Wedding Etiquette Forum

Speaking of telling people how to dress . . .

ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited December 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So my friend just received this email. It's not as bad as some but it still seems kind of rude.

Hey Guys! I wanted to send out a rough itenerary so you can put this awesome shindig down on your calendar! Please let me know if you can come and also indicate if you would like to spend the night or not. Here is what we are looking at:

Saturday January 24th
5:30- Meet at Hotel downtown G********* (TBD)
6:00- Walk to dinner @ S*** *Everyone wear black and Bride can pick out her stand out color...white, gold, or red maybe?
After Dinner-  Walk back to hotel to change ;)
8:15- 10 minute Drive to "dance" class (there may or may not be a pole involved) *80's theme attire but still need some skin to grip that pole so go easy on the off the shoulder sweaters/ leg warmers;)
9:15- 10:15 Back to hotel to open lingerie gifts and play games
*The rest of the night is up to the bride!

Expenses:

   Everyone will be in charge of paying for their own dinner (minus Bride of course)

   If you attend the pole dancing class it will be around $22 a person. (price could change depending on how many people participate but I will let you know)

   Everyone is welcome to spend the night at the hotel. We will just split the cost between whoever sleeps in a bed. If everyone wants to spend the night then we might can get adjoining rooms possibly.


NOTE: Bride's Sizes for pretty skimpy things;)
Bra Size 34 B
Panties: Medium
Lingerie: Small/Medium (size 4)
that was the invite

My friend was very concerned about costs and she said she didn't realize lingerie was required to give. I explained to her that it's not. Gifts are never required so don't feel obligated to get something. She is already getting gifts for the bride and groom for the bridal shower and wedding. She was also concerned about the hotel and pole dancing (especially since she is paying for both dinner and the dancing). I told her that she is not obligated to go or stay the night. If she wants to go to dinner and skip out on the rest, she is more than welcome to. Hopefully that does put her mind at ease.

I'm a little annoyed at the "everyone wear black" but I guess, if you want the bride to stand out that works, though most people put on that "I'm the bride" sash and well it's hard to misinterpret whose the bride.
Daisypath Anniversary tickers
«13

Re: Speaking of telling people how to dress . . .

  • Wait, so everyone needs 2 different outfits on the same day?  And both outfits are dictated?  You must be joking.

    My MOH suggested having everyone at my bachelorette wear black and me wear pink or something.  I shut that down real quick.  I will not tell people how to dress so they can spend their valuable time hanging out with me for a pre-wedding party.

    PrettyGirlLostCaitFins
  • The weirdest thing to me is how planned out it is: 
    8:15- 10 minute Drive to "dance" class 
    Um ok... Well how long will it take to get out of the car? What time is that happening? 
    image
    Megalega14plainjane0415princessofgenovia
  • dcbride86 said:

    Wait, so everyone needs 2 different outfits on the same day?  And both outfits are dictated?  You must be joking.

    My MOH suggested having everyone at my bachelorette wear black and me wear pink or something.  I shut that down real quick.  I will not tell people how to dress so they can spend their valuable time hanging out with me for a pre-wedding party.

    Yeah! I know! My poor friend is freaking out about it. So I tried to calm her down and say "hey, don't worry about that. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Just go to the dinner." 

    Hopefully it works out and she won't be stressed out.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014

    This sounds like my idea of Bachelorette Party Hell.

    Edit to add: I'm confused about the "If you attend the pole dancing" part. So if someone opts out of the pole dancing, WTF are they supposed to do for that hour? Just watch everyone else pole dance? I mean, it's in the middle of the entire evening so it's not like they can skip that and come to dinner after or whatever. Pole dancing sounds like a voluntold activity.

    image
  • dcbride86 said:

    Wait, so everyone needs 2 different outfits on the same day?  And both outfits are dictated?  You must be joking.

    My MOH suggested having everyone at my bachelorette wear black and me wear pink or something.  I shut that down real quick.  I will not tell people how to dress so they can spend their valuable time hanging out with me for a pre-wedding party.

    Yeah! I know! My poor friend is freaking out about it. So I tried to calm her down and say "hey, don't worry about that. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Just go to the dinner." 

    Hopefully it works out and she won't be stressed out.

    Who has 80s outfits just lying around?  I think it's rude to ask everyone to wear black - but at least most people already own something that's black.  Making people buy a new outfit to wear for 1 hour during a bachelorette party is absolutely ridiculous.  Bride needs to check herself (or whoever is planning the bachelorette party)
    PrettyGirlLost
  • So I need to have an outfit for dinner, an outfit for pole dancing and then an outfit for whatever occurs after pole dancing?  Um, no.  I am sorry but changing THREE times in the course of 4 hours is ridiculous.

    plainjane0415PrettyGirlLost
  • dcbride86 said:
    dcbride86 said:

    Wait, so everyone needs 2 different outfits on the same day?  And both outfits are dictated?  You must be joking.

    My MOH suggested having everyone at my bachelorette wear black and me wear pink or something.  I shut that down real quick.  I will not tell people how to dress so they can spend their valuable time hanging out with me for a pre-wedding party.

    Yeah! I know! My poor friend is freaking out about it. So I tried to calm her down and say "hey, don't worry about that. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Just go to the dinner." 

    Hopefully it works out and she won't be stressed out.

    Who has 80s outfits just lying around?  I think it's rude to ask everyone to wear black - but at least most people already own something that's black.  Making people buy a new outfit to wear for 1 hour during a bachelorette party is absolutely ridiculous.  Bride needs to check herself (or whoever is planning the bachelorette party)
    Side note, but related- has anyone noticed a trend where bachelorette parties seem to have this dress code? Every single friend who has posted pictures from bachelorette parties recently has had a "everyone in black but the bride" thing and I see it when I'm out all the time (including at a theme park). Where did this come from? Someone explain. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • saacjw said:
    dcbride86 said:
    dcbride86 said:

    Wait, so everyone needs 2 different outfits on the same day?  And both outfits are dictated?  You must be joking.

    My MOH suggested having everyone at my bachelorette wear black and me wear pink or something.  I shut that down real quick.  I will not tell people how to dress so they can spend their valuable time hanging out with me for a pre-wedding party.

    Yeah! I know! My poor friend is freaking out about it. So I tried to calm her down and say "hey, don't worry about that. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Just go to the dinner." 

    Hopefully it works out and she won't be stressed out.

    Who has 80s outfits just lying around?  I think it's rude to ask everyone to wear black - but at least most people already own something that's black.  Making people buy a new outfit to wear for 1 hour during a bachelorette party is absolutely ridiculous.  Bride needs to check herself (or whoever is planning the bachelorette party)
    Side note, but related- has anyone noticed a trend where bachelorette parties seem to have this dress code? Every single friend who has posted pictures from bachelorette parties recently has had a "everyone in black but the bride" thing and I see it when I'm out all the time (including at a theme park). Where did this come from? Someone explain. 
    This is actually the first time I've seen it and I live near a huge mall where a lot of bachelorette parties are now taking place (soooo many restaurants and bars in one place - convenience maybe?). The only thing I have seen is the bride wearing that sash that announces she is the bride.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • saacjw said:
    dcbride86 said:
    dcbride86 said:

    Wait, so everyone needs 2 different outfits on the same day?  And both outfits are dictated?  You must be joking.

    My MOH suggested having everyone at my bachelorette wear black and me wear pink or something.  I shut that down real quick.  I will not tell people how to dress so they can spend their valuable time hanging out with me for a pre-wedding party.

    Yeah! I know! My poor friend is freaking out about it. So I tried to calm her down and say "hey, don't worry about that. You don't have to participate if you don't want to. Just go to the dinner." 

    Hopefully it works out and she won't be stressed out.

    Who has 80s outfits just lying around?  I think it's rude to ask everyone to wear black - but at least most people already own something that's black.  Making people buy a new outfit to wear for 1 hour during a bachelorette party is absolutely ridiculous.  Bride needs to check herself (or whoever is planning the bachelorette party)
    Side note, but related- has anyone noticed a trend where bachelorette parties seem to have this dress code? Every single friend who has posted pictures from bachelorette parties recently has had a "everyone in black but the bride" thing and I see it when I'm out all the time (including at a theme park). Where did this come from? Someone explain. 
    Yeah I've noticed this too, and I think it's insane.  I'm guessing my MOH will get me a sash or something, so it'll be obvious I'm the bride.  And even if people in a random bar don't know I'm the bride - WHO CARES??  It's totally absurd to me - and very rude to the people who are spending lots of time and money to celebrate not only your wedding with you, but a pre-wedding party as well
  • If the bride wants to stand out she can go nude , wear a gorilla suit, or add a set of blinking lights to her tiara. Or light up the huge plastic helmet of a Hazmat jumpsuit. Telling people what to wear is rude. Actually the whole party sounds hideous.

    DIBS!!  Dibs on the gorilla suit!!! OMG if any of you wear a gorilla suit now I won't be a special unique beautiful snowflake
    peachy13[Deleted User]
  • If the bride wants to stand out she can go nude , wear a gorilla suit, or add a set of blinking lights to her tiara. Or light up the huge plastic helmet of a Hazmat jumpsuit. Telling people what to wear is rude. Actually the whole party sounds hideous.
    Oooh! The bride can wear the ebola hazmat suit and they should walk around NYC! That will really draw some attention.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    JBee85
  • my batch party everyone wore what they wanted my cousin in law made me a cute shirt, we were going to dinner and then line dancing at the local country bar, everyone came in some sort of boots and jeans they were told to wear whatever they felt comfortable in 
  • Actually, although I haven't been to a party like this, it seems not too far out of left field.  Having an activity like pole dancing, plus dinner and whatever after dinner is fairly tame. A lot of B parties have multiple activities in one day.
    Given the choice, I'd do this instead of a long weekend out of state.

    The invite doesn't sound bitchy, more like the planner is trying to be helpful. If I was asked to wear all black I wouldn't care because that's my standard night-out outfit anyway and is far easier than "let's all wear tie-dye!" I know not everyone feels that way though.  I'd skip the 80's theme for dance class though and I'd shamelessly show up in whatever the hell I felt like wearing. 

    I think it's poor planning to have dance class after a nice dinner but oh well.

    This could be worse, is all I'm saying. If the original receiver of the invite truly didn't want to do all that stuff and only wanted to do dinner, the planner sounds like a reasonable person who wouldn't care if that was the case. 
    ________________________________


    japrincess24CaitFins
  •  

    my batch party everyone wore what they wanted my cousin in law made me a cute shirt, we were going to dinner and then line dancing at the local country bar, everyone came in some sort of boots and jeans they were told to wear whatever they felt comfortable in 
    Obviously you did it wrong.  How you people know you were the bride if you didn't force people to buy custom outfits they hate and will never wear again?
  • I went to a bach like this over the summer. We all had to BUY matching tank tops that said "Bride's Posse" and wear black bottoms (I wore jeans). Obviously if we didn't, no one would have know who the bride was in her white leotard, white tutu, leggings and tiara. She seriously looked like the fucking snow queen from the Nutcracker. 

    Anyway, these types of bach parties suck. What ever happened to just hitting the bars like normal people?
    Wait, you had to buy? Or did they purchase them and hand them out? Why would I buy a shirt I can only wear once?
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Yeeeaah….This so does not sound like fun. I hope your friend knows she doesn't have to go. 
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

                                                   image
    Hesterlicious
  • I went to a bach like this over the summer. We all had to BUY matching tank tops that said "Bride's Posse" and wear black bottoms (I wore jeans). Obviously if we didn't, no one would have know who the bride was in her white leotard, white tutu, leggings and tiara. She seriously looked like the fucking snow queen from the Nutcracker. 

    Anyway, these types of bach parties suck. What ever happened to just hitting the bars like normal people?
    Wait, you had to buy? Or did they purchase them and hand them out? Why would I buy a shirt I can only wear once?
    I once did a bar-hopping B party and we all had to buy (for $10) a pink tank top that said One Last Fling Before The Ring. The planner got crafty and gave us hot pink blinged-out flip flops too. At least we were comfortable. It was a fun night though!  We were 24 or so. Now, at 31, you couldn't pay me to wear a matching top.  Oh well. 
    ________________________________


  • @ChemFanatic25 - yes, we had to buy them.  SMH
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Actually, although I haven't been to a party like this, it seems not too far out of left field.  Having an activity like pole dancing, plus dinner and whatever after dinner is fairly tame. A lot of B parties have multiple activities in one day.
    Given the choice, I'd do this instead of a long weekend out of state.

    The invite doesn't sound bitchy, more like the planner is trying to be helpful. If I was asked to wear all black I wouldn't care because that's my standard night-out outfit anyway and is far easier than "let's all wear tie-dye!" I know not everyone feels that way though.  I'd skip the 80's theme for dance class though and I'd shamelessly show up in whatever the hell I felt like wearing. 

    I think it's poor planning to have dance class after a nice dinner but oh well.

    This could be worse, is all I'm saying. If the original receiver of the invite truly didn't want to do all that stuff and only wanted to do dinner, the planner sounds like a reasonable person who wouldn't care if that was the case. 
    I agree, other than the attire issues, it sounds normal to me. Dinner, and an activity and bar. That's what my bachelorrette party was. 

    My MOH (my sister) bought everyone matching t shirts (so comfy) to wear. She did not ask people to pay for them though. 

    Your friend doesn't have to give a gift if she doesn't want to. And if she can't afford the other events, she doesn't have to go. I think it's understood that a bachelorette party is pay your own way. I really don't understand the problem.
    image
    image

    image


  • I would rather this than a weekend in Vegas or at a cabin or whatever. My bachelorette was food and drinks at my MOH's house with a lingerie game, 90 minute limo ride (MOH paid), food at a local hip bar/restaurant and dancing. Not everyone went dancing which was fine. The lingerie game was that I had to guess who brought what. Some of the underwear was from the dollar store which was hilarious and not expensive.

    I like themed parties and would totally be into the 80s thing lol.
    japrincess24
  • Actually, although I haven't been to a party like this, it seems not too far out of left field.  Having an activity like pole dancing, plus dinner and whatever after dinner is fairly tame. A lot of B parties have multiple activities in one day.
    Given the choice, I'd do this instead of a long weekend out of state.

    The invite doesn't sound bitchy, more like the planner is trying to be helpful. If I was asked to wear all black I wouldn't care because that's my standard night-out outfit anyway and is far easier than "let's all wear tie-dye!" I know not everyone feels that way though.  I'd skip the 80's theme for dance class though and I'd shamelessly show up in whatever the hell I felt like wearing. 

    I think it's poor planning to have dance class after a nice dinner but oh well.

    This could be worse, is all I'm saying. If the original receiver of the invite truly didn't want to do all that stuff and only wanted to do dinner, the planner sounds like a reasonable person who wouldn't care if that was the case. 
    I agree, other than the attire issues, it sounds normal to me. Dinner, and an activity and bar. That's what my bachelorrette party was. 

    My MOH (my sister) bought everyone matching t shirts (so comfy) to wear. She did not ask people to pay for them though. 

    Your friend doesn't have to give a gift if she doesn't want to. And if she can't afford the other events, she doesn't have to go. I think it's understood that a bachelorette party is pay your own way. I really don't understand the problem.
    Oh, the itinerary totally works (well except working out after eating - I'd throw up). I would want to know what was happening. I would want to know where I was staying if I decided to stay overnight, where we are eating, etc. It's the clothing part and my friend was freaking out about the gift. I felt bad because I know she is on a tight budget and I know she will feel obligated to get gifts so I let her know that she didn't. She also will feel obligated to purchase 80s clothing as well. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Just when you think a dress code couldn't be topped, a certain bride posted on her wedding website (yes, the wedding website) the following bachelorette party dress code:  a one-piece animal play suit. This is not a joke. 
    image
    kat1114southernbelle0915novella1186esstee33
  • Just when you think a dress code couldn't be topped, a certain bride posted on her wedding website (yes, the wedding website) the following bachelorette party dress code:  a one-piece animal play suit. This is not a joke. 


    I can't decide whether I'm more horrified or intrigued.  What even is that?  Does she mean like one piece pajamas?  A bathing suit?  A unitard?

    Does the bride also weart he animal play suit?  So many questions.

  • Just when you think a dress code couldn't be topped, a certain bride posted on her wedding website (yes, the wedding website) the following bachelorette party dress code:  a one-piece animal play suit. This is not a joke. 
    Haha, I actually own a Hello Kitty onesie that has cats on the feet (sorrynotsorry).

    I got an invite for a bachelorette party in October. We had to wear turquoise, purple, or orange. I don't own any of those colors. Plus, we had to bring a sexy gift for the bride to be, or something special for her to wear that night.

    I promptly declined.
    esstee33
  • Just when you think a dress code couldn't be topped, a certain bride posted on her wedding website (yes, the wedding website) the following bachelorette party dress code:  a one-piece animal play suit. This is not a joke. 
    I'd go to a costume shop and get one of those big huge gorilla get ups just to spite her.
    image
    PrettyGirlLostnovella1186
  • dcbride86 said:
    Just when you think a dress code couldn't be topped, a certain bride posted on her wedding website (yes, the wedding website) the following bachelorette party dress code:  a one-piece animal play suit. This is not a joke. 


    I can't decide whether I'm more horrified or intrigued.  What even is that?  Does she mean like one piece pajamas?  A bathing suit?  A unitard?

    Does the bride also weart he animal play suit?  So many questions.

    So I don't know all the details, but the "theme" is Where the Wild Things are and the bach party apparently will include cave dancing. So...
    image
  • If dress codes at bachelorette parties are a "thing" then this is the first I've heard of it, because it's so rude to dictate the attire of your guests!
    MandyMost
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards