) when someone decides to start a birth announcement thread. The bumpie decides to list "rules" (it happens on every month I have lurked on.) These rules include only posting the birth story, absolutely no comments or questions, and "love its" only. I have repeatedly watched posters get ripped new assholes for asking questions in this specific thread. And being told they can't post there. When in fact they 100% can.

Its stuff like that, that really chaps my ass.

ode2slappy

KatWAG said:

I completely understand that planning a party and having a child are like apples and oranges.

And I too have suffered miscarriages and am considered a "high risk pregnancy" so believe me I get it.

But what I think the women (and men) of the bump fail to realize, or accept is that it is still a public forum, no matter who much of a community you think it is. Not everyone is going to post the way you want them to. And they dont need to. I know that some of these issues are sensitive, but that make the self- policing any more acceptable.

One of my big pet hates is one the bump month boards (BMB) when someone decides to start a birth announcement thread. The bumpie decides to list "rules" (it happens on every month I have lurked on.) These rules include only posting the birth story, absolutely no comments or questions, and "love its" only. I have repeatedly watched posters get ripped new assholes for asking questions in this specific thread. And being told they can't post there. When in fact they 100% can.

Its stuff like that, that really chaps my ass.

I am so sorry for your losses.

I've never actually been on a BMB, but I'm with you on the topic of those.  I've seen some of the rule threads and IMO, they are too much.  I actually helped mod a BMB once and although I knew and respected some of the members on it, I just didn't understand their 'rules'.

I'm glad you brought them up.  I know they make up a lot of TB, but I often don't think of the BMBs when I think of the forums.  Short-sighted of me.

I think that if we were to ever conceive, I'd probably stick to the Parenting board.

sarahufl

slappiness said:

KatWAG said:

Okay, I would like to apologize for my post and bail this morning. And for not proofreading (thus the 500 typos, I was running late!)

I can only speak from my personal experience but when I went in for my 8 week appointment, my OB asked if I wanted the test. We discussed cost. I said yes. It was pretty cut and dry. 

On a side note, my only issue with TB is that I see a lot of telling people how to post, where to post, what questions to ask and how to ask them. It rubs me the wrong way. It is a public forum, yet there seems to be a ton of policing going on by people who aren't mods. On TK, we get asked every single day about cash bars, plus ones, honeymoon funds, etc. It gets old. But its all part of a public forum; for better or worse. 

True, but anyone can plan a wedding and get married.  It's similar to planning an event.  I know I had helped plan events before planning my own wedding, so that's something I'd dealt with before.  Most everyone on TK is planning or has planned a wedding.  Women who are currently planning their weddings can help answer those questions.  In regards to that, I think it's unfair to compare TK to the TTGP board and the TB forums. 

We have members who have never, and will never be able to have children.  We have members who tried for years before becoming successful.  We have members who are just starting TTGP or will be.  We have members with losses.  We have members who are or their partner is pregnant.  Members who have children of all ages.  On TB we do ask that you keep your audience in mind when posting.  It's actually viewed as rude and inconsiderate on the board when you don't.

For example, "Hey, I know you ladies are suffering.  I am pregnant and healthy and think I'm experiencing Braxton Hicks. What was your experience?"  You certainly wouldn't think of asking that to one of the loss boards.  A lot of it is common sense when you sit for a second and think about it.

I just think the two forums (TB vs TK) are very different in regards to their 'make-up' in that particular respect.

I hope I was able to clearly define how I view the audience make-up.

Admittedly, I haven't been on TK in over 4 years so I may have it wrong.  I do like to analyze things like this and would like to make sure I understand both worlds properly. 

ETA: Sorry, that was longer than I anticipated.

slappiness: I have a valid question. My sister had a few losses and posted frequently on the TTC after a loss board. She found a lot of comfort in doing so and I saw that it was very helpful for her. I am grateful that she had that community when she was going through something none of us could sympathize with, no matter how hard we tried. Spoiler alert- she now has the World's Cutest Daughter, so she was successful.

While I understand that particular board is sensitive (and it absolutely should be, no doubt about it), why is TTGP so sensitive? I am currently TTGP (!!!). Trying to get pregnant doesn't (IMO) necessarily mean you have had fertility issues, or can't conceive, or had losses. It just means you are trying to get pregnant. Why shouldn't women get support and discussions there without being attacked?

KatWAG

slappiness said:

KatWAG said:

I completely understand that planning a party and having a child are like apples and oranges.

And I too have suffered miscarriages and am considered a "high risk pregnancy" so believe me I get it.

But what I think the women (and men) of the bump fail to realize, or accept is that it is still a public forum, no matter who much of a community you think it is. Not everyone is going to post the way you want them to. And they dont need to. I know that some of these issues are sensitive, but that make the self- policing any more acceptable.

One of my big pet hates is one the bump month boards (BMB) when someone decides to start a birth announcement thread. The bumpie decides to list "rules" (it happens on every month I have lurked on.) These rules include only posting the birth story, absolutely no comments or questions, and "love its" only. I have repeatedly watched posters get ripped new assholes for asking questions in this specific thread. And being told they can't post there. When in fact they 100% can.

Its stuff like that, that really chaps my ass.

I am so sorry for your losses.

I've never actually been on a BMB, but I'm with you on the topic of those.  I've seen some of the rule threads and IMO, they are too much.  I actually helped mod a BMB once and although I knew and respected some of the members on it, I just didn't understand their 'rules'.

I'm glad you brought them up.  I know they make up a lot of TB, but I often don't think of the BMBs when I think of the forums.  Short-sighted of me.

I think that if we were to ever conceive, I'd probably stick to the Parenting board.

I am glad we are on the same page. See you on the Parenting board soon

ode2slappy

sarahufl said:

slappiness said:

KatWAG said:

Okay, I would like to apologize for my post and bail this morning. And for not proofreading (thus the 500 typos, I was running late!)

I can only speak from my personal experience but when I went in for my 8 week appointment, my OB asked if I wanted the test. We discussed cost. I said yes. It was pretty cut and dry. 

On a side note, my only issue with TB is that I see a lot of telling people how to post, where to post, what questions to ask and how to ask them. It rubs me the wrong way. It is a public forum, yet there seems to be a ton of policing going on by people who aren't mods. On TK, we get asked every single day about cash bars, plus ones, honeymoon funds, etc. It gets old. But its all part of a public forum; for better or worse. 

True, but anyone can plan a wedding and get married.  It's similar to planning an event.  I know I had helped plan events before planning my own wedding, so that's something I'd dealt with before.  Most everyone on TK is planning or has planned a wedding.  Women who are currently planning their weddings can help answer those questions.  In regards to that, I think it's unfair to compare TK to the TTGP board and the TB forums. 

We have members who have never, and will never be able to have children.  We have members who tried for years before becoming successful.  We have members who are just starting TTGP or will be.  We have members with losses.  We have members who are or their partner is pregnant.  Members who have children of all ages.  On TB we do ask that you keep your audience in mind when posting.  It's actually viewed as rude and inconsiderate on the board when you don't.

For example, "Hey, I know you ladies are suffering.  I am pregnant and healthy and think I'm experiencing Braxton Hicks. What was your experience?"  You certainly wouldn't think of asking that to one of the loss boards.  A lot of it is common sense when you sit for a second and think about it.

I just think the two forums (TB vs TK) are very different in regards to their 'make-up' in that particular respect.

I hope I was able to clearly define how I view the audience make-up.

Admittedly, I haven't been on TK in over 4 years so I may have it wrong.  I do like to analyze things like this and would like to make sure I understand both worlds properly. 

ETA: Sorry, that was longer than I anticipated.

slappiness: I have a valid question. My sister had a few losses and posted frequently on the TTC after a loss board. She found a lot of comfort in doing so and I saw that it was very helpful for her. I am grateful that she had that community when she was going through something none of us could sympathize with, no matter how hard we tried. Spoiler alert- she now has the World's Cutest Daughter, so she was successful.

While I understand that particular board is sensitive (and it absolutely should be, no doubt about it), why is TTGP so sensitive? I am currently TTGP (!!!). Trying to get pregnant doesn't (IMO) necessarily mean you have had fertility issues, or can't conceive, or had losses. It just means you are trying to get pregnant. Why shouldn't women get support and discussions there without being attacked?

I'm sorry your sister went through that, but I'm glad she found the board for support.

I don't think that TTGP is as sensitive as those boards.  But there are certain things that we don't do in consideration of other users.  We also don't require siggy warnings or warnings at all unless there is something that is unusually graphic.  Most of the people that lurk and read the blog, don't get attacked.  People who generally get attacked do something like post a drive-by BFP or ask us a question that we can't possibly answer.  With the drive-by BFPs, it's more of a, "You aren't joining our community, you're joining First Tri or a BMB, so you're not introducing yourself.  You aren't saying good bye because you were never a part of the board.  You came here simply to brag".  When people ask us if we think they could be pregnant, there is no possible way for us to know.  That gets asked a lot.

But I should also point out that TTGP does change.  In January, we usually have a huge influx of new members, so the tone of the board is much more mild than other times.

In all honesty, the board's tone depends on it's members.  Sometimes it's more sensitive and sometimes it isn't.  If you lurk around a bit and get to really know us, I hope that you'll see.  We really are a great resource and supportive bunch.  They just like for people to be a part of the community before demanding support.

jenna8984

slappiness said:

 

I'm sorry your sister went through that, but I'm glad she found the board for support.

I don't think that TTGP is as sensitive as those boards.  But there are certain things that we don't do in consideration of other users.  We also don't require siggy warnings or warnings at all unless there is something that is unusually graphic.  Most of the people that lurk and read the blog, don't get attacked.  People who generally get attacked do something like post a drive-by BFP or ask us a question that we can't possibly answer.  With the drive-by BFPs, it's more of a, "You aren't joining our community, you're joining First Tri or a BMB, so you're not introducing yourself.  You aren't saying good bye because you were never a part of the board.  You came here simply to brag".  When people ask us if we think they could be pregnant, there is no possible way for us to know.  That gets asked a lot.

But I should also point out that TTGP does change.  In January, we usually have a huge influx of new members, so the tone of the board is much more mild than other times.

In all honesty, the board's tone depends on it's members.  Sometimes it's more sensitive and sometimes it isn't.  If you lurk around a bit and get to really know us, I hope that you'll see.  We really are a great resource and supportive bunch.  They just like for people to be a part of the community before demanding support.

@slappiness Sometimes it's hard to break through and become part of the community. There is a board on here where many of the girls have been talking to each other for years and have become friends in real life. I tried for a few months to get in on their posts and I always felt like my posts were being skipped over and they were all just talking amongst themselves, and talking about their times hanging out together. It was hard to feel accepted, every time I made a post it felt like "who the hell is that in our conversation?" so I just gave up trying on that board.

But I do see your points, and will check it out when the time is right!

VulgarGirl

@jenna8984 I'm currently hanging around TTGP and the Parenting board. So far...so good. 

Though I haven't posted much. And I did promise not to post things either me or Wifey pee on. Which I think is a good life rule.

ode2slappy

jenna8984 said:

@slappiness Sometimes it's hard to break through and become part of the community. There is a board on here where many of the girls have been talking to each other for years and have become friends in real life. I tried for a few months to get in on their posts and I always felt like my posts were being skipped over and they were all just talking amongst themselves, and talking about their times hanging out together. It was hard to feel accepted, every time I made a post it felt like "who the hell is that in our conversation?" so I just gave up trying on that board.

But I do see your points, and will check it out when the time is right!

Quite understandable!  That's exactly how I felt when I first decided to venture over to Parenting, but they actually did include me (and others) in the conversations.  I totally get where you're coming from!