"Monthiversary"

themosthappy91

Maggie0829 said:

So pretty much everyone is going to act like a child in any thread that involves BSJB.  Cool.  She said shitty things and now you all have said shitty things.  Is this really how you want to proceed?  By bringing this crap up every. fucking. time?  The mature thing to do is to no longer respond to BSJB and ignore her, instead you all are coming down to her level and starting shit.  Leave it alone.  Don't respond.  Put her on ignore.  Pretend she is not here because she is not worth your time.  If you leave something alone long enough it is bound to go away.  She stays because she likes getting under your skin.  If you don't allow that then it is no longer fun for her and she will go away.

But to bring up the same shit in everyone of her threads seems extremely childish to me.

QFT.

So when I initially commented on this thread I was obviously a little bit weirded out/put off by the rather intense and persistent hostility towards the idea of "monthiversaries" by some of the regs, which obviously I see now was probably related to the fact that y'all have a preexisting problem with this girl.  TBH I don't buy that those of you would have responded so viscerally to this thread if it had been started by someone else- I mean come on, even if you don't personally feel the need to celebrate "monthiversaries" it's really a pretty harmless concept and I reiterate that I fail to understand what is immature about simply choosing to make the 26th (for example) of every month a standing date night- and to me, that comes across as you all trying to start something with this girl when it wasn't called for.  And sure enough, something has been started! 

The majority of people in this thread are acting gross.  Like, okay I get Beans did some messed up shit in the past but are y'all going to goad her and harass her about it in every thread she posts?  And obviously in the course of this convo she's way overstepped the line with some weird vague meanness, but so have many of the regs, who I expected more from.  If this girl wanted to come back and be a part of the community again and you didn't like her and weren't willing to look past what she did in the past, why not be an adult and just not comment on stuff she posts?  Or comment once and not spam her thread with how dumb her ideas are and draw everyone else's attention (who may have no preexisting problem with her) to the fact that she did some bad stuff in the past?  This isn't the kind of drama-hungry community I want to be a part of so if this is how it really is feel free to tell me to leave.    

KatWAG

themosthappy91 said:

Maggie0829 said:

So pretty much everyone is going to act like a child in any thread that involves BSJB.  Cool.  She said shitty things and now you all have said shitty things.  Is this really how you want to proceed?  By bringing this crap up every. fucking. time?  The mature thing to do is to no longer respond to BSJB and ignore her, instead you all are coming down to her level and starting shit.  Leave it alone.  Don't respond.  Put her on ignore.  Pretend she is not here because she is not worth your time.  If you leave something alone long enough it is bound to go away.  She stays because she likes getting under your skin.  If you don't allow that then it is no longer fun for her and she will go away.

But to bring up the same shit in everyone of her threads seems extremely childish to me.

QFT.

So when I initially commented on this thread I was obviously a little bit weirded out/put off by the rather intense and persistent hostility towards the idea of "monthiversaries" by some of the regs, which obviously I see now was probably related to the fact that y'all have a preexisting problem with this girl.  TBH I don't buy that those of you would have responded so viscerally to this thread if it had been started by someone else- I mean come on, even if you don't personally feel the need to celebrate "monthiversaries" it's really a pretty harmless concept and I reiterate that I fail to understand what is immature about simply choosing to make the 26th (for example) of every month a standing date night- and to me, that comes across as you all trying to start something with this girl when it wasn't called for.  And sure enough, something has been started! 

The majority of people in this thread are acting gross.  Like, okay I get Beans did some messed up shit in the past but are y'all going to goad her and harass her about it in every thread she posts?  And obviously in the course of this convo she's way overstepped the line with some weird vague meanness, but so have many of the regs, who I expected more from.  If this girl wanted to come back and be a part of the community again and you didn't like her and weren't willing to look past what she did in the past, why not be an adult and just not comment on stuff she posts?  Or comment once and not spam her thread with how dumb her ideas are and draw everyone else's attention (who may have no preexisting problem with her) to the fact that she did some bad stuff in the past?  This isn't the kind of drama-hungry community I want to be a part of so if this is how it really is feel free to tell me to leave.    

So if you dont want to be part of the drama then why are you getting involved after 8 pages?

Fran1985

themosthappy91 said:

Maggie0829 said:

So pretty much everyone is going to act like a child in any thread that involves BSJB.  Cool.  She said shitty things and now you all have said shitty things.  Is this really how you want to proceed?  By bringing this crap up every. fucking. time?  The mature thing to do is to no longer respond to BSJB and ignore her, instead you all are coming down to her level and starting shit.  Leave it alone.  Don't respond.  Put her on ignore.  Pretend she is not here because she is not worth your time.  If you leave something alone long enough it is bound to go away.  She stays because she likes getting under your skin.  If you don't allow that then it is no longer fun for her and she will go away.

But to bring up the same shit in everyone of her threads seems extremely childish to me.

QFT.

So when I initially commented on this thread I was obviously a little bit weirded out/put off by the rather intense and persistent hostility towards the idea of "monthiversaries" by some of the regs, which obviously I see now was probably related to the fact that y'all have a preexisting problem with this girl.  TBH I don't buy that those of you would have responded so viscerally to this thread if it had been started by someone else- I mean come on, even if you don't personally feel the need to celebrate "monthiversaries" it's really a pretty harmless concept and I reiterate that I fail to understand what is immature about simply choosing to make the 26th (for example) of every month a standing date night- and to me, that comes across as you all trying to start something with this girl when it wasn't called for.  And sure enough, something has been started! 

The majority of people in this thread are acting gross.  Like, okay I get Beans did some messed up shit in the past but are y'all going to goad her and harass her about it in every thread she posts?  And obviously in the course of this convo she's way overstepped the line with some weird vague meanness, but so have many of the regs, who I expected more from.  If this girl wanted to come back and be a part of the community again and you didn't like her and weren't willing to look past what she did in the past, why not be an adult and just not comment on stuff she posts?  Or comment once and not spam her thread with how dumb her ideas are and draw everyone else's attention (who may have no preexisting problem with her) to the fact that she did some bad stuff in the past?  This isn't the kind of drama-hungry community I want to be a part of so if this is how it really is feel free to tell me to leave.    

Didn't you tell everheart to leave like two days ago? The regs aren't bringing up things that happened years ago, people are bringing up stuff from october and november.

themosthappy91

Fran1985 said:

themosthappy91 said:

Maggie0829 said:

So pretty much everyone is going to act like a child in any thread that involves BSJB.  Cool.  She said shitty things and now you all have said shitty things.  Is this really how you want to proceed?  By bringing this crap up every. fucking. time?  The mature thing to do is to no longer respond to BSJB and ignore her, instead you all are coming down to her level and starting shit.  Leave it alone.  Don't respond.  Put her on ignore.  Pretend she is not here because she is not worth your time.  If you leave something alone long enough it is bound to go away.  She stays because she likes getting under your skin.  If you don't allow that then it is no longer fun for her and she will go away.

But to bring up the same shit in everyone of her threads seems extremely childish to me.

QFT.

So when I initially commented on this thread I was obviously a little bit weirded out/put off by the rather intense and persistent hostility towards the idea of "monthiversaries" by some of the regs, which obviously I see now was probably related to the fact that y'all have a preexisting problem with this girl.  TBH I don't buy that those of you would have responded so viscerally to this thread if it had been started by someone else- I mean come on, even if you don't personally feel the need to celebrate "monthiversaries" it's really a pretty harmless concept and I reiterate that I fail to understand what is immature about simply choosing to make the 26th (for example) of every month a standing date night- and to me, that comes across as you all trying to start something with this girl when it wasn't called for.  And sure enough, something has been started! 

The majority of people in this thread are acting gross.  Like, okay I get Beans did some messed up shit in the past but are y'all going to goad her and harass her about it in every thread she posts?  And obviously in the course of this convo she's way overstepped the line with some weird vague meanness, but so have many of the regs, who I expected more from.  If this girl wanted to come back and be a part of the community again and you didn't like her and weren't willing to look past what she did in the past, why not be an adult and just not comment on stuff she posts?  Or comment once and not spam her thread with how dumb her ideas are and draw everyone else's attention (who may have no preexisting problem with her) to the fact that she did some bad stuff in the past?  This isn't the kind of drama-hungry community I want to be a part of so if this is how it really is feel free to tell me to leave.    

Didn't you tell everheart to leave like two days ago? The regs aren't bringing up things that happened years ago, people are bringing up stuff from october and november.

I don't really see what that has to do with this?  On that thread I was making the point that Everhart didn't seem like she fit in with the ladies here so she should probably look for a community that was more in line with her views because she clearly wasn't winning any converts.  How does that relate?

The point is, I think it's very immature to literally follow her (Beans) around the Knot when she is making completely innocuous posts and try to draw everyone's attention to bad shit she has done in the past, however long ago that past was.  It seems mean and juvenile.

I'm "getting involved" in the drama at this point because I initially responded to the OP's question, checked back on the thread later, saw where the conversation had gone and decided to share my opinion.  Isn't that what these boards are kind of for?  

princessofgenovia

From what I gather (having not been here) if you didn't flat out say "My FI is a felon" context clues were at least given. I believe someone (maybe even OP) state that the name change forms talked about listing felonies and then you were asking if that meant your FI could/couldn't not change his name. Well that would lead most people to believe he has a felony. Thus making him a felon.

Now if that's not correct, ok, cool beans, just say you were mistaken/got confused/everyone misunderstood and it was a misdomenar. But...you're kind of freaking out over someone saying you called him a felon. Just because someone has a felony/is a felon doesn't make them a terrible person.

My grandpa has a felony conviction. Its from before I was born. He's a good man even though he has a felony conviction. He'll be the first to tell you it's from being stupid and his stories about prison kept my ass on the straight and narrow. But him being a felon doesn't make him bad. 

I'm really bothered by this whole "she's calling my husband a FELON" thing. Sometimes good people do stupid shit. It doesn't make them bad people. And you're acting like if someone is a felon, they're just a terrible person who you would never associate with. That's very upsetting to me.

photokitty

QFT.

KnotRiley said:

Hi everyone,

I really think this thread has gone far enough. This is the official warning for this thread and if there are anymore TOS violations I will have to close it.

I know tension is high right now, but this thread is not worth all the warnings I've had to issue today. Please PM me if you have any questions.

-KR

Fran1985

themosthappy91 said:

Fran1985 said:

themosthappy91 said:

Maggie0829 said:

So pretty much everyone is going to act like a child in any thread that involves BSJB.  Cool.  She said shitty things and now you all have said shitty things.  Is this really how you want to proceed?  By bringing this crap up every. fucking. time?  The mature thing to do is to no longer respond to BSJB and ignore her, instead you all are coming down to her level and starting shit.  Leave it alone.  Don't respond.  Put her on ignore.  Pretend she is not here because she is not worth your time.  If you leave something alone long enough it is bound to go away.  She stays because she likes getting under your skin.  If you don't allow that then it is no longer fun for her and she will go away.

But to bring up the same shit in everyone of her threads seems extremely childish to me.

QFT.

So when I initially commented on this thread I was obviously a little bit weirded out/put off by the rather intense and persistent hostility towards the idea of "monthiversaries" by some of the regs, which obviously I see now was probably related to the fact that y'all have a preexisting problem with this girl.  TBH I don't buy that those of you would have responded so viscerally to this thread if it had been started by someone else- I mean come on, even if you don't personally feel the need to celebrate "monthiversaries" it's really a pretty harmless concept and I reiterate that I fail to understand what is immature about simply choosing to make the 26th (for example) of every month a standing date night- and to me, that comes across as you all trying to start something with this girl when it wasn't called for.  And sure enough, something has been started! 

The majority of people in this thread are acting gross.  Like, okay I get Beans did some messed up shit in the past but are y'all going to goad her and harass her about it in every thread she posts?  And obviously in the course of this convo she's way overstepped the line with some weird vague meanness, but so have many of the regs, who I expected more from.  If this girl wanted to come back and be a part of the community again and you didn't like her and weren't willing to look past what she did in the past, why not be an adult and just not comment on stuff she posts?  Or comment once and not spam her thread with how dumb her ideas are and draw everyone else's attention (who may have no preexisting problem with her) to the fact that she did some bad stuff in the past?  This isn't the kind of drama-hungry community I want to be a part of so if this is how it really is feel free to tell me to leave.    

Didn't you tell everheart to leave like two days ago? The regs aren't bringing up things that happened years ago, people are bringing up stuff from october and november.

I don't really see what that has to do with this?  On that thread I was making the point that Everhart didn't seem like she fit in with the ladies here so she should probably look for a community that was more in line with her views because she clearly wasn't winning any converts.  How does that relate?

The point is, I think it's very immature to literally follow her (Beans) around the Knot when she is making completely innocuous posts and try to draw everyone's attention to bad shit she has done in the past, however long ago that past was.  It seems mean and juvenile.

I'm "getting involved" in the drama at this point because I initially responded to the OP's question, checked back on the thread later, saw where the conversation had gone and decided to share my opinion.  Isn't that what these boards are kind of for?  

Its completely related- BSJB doesn't seem like she gets along here either - she has said really cruel things, changed her sig to mock people, made comments that were offensive to whole groups of people, made posts that seem like trolling, and people have told her maybe she should leave. Its literally exactly the same- with everheart you agreed and with her you dont, which is fine, but dont act so high and mighty like people should never be told when they are out of line. No one is following her around bringing up stuff from the past- she is posting threads on chit chat which people are free to comment on. No one even brought up the past except for a tiny tiny reference to a wallet thread. Then she got called out for her response to that. No one is jumping on every thread like "hey remember 3 months ago when you lied" until she brings that stuff up. For my part I liked her and was super concerned about her when she used to post, but her comments lately are really cruel and she tries to be as hurtful as possible which bothers me about her- I don't think she really fits in with what this community is about so that's why there tend to be a lot of posts against her.

princessofgenovia

butterscotchjbeans said:

The fact that I stick with my H trough this DWI, which will stay on his record and we have to go to criminal court and see REALLY BAD PEOPLE, says a lot that I take my vows seriously. For better and for worse. 

Wow...you're a damn near saint. Stuck with a man who got a DWI. And then had to see REALLY BAD PEOPLE. I mean there you were, seeing these people who had done bad things. You are such an inspiration.

(so much sarcasm)

Fran1985

butterscotchjbeans said:

princessofgenovia said:

From what I gather (having not been here) if you didn't flat out say "My FI is a felon" context clues were at least given. I believe someone (maybe even OP) state that the name change forms talked about listing felonies and then you were asking if that meant your FI could/couldn't not change his name. Well that would lead most people to believe he has a felony. Thus making him a felon.

Now if that's not correct, ok, cool beans, just say you were mistaken/got confused/everyone misunderstood and it was a misdomenar. But...you're kind of freaking out over someone saying you called him a felon. Just because someone has a felony/is a felon doesn't make them a terrible person.

My grandpa has a felony conviction. Its from before I was born. He's a good man even though he has a felony conviction. He'll be the first to tell you it's from being stupid and his stories about prison kept my ass on the straight and narrow. But him being a felon doesn't make him bad. 

I'm really bothered by this whole "she's calling my husband a FELON" thing. Sometimes good people do stupid shit. It doesn't make them bad people. And you're acting like if someone is a felon, they're just a terrible person who you would never associate with. That's very upsetting to me.

BOX

The change of last name is pretty complex, at least while on probation. If a person has committed a felony, they have to show proof of the probation being completed and that it has been 2+ years. 

Now, if I got confused, I probably mixed words with that requirement and probation. Because he was given 1.5 years of probation (ending Jan 9th,2015) for him it is very important going back to his last name, because the adoption WAS illegal, his mother was a bit, different, and made an adoption with new H in other state and lied that she couldn't find the father to ask. 

If my H was a felon, ok, fine. But she didn't say it to remind me or because of whatever. She expressly said something...(..) go with your FELON husband. As if it was an insult. While it is not true. It is like I would attack her and say something about her H. Whatever I can think of, that isn't true. Just because I got the impression of that of that post. 

The fact that I stick with my H trough this DWI, which will stay on his record and we have to go to criminal court and see REALLY BAD PEOPLE, says a lot that I take my vows seriously. For better and for worse. 

You don't see the irony of calling the people who are in the same criminal court as your H really bad people?

Also have never brought up stuff about you that wasn't on topic. the first comment I made today was after you posted about the wallet thread.

lovesclimbing

H and I don't celebrate every month. We did eat the top tier of our cake one month after our wedding, but that's because we didn't want to eat dried out, frozen, freezer burned cake on our anniversary.

I do remember the first few moths after our wedding thinking "oh hey, we've been married 2/3/6 months," and mentioning it to H but we never did anything for it beyond "cool!"

I think if you post it all over social media and talk about it a ton, it does come across as juvenile. However, if it's just something you do just the two of you, or use it as your date night, there's nothing wrong with that.

ETA: AW alert:

Speaking of anniversaries, H and I will have been married for two years in a couple days!

themosthappy91

Fran1985 said:

themosthappy91 said:

Fran1985 said:

themosthappy91 said:

Maggie0829 said:

So pretty much everyone is going to act like a child in any thread that involves BSJB.  Cool.  She said shitty things and now you all have said shitty things.  Is this really how you want to proceed?  By bringing this crap up every. fucking. time?  The mature thing to do is to no longer respond to BSJB and ignore her, instead you all are coming down to her level and starting shit.  Leave it alone.  Don't respond.  Put her on ignore.  Pretend she is not here because she is not worth your time.  If you leave something alone long enough it is bound to go away.  She stays because she likes getting under your skin.  If you don't allow that then it is no longer fun for her and she will go away.

But to bring up the same shit in everyone of her threads seems extremely childish to me.

QFT.

So when I initially commented on this thread I was obviously a little bit weirded out/put off by the rather intense and persistent hostility towards the idea of "monthiversaries" by some of the regs, which obviously I see now was probably related to the fact that y'all have a preexisting problem with this girl.  TBH I don't buy that those of you would have responded so viscerally to this thread if it had been started by someone else- I mean come on, even if you don't personally feel the need to celebrate "monthiversaries" it's really a pretty harmless concept and I reiterate that I fail to understand what is immature about simply choosing to make the 26th (for example) of every month a standing date night- and to me, that comes across as you all trying to start something with this girl when it wasn't called for.  And sure enough, something has been started! 

The majority of people in this thread are acting gross.  Like, okay I get Beans did some messed up shit in the past but are y'all going to goad her and harass her about it in every thread she posts?  And obviously in the course of this convo she's way overstepped the line with some weird vague meanness, but so have many of the regs, who I expected more from.  If this girl wanted to come back and be a part of the community again and you didn't like her and weren't willing to look past what she did in the past, why not be an adult and just not comment on stuff she posts?  Or comment once and not spam her thread with how dumb her ideas are and draw everyone else's attention (who may have no preexisting problem with her) to the fact that she did some bad stuff in the past?  This isn't the kind of drama-hungry community I want to be a part of so if this is how it really is feel free to tell me to leave.    

Didn't you tell everheart to leave like two days ago? The regs aren't bringing up things that happened years ago, people are bringing up stuff from october and november.

I don't really see what that has to do with this?  On that thread I was making the point that Everhart didn't seem like she fit in with the ladies here so she should probably look for a community that was more in line with her views because she clearly wasn't winning any converts.  How does that relate?

The point is, I think it's very immature to literally follow her (Beans) around the Knot when she is making completely innocuous posts and try to draw everyone's attention to bad shit she has done in the past, however long ago that past was.  It seems mean and juvenile.

I'm "getting involved" in the drama at this point because I initially responded to the OP's question, checked back on the thread later, saw where the conversation had gone and decided to share my opinion.  Isn't that what these boards are kind of for?  

Its completely related- BSJB doesn't seem like she gets along here either - she has said really cruel things, changed her sig to mock people, made comments that were offensive to whole groups of people, made posts that seem like trolling, and people have told her maybe she should leave. Its literally exactly the same- with everheart you agreed and with her you dont, which is fine, but dont act so high and mighty like people should never be told when they are out of line. No one is following her around bringing up stuff from the past- she is posting threads on chit chat which people are free to comment on. No one even brought up the past except for a tiny tiny reference to a wallet thread. Then she got called out for her response to that. No one is jumping on every thread like "hey remember 3 months ago when you lied" until she brings that stuff up. For my part I liked her and was super concerned about her when she used to post, but her comments lately are really cruel and she tries to be as hurtful as possible which bothers me about her- I don't think she really fits in with what this community is about so that's why there tend to be a lot of posts against her.

I apologize if I am coming across as "high and mighty", because that is not my intention.

Let me try to explain my perspective.  Despite being a relatively frequent reader of this boards for the past six months or so, I had no previous knowledge of anything that either Beans or Everhart had done in the past- don't know if that's because it was before my time, I wasn't looking at the right threads, or whatever.  The difference to me is how the ladies here handled themselves in these two threads.  

"Everhart's thread" wasn't actually her thread, it was a thread started by another person looking for support for a serious situation she was in.  Everhart's initial response was clearly not helpful in any way, and she continued to stand by her position despite the fact that several people pointed out to her that what she was saying, though it MAY have a place in a hypothetical discussion, was not appropriate given the context of the OP looking for help and support.  To me, that was a clear instance of trolling- she persisted in saying hurtful things despite attention being called to the fact that she was being hurtful.  Additionally (and this is more of a personal perception thing), though some of the ladies on that thread went to far in how they addressed Everhart, the majority clearly seemed to be keeping it about her ideas and opinions rather than her as a person.

On the other hand, this was a thread started by Beans that in no way should have attracted the level of controversy it did given its subject matter.  She was trying to have a simple conversation about a silly concept.  Other people went out of their way to be hostile towards her and to topic of this thread (obviously I can't prove that people would have responded differently had someone else started this thread, but personally I feel pretty confident saying no one would have felt the need to post multiple times about how dumb/juvenile/immature this is had they not already had a problem with the poster who was raising this as a topic of discussion- just my take on it).  To me, others definitely seemed to initiate the shit-stirring of bringing up Bean's past, not Beans herself.  I also think it's obnoxious when one person clearly makes her displeasure known with a poster and then a bunch of others come out of the woodwork to basically say "Oh cool, tell us why we should hate her so we can hate her with you!"... that is what I was referring to as "drama-hungry" behavior previously.  From there, the conversation devolved into very personal and inappropriate attacks on both sides to a degree that I don't feel happened in the Everhart thread.  Then there's the fact that context does play a role- it feels a lot more appropriate for people to get riled up over a person actively victim blaming someone who was probably drugged and looking for help rather than over someone who lied to you on the internet several months ago.  Are personal attacks warranted in either case?  No, but I definitely understand one scenario a lot more than the other.

 

ashley8918

@themosthappy91‌ if you are referring to my orinal response to the monthiversary celebration being juvenile, I can assure you that this had nothing to do with my personal dislike of BSCbeans. My opinion on it would be the same, even if it was my favorite poster. And me disagreeing with her opinion hardly incited some sort of riot like you are implying.

I didn't come into this thread all "remember those times you acted like a fucking asshole?!" I answered the question that she posed in the thread and explained my opinion on the matter. Her douchey behavior, and the comments of others in this thread are not in any way my doing.

ashley8918

butterscotchjbeans said:

ashley8918 said:

@themosthappy91‌ if you are referring to my orinal response to the monthiversary celebration being juvenile, I can assure you that this had nothing to do with my personal dislike of BSCbeans. My opinion on it would be the same, even if it was my favorite poster. And me disagreeing with her opinion hardly incited some sort of riot like you are implying.

I didn't come into this thread all "remember those times you acted like a fucking asshole?!" I answered the question that she posed in the thread and explained my opinion on the matter. Her douchey behavior, and the comments of others in this thread are not in any way my doing.

BOX.

themosthappy91

ashley8918 said:

@themosthappy91‌ if you are referring to my orinal response to the monthiversary celebration being juvenile, I can assure you that this had nothing to do with my personal dislike of BSCbeans. My opinion on it would be the same, even if it was my favorite poster. And me disagreeing with her opinion hardly incited some sort of riot like you are implying. I didn't come into this thread all "remember those times you acted like a fucking asshole?!" I answered the question that she posed in the thread and explained my opinion on the matter. Her douchey behavior, and the comments of others in this thread are not in any way my doing.

I don't want to single you out, Ashley.  If I'm being honest, yes I think your initial posts were excessively hostile- not really they content of them but the persistence of stating OVER and OVER how dumb you think "monthiversaries" read to me like you were trying to start something with this girl.  Maybe that was just my take.  Maybe I'm too "sensitive", as you accused Bean of being (sidenote, when has tell someone "stop being so sensitive" ever actually been a productive thing to say).  I'm just willing to bet I'm not the only person who didn't know Beans history and came in here, read your responses, and thought "Wow this girl REALLY has a problem with monthiversaries..."  You came across like you were trying to goad her into something, and you certainly weren't the only one.  I'm not the post police or whatever but I'm just telling you how I saw it.  I totally believe you wouldn't like this idea of monthiversaries if anyone brought it up.  What I'm doubtful of is if someone else brought it up if you would have felt the need to post over and over about how dumb it is.

ohannabelle

.

butterscotchjbeans said:

princessofgenovia said:

butterscotchjbeans said:

The fact that I stick with my H trough this DWI, which will stay on his record and we have to go to criminal court and see REALLY BAD PEOPLE, says a lot that I take my vows seriously. For better and for worse. 

Wow...you're a damn near saint. Stuck with a man who got a DWI. And then had to see REALLY BAD PEOPLE. I mean there you were, seeing these people who had done bad things. You are such an inspiration.

(so much sarcasm)

--

I am not stuck, I am with him because I chose to. He got a DWI, so what. And yes, we go to court together and I see people that are charged with bigger offenses, and I am thankful it is only this.

Look I am glad you learned from your grandpa. And I am cool with anyone, I don't ask if there is a felony on their record to be friends with them. I grew up differently, different culture, different family. So I never even thought I would meet someone who had been in jail until I moved here. Unpaid tickets? Jail. It is all about learning.  

"So what?"

I'm sorry, but drunk driving is not a "so what."

It's a big deal because it costs the country 199 billion dollars a year. Yep, that's billion.

It's a big deal because one third of all drunk drivers arrested are repeat offenders. (I guess they think, so what? And keep doing it.)

It's a big deal because it kills about 28 people per day in the US.  A few extra on holidays. That's more than 10,000 people a year dead. 

So what? You're thankful it's only this? This is pretty serious. 10,000 people dead a year is not a "so what." The idea that it isn't a huge crime is exactly why the numbers are so big. That's why he's in court with "really bad people." 

Because it is a really bad thing. It is a thing that kills people. It is criminal.

You know what I did today? I made a nice little Christmas wreath out of the trimmed branches from my tree. Added some rosemary and ivy from the yard. I do this every year. I drove it down the hill to the cemetery, where, courtesy of a drunk driver, I own a little rectangle of earth. (There's a nice view of the mountain, which doesn't help.)

I also own an expensive slab of granite there, with my child's name in it, and dates that symbolize the 19 years he lived, and an embarrassingly sappy quote from an old Bob Dylan song (may your heart always be joyful, may your song always be sung) and I left the Christmas wreath there and a Pez shooter (Wolverine, this year) because it isn't Christmas without a Pez shooter. The granite is called Norwegian blue pearl. It's very pretty rock. (This doesn't help, either.)

My boy is there because a drunk driver thought, so what? He is there because some random asshole thought it wasn't a really bad offense to drive drunk. 

So I cry, and say Fuck about twenty times, and then I come home. 

(Home is good, and warm, and smells nice. Tree and cookies. It's pissing cold rain out there today. I might build a fire.)

Then I grab my popcorn, open up this thread, and read, so what.  

Trust me. It's a big deal.  So am I impressed by the fact that you have to go to court? Not one bit. Do I feel all sorry your husband has this on his record?  I give exactly zero fucks. That's what happens when you commit criminal acts. 

When you have to go to a trauma unit, and watch someone you love with all your heart and soul die an absolutely preventable death, you will have my sympathy. Until then, you can shove your "so what." 

If you treat these 10,000 lives a year as "so what," you're part of the problem. 

(TLDR: Public service announcement. Drunk driving kills innocent people. That's a really bad thing.) 

larrygaga

butterscotchjbeans said:

ohannabelle said:

.

butterscotchjbeans said:

princessofgenovia said:

butterscotchjbeans said:

The fact that I stick with my H trough this DWI, which will stay on his record and we have to go to criminal court and see REALLY BAD PEOPLE, says a lot that I take my vows seriously. For better and for worse. 

Wow...you're a damn near saint. Stuck with a man who got a DWI. And then had to see REALLY BAD PEOPLE. I mean there you were, seeing these people who had done bad things. You are such an inspiration.

(so much sarcasm)

--

I am not stuck, I am with him because I chose to. He got a DWI, so what. And yes, we go to court together and I see people that are charged with bigger offenses, and I am thankful it is only this.

Look I am glad you learned from your grandpa. And I am cool with anyone, I don't ask if there is a felony on their record to be friends with them. I grew up differently, different culture, different family. So I never even thought I would meet someone who had been in jail until I moved here. Unpaid tickets? Jail. It is all about learning.  

"So what?"

I'm sorry, but drunk driving is not a "so what."

It's a big deal because it costs the country 199 billion dollars a year. Yep, that's billion.

It's a big deal because one third of all drunk drivers arrested are repeat offenders. (I guess they think, so what? And keep doing it.)

It's a big deal because it kills about 28 people per day in the US.  A few extra on holidays. That's more than 10,000 people a year dead. 

So what? You're thankful it's only this? This is pretty serious. 10,000 people dead a year is not a "so what." The idea that it isn't a huge crime is exactly why the numbers are so big. That's why he's in court with "really bad people." 

Because it is a really bad thing. It is a thing that kills people. It is criminal.

You know what I did today? I made a nice little Christmas wreath out of the trimmed branches from my tree. Added some rosemary and ivy from the yard. I do this every year. I drove it down the hill to the cemetery, where, courtesy of a drunk driver, I own a little rectangle of earth. (There's a nice view of the mountain, which doesn't help.)

I also own an expensive slab of granite there, with my child's name in it, and dates that symbolize the 19 years he lived, and an embarrassingly sappy quote from an old Bob Dylan song (may your heart always be joyful, may your song always be sung) and I left the Christmas wreath there and a Pez shooter (Wolverine, this year) because it isn't Christmas without a Pez shooter. The granite is called Norwegian blue pearl. It's very pretty rock. (This doesn't help, either.)

My boy is there because a drunk driver thought, so what? He is there because some random asshole thought it wasn't a really bad offense to drive drunk. 

So I cry, and say Fuck about twenty times, and then I come home. 

(Home is good, and warm, and smells nice. Tree and cookies. It's pissing cold rain out there today. I might build a fire.)

Then I grab my popcorn, open up this thread, and read, so what.  

Trust me. It's a big deal.  So am I impressed by the fact that you have to go to court? Not one bit. Do I feel all sorry your husband has this on his record?  I give exactly zero fucks. That's what happens when you commit criminal acts. 

When you have to go to a trauma unit, and watch someone you love with all your heart and soul die an absolutely preventable death, you will have my sympathy. Until then, you can shove your "so what." 

If you treat these 10,000 lives a year as "so what," you're part of the problem. 

(TLDR: Public service announcement. Drunk driving kills innocent people. That's a really bad thing.) 

Look, I am so sorry for what happened to you. It is serious, and I am not defending his actions. I can tell you he was not driving when he got arrested, he had his key on the ignition and parked to sleep it off, he realized he was to drunk to drive so he stayed outside the home party he was at. A few blocks away. It was halloween last year so they already had warrants signed for any blood for any suspects of DWI. 

I know who I married, and he is not some asshole who will endanger my life or others because of some extra beers.

I do know people who does this recklessly, I can say I did it when I was 19 or 20, because I was too cool, and I could concentrate better. BS.

Every weekend I am scared when my sister (18) goes out and visits her friend (curfew is midnight) because at that time, there are so many people driving drunk or high.

By no means what happened to you is fair. 

Was it fair to get a DWI for sleeping in the car drunk? Well it is the law, so be it. 

I am sorry again. I should have been more thoughtful when I wrote my post. I didn't mean it that way.

ohannabelle

Thank you, I'm glad that you understand that it is very, very, serious.  I will put my soapbox away for the evening. 

Fran1985

butterscotchjbeans said:

ohannabelle said:

.

butterscotchjbeans said:

princessofgenovia said:

butterscotchjbeans said:

The fact that I stick with my H trough this DWI, which will stay on his record and we have to go to criminal court and see REALLY BAD PEOPLE, says a lot that I take my vows seriously. For better and for worse. 

Wow...you're a damn near saint. Stuck with a man who got a DWI. And then had to see REALLY BAD PEOPLE. I mean there you were, seeing these people who had done bad things. You are such an inspiration.

(so much sarcasm)

--

I am not stuck, I am with him because I chose to. He got a DWI, so what. And yes, we go to court together and I see people that are charged with bigger offenses, and I am thankful it is only this.

Look I am glad you learned from your grandpa. And I am cool with anyone, I don't ask if there is a felony on their record to be friends with them. I grew up differently, different culture, different family. So I never even thought I would meet someone who had been in jail until I moved here. Unpaid tickets? Jail. It is all about learning.  

"So what?"

I'm sorry, but drunk driving is not a "so what."

It's a big deal because it costs the country 199 billion dollars a year. Yep, that's billion.

It's a big deal because one third of all drunk drivers arrested are repeat offenders. (I guess they think, so what? And keep doing it.)

It's a big deal because it kills about 28 people per day in the US.  A few extra on holidays. That's more than 10,000 people a year dead. 

So what? You're thankful it's only this? This is pretty serious. 10,000 people dead a year is not a "so what." The idea that it isn't a huge crime is exactly why the numbers are so big. That's why he's in court with "really bad people." 

Because it is a really bad thing. It is a thing that kills people. It is criminal.

You know what I did today? I made a nice little Christmas wreath out of the trimmed branches from my tree. Added some rosemary and ivy from the yard. I do this every year. I drove it down the hill to the cemetery, where, courtesy of a drunk driver, I own a little rectangle of earth. (There's a nice view of the mountain, which doesn't help.)

I also own an expensive slab of granite there, with my child's name in it, and dates that symbolize the 19 years he lived, and an embarrassingly sappy quote from an old Bob Dylan song (may your heart always be joyful, may your song always be sung) and I left the Christmas wreath there and a Pez shooter (Wolverine, this year) because it isn't Christmas without a Pez shooter. The granite is called Norwegian blue pearl. It's very pretty rock. (This doesn't help, either.)

My boy is there because a drunk driver thought, so what? He is there because some random asshole thought it wasn't a really bad offense to drive drunk. 

So I cry, and say Fuck about twenty times, and then I come home. 

(Home is good, and warm, and smells nice. Tree and cookies. It's pissing cold rain out there today. I might build a fire.)

Then I grab my popcorn, open up this thread, and read, so what.  

Trust me. It's a big deal.  So am I impressed by the fact that you have to go to court? Not one bit. Do I feel all sorry your husband has this on his record?  I give exactly zero fucks. That's what happens when you commit criminal acts. 

When you have to go to a trauma unit, and watch someone you love with all your heart and soul die an absolutely preventable death, you will have my sympathy. Until then, you can shove your "so what." 

If you treat these 10,000 lives a year as "so what," you're part of the problem. 

(TLDR: Public service announcement. Drunk driving kills innocent people. That's a really bad thing.) 

Look, I am so sorry for what happened to you. It is serious, and I am not defending his actions. I can tell you he was not driving when he got arrested, he had his key on the ignition and parked to sleep it off, he realized he was to drunk to drive so he stayed outside the home party he was at. A few blocks away. It was halloween last year so they already had warrants signed for any blood for any suspects of DWI. 

I know who I married, and he is not some asshole who will endanger my life or others because of some extra beers.

I do know people who does this recklessly, I can say I did it when I was 19 or 20, because I was too cool, and I could concentrate better. BS.

Every weekend I am scared when my sister (18) goes out and visits her friend (curfew is midnight) because at that time, there are so many people driving drunk or high.

By no means what happened to you is fair. 

Was it fair to get a DWI for sleeping in the car drunk? Well it is the law, so be it. 

I am sorry again. I should have been more thoughtful when I wrote my post. I didn't mean it that way.

Come on. This is getting ridiculous. One of the elements to a DWI is the prosecutor has to prove they were driving.  he didn't get a dwi for sleeping in his car. he got it for driving his car. 

ohannabelle - I am in awe, as always, at your grace. your words frequently move me to tears- sometimes happy ones and sometimes sad ones. sending you lots of love. 

Fran1985

Yup. That's arrested, not convicted. To get convicted, the prosecution (which is why I said, the prosecutor) needs to prove you were driving, not just in control of the car. To be arrested is a much lower standard than being convicted. If your DH is on probation, he was sentenced to probation, which means he was found (or pled) guilty to DRIVING (not sleeping) under the influence. 

Not on a which hunt- I really am never going to bring your stuff up unless you bring it up first I promise. But listening to you say how its not fair that your sleeping dh got a DUI is going to get a response from me.

Oh, and I am an actual lawyer. I've done criminal cases. So I know "a little bit about the law." 

larrygaga

Fran1985 said:

Yup. That's arrested, not convicted. To get convicted, the prosecution (which is why I said, the prosecutor) needs to prove you were driving, not just in control of the car. To be arrested is a much lower standard than being convicted. If your DH is on probation, he was sentenced to probation, which means he was found (or pled) guilty to DRIVING (not sleeping) under the influence. 

Not on a which hunt- I really am never going to bring your stuff up unless you bring it up first I promise. But listening to you say how its not fair that your sleeping dh got a DUI is going to get a response from me.

Oh, and I am an actual lawyer. I've done criminal cases. So I know "a little bit about the law." 

Well she's probably done a walk for law fundraising so she would know better than you. Her company donated over 200k