Wedding Etiquette Forum

What if a guest gets an SO after invitations were sent out?

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Re: What if a guest gets an SO after invitations were sent out?

  • It is not about whether or not someone can get through a social situation without a date. If someone is single, the host is not obligated to give him or her a date. That is a PLUS ONE, not a SIGNIFICANT OTHER. If someone considers him or herself in a relationship (be it a day long, a week, a year, or whatever), then his or her relationship partner (there, I took the title significant other out of it for those of you who think you get to decide what that means) should be invited. Anyone who doesn't invite someone's relationship partner or is arrogant enough to think they decide what significant means for someone else, is an asshole.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • So email : The editors at the knot, esp. Carley,
    Judith Martin aka Miss Manners,
    Jeanne Phillips who has taken on her Mother' s Dear Abby column and books,
    Peggy Post who now does all Emily Post things,
    and Martha Stewart and tell them you think they are assholes, because they all have published columns and books (and some of their mothers did before them) which clearly state that it is often necessary and is okay in terms of etiquette NOT to always invite SO who are not of long standing though clearly in some kind of relationship.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2014
    So email : The editors at the knot, esp. Carley, Judith Martin aka Miss Manners, Jeanne Phillips who has taken on her Mother' s Dear Abby column and books, Peggy Post who now does all Emily Post things, and Martha Stewart and tell them you think they are assholes, because they all have published columns and books (and some of their mothers did before them) which clearly state that it is often necessary and is okay in terms of etiquette NOT to always invite SO who are not of long standing though clearly in some kind of relationship.
    Why the hell do you think anybody who works for The Knot, the writer of the Dear Abby column, Martha Stewart, and Emily Post's descendants are experts on etiquette?  Most particularly Carley and TK people. 

    Regarding Miss Manners:

    http://www.uexpress.com/miss-manners/2011/5/5/rules-of-inviting-couples



  • slothiegalslothiegal member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    Every single person who feels like a strong independent person should be able to get through a social occasion on their own, and be good natured about the fact that sometimes the most caring of hosts must make tough decisions.
    I hate this stupid logic.  I'm a strong, independent person who could get through LIFE without a SO.  But hey, I happened to meet slothieguy, he's pretty cool, and I decided that I preferred having him along for life.

    I obviously wouldn't die if I had to spend an evening away from him.  It's nice to have time apart sometimes.  But at a fucking wedding celebrating a couple?  Yeah, I would prefer having him there (even during our "just dating" days).  And I would hope that my host would be smart enough to be able to accommodate something as basic as allowing a SO to attend.


    ETA clarity
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  • Martha Stewart an etiquette expert?! Surely you can't be serious!
  • banana468 said:
    Martha Stewart an etiquette expert?! Surely you can't be serious!
    That's almost as good as calling Carly an etiquette expert.
    Anniversary

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  • I'm going with the Miss Manner's post from the link above.

    I have also read (from some etiquette guru, whom I can't remember), significant others are any couple who presents themselves socially as a unit.

    I can see how at one time this may have implied that only once engaged, are couples SOs, because at one time, a man and a woman were not presented together socially until they were engaged. 

    But times have changed. Thus, anyone who presents themselves a social unit should be invited with their SO to a social event- whether they have been a social unit for 3 days or 10 years. If you would invite someone + their SO to dinner at your house, you should invite that SO to your wedding. 

    As to the OP- anyone in a relationship at the time invites are sent should be invited with an SO. So, if they were truly single when invites were sent but since started a relationship, no you are not obligated to invite the SO, but it would be a nice gesture if you have room. 
  • SP29 said:
    I'm going with the Miss Manner's post from the link above.

    I have also read (from some etiquette guru, whom I can't remember), significant others are any couple who presents themselves socially as a unit.

    I can see how at one time this may have implied that only once engaged, are couples SOs, because at one time, a man and a woman were not presented together socially until they were engaged. 

    But times have changed. Thus, anyone who presents themselves a social unit should be invited with their SO to a social event- whether they have been a social unit for 3 days or 10 years. If you would invite someone + their SO to dinner at your house, you should invite that SO to your wedding. 

    As to the OP- anyone in a relationship at the time invites are sent should be invited with an SO. So, if they were truly single when invites were sent but since started a relationship, no you are not obligated to invite the SO, but it would be a nice gesture if you have room. 

    OP here!  Yes, of course I'm inviting all SOs at the time the invites went out.  I obviously created my guest list quite a while ago, but I did not send STDs to anyone who might have to be cut should people get in relationships before invites go out.  I'm planning on saving an extra 2-3 spots in case new relationships spring up after invites have gone out, and if more than that occur after the invites have gone out, I'll invite them if I have room based on decline RSVPs, etc.

    Thanks!

  • Sounds like you've got it figured out. I addressed that part "To the OP" as it was in regards to the original topic, after another sort of discussion got started about relationships. 
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