return address stamp-OK to use on invites?

Iamnowmrsjms

We're getting married next September and will be sending out our save the dates in January, hopefully, though it may be Feb.

I ordered a return address stamp from Etsy to use for our return address on the STD's. I was planning on using the stamp when we mail out our invitations as well, and for the RSVP cards. Here is the stamp https://www.etsy.com/transaction/251729308

My Mother told me that she thinks the stamp is not formal enough to use on invites and that the RSVP cards should be mailed to her anyway.  My parents are paying for the food, open bar and valet at our wedding.  We are paying for everything else.  Do RSVP cards need to be sent to my parents or can they be sent to us?

Does anyone see anything "wrong" w using the stamp?

We haven't even picked out or invites yet, but we do want them to look and feel formal.  Most likely will be on thick card stock.  The person doing our invites cannot do raised print, which we wanted, but wasn't a deal breaker, since I love her work. 

Thoughts? TIA

arrrghmatey

I agree with your mother in that, if you are wanting a formal wedding, you should not use a stamp on your invites. Your STDs? Sure. But if you want to stick with fancy/formal, hire a calligrapher or something of the like.

So if you are having a formal wedding, you are having a seated, served dinner. Who is communicating with the caterer? If you and your FI are in charge of relaying the number of chicken dinners and the number of fish dinners to the caterer, then you should be receiving the RSVPs to accurately keep track. 

mikenberger

Formal wedding: no stamp It's awful, I know. Either hand write them yourself, see if your bridal party is interested in helping (bribe with food and drink) or hire someone to write them for you.

Iamnowmrsjms

Our wedding is not black tie or "black tie optional" (which I know is not a thing but people use it anyway) but we are having a fairly formal wedding (seated 3 course dinner open bar, live band, valet).

 

We haven't discussed it, but I assumed that I would be the one communiating the final counts to the venue. 

 

Thanks for your input. 

Iamnowmrsjms

 I have the WORST handwriting! Planning on looking into a calligrapher and hoping it's not super expensive. 

[Deleted User]

disaiak said:

 I have the WORST handwriting! Planning on looking into a calligrapher and hoping it's not super expensive. 

Is the fact that it's a stamp that makes it bad, or is it the style of the stamp?  Because if it's the style, can she just order a more formal calligraphy type stamp and use that?

fwtx5815

I'm gonna be honest and admit that I am very much considering using a return stamp for the outer envelope of my invitations. I'm doing the calligraphy myself so it would help me from getting burned out.

We've spent over $600 on 50 invites and they're very nice. I did have our return address printed on the RSVP envelopes. Even though we're going to be hosting a very nice event, I guess I just don't care if my guests get the cue to wear super formal attire. They'll have to meet certain dress requirements because of the venue's policy but it doesn't make a difference to me if they're wearing khakis and a polo/suit/tuxedo or cocktail dress/gown/sundress/tutu.

And also, I can't imagine that my guests' impression of what the event will be like is gonna be swayed by the use of a stamp on the back of the outer envelope that they're going to throw away. It's stricly for post office usage.

tcnoble

We had someone address our invites with a pretty cursive. We are using a similar stamp from Etsy for the return on the back flap, and we are using the same stamp for the RSVPs. Our event isn't super formal, but I also don't think people will analyze our choice too much.

Iamnowmrsjms

Thanks for all of your input! My Mom is hard to please, so I assumed she was just being difficult on this too

 

From what I've found from my brief calligrapher research thus far, they can charge anywhere from $1-$4 per envelope.  We're sending out around 90 invites.  $1 per envelope wouldn't be bad but $4 seems too high for me.

Maggie0829

Wait, so we are talking about the return address right?  That little address that goes in the upper left hand corner of an envelope or on the back flap of an envelope?

Yeah, use the stamp.  I am sorry but if you do it nicely and make sure it is straight it will look fine and unless your guests are absolutely insane and inspect every inch of an envelope before they rip it open then no one will care of think that your wedding is less formal because you used a stamp.

As for who should get the RSVPs.  Just because your parents are paying doesn't mean that they are the one's taking care of keeping track of guest count and working with the venue on providing final numbers.  Whoever is doing that should be the one to get the RSVPs because in the end it is just easier.  I know that the etiquette approved thing would be for them to get the RSVPs but again, who will actually notice or care that the RSVPs are not going back to the hosts?  And if people do notice AND care then they need to get a hobby.

VulgarGirl

I printed both the address and the return address right on the envelope using a printer.

So clearly, I've already broken the rules regarding address envelopes (I broke some other address rules too...I'm so bad). But honestly even if you follow all the rules on this....I'm with @maggie0829. It's tiny, I doubt anyone will notice. 

kristenone

I used a return stamp on the invites and the RSVP envelopes. We got ours from Paper Source. It was a little more formal than the one you linked to, but it looks great and the invitations still looked semi-formal, which is what we were going for. I'm a graphic designer so I designed and printed all the stationary myself, including printing the addresses on the envelopes. My mom thought it would be a terrible idea not to hire a calligrapher but even she had to admit they turned out great. We got lots of compliments and so far no one has said anything about the return address stamp. Honestly, it made assembling the invitations go much faster.

MairePoppy

Strictly speaking, enclosing RSVPs with invitations isn't correct. Invitees are supposed to get out a pen and paper and hand write a response to your invitation. But HELLO 21st century I have never received a wedding invitation that didn't include an RSVP. My point being, the rules are already being bent, so why not use a stamp?

The style of the particular stamp you're showing is informal. Is the font on your invitations similar? If yes, I'd use it. If no, I'd have another stamp made.

Since your parents are paying for a substantial portion of your wedding and it's important to your mom, I'd have the RSVPs sent to your parents. If she insists that they be hand addressed, though, she should take care of that. Or, you could have a stamp made with a fancier font. 

vulpiepop

I bought a stamp for our return addresses when they were on sale in VistaPrint. We just used them on the outer envelopes. I did the calligraphy myself for the inner envelopes and we had the RSVP envelopes printed by a professional (came with the RSVPs we ordered). I don't think there's anything wrong with using a stamp to send your invitations or STDs. It made things a lot easier when we were addressing envelopes.

CMGragain

There is no difference between having the return address professionally printed and using a hand stamp.  Please, no sticky labels, though!
You should hand address your invitations, but the return address is usually printed, often on the back flap of the outer envelope.  It is fine for RSVPs, too.

Iamnowmrsjms

Thanks for all of your input! 

Iamnowmrsjms

Ok, one more q.  I would never use address labels for our invites, but are they OK to use for the STD's? Trying to get our STD's out in January and it would be so much easier to print labels for the addresses and stamp the back w our address.  Thanks!

fwtx5815

I think the technical answer is that personal mail should be addressed by hand and business mail should be printed. But it's a victimless crime, really. It's not hurting or offending anyone so I say go for it.

[Deleted User]

adk19 said:

disaiak said:

 I have the WORST handwriting! Planning on looking into a calligrapher and hoping it's not super expensive. 

Is the fact that it's a stamp that makes it bad, or is it the style of the stamp?  Because if it's the style, can she just order a more formal calligraphy type stamp and use that?

It's that it's a stamp that takes away from the formal look,not the style. It's a very pretty stamp and would be great to use for the thank you. Another point for not using it on the RSVP envelopes is that you aren't Mrs. Smith yet at the time you are sending them out. If you use Mrs. Smith, then people may start wondering if this is a pretty princess day.

Iamnowmrsjms

The stamp says our first names only

CMGragain

futuremrsjms said:

The stamp says our first names only

Oops!  If you had said that earlier, I would have given a different opinion.  For a formal invitation, your return address should not just list your first names.  This is improper for ANY personal mail, much less a formal wedding invitation.
I would use just the return address, without any names, on the envelope flap.

floridabride44

I would say address labels are fine for your STDs (quicker and if you don't have good handwriting it looks nicer in my opinion! And cheaper than hiring a calligrapher)

And I say go for it with the return address stamp for the invitations. Nobody is going to see it and think "oh gosh that's horrible this must not be a formal wedding", and if they do, they are ridiculous. 

But just as an alternative, the place we ordered our invitations from offered return address printing on the back flap of our invitation envelopes for a pretty low price.  Saves you time and looks nice!  

Good luck!