Someone On My Side?

themuffinman16

Is sensitivity that hard?  Someone just had something awful happen to them, and they don't need to hear how you would have handled it better

snarkymaid

mrs4everhart said:

Is reading comprehension that hard? At what point did I compare watching one's own cocktail in public and rapists breaking and entering? Jesus fucking Christ, is understanding the difference between the things we can control and the things we can't that fucking hard? I get that some posters aren't as bright as others but I've been pretty goddamn clear about the difference and I don't get what's hard to grasp. I'll continue to concern myself with personal safety and what exactly I consider people's own responsibilities to themselves. Not all of us are bumbling through life with blinders on. Some of us have a healthy grasp on what is and isn't within our control. I'm beyond tired of people not having an equally firm grasp on the same.

I have a question. You don't seem to like most of the people here. So...why the hell are you here? Because I'm pretty sure coming here just to stir up shit is against TOS and that's all you do.

huskypuppy14

OP please update us. I hope you're doing alright. Disregard the insensitive and ignorant comments.

mrsdee15

Whoa I didn't expect 3 pages... Thank you for your concern.  I'm okay, decided against going to the doctor, frankly I was scared about people with opinions like some of the ones here.  It's been really hard to stay awake today so I'm hoping a good night's sleep will be good.

FI was also drinking so I'm not upset with him, he said he didn't know what to do, but when he realized that really I had no idea what happened, it was like a light went on and he apologized profusely.  

I really appreciate what you ladies have said.  I don't feel so crazy.  I know it was a lot to drink, even over an expanded amount of time, so I get the other comments too.  

phira

Hoping for an update from the OP soon.

And here's your SUPER FRIENDLY and apparently NECESSARY reminder that being drugged is never the fault of the person who was drugged and if you disagree, you can kindly fuck off forever and go live on a tiny little island all by yourself where you can't ruin anyone else's lives with your stupidity.

esstee33

Glad you're doing ok, lady. Get some rest! 

themuffinman16

mrsdee, I was worried that ignorant comments would upset you after you have all ready been through so much.  Please keep us posted on how you are doing and get some much needed rest, dear.  Hugs to you.

mrsdee15

Thank you, they do upset me, but I get what they're saying.  I've been running this over in my head over and over and just don't know what happened.  I can tell you exactly what I was doing, where I was, and what I was saying up until I can't.  I'm so embarrassed.  

steph861

mrsdee15 said:

Thank you, they do upset me, but I get what they're saying.  I've been running this over in my head over and over and just don't know what happened.  I can tell you exactly what I was doing, where I was, and what I was saying up until I can't.  I'm so embarrassed.  

You have no reason to feel embarrassed. You know who should feel embarrassed? The piece of shit that drugged you.

ETA: Oh, and Everhart. SMH

lc07

OP you did nothing wrong. You were in the company of people you trusted. And you were "tipsy" before this happened. That's not a big deal and something I would have no concern over doing. This was not your fault. Anyone who thinks you did something wrong is fucking dumb. *hugs* and I hope you feel better soon.

themuffinman16

mrsdee, you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Sure people can be vigilant, but something bad can happen no matter what. You should never say what if I did this or that.  People like this are watching your behavior. They are studying you.  Because you are a good person, your mind doesn't go to the darkness theirs does. It does not make you weak, it makes you not them. It upsets me that anyone had anything to do with you feeling worse about what happened to you, last night. 

   If you need anyone to talk to, as you get through this, please do not hesitate to PM me.

KytchynWitche

OP, I am so sorry that this happened to you, and I'm so glad that you are in a good place with FI. Things like this can absolutely wreck a relationship, so I'm happy to hear that you're (both) doing okay. Or at least as okay as can be expected in the circumstances.

15 years ago, when I was 14, I was drugged and raped by my boyfriend at the time, in the middle of the afternoon, in his house, with both of his parents AND his sister right in the next room. I had been to his house hundreds of times before and never felt uncomfortable or unsafe in any way. I should have been safe there, but I wasn't. 

I was not dressed provocatively, I was wearing my school's winter uniform which covered every inch of me save hands and face. We were not doing anything sexy, I was doing homework and he was watching South Park. 

I was drinking Sprite. Straight Sprite. No alcohol of any kind was in that room, or in my glass, or anywhere near me. I don't know how I could possibly have protected myself, or made better choices. But this douchebag decided that he wanted sex, and that because I was a "good Catholic girl" I wouldn't give it to him if he just asked, so he took it.

I played field hockey, I spent large amounts of my life dragging amps and scenery and props around, I walked everywhere. I was fit, I was strong, and I know how to disarm an attacker, but all of it became useless when the drug paralyzed me.

And yes, afterwards, I was blamed. Being blamed for what happened to me, especially when I didn't even know what was happening until it was too late to run, severely screwed me up. I lost more than a decade of my life to being "that slut", "the attention-seeking whore". It completely destroyed any sense of self-worth I had, as well as so many relationships. 

So please, PLEASE, pay no heed to the sanctimonious airheads in this thread who say you should have watched your drink better or that you should have drunk less - no matter what, it is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! 

Just rest up and be strong! All the hugs and good woowoos to you, OP.

sophhabobopha

mrsdee15 said:

Thank you, they do upset me, but I get what they're saying.  I've been running this over in my head over and over and just don't know what happened.  I can tell you exactly what I was doing, where I was, and what I was saying up until I can't.  I'm so embarrassed.  

No. Honey, you have nothing to be embarrased of.

JenLD2015

Ladies - if you ever need emergency medical care and are not interested/able to go to the ER, Planned Parenthood is always an option. They do more basic healthcare than most realize, are never judgemental and licensed to draw blood. Oftentimes, they can even do a rapid tox screen right there, to look for any type of drugging. It is safe, secure and they can help. OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Maybe you can have a plan with FI that if either of you is ever blacked out, the other calls 911 or at least stays with you to ensure no vomiting while unconscious.

arrippa

mrsdee15 said:

Thank you, they do upset me, but I get what they're saying.  I've been running this over in my head over and over and just don't know what happened.  I can tell you exactly what I was doing, where I was, and what I was saying up until I can't.  I'm so embarrassed.  

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. The only people who should be embarrassed is the POS person who drugged you and Everhart. Don't listen to a thing she says. She is wrong.

I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you this morning.

MobKaz

mrs4everhart said:

BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!

That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.

Clearly you do not read your own posts.

mrs4everhart also said,
"I haven't said anything I'd deem stupid".   We are all too aware of your thought process and perspective.  You also think you don't lie, and we all know how that story goes......

Jen4948

OP, I'm glad you are doing better. I wouldn't blame you for kicking your FI to the curb after this.

I'm sorry for the lack of support you got from him and from mrs4everhart when you needed it the most.

NYCMercedes

I'm glad you're doing better. The fact that you're having trouble staying awake makes me think that could be the effects of the drug remnants in your system. Please take care of yourself.

[Deleted User]

MairePoppy

JenLD2015 said:

Ladies - if you ever need emergency medical care and are not interested/able to go to the ER, Planned Parenthood is always an option. They do more basic healthcare than most realize, are never judgemental and licensed to draw blood. Oftentimes, they can even do a rapid tox screen right there, to look for any type of drugging. It is safe, secure and they can help. OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Maybe you can have a plan with FI that if either of you is ever blacked out, the other calls 911 or at least stays with you to ensure no vomiting while unconscious.

Thank you for some practical and sympathetic advice. To find your nearest PP cal 1-800-230-PLAN

[Deleted User]

JaniV123

Im so sorry OP, get some rest. You have NOTHING to feel embarrassed about. I am glad your Fi apologized, maybe work out a system just to be on the safe side. I dont know what else to say 

PrettyGirlLost

NYCMercedes said:

I'm glad you're doing better. The fact that you're having trouble staying awake makes me think that could be the effects of the drug remnants in your system. Please take care of yourself.

This. I'd still go to a doctor if I were you.

lc07

*STUCK IN THE BOX*

OP, I hope you are feeling way better today. 

MobKaz said:

mrs4everhart said:

BRB guys I'm going to the store. Hopefully I don't get surprised by sex from a stranger while I'm out. I mean, if I leave the house, that means I've consented and responsible for it. Makes sense!

That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Who said anything about consent? Mitigating being victimized by the scumbags of the world is nothing like giving consent. But there's lots you can do to prevent potential victimization on many fronts, if you choose. I know the choices I make.

Clearly you do not read your own posts.

mrs4everhart also said,
"I haven't said anything I'd deem stupid".   We are all too aware of your thought process and perspective.  You also think you don't lie, and we all know how that story goes......

mrsdee15

Thank you all again.  I'm so sorry to hear about the terrifying experiences some of you have had.  I just can't wrap my head around someone even doing this kind of thing at all, so it's been really hard to think that this was anything other than my own doing.  I had nightmares about it last night.

FI and I talked a lot, and agreed that we need to come up with the right way to handle such a situation.  We were also talking about the events of the night, and he said that I was acting oddly giddy right as we were leaving the holiday party.  I remember feeling somewhat disoriented when we left the party but didn't think anything of it.  This was a big party put on by a friend of a friend, with about 160 people, most of whom I did not know.  Hindsight being 20/20, I should have just gone home.  It was about 15 minutes to the bar, and we were not there for very long.  That's where I can remember talking to my friend, and then waking up in bed.  

If FI hadn't told me what happened after, I'd still have no idea.  What I'm really feeling embarrassed about is that either way, my FI went through that and saw me like that (he says he loves me no matter what, we talked about it), that I embarrassed myself in front of others, and maybe even in front of you ladies when I repeated it here.  I absolutely don't regret posting because of the support you all provided, but I also respect what a lot of you have to say and  now I wonder if I'm forever going to be that girl that blacked out.

I just can't fathom someone actually doing that, but I was only feeling tipsy and then suddenly I have zero ability to recall anything that happened, and in that time I was in a clearly bad condition.  That is so beyond unusual for me, and so I don't know even what to say or how to explain it.  So I'm trying to figure out ways to get past the swirling guilt and confusion and fear in all of this.  Again, I really appreciate the support here, it really helped keep me from being completely angry with myself.  

I like you ladies a lot.

theartistformerlyknownas

There shouldn't be any guilt if you were drugged though, and that's why I still think there's value in talking to a professional to know for sure. That's like saying a pregnant woman should be embarrassed when her water breaks - she's not peeing herself, it's completely outside her control.

lc07

Nothing but love for ya. 

Even if you had acted like a total ass because you drank too much and there was no crime involved I still wouldn't judge you because of that. Maybe I should tell you my top 10 embarrassing stories, because if you don't think I embarrass myself regularly you are nuts. I actually pooped myself recently. Yup. True story.

Really, though, I am concerned about your feelings of guilt over this. I wish I knew what to say to take that feeling away from you. I don't want you to feel embarrassed AT ALL! That will never be who you are to me. It's something that occurred. Not who you are. 

climbingsingle

Please don't feel guilty or embarrassed. It really does sound like you were drugged.
I blacked out from drinking before. It was a slow, hazy process. I remembered bits and pieces from the night and then nothing. It wasn't anything like what you're describing. The fact that you had no hangover and were sleepy the next day also doesn't jive with drinking until you were black-out drunk.
But either way, please don't beat yourself up.

phira

What you're going through right now is really common. You're looking for all the things you could have done differently, when in reality, you didn't actually do anything wrong.

For me, "hindsight is 20/20" is appropriate in situations where we make decisions that we know have particular consequences, but those consequences aren't immediately clear or obvious or "in focus." Then afterwards, we think, "Well, obviously I should have seen this coming; why didn't I?" So when I hooked up with my best friend, knowing that I wanted to date him, and knowing that he didn't want to date me, that was a "hindsight is 20/20" situation.

But you know your body and your drinking abilities, and it sounds very, very much like someone drugged you. This wasn't a choice you made where you weren't thinking about the consequences. This isn't something you did. This is something someone else did.

The struggle with that is that you feel helpless, and you start to think of all the ways you could have prevented yourself from this person's actions. However, nothing you did actually caused what happened to you. You could have had one single drink, and this might have happened anyway.

When I was assaulted, I went through all of the same things. I should have screamed for help; I should have tried harder to push my assailant away; I should have marched right up to a counselor and said, "MIkey just assaulted me!" But I didn't. And that doesn't justify what happened to me because my assailant still made those decisions and he could have simply not hurt me.

It's so terribly easy to fall into this mindset, and years later, I still find myself thinking, "Why on earth didn't I just scream?" And every time I do that, I have to consciously remind myself, "No. Why on earth did he do this to me?"

HaileyDancingbear

snarkymaid said:

mrs4everhart said:

Is reading comprehension that hard? At what point did I compare watching one's own cocktail in public and rapists breaking and entering? Jesus fucking Christ, is understanding the difference between the things we can control and the things we can't that fucking hard? I get that some posters aren't as bright as others but I've been pretty goddamn clear about the difference and I don't get what's hard to grasp. I'll continue to concern myself with personal safety and what exactly I consider people's own responsibilities to themselves. Not all of us are bumbling through life with blinders on. Some of us have a healthy grasp on what is and isn't within our control. I'm beyond tired of people not having an equally firm grasp on the same.

I have a question. You don't seem to like most of the people here. So...why the hell are you here? Because I'm pretty sure coming here just to stir up shit is against TOS and that's all you do.

I've actually seen this person say flat out she likes saying stuff to piss off the other posters because it's fun.  I say we just collectively stop feeding the troll, I have yet to see her hop on a thread without the intent to just rile people up.