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How to...un-bridesmaid a bridesmaid?

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Re: How to...un-bridesmaid a bridesmaid?

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    I'm sorry that people have been very rude to you on here. I had the same thing happen to me.  I do agree that theres no way to go and "unbridemaid" her without ruining a relationship.  I would say just deal w/ it and ignore it.  You will have a great time at your wedding either way. 
    Are you just now going to go around to all threads where you have decided that people have been "mean" and apologize on behalf of us all?

    People haven't been mean.  They have been truthful and sometimes the truth hurts.
    Wow you are taking the time to see what I post??!! I feel so honored that you have chosen to spend your time checking in on everything I do! How wonderful!! Have fun!

    (Btw theres a difference between being honest and being down right rude)
    Um, actually I frequent a lot of boards on here and when a yellow number pops up next to a thread I tend to check it out because that means a new post was made.  And since I had just read your post on the E board I recognized your name.  I am certainly not following you around, you aren't that important, sorry to inform you.

    And being blunt is not rude.  Sorry that things aren't covered in sugar and chocolate and delivered with puppies around here so that your feelers don't get hurt.
    Maggie, maybe we should just start responding to bad ideas with a cute picture?

    image

    Does that make it better?
    haha it definitely does! I actually think you might be on to something.... :P

    Hey guys I'm not here to start a fight.  That is never my intention.  I just think people are very bold behind a keyboard when things could be said a little easier on here to not hurt someone's feelings. People are using this forum to vent and gain advice, not to be ridiculed. Well, at least thats what I thought!
    That's part of the point. People come on here all the time and when we tell them they have a bad idea, they respond with "well all of my friends/family/guests love the idea!" when really they're just saying so in order to keep from hurting their feelings. You come here to hear the truth from strangers. We care about you too, but in a different way - we want to help prevent you from making an ass of yourself in front of the people you actually know. That doesn't require that we dress up the truth.
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    1) This BM has done nothing wrong. It sounds like your expectations of her are outrageous.
    2) You sounds like the selfish bratty one. You should be ashamed of the way you are making her problems about you and trash talking her. 
    3) You can't kick her out without ruining your relationship with her and with the rest of the family. If you were to be nasty enough to kick her out, you'd be putting all the bad behavior you've displayed here out in public for all to see. It wouldn't reflect well on you. 
    4) Treating her that way is not going to have 0 impact on your FI. This is his sister. He's not going to stand idly by while you try to publicly humiliate her, especially when she's done nothing wrong. 
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    This thread....upon threads... got me like The 33 Most Important Bunny GIFs On The Internet
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    Funny Awkward animated GIF
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    MadHops21 said:
    This thread....upon threads... got me like The 33 Most Important Bunny GIFs On The Internet
    @madhops21  I don't like your siggy or this other picture that you posted.  I am brutally allergic to bunnies, and every time I see one of these pictures my nose starts to itch.  It's a strange phenomenon.
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    adk19 I hear if you smother yourself in their fur, you won't be allergic. Come, I will make you immune. 
    image
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    MadHops21 said:
    adk19 I hear if you smother yourself in their fur, you won't be allergic. Come, I will make you immune. 
    image
    Seriously.  I'm cringing.  The hairs on my neck are standing up.  They'are adorable, really, but put one near me and my eyes water up and I start sneezing uncontrolably.
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    adk19 said:
    MadHops21 said:
    adk19 I hear if you smother yourself in their fur, you won't be allergic. Come, I will make you immune. 
    image
    Seriously.  I'm cringing.  The hairs on my neck are standing up.  They'are adorable, really, but put one near me and my eyes water up and I start sneezing uncontrolably.
    :( I'm sorry to hear that. My dad is the same way with cats. If he walks into a room that a cat was in previously, eyes get puffy and he can't stop sneezing. I'm still determined to get a cat when I move out, though. 
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    Funny Awkward animated GIF
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    I know the feeling.  I'm sorry to hear about that!  I think you have a couple of options.  Obviously, she'll be in your life no matter what.  So either, you just deal with it, and try not to keep hard feelings (although I know that can be hard after months of planning with someone acting like that), OR you give her a chance to get out.  Like you said, make it about her.  Let her know you would totally understand if she doesn't want to.  She's busy with the kids, money may be tight.  Let her know you're glad you'll be family, and either way you totally understand.  This way, SHE decides to be in the wedding or not, no hard feelings no guilt on your part.
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    I know the feeling.  I'm sorry to hear about that!  I think you have a couple of options.  Obviously, she'll be in your life no matter what.  So either, you just deal with it, and try not to keep hard feelings (although I know that can be hard after months of planning with someone acting like that), OR you give her a chance to get out.  Like you said, make it about her.  Let her know you would totally understand if she doesn't want to.  She's busy with the kids, money may be tight.  Let her know you're glad you'll be family, and either way you totally understand.  This way, SHE decides to be in the wedding or not, no hard feelings no guilt on your part.
    We have to assume she isn't stupid. She's going to know OP doesn't want her in the wedding. What you're suggesting is absolutely no different than kicking her out.
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    Um, this post is two months old.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    Can we get back to the bunnies?



    Anniversary
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    edited February 2015
    Probably a pretty sensitive topic here, but anyone have advice on how to ask a bridesmaid to not be a bridesmaid any more? Especially if she is one of your fiance's sisters? 

    When we got engaged in August, I was so excited to ask her, and we had never had any issues. In the 4 months since then, we have had a lot of problems in that time. Her priorities are very self-centered and immature (despite being married and with two children), and has not made any effort towards helping with the wedding at all. 

    My other bridesmaids have flown across the country to attend our engagement party, while she said she couldn't get a babysitter, but went and partied that night with friends. There is a big difference between finding a sitter to watch your children for a few hours vs. having someone watch them for several days. She probably couldn't find/afford for someone to watch her children overnight.  Big difference.  She said she was worried she couldn't afford a bridesmaids dress or shoes and would need help paying (for a < $100 dress), but recently got a new (very large and unsightly) tattoo and brand new diamond wedding ring set. Her money, her priorities. There is much more, but these are a few of the major things that have bothered me. Aside from those, her marriage has been in turmoil, and when this has happened in the past, she has gotten pregnant to "fix it". So we are betting she will become pregnant in the upcoming year in order to "fix her marriage", and draw all attention on herself.  And why does her marriage, her ways of solving problems and her decision to get pregnant your business.  

    I really don't want to ruin our relationship since she will be in our life, and her daughter is our flower girl, but I don't want her negativity and difficult attitude to affect the wedding overall. Am I just being selfish and should overlook these things? Or are these things I have a right to be concerned about? If so, what would be the right way to go about asking her to leave the wedding party without ruining our relationship? My thought is to make it about her..."I don't want you to worry about money, I don't want you to worry about time commitments, etc."

    Thank you!
    I think you're being really inconsiderate of your sister-in-law.  I understand people not being reliable with the wedding, because I'm having that issue with a bridesmaid right now; however, I don't berate their decisions or their life choices.   If they don't get their dress, then they've made the decision not to be in the wedding.  I think you're being a little immature here.    You need to let all of this go for the sake of your relationship with your in-laws.  

    What does your FI's think of your opinions and judgements toward his sister.   If my FI talked about one of my siblings like that, I would probably cancel the wedding.   It's just a nasty way to view family, especially since everything mentioned is petty in the big picture of life. 
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